Is everyone thrilled Tony Chmelik does not make policy decisions for this fine county this morning? (again: HELL YES.)
Also. Wuhan looks like a place with practically no modern amenities? Uhhhhh. No.
Yes, we are experiencing big moods this morning. We must extend our most courteous thanks to Tony Chmelik for volunteering as tribute so that we may handle these “Everything is terrible all the time” feelings. It is partially his fault, after all.
Silver linings available here:
It’s going to be an insane week.
Hang on tight and try to focus on what really matters:
We kinda feel cheated here. We thought there was going to be at least one more meeting for us to narrate, one more chance to wax nostalgic about these long four years. However, since Bud wisely decided to allow the next council to make a decision on the Monocacy River Plan, it is over. We are not about to let Kirby, Billy, and Tony leave without one last post! We’ve worked way too hard over this last term to just let them slink away under the cover of darkness.
We dove into the old Yokel archives to come up with a top five list for each of our least favorite FORMER (ah man, that feels good to type) council members!
Let’s start with Tony. Our biggest problem with him was his condescension towards the women on the council and Jan in particular. We’ve also heard that there are those down in Winchester Hall who are very happy they no longer have to put up with his mansplaining ways! Take a look back to when he tried to mansplain something that wasn’t even happening!!!
Every budget season Tony liked to compare the county budget to his very own small business. You know since Tony hasn’t made enough money to give his workers a raise, the county should operate along the same lines! Here’s a trip down memory lane to remind y’all just how long-winded and off course he could be.
Remember when Tony introduced the off-track betting bill and tried to tell us it was open to any restaurant ? We smelled a rat and decided to take Kirby’s advice to follow the money and guess what? We discovered it wasn’t really open to all! All kinds of fun!
What he will be most remembered for is launching his miserably failed write-in campaign! Sour grapes anyone?
It’s difficult to narrow down the list for Kirby as he gave us way too much material to work with. What we will remember most is his alternative budgets he would write every year. Budgets he had no authority to write, which often made no sense, and just wound up wasting everyone’s time. Go ahead and click here and here.
In more recent news, Kirby was NOT happy that he lost in the Republican primary for CE. And he wasn’t going down quietly. He specifically charged Danny Farrar with high crimes and misdemeanors for daring to campaign with Regina Williams. He also called a private citizen a POS for daring to go against him. Even the High Sheriff got called out! If you missed it, it is a MUST see.
No Kirby countdown is complete without mention of the flowchart. It is truly the greatest thing we’ve ever seen. When it first came to your Lady Yokel’s attention, we were gasping for air trying to breathe. All these years later it still brings a smile to our face.
Oh Billy, Billy, Billy. The most ineffectual of all of our first county council members. What he’ll probably most be remembered for is for his uncreative use of the word ABSTAIN. Billy thought since they didn’t have their own budget whisperer (despite them having the entire county budget department available to answer any questions) he could just take the next four years off. We still find it amusing that the person he and Kirby wanted as their budget person ran against Kirby in the CE primary, and according to Kirby ruined everything for him. The drama of Frederick County politics! You never know when someone is going to turn against ya!
There was a whole bunch of wedding venue drama associated with Billy. He didn’t care if a structure was deemed unsafe by the Fire Marshall and could have potentially killed a bunch of high school kids. He didn’t care if the people operating said wedding venue had the proper permits or if they even asked the people who actually owned the land if they could host weddings and parties. NONE of that mattered to him. It was quite a sight to behold, watching him trying to rationalize all this nonsense.
Billy’s rude behavior was a constant thorn in our side. He’s adopted the Trump way of speaking because : 1. He can’t think for himself, and 2. He reacts in anger when he doesn’t understand what is going on. Which was quite often. Here’s an example of when Billy took that anger out on one of our favorite county employees, Lori Depies.
What we will most remember about good ole Billy Shreve is the time he told the world that there are people on both sides of the human trafficking issue. He then proceeded to vote against every human trafficking bill that came before the council. Really folks, what kind of person votes against trying to stop human trafficking?
We’ll see how much we have to say with the new council. Things are looking pretty sane so far. Thank y’all for paying attention and voting these jokers out. We don’t need this type of legislating in our fine county!
We hope you have a big jug of water by your side all day today. Drink often. You’ll need to be fully hydrated ahead of tonight’s meeting. Grab your agenda and get ready for what could be a long one.
First up are two budget items. If Billy continues to gripe about not having enough staff before abstaining on his vote, swig back a bitchy bellini.
Next up are approval of minutes and an appointment confirmation. This will be followed by public hearing on the proposed sale of a county owned building. Serve yourself a Harvey Wallbanger just because.
Three Third Readings are on the agenda next. They all involve human trafficking. When short timer and “both sides” council member Shreve says anything dumb mix yourself a man of war.
It’s break time! Hydrate with more water. Your liver needs it.
First up after the break are several public hearings. Things could get testy. Steel your nerves with a bourbon pumpkin smash. Tony is up first with his perhaps personal vendetta led impartiality bill. Next up are some high adjustments to the fy2019 budget. This would move up the Oakdale Middle School addition, move up the design approval for a new east county elementary school, and move up the modernization/addition project at Brunswick High School. Drink an appletini to celebrate if all 3 are approved.
Last up for discussion is a budget item which involves lots of wins for fire/safety in Frederick County. Celebrate with a fire engine.
The meeting will end with council member comments. We are sure we won’t even care what Shrevelauter have to say. Best to return to drinking water. Don’t you have to adult tomorrow???
Grab your agenda, it’s time to continue our countdown to bye bye Shrelauter time. This week’s meeting starts with an EMS budget adjustment. We expect Billy will go ahead and abstain so slam back your favorite pumpkin flavored beer as a nod to Oktoberfest time.
Next up are a few executive appointments, and discussion of new business. Hydrate with some plain ole iced tea. The next section could get bumpy, and you need your wits about you to follow along.
It’s the third reading time for Adequate Public Facilities, adjustment of school construction fees. We know that this is a very important issue. Let’s hope common sense prevails here. Swing back a teacher’s aid. You’ll need it either way.
Break, and we resume with four public hearings. Two of these are by our short timer council members Shreve and Chmelik so we anticipate some whining and grand standing.
Imagine that you are such a sore loser that you lost in the primary. You look around and see that there are two great candidates in your district: Steve McKay (R) and Lisa Jarosinski (D)–two people who from what we hear on the street have mutual respect for one another. What’s a blowhard loser who loves overdevelopment and hearing himself talk gonna do? (Those who watched last night’s meeting know that’s Tony Chmelik–he said all the angry man words yesterday because he is unlikely to get an extension on his deadline.)
If you said mount a write-in campaign for the Sour Grapes party, step up and claim your prize…
Mr. McKay is a conservative, but he seems to be shunned by the local Republican party groundlings, probably because he has integrity and class, and in case you haven’t seen what’s going on over on that side of the aisle here’s a link for you.
Everyone knows third party candidates don’t work out–remember Ross Perot?–and Tony Chmelik damn well knows that. Draw your own conclusions about his motive.
We have only a few more months to bring you the antics of Kirby, Billy, and Tony before their terms mercifully come to an end. If you didn’t catch the post concerning the piece of art above, read all about how Kirby instructed us to “follow the money”. And then hilariously constructed this nonsensical flow chart to show he has no idea what that means.
Not only did Randy donate $200 to Tony’s campaign in 2014, he gave him a sizable contribution this election cycle:
We remember during the discussion of this bill it was said there was no particular site in mind! The skeptical side of us wonders if the Clarion Inn was discussed from the beginning. We also can’t help but wonder who approached Tony to introduce this bill. Could it be that those same people who like to accuse Jan of backroom deals are actually guilty of the same? Kirby says that if you follow the money you will always get your answer. Could it be that he’s right?
In case you are new here, every year Kirby comes up with “fat” that we can trim from the budget (also Tony and Billy, but mostly Kirby) in the form of unicorn and rainbows amendments. He proposes a bunch of stuff without knowing really what this money does or what happens when we take it away. Like today when we tried to cut the money for library staff at Walkersville and Myersville. Oopsie-daisy-dummy. (Failed) Sometimes he has to pull his own amendments because he didn’t know what they were. Weird how that happens.
We breezed onto the scene right about the time Billy tried to suspend the rules and let The Yellow T-Shirt Brigade take over. We expected shenanigans and malarkey, because Billy was involved, but in reality this was the Career Firefighters’ Association, and their presence there and contributions everywhere are very much appreciated by Local Yokels and all of our friends everywhere. We are very pleased that our assumptions are wrong, because they were somewhat dark, based upon Billy’s Twitter feed and the black hole of intellect that can drag a yokel into. On the upside, Billy Shreve’s State Senate page only has 35 likes, so we may be free of his torment soon.
Something like this scene occurred (text transcript)
Kirby just got petulant because they don’t want to cut $$ for MET to go do theater programs at schools with high percent FARM (that’s free and reduced meals, if you don’t know the lingo) lunch kids because they had no problem voting down a quarter mil for Classical Charter.
Man, oh man. Even the broken sidewalk budget cuts are part of the historical record! (Tonight Kirby explained that he had made a handshake deal with the mayor of Emmitsburg and he’s going to split the cost of the sidewalk repairs. M.C. was as uncomfortable as we would have been not knowing whether or not Mr. Mayor had agreed to this, but Jerry counseled that it was Kirby’s D and if he didn’t want to fix the sidewalks one way or the other, that would be his problem in the end. So fine. That all works out spiffy.)
But enough about Kirby, because Tony Chmelik got in a complete snit over $45,000 for an administration position in the Office of Economic Development. Since they’ve been doing a grand old job, even though they haven’t filled a position, but have needed to for four years, it’s obviously fine to continue overworking people there who are covering that shift, so to speak. Surely nobody who is doing extra work all the damn time will find a new job where they don’t have to put up with that. Right, Billy and Kirby? Suggestion: you volunteer your time, just like teachers do when they are grading and planning and documenting after school and on weekends, and sacrifice pay for being useless human bookends to the council since you apparently earn money for other things that you do in life. The pay of two marginally sentient council persons will cover one administrator in the OED. Problem solved! Also, tons of egregious mansplaining from Tony Chmelik here. The Lady Yokels felt that Helen Propheter was a particular heroine tonight, because who wants to be treated like that IN PUBLIC for their job? Nobody. Billy and Kirby also had “contributions” to this discussion in the form of: won’t we need to build all the houses you keep telling us to stop approving? NO. The answer is no. Some people already live here and could work closer to home, and would even like that. Question: what if we just made Jefferson TECH Park make the leap from fiction to nonfiction?
Jessica is a hero tonight, over and over again. Every time Kirby and Tony tried to snip, snap the budget she jumped in, diplomatically, like an excellent teacher, to guide them toward the information showing that they are so very, very wrong. For all her hard work this evening we present her the following award:
We are also happy to report that Bud landed on the side of county employees by helping to defeat Kirby and Tony’s austerity amendments. Nice to see you back on the team, Bud!