It’s been awhile. Do you remember how to drinking game?

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Oh, Max is ready to play along. Can we get thinking cats for certain council members? They really need them.

 

It is sometimes difficult to tell by reading the agenda, but tonight’s meeting looks like it could be a real doozy. So take care of your liver. As always, this game is just for giggles. Actually participating in this to the fullest may result in death. You’ve been warned.

The meeting starts as always with public comments. We aren’t going to hold our breath on anyone actually showing up to speak. Just hold your beer, just in case.

A bunch of budget adjustments on first up on the agenda.  Billy will  complain about the library grant because everyone knows folks go to Borders instead, Kirby will kvetch about Citizens, blah, blah, blah. Mix yourself a kitchen sink.

Next up on the agenda, approval of minutes for 4 meetings. When Billy abstains mix yourself up a flaming asshole.

Now, it’s time to discuss a mutual aid agreement between the Fred Co Sheriff, Wash Co Sheriff and Hagerstown City Police. Where are the Fred City Police? Make yourself a missing in action while you ponder that.

Well, well well, it’s time to take a vote on the Maryland Association of Counties Legislative Committee County Council Representation. What? Didn’t Bud already executive decision this? Things could get snippy. Make yourself a T-bone in anticipation of Bud’s phone ringing with its Bad to the Bone ringtone.

What workshop items are in store for us? We don’t know what these are as they aren’t listed on the agenda. This might be a good time to hydrate with some good old water.

Time to look at a petition to close a portion of Old Frederick Road to improve the safety of Route 15. Pick your favorite drink and stick it in a cone when anyone complains about being inconvenienced by this proposal.

Lots of First Readings on the docket! Including those that Billy decided he better get going on before anyone brought up the fact that he did nothing but ABSTAIN during his entire tenure as a council member. Anyhoo, sip on your Lazy Daze while you endure this portion of the evening.

It’s time to vote on the dueling Forest Ordinance bills. With Bud’s voting patterns recently altered, we predict his version will be the one to make it through; Sip on your Forest Funk while you think of all the lost trees.

Before the break, they will vote to pull the Adequate Public Facilities bill, and then Billy will vote against going into closed session. If it isn’t too close to 7:00, we may get treated to Billy complaining about having to waste all his precious time at Winchester Hall.

MDX hearing is the last bit of business this evening. There’s a lot of opposition to this bill because it would theoretically allow a warehouse to go next to a school or a housing development. Mainly, it’s introduction has to do with the fact that the Jefferson Technology Park did not fill up the way the previous BOCC claimed it would. While you listen to the arguments mix up a pitcher of Nuclear Disaster, and think of all the bad things the Young BOCC have brought upon this fine county.

Public and council member comments can get a little dicey, however, you’ve been through enough for one evening.

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Don’t end up like Jonesy.

 

 

Some good discussion and then a WTH is going on around here? Your January 23rd workshop in review!

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Bud starts off the meeting reassuring us that he supports any actions the council can take to stop human trafficking, so he still has that going for him! County Executive candidate Kirby Delauter is absent…again. We have to say we were so impressed with the presentation this evening. Kudos must go out to Jessica Fitzwater for brining this to everyone’s attention. So many knowledgable, articulate folks came in front of the council to give us information about this sickening problem. You can read the entire report here or just look at our highlights:

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This is a heat map. What is shows are where the hotline calls regarding human trafficking are coming from. Notice that Frederick is in the red. That means there’s a lot of activity going on in our area.
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This nice lady works for the State Prosecutor’s Office. She made us aware of the fact that many agencies do not have good information to pass on to victims of human trafficking. Something that this task force wants to remedy.
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Oh, why oh why can’t our High Sheriff be more like Frederick Police Chief Hargis?(PSST, our High Sheriff was not in attendance this evening, probably because he was NOT in support of this task force, he believed that everything that could be done was already being done—VOTE KARL BICKEL!)

Frederick mayor Michael O’Connor told us some of the recommendations of the committee:

  1. Mandatory training for lodging employees to help identify human trafficking victims.
  2. Making sure all bodyworks establishments are properly licensed. (This is the only time Billy pipes up this evening-he wants to have a definition of bodyworks, we can only imagine what must have been going through that mind of his.)
  3. Penalties for landlords and tenants who knowingly allow human traffickers to operate.
  4. The creation of a survivor services fund created from the confiscated property of the human trafficker(s).
  5. Creation of signs that alert the public to what human trafficking looks like, both sex and labor trafficking. In other words: “If you see something, say something”!

Chief Hargis likened this problem to domestic violence 30 years ago. 30 years ago (and this is really hard to stomach folks), domestic violence wasn’t on anyone’s radar. It wasn’t seen as a law enforcement problem. That’s how the issue of human trafficking has been treated..as someone else’s problem. But it isn’t, its a human problem that all humans should be concerned about. Contrary to what the High Sheriff or Billy or Kirby would lead us to believe, this isn’t just a problem for the federal government to solve. If a victim is found in Frederick County, and there have been numerous cases here, it’s a Frederick County problem.  If you want more information about human trafficking visit the Polaris site.  And after you read that, don’t ever, ever forget that Billy Shreve said that there are groups in favor of this.  We don’t need a voice like that representing us in Annapolis.

Late in the day, the council agenda was changed to reflect this addition:

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There was no clickable link, so we didn’t have any other information to go on. When it came time to vote we get this breakdown:

Yay-Jessica, M.C., Bud, Tony, Jerry

Abstain-Billy

Partying it up in Punta Cana-Kirby

Now, we have no idea what in the world is going on with this! Anyone who can enlighten us please send us a line!

Afzali inspires us to marvel, “Who is going to win this primary?”

We almost forgot about this dingbat, who is seemingly threatening would be donors to her county executive campaign. “I am a witch. Give me money, or I will torment you with evil conjurings!”

Kathy Afzali wants help
She really does need help.

What is with this clown show we are treated to by a too large number of local Republicans, anyway?

Bud Otis, for the love of Pete. Why, oh why, have you seemingly realigned with team dingleberry and the darlings of developers?

Aside Afzali we have a county executive candidate who hates free publicity–Kirby “don’t talk about me in the paper” Delauter, crafter of flowcharts, follower of none.

His sidekick DeploraBilly Shreve, who is consistently and appallingly incompetent on a vast range of subjects, and is running for Maryland Senate.

Plus, we will forever have Billy and Kirby’s fascinating friend who shall not be named (who we are worried/thrilled to consider, based upon rubbernecking over his not subtle enough Facebook musings, that he may be considering a don’t-call-it a-comeback return to public life with the launch of a sexxxpert advise [sic] podcast in honor of Human Trafficking Workshop Week next week). Gross. #partyoffamilyvalues

Added bonus. Also running for CE, we have Regina “The Bullshit Stops Here” Williams. We would tell you more, but her website reveals no official positions on anything. Gracious. Afzali has issues. Kirby has issues. We know you have issues, too. You sued the county.

It’s rather sad to note that Afzali seems like the most serious contender here, having at least had the forethought to think about the issues, and she really is a hot mess. Remember the time she had a spat with the sheriff, and was texting him that he was a wimp and a phony?

Go ahead, madam. Align yourself with the wicked witch. It’s a perfect accompaniment to your Pay No Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain president. This clownshow is a plague.

 

You’re sure no Ephelba. We’ll be over here defying gravity, thankyouverymuch.

 

Remedial workshop

We’ve been slowly digesting the post-Thanksgiving workshop from Tuesday like leftover turkey and dressing, but a lot less tasty. The overarching theme this week is: if you build houses, you will also need roads for the drivers and schools for the kids living in them. This fact is so glaringly obvious that it is difficult to understand why you would need a very, very long workshop for it, but how else will Billy Shreve attempt to set up a gotcha trap while actually possessing nothing?

Some of our observations include, in no particular order:

Janice Spiegel is exactly as awesome as everyone says she is. She presents an interesting tool for anticipating growth from the known approved housing in the pipeline. In spite of all the hypotheticals, she must reiterate continuously that she has not prepared a budget document, and does not predict a timeline for this. Simply the issue is if you build all those houses, people will live in them, so heads up. It’s a completely new concept for the two critters who helped approve those developments, Aside: when other people see Blaine stuck in all the traffic, are you as tempted as we are to roll down the window and scream at him, “This is your fault, you ridiculous fool! And also, Dog the Bounty Hunter called and he wants his outfit back!”

Billy and Kirby and Tony are dumbasses
There was a more polite meme that just said idiot, but we are not in the more polite mood today.

Tony Chmelik’s questions seem to imply that it is silly to focus on geographic regions. Would he recommend redistricting your kids like Newton’s Cradle every year, any time they could hunt down an empty seat to stick them in, just, “tok-tok-tok, all fixed; we’ll move you back next year when there’s an empty seat here, probably?” Would he send kids from his neighborhood to Libertytown, even knowing they will be stuck on the other side of a truck wedged under the CSX bridge 3 out of every 5 weekdays?

Billy and Tony and Kirby are dumb

Kirby Delauter can manage to behave himself. It was so weird. Kampaigning Kirby disagrees quite respectfully (until he gets all worked up about Jan Gardner, and then he returns to his ranty man thing). Kirby “The Sky is Falling” Delauter worked really hard to minimize the impact of the development pipeline and acted like everyone else (Jan) is the problem. The actual problem is that 800 more kids showed up for school this year than had been predicted, so perhaps it is not over-erestimating that is the real danger here. The actual problem is that this pyramid scheme where development theoretically increases the tax base so that you can build roads and schools by starting construction of those some number of years after you build houses that people move into is a patently ridiculous idea that will make everyone miserable, and also make the property values not very attractive.

Billy Shreve wants to reinvent the wheel. Billy wants to know how they predict the number of kids, and birthrate patterns, and Millenials and elders don’t seem to have babies. It wasn’t presented at all with the degree of snark we think it merits, but it sure sounds like the state is actually able to inform about the number of babies that are born in a given year, and then add 5 years to extrapolate for kindergarteners.

We are tired. We are sorry for not saying anything nice about the nice people who did nice things and tried to promote the less academically able up the levels of Bloom’s Taxonomy. It has been too dramatic a week for your average news junkie, so. G’night.

Warning: Kirby’s fiscal side has made an appearance

Thank goodness that was quick. We want to focus on election returns. Kirby mucked around in the budget adjustments because the numbers for a foot bridge in Point of Rocks didn’t feel right to him, since it is a pre fab bridge that will cost $40,000 to design. The answer to the mystery is that erosion (which is science) means they need expensive concrete footers and stream management matters upstream to protect private property and also this footbridge. It must have been a mighty battle up in Kirby’s cavernous noggin–private property needs to be protected by public expenditures. In the end he feels better, math and research having taken absolutely no part in the grandstanding process.

Tony’s taking back his homeschool team sports bill for further tinkering to make sure it is done right.

Bud Otis did a last minute introduction of a bill for a Veterans Advisory Council addition as a First Reading Calendar. It sounds good because it would help the 17,000 veterans living in our community find the resources that they need. It caused a little strife between him and M.C. Keegan-Ayer because it wasn’t added to the agenda before yesterday and that’s not really fair to us the public, even though he obviously wanted to do this before Veterans’ Day. Bud asserts that the rules let him, because he is the President. Rules are different for presidents, as we all now well know (he isn’t making that up like that other guy would–the rule actually is different). During Council Member comments, Jessica Fitzwater points out that she likes to share the agenda via social media the weekend before the meeting, and if it’s not in there it’s not in there, whether it is allowed or not. We concur. How can you take a drink for a bill if there’s no bill? We have all been deprived.

M.C. Keegan Ayer moved to table indefinitely the thingamabobber about recreational facilities in PUD/MDX–which would have been decided upon today–after having discussed the plan with our esteemed County Executive.

Meaning that with this meeting was mostly quick, although it did require you to have some of those Holiday Mules per our drinking game for multiple questions that are more of a comment. Again with the Bridge to Terabithia Jefferson Tech Park, Kirby expresses suspicions about numbers being inaccurate, but he’s exploring a lot of feelings. If you say numbers you sound smart. In reality there is not enough information in his speech to do this word problem he is rambling about, so perhaps the Waffle House Press Secretary will discuss this in a briefing.

Kirby's Plan
If your goal as a fiscal conservative is to figure out if x is less than y, it is generally helpful to know the value of both x and y.

We wonder if there’s any way to find out any of these figures Kirby has feelings about. Maybe we should take it out of Billy’s playbook and send it as a legislative priority for the delegation in Annapolis to focus on next year, like it’s a hot dog stand with unknown challenges to opening. If you’re new here, that’s an inside joke. And a thing that Billy wanted to have happen, IRL. Probably they have no other choices, since they don’t have a staff (a note Bud Otis hits on during Council Member comments, and it stings just a little to hear Bud echo Billy, y’all).

The rest of the Council comments pretty normally about community minded things. Tony Chmelik offered a Happy Birthday for November 10th to the U.S. Marine Corps, and M.C. Keegan-Ayer acknowledged and commended our veterans. Jessica Fitzwater talked about the Veterans’ Day event. Bud Otis waxed patriotic and also distanced himself a bit from the County Executive and we think we see where this is all going in advance of 2018. And then Billy chucked up all of his PIA related complaints and assorted ailments. It’s really hard to take him seriously after all we have endured with him thus far, so we cannot even begin to fathom that he could have any valid points.

Class dismissed.

Which part of the First Amendment does Shrelauter like?

Billy Shreve has been using his social media vocally to criticize the NFL over the past few days. What’s that about? Most likely he’s upset that players are getting horrible degenerative brain diseases caused by repeated concussions. Or maybe this story about the Seahawks’ Michael Bennett chapped his hide and he wants to see some action. Surely it couldn’t have anything to do with peaceful protests or the national anthem. And now, this:

Surely he means to publicly criticize China for curtailing the free exercise of religion.

 

In case a refresher is needed, the First Amendment in the Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Since his other half is famous from sea to shining sea for threatening to sue a reporter who used his name–the name of an elected public official–in the newspaper without his permission, we are beginning to wonder what parts of the Bill of Rights they like. Is it just the shoot ’em up part that the NRA likes to quote, but also leaves out some of the words when they do? Aren’t the conservatives the constitutional “originalists?” Which unsurprisingly seems like it’s only a concept held dearly to people who have always been considered 5/5ths of a person.

We would like to leave you with a little music to enjoy on this fine fall day. May we all  remember that America means we pledge daily to the ideals of liberty and justice for all.

The Tony Show gets upstaged by Kirby in bizarre encore performance

Loquacious lecturing Tony Chmelik–imagine our surprise when we fret that Shrelauter will muck things up, and then he takes the reins. He got into orator mode again this week, and man we can do without the Tony with a condescending tone schtick. Sighhhh.

There was long discussion of the River Board process, which had Councilman Chmelik frustrated with the time these things take and the lack of television air time, but the bulk of his grievances centered on County Executive Jan Gardner’s public briefing last week regarding the school capacity report and traffic study. And he wrote and delivered an exhausting, pompous speech on the matter, in lieu of discussing like a normal person.

Jessica Fitzwater criticized him for wanting to spend additional taxpayer dollars to find something that reached conclusions he agreed with, and after listening to him complain about money already spent and tiresome, lengthy processes, it was hard not to see her point. He had some great ideas in there, though, such as how it would be inaccurate to assume all the houses would actually be sold (????). We find that kind of funny coming from someone with as large a family as he has. Why didn’t the report assume families of twelve would move into every one of those homes? We can come at this from both sides, dude. It also bugged him out that increasing costs of construction weren’t factored in, and isn’t that shooting yourself in the foot, if you want to say maybe we don’t need to plan for big expenses? We have a confuse.

At any rate, that finally ended (if you’d like to know more, the Frederick News Post has a good run down that won’t make you want to stab yourself in the ears; we cannot recommend actually exposing yourself to the archives of this meeting) and they went into closed session. Chmelik helpfully acknowledged during Council Member Comments that we had probably heard enough from him. Hoo-boy. Truer words never spoken.

And then, apparently national laughingstock Kirby Delauter wanted to take it outside with Jerry Donald over that meme someone made with Jerry spanking Kirby. We’ll put it in here for educational purposes, since he’s opened the door to that (genius!), and ICYMI. It’s in reference to Jerry Donald using his social media account to publicize the inaccuracy of Kirby’s assertions that the Democrats on the Council are planning to make Frederick a sanctuary county. How dare he insist Misleading Push-Poll and Fake News Employer Kirby stick to the facts. This caused Kirby to (allegedly) call him another name for a trendy pink knitted lady hat, approximately one time for each woman who attended that march, it sounds like. He wants Jerry Donald to monitor his Facebooking more closely, which is beyond hilarious, considering the source. Maybe Kirby should worry about the damage he does with his own Facebook account. Or lippy outbursts.

Did we think this was worth using? Not that much, really. Now that the context has changed? Yes, yes it is.

A Miner Detail spoke with Delauter, who claims that M.C. Keegen-Ayer and Jerry Donald just want to make the council look foolish–an assertion that causes us to hoot in side-spitting, knee slapping laughter, given the dedication he has to looking like a fool all by his own self.

Do you know what? Billy Shreve wasn’t even worth mentioning. That’s how bad all this was!