20/20 hindsight? We have 20/20 foresight! It’s your weekly drinking game time.

Pulease hold onto your liver. This meeting could put you 5 steps closer to cirrhosis. Grab your agenda while we look into our crystal balls to predict how this meeting is going to go down.

cristal_champagne
Just kidding. This is our Cristal. Get it???

When Billy abstains from the agenda, shake your fist at your screen and fix yourself a drunk uncle.

Since Kirby was such a jerk last week, and Tony was the week before, we predict the public will show up to comment at the beginning of the meeting. The public wants to be heard. When this happens swing back a shot of brandy to steel your nerves.

Next up are several budget adjustments for emergency services and les pauvres enfants. Shrelauter usually talks up how important fire and rescue are until it is actually time to spend money. When one of them starts squawking, pour yourself a screaming eagle.

Next up, business items.

There are board confirmations, and then two items related to transportation. Then Tony Chmelik will discuss the state legislative issues, so have a Flying Dog during the business items, because there are some dueling beer bills in Annapolis, and our small craft breweries are at risk. (If you would like to be a beer advocate, details about the beer bills are here). Be good to our local businesses.

First reading calendar. The agenda lists dueling senior tax credit bills. Kirby already tried and failed to propose a fully thought out tax credit bill for public servants, so we are not holding our breath that this first reading of his will be any more successful. Fortunately, Jerry’s bill is up first. Cristal is telling me that we should all have a bottle on standby. When Jerry’s bill is well received take a swig. If you just want Kirby to stop talking, take another swig.

a9b454c73e2bda9656f629f05e6eebb120535a5de51f880bcbb4c9329f78bf1d
We are looking at you Kirby.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer is proposing legislation that would make more stringent guidelines to the effect that if your neighborhood pool isn’t in your neighborhood, then it’s not your neighborhood pool. If that makes sense to you, have another swig. If you think your neighborhood pool should be outside your neighborhood, you know nothing. You get nothing.

Now we are all the way up to the dramatic third readings, and y’all. We’re nervous. Not gonna lie.

A decision will be made on Jan’s Bill regarding DRRAs (Developer Rights and Responsibilities, if you’re nasty). Finish the bottle. Finish it before they start talking or voting, and then steel yourself for…

Permitted Uses in MXD. Council decision. Pick your poison. And there’s an addition of a proposed amendment by Council President Bud Otis.

Then there is a public hearing on a Water and Sewerage Plan Amendment, which sounds like the perfect time to pass out after what may happen above. Especially since they go on a break and reconvene at 7:00 to cover the Amended Forest Resource Ordinance and Public Comments.

Council Member Comments would be a good time to loudly crunch some ice chips.

Fin.

 

 

 

 

 

Epic meeting of February 6th: round 2 (a doozy)

The public hearing on the MDX amendment to “the Zoning Ordinance to specify additional permitted uses in the Mixed Use Development District” is an instance when zzzzzzzzoning is unfortunately not boring.  To briefly touch on this, the perception is that this amendment is hand crafted to target the Jefferson Tech Park area and that to adopt it would mean these people end up with distribution centers such as what we see out on Buckeystown Pike in their neighborhood, to the detriment of their property values. Since Steve McKay, who has frequently spoken on zoning issues in the Monrovia area, and Stand Up Frederick have already posted thoughts on this, please see those links for information while we focus on how much we were confused by what happened at the lectern last night. (P.S. you probably know that Steve McKay will be running against Tony Chmelik in the District 2 Republican Primary, and after Chmelik’s abominable behavior this evening we could not be more pleased that he is doing so.) If Mr. McKay and Lisa Jarosinski, who is running in the Democratic primary, are the candidates in the D2 general election, that will be one lucky D indeed. Those are two fine candidates.

First of all, it was a great joy to hear from The Public at this meeting. The Public is a lot more interesting than Our Regular Cast of Characters. Ray Barnes spoke on behalf of County Executive Gardner and gave three concerns. He was questioned at length by Billy, who kept trying to rile Mr. Barnes up with his circular dislogic. Mr. Barnes kept his cool throughout this display, and was ultimately dismissed by Bud who claimed he never heard these concerns before tonight and he wants to know hear from the public. The Lawyer for the Jefferson Tech Park–why did he get his three minutes, plus many, many more minutes of chit chat? Is this how it is supposed to work? We don’t get that. That does not seem reasonable to us. This guy tries to bog us down with legalese, claiming it’s in the interest of public safety that the council approve this bill. He also throws out the term “belts and suspenders legislation,” to which we can only think, “When has that fashion combo ever been a good idea?”

243aui

Steve McKay spoke knowledgeably, per usual, as did Kai Hagen.

Then Kai also got the many, many more minutes of chitchat “privilege.” We chuckle a bit that Kai is never succinct (and of course, we recognize that this is because he is thoughtful and diplomatic, so he makes an effort to be thorough and careful) but this really wasn’t about him at all. Because it was about Tony Chmelik being rabid, ranting, obnoxious, asking him questions in a rude and angry tone and then talking over him every time he tried to answer. We don’t typically give Tony Chmelik too much grief, because as compared to the Shrelauter bookends, he tends to stand out in the more normal grownup conduct spectrum. Well, not last night! And then we have no one stopping it. M.C. Keegan-Ayer tried to introduce a point of order in all this, and was completely ignored. we were under the impression that someone wields a gavel at these things and is supposed to maintain order? Who is that? It took far too long for any effort to be made to curtail this behavior. Kai may be an At-Large candidate for the Council, but currently he is The Public. The Public doesn’t deserve to be treated with such rudeness.

Tony sniped that Kai hasn’t taken responsibility for this issue. Well. We have thoughts. That thought is that as an elected representative in this county it is currently Tony Chmelik’s responsibility to shirk. If he wants to make this a special responsibility of Kai Hagen’s, we can all follow his dreams. We can do so by electing Kai Hagen to our County Council. So there’s a thing to think up on. It appears to be the one simple trick to respecting everyone involved here.

Here are some handy dandy campaign resources; we are in no way affiliated with any of the candidates and this message was approved by no one:

Lisa Jarosinski

Steve McKay

Kai Hagen

Tony Chmelik (hahaha–if you’re looking for his page, you’ll have to find your way there unaided by us!)

 

Epic meeting of February 6th: round 1

The yokels all missed the very beginning, only to tune in as Melanie Cox of the League of Women Voters was saying, “…give us a chance to speak.” The immediate assumption is that this is about the botched process for changing Frederick County’s representation to the Maryland Association of Counties (MACO). If we’re wrong about that, let us know and we will edit. We keep threatening to write a meeting up without watching it and see if we can guess what happens, because we know our characters purty stinkin well at this point. For example, Melanie Cox is a classy lady for whom dignity and propriety is important, so under the circumstances, it makes sense to leap to the conclusion that she would have liked to see a transparent process for the thing that…spoiler alert…comes to fruition later on.

Regular examples of totally predictable events: Budget adjustments. Everyone votes for those, except Billy the Abstinent. Then everyone votes to approve the minutes, except Billy the Obstinate. And you also already know that he couldn’t bother to speak into his microphone.

We have a presentation on a Mutual Aid Agreement with the Washington County Sheriff’s Department and the Hagerstown P.D. A member of the Sheriff’s department comes in our Sheriff’s stead, because… hold on to your little ACLU fold-up Constitutions…because Jenkins is out of pocket. Why? Because he is meeting with The President about immigration. Another of the Yokels had a boss who used meeting with the president as her euphemism for going to do her powder room business, which makes us snicker.

Mr. Yokel observes from the other couch, “The President of What???” We will not go into our skepticism of Jenkins’ qualifications on this subject, from the vantage point of living on the Mason-Dixon border. Riding Arpaio’s coattails onto Fox is all the qualifications the Dunning-Kruger Administration requires. Mr. Yokel still believes this tale is sound and fury signifying nothing, and since Newt Gingrich declared that facts are no longer a thing (and heck if he isn’t painfully right), we will all believe in whatever manner our emotional states’ require. The decision is in favor of a cooperative approach to providing for the common defence.

We move on to stripping M.C. Keegan-Ayer of her appointment to MACO so that Tony Chmelik can have it. M.C. is classy and abstains from voting on a matter that pertains to herself. Guess who doesn’t?! Both of them speak in favor of improving the process by which this is done. Great idea…

There’s a presentation about closing the intersection of Old Frederick Rd. at 15, for the sake of safety and traffic efficiency. Much more of this is needed in that general area–both in the safety and efficiency department.

We come to the First Calendar Readings, which is mainly the Throw Covfefe at the Wall and See What Sticks section, as far as Billy Shreve is concerned. Steve McKay said it best:

Council Member Billy Shreve is introducing a bunch of bills. I guess you can tell that it’s an election year. Billy Shreve – known to abstain on most votes – is all of the sudden introducing a handful of bills. Sorry folks, but after three years of his disagreeable nature, this doesn’t impress me a bit.

No one wants to speak, making us wonder if there are any redeeming qualities these bills may have if their authors cannot be bothered to enlighten us. Chemlik feels a bit of shame and takes up his own cause on the wood chipping bill. Isn’t local politics sexxxxxxy? Shreve is the definition of shameless.

Justin’s bringing sexy back Fredneck style.

And we are on a break!

 

Remedial workshop

We’ve been slowly digesting the post-Thanksgiving workshop from Tuesday like leftover turkey and dressing, but a lot less tasty. The overarching theme this week is: if you build houses, you will also need roads for the drivers and schools for the kids living in them. This fact is so glaringly obvious that it is difficult to understand why you would need a very, very long workshop for it, but how else will Billy Shreve attempt to set up a gotcha trap while actually possessing nothing?

Some of our observations include, in no particular order:

Janice Spiegel is exactly as awesome as everyone says she is. She presents an interesting tool for anticipating growth from the known approved housing in the pipeline. In spite of all the hypotheticals, she must reiterate continuously that she has not prepared a budget document, and does not predict a timeline for this. Simply the issue is if you build all those houses, people will live in them, so heads up. It’s a completely new concept for the two critters who helped approve those developments, Aside: when other people see Blaine stuck in all the traffic, are you as tempted as we are to roll down the window and scream at him, “This is your fault, you ridiculous fool! And also, Dog the Bounty Hunter called and he wants his outfit back!”

Billy and Kirby and Tony are dumbasses
There was a more polite meme that just said idiot, but we are not in the more polite mood today.

Tony Chmelik’s questions seem to imply that it is silly to focus on geographic regions. Would he recommend redistricting your kids like Newton’s Cradle every year, any time they could hunt down an empty seat to stick them in, just, “tok-tok-tok, all fixed; we’ll move you back next year when there’s an empty seat here, probably?” Would he send kids from his neighborhood to Libertytown, even knowing they will be stuck on the other side of a truck wedged under the CSX bridge 3 out of every 5 weekdays?

Billy and Tony and Kirby are dumb

Kirby Delauter can manage to behave himself. It was so weird. Kampaigning Kirby disagrees quite respectfully (until he gets all worked up about Jan Gardner, and then he returns to his ranty man thing). Kirby “The Sky is Falling” Delauter worked really hard to minimize the impact of the development pipeline and acted like everyone else (Jan) is the problem. The actual problem is that 800 more kids showed up for school this year than had been predicted, so perhaps it is not over-erestimating that is the real danger here. The actual problem is that this pyramid scheme where development theoretically increases the tax base so that you can build roads and schools by starting construction of those some number of years after you build houses that people move into is a patently ridiculous idea that will make everyone miserable, and also make the property values not very attractive.

Billy Shreve wants to reinvent the wheel. Billy wants to know how they predict the number of kids, and birthrate patterns, and Millenials and elders don’t seem to have babies. It wasn’t presented at all with the degree of snark we think it merits, but it sure sounds like the state is actually able to inform about the number of babies that are born in a given year, and then add 5 years to extrapolate for kindergarteners.

We are tired. We are sorry for not saying anything nice about the nice people who did nice things and tried to promote the less academically able up the levels of Bloom’s Taxonomy. It has been too dramatic a week for your average news junkie, so. G’night.

The Tony Show gets upstaged by Kirby in bizarre encore performance

Loquacious lecturing Tony Chmelik–imagine our surprise when we fret that Shrelauter will muck things up, and then he takes the reins. He got into orator mode again this week, and man we can do without the Tony with a condescending tone schtick. Sighhhh.

There was long discussion of the River Board process, which had Councilman Chmelik frustrated with the time these things take and the lack of television air time, but the bulk of his grievances centered on County Executive Jan Gardner’s public briefing last week regarding the school capacity report and traffic study. And he wrote and delivered an exhausting, pompous speech on the matter, in lieu of discussing like a normal person.

Jessica Fitzwater criticized him for wanting to spend additional taxpayer dollars to find something that reached conclusions he agreed with, and after listening to him complain about money already spent and tiresome, lengthy processes, it was hard not to see her point. He had some great ideas in there, though, such as how it would be inaccurate to assume all the houses would actually be sold (????). We find that kind of funny coming from someone with as large a family as he has. Why didn’t the report assume families of twelve would move into every one of those homes? We can come at this from both sides, dude. It also bugged him out that increasing costs of construction weren’t factored in, and isn’t that shooting yourself in the foot, if you want to say maybe we don’t need to plan for big expenses? We have a confuse.

At any rate, that finally ended (if you’d like to know more, the Frederick News Post has a good run down that won’t make you want to stab yourself in the ears; we cannot recommend actually exposing yourself to the archives of this meeting) and they went into closed session. Chmelik helpfully acknowledged during Council Member Comments that we had probably heard enough from him. Hoo-boy. Truer words never spoken.

And then, apparently national laughingstock Kirby Delauter wanted to take it outside with Jerry Donald over that meme someone made with Jerry spanking Kirby. We’ll put it in here for educational purposes, since he’s opened the door to that (genius!), and ICYMI. It’s in reference to Jerry Donald using his social media account to publicize the inaccuracy of Kirby’s assertions that the Democrats on the Council are planning to make Frederick a sanctuary county. How dare he insist Misleading Push-Poll and Fake News Employer Kirby stick to the facts. This caused Kirby to (allegedly) call him another name for a trendy pink knitted lady hat, approximately one time for each woman who attended that march, it sounds like. He wants Jerry Donald to monitor his Facebooking more closely, which is beyond hilarious, considering the source. Maybe Kirby should worry about the damage he does with his own Facebook account. Or lippy outbursts.

Did we think this was worth using? Not that much, really. Now that the context has changed? Yes, yes it is.

A Miner Detail spoke with Delauter, who claims that M.C. Keegen-Ayer and Jerry Donald just want to make the council look foolish–an assertion that causes us to hoot in side-spitting, knee slapping laughter, given the dedication he has to looking like a fool all by his own self.

Do you know what? Billy Shreve wasn’t even worth mentioning. That’s how bad all this was!

Mansplaining 101. An appeal of the unnecessary kind.

If you make an appeal for something that isn’t happening and will continue to not happen, does that mean you get to take credit for it not happening? What are we even talking about?

images (1)
Seriously, you don’t get to take credit for this.
In today’s FNP we find out that Tony sent a request to Jan to continue to not do something she has already said she won’t do. Tony is concerned that the Bussards will be fined while the whole zoning issue surrounding their mulching business is being sorted out.

“I have never before been asked to not do something that I am already not doing!” she wrote. “It has been very clear that the County would not assess fines as long as an effort toward compliance was in the works. The County always works with property owners and businesses to solve problems and we will continue to do so.”

For this, we are awarding Councilman Chemlik the following award.

20170825_113438.png

In other news, #fakenews, we have seen an online petition circulating to save Maryland’s flag. The only problem? No one is trying to change it. Go waste your outrage on an actual real issue please.

June 6th frazzled mommy recap

We were all busy last night, because at this time of year all moms are required to be in seven places at once. The FNP has good information about the important stuff that happened last night (and if you can’t read that because you aren’t subscribing to the paper, read this). We will just round things out with the gossip column details.

Tony Chmelik ducked out because he has relatives in town in celebration of his son’s wedding. Congratulations to the Chemliks and best wishes to the young couple. Lucky of Councilman Chmelik to have a solid reason to bounce, because the archives say that meeting is six hours long…and so we are just gonna trust the real news this week.

#KirbyDelauter gave kudos to Billy for his wood recycling bill, which is very important grown up legislating that he is finally getting around to on behalf of his constituents.

Look who’s gotten their boobies!

He also talked about illegal dumping and how that happens when fees are too high, which is possibly true (or also because some fools are lazy). Riddle me this, dingdong. How would we pay for it without “too high” fees? Spoiler alert: the answer is TAXES. And you hate those, so…illegal dumping it is?

Jerry Donald said nice things about Middletown’s 250th anniversary and what is being done in recognition of that, and also working together with the town for economic development in downtown Brunswick. He explained that his earlier vote against the water and sewer decision was based upon the timing falling during what we will call the “lame duck” period. He then reiterated his support for the bill that would limit this type of decision making.

Billy Trumpeter Shreve had an argument against that. Something like the other folks who did the decidering were also elected representatives, but as an UberTrumpet he is consistently a hypocrite, and Gorsuch/Garland–months and months ahead of the lame duck stage and still we had to wait for our new moronic overlords–so la di da. And now we’re dancing. Then he attacked Bud and the functioning of the council and how nobody gets to speak anymore, which seems weird since they added those extra public comments segments. The ones that people don’t so much seem to be coming to–although we certainly do not object to the opportunity not to have to listen to them until 0 Dark Thirty before you get your three minutes. And we think that was at Billy’s behest, so don’t say we never have anything positive to say about him! The numerous aggrieved people he described were upset about water runoff, which coming from a hater of fees destined to mitigate water runoff issues also seems like it should be filed in the “none of Shrelauter’s concern” box. Trumpeter Syndrome strikes again.

Jessica Fitzwater had words of congratulations for graduates of all stripes: high school seniors and fire and rescue recruits alike. She also highlighted that the Frederick region was recently named 8th in a list of the top 10 most vibrant arts communities in America. She also remarked upon celebrating the giving spirit of Frederick County with the United Way last week. It’s interesting to note how differently these people speak about the communities they live in. The boosters versus the haters.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer talked about numerous cool things happening (booster!). Teddy Bear Picnic at Everedy Square and Shab Row, FCC Kids on Campus, Barnstomers Tour (tickets available at the Visitor’s Center on East St.), Alive at Five, and family movie nights on Caroll Creek. Worth a Google for details on any of those.

And finally Bud explained that Billy’s real problem is that he still doesn’t know that there is a County Executive and he is not an administrator any more but a legislator, and the whole system has changed. He was very polite and patient about it, which is simply amazing, since it is only the eleventybillionth time this has come up since the charter government was formed.

Fade to black.