Polls and LTEs! Local races are about to get CRAZY!

A very horribly written and rambling letter appeared in the Frederick News Post from none other than insurrectionist Del. Dan. Mainly it was a bunch of straw man attacks against Jan Gardner, Kai Hagen, and Jessica Fitzwater. One LOL part was when he tried to fear monger everyone into believing that COVID-19 lockdowns would become a permanent fixture by asking this very serious question:

Can you imagine COVID-style lockdowns perpetually mandated because of a County Executive Hagen worried about climate change? 

He’s even worse at “Just asking questions” than Glenn Beck!

This next part however, makes us think all these Republicans have entered some type of Gaslighting boot camp:

The use of quotes is really interesting, isn’t it? And don’t you love all the dog whistles? “…locals who have lived here all or most of our lives, ..attractive in our heritage and history, protect my freedom and way of life”! I mean really Dan, you aren’t even trying to hide who you are any more. And as for the insurrectionist claim, look we have receipts!

Take a look at that time stamp folks! Well into an hour of the Capitol breach!

We would be amiss to leave out another “local legend” who is trying to slither his way back into our local political scene. This was sent to us by an alert reader earlier this week:

We couldn’t stop snickering because: a. Who did this poll and please say it was expensive, and b. We don’t understand the conclusions that he came to from this data! Not at all!

Lots to take in, we know. Remain vigilant, last thing we need around here is a County Executive Cox or Mayor Young!

Who’s on first?

“Points!”

Based on online comments about last night’s Board of Education meeting, your Yokels missed what sounds like a bonkers meeting. We should expect more professionalism from our elected officials.

At a previous meeting, the Board deferred to Superintendent Alban as the decision maker regarding students returning to school. Last night that arbitrarily changed as they voted to have elementary students return to 4 days per week in person and reduced the safe distance from 6 feet to 3 feet beginning May 1st, which should be noted is a Saturday. Monday May 3rd is Teacher Appreciation Day. Yea, teachers!

In a nutshell, the Board has given administrators, teachers, staff, and transportation 2 weeks to figure out all the changes needed to make this work in order to give some elementary students what boils down to 12 additional in person days this year. Is it really worth it? We aren’t even sure some board members understand their role. The Board is not supposed to make changes that go against the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU). The Board might want to invite an attorney to meetings going forward. It could save them from making ill advised and potentially illegal decisions.

Four board members voted in favor of this change. Brad Young, who most likely has aspirations for another elected office in the future. Sue, if you don’t vote for this, I’m putting my kid in private school Johnson. And, yes, she really said that at the meeting, as if threats are an acceptable way to sway votes. Honestly Sue, put your kid in private school if you feel that strongly about this. No one cares. People care that you are making decisions based on data, logic and honoring the MOU. Elizabeth Barrett who has been on the Board long enough to know a vote that violates the MOU is a problem was the 3rd vote. David Bass was the final vote.

We all want kids back in school, but this school year is almost over. Teachers have been asked over and over to change, do more and change again. This change means some students will be changing teachers yet again. Why not focus on getting ready for fall? If this was really what the Board wanted, they should have planned for the students to go to 4 days starting with the beginning of the fourth term that started on April 13th. Oh, that’s not realistic? Planning takes effort. Not haphazard motions.

Please let next year be better.

A Fact Checking we will go! Let’s not let Blaine get away with this.

For how many more years can we be expected to endure this?

Surely you’ve seen our most recent reporting of Blaine trying to tippy toe his way back into our local politics as though nobody has a memory around here! Not only is he hoping that you have forgotten all of the horrible things he’s done (go ahead and put his name into our search engine, or any search engine honestly), he’s trying to rewrite who he actually is. And we won’t allow him to gaslight this county!

If you haven’t seen the absolute horror of an LTE he wrote this morning, we’ll show ya!, but it is worth clicking on the actual link to see how people around here still feel about him. Take a moment or two to read through a few times to process, it’s hard to get through this incoherent drivel:

The city of Frederick has a new chief of police, a new person to head the new Division of Housing and Human services and a proposed new equity program administrator position.

People, positions, payroll and pensions. I would like to hear about projects and vision. Economic development, parks and recreation. Parks and recreation is always on the back burner and may be the most important department when it come to physical and mental heath. The city of Frederick has land with Hargett Farm. Now, what is needed is the guts and the vision.

I am talking about an 8-to-10 indoor basketball court, indoor track, aquatics center surrounded by four to six turf fields for all of the outdoor sports and much more.

Now, you are talking about physical heath, mental heath, sportsmanship, team building and powerful economic development with statewide tournaments. We have a golf course and a cultural arts center. Can the kids and active adults get something that is year-round that benefits all ages, races and genders? Plan, budget as the vision, and investment will pay major dividends for future generations.

Every bit of it! Don’t even get us started on the grammatical, capitalization, and spelling errors!

It’s actually appropriate that he repeatedly misspelled the word health, considering heath means a tract a wasteland…which is exactly what this letter is.

All of the sudden he’s interested in investing in parks? Really?! From the guy who back in 2011 wanted to privatize a bunch of county services, including the parks? We decided to look up what’s going on in Sandy Springs, GA which was the town that Blaine and co. were basing their plan on. Guess what? You know what. It failed miserably and lost the town a bunch of mullah. Thank goodness for the active citizens who fought against this most irresponsible plan.

As bad as that is, what gets us the most is his talk of sportsmanship. We all remember this, right?! RIGHT?!

https://www.fredericknewspost.com/news/local/local/coach-blaine-young-ref-get-into-verbal-confrontation/article_bec39c33-7b16-51cb-b87b-d12d98b34035.html

We really hope he gives up on this notion of running again, because we don’t want to keep having to do this! BUT WE WILL!

Blaine entertains a campaign, needs to get a brain!

We are so sorry to have to share this with you during a global pandemic, but look what Frederick’s very own Matt Gaetz posted a few days back.

So, let’s see if we have this straight. He wants to run because it would keep things “interesting”? He wants to stir the pot to keep us thinking about what? Him? HARD PASS!
We feel ya Mr. Whiskers!

It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it? After all he’s done around here he really thinks it’s a good idea to go ahead and attempt to sully our local jurisdiction!

If you are new around here go ahead and scroll on through this link. However, here’s a list just off the top of your Lady Yokel’s heads on why he is no good:

  1. He was arrested for solicitation of prostitution. Tried to tell the judge he was just looking for a foot rub. The judge responded by telling him that even a 12 year old could tell what the ad he answered was for.
  2. Cussed out a teenage referee at a basketball game.
  3. Told a citizen that she wouldn’t have to worry about congestion in her area because she would be dead by then.
  4. Enacted a very xenophobic and unenforceable English Language Ordinance in the county which made us all look like a bunch of backwater ignoramuses.
  5. Attempted to privatize many county services, which has failed miserably in other jurisdictions.
  6. Defunded Head Start.
  7. Sold off the government run nursing home that our poorer citizens rely upon.

And that’s just a start. Feel free, gentle readers, to add your own Blaine stories in the comments.

No way should Blaine be mayor of the fine City of Frederick. We don’t need any more drama or scandal around here!

Microman Dan Cox expects us to use magical thinking to follow his CYA dance

Read Dan Cox’s fairy tale here at the Washington Post. Get a new moron shaman, man. Yours didn’t eat enough leafy organic greens so his Red Bull powers are waning.

Or here:

As an aside that has nothing to do with this, what a terrible writer! That is not what infer means, but clearly Dan Cox incorrectly inferred what is real and what is fantasy. That whole sentence is a hot mess that wouldn’t even make sense if he had used the word implied. It would also still be a despicable lie, since Mike Pence never implied that he would or could overthrow the voters’ decision. Quite the contrary. We can all infer that Dan Cox is an absolute dumbass in every regard.

The timeline at USA Today shows that Statuary Hall had been breached by 2:33pm, almost an hour before Cox decided to Tweet this about the Vice President. Using his practically nonexistent Twitter account or some other, more-useful-to-authorities-application on the handheld device he brought with him, might he have seen what his compatriot idiots who posted every damn dangerous idiot thing they did to their various social media accounts? Or the violent threats these hotheads were sharing? Of course!

Deleting it doesn’t change your message.

Dan Cox should resign. If he won’t, he should be expelled. Full stop. Enough.

1st Amendment primer, with some irony sprinkled on top!

What else is there to say?

By now, gentle readers, we know you’ve read and read and read all about what has happened this week. It’s so much to process. We’ll never get over it. Not ever.

We’ve been chewing over what to write, especially since we like to keep things local around here. If you’ve been following us on Facebook or Twitter you’ve been following all the terribleness that is Delegate Dan. If you want a quick catch up, read this report on Maryland Matters. He is, like many others of his ilk, operating under a false impression of what the 1st amendment actually means. We find it amusing that he’s left Twitter, but not Facebook, which banned Trump first! Maybe Pat Robertson’s school of lawyering doesn’t teach much constitutional law or logic!

Let’s all remind ourselves of what the 1st Amendment says, especially since the same people who are really confused about it seem to only have knowledge of a carefully concocted paraphrase of the 2nd Amendment:

First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Curiously there is no passage that says a social media organization cannot kick you off it’s platform for lying, inciting a riot, or calling for violence. It’s all about preventing the government from suppressing the free speech of its people through the passage of laws. “Congress shall make no law”, not “Twitter shall make no terms to curtail our blatant lies and calls for violence.” Once you click those terms of service, you agree to those terms of service. Love how all the free market folks can’t accept this.

No doubt you’ve heard about the local Frederick man who wore his ID badge to storm the Capitol with this walking advertisement of all of that is wrong with these Q folks:

Mom and Dad must be so proud!

There’s rumors, but nothing certain yet, that our very own splinter Republican group (they laughingly describe themselves as non-partisan), along with Delegate Dan sponsored buses that may have taken that same local young man down to the riot. Turn on your volume and go to their Facebook page to watch the video showing how very proud they were of themselves to embark upon their journey.

What’s even better is that they threw a complete Facebook fit last night over the removal of Trump’s social media accounts. We noticed this morning that a hero made a comment that was very quickly removed from their post. Which is allowable since it is their page, but is also completely hypocritical and a perfect example of irony when you are protesting a private company disrespecting your 1st amendment rights.

The original craziness

The comment that was quickly deleted:

Or if you don’t know what it actually means.

And let’s not forget this little gem from yesterday:

And they still haven’t learned their lesson:

Such snowflakes.

Now let’s take a deep breath of relief that we ran this one out of our local government:

No self-growth with this one!

No doubt we have at least a week and a half of nutbaggery ahead of us. Stay safe, stay vigilant, and let’s look forward to a nicer social media experience with all of these folks threatening to line Dan Bongino’s pockets by going off to the abyss known as Parler.

Of course there is the lingering potential complication that Parler is in jeopardy of being eliminated from the online shopping experiences Google and Apple provide if they can’t figure out a way to moderate their user experience in a fashion that does not foment violent uprisings. Bongino’s gravy train may dry up quickly. Happy trails, real patriots (not you, treasonous seditionists).

A top ten in 2020? Okay, fine.

Might as well…

Things are looking up, even in the midst of a total shitstorm, so we might as well keep our end of year traditions in place. Here’s a list of our most read posts of 2020.

10. On March 24th, the very beginning of the pandemic around these here parts, we predicted that some folks will be social pariahs when this is all over with. They’re still working on it believe it or not! We will be happy to lead the shunning when we have put this all behind us:

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/03/24/when-this-is-all-over-some-of-yall-gonna-be-social-pariahs/

7 Signs Of Social Outcasts | viralbrothers
There’s lots of words that need to be taken back!

9. Dan Bongino makes an appearance on our list. Former Maryland Congressional candidate and now a podcaster of ill repute, Dan adds nothing of value to our national discourse. Maybe that’s why Billy likes him so much!

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/02/27/look-at-the-brain-on-oops-sorry-no-brain-just-look-at-dan/

8. One of our old characters made it back on our radar. Tony Chemlik, mansplainer extraordinaire, decided to broadcast his views to the Facebook world about how hoaxy this whole Covid thing was. Such big brains on our posts this year!

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/03/09/this-was-going-to-be-a-simple-facebook-post-but-its-too-terrible-chmelik-edition/

7. We’ve had to pay too much attention to Delegate Dan this year. Mostly because we want a nice record of his misdeeds to put out into the world when he runs for re-election. But, also because we can’t let this much stupidity go unchecked. If you missed it, read this post on how giving those lazy Civil War vets a pension made them unfit to work! He then tried to expand this erroneous theory into a reason not to give people money to survive during the pandemic. NICE!

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/05/12/delegate-dan-says-war-pensions-make-vets-lazy-wants-to-spare-the-rest-of-the-population-from-the-same-fate/

MoscowMitch McConnell ..... Let Them Have 600 ! : Trumpvirus
How generous!!!

6. Some worse things happened today refers to an “expose” that Cindy Rose wrote on the noodlely appendage this year. It continues into #5, which was the first part of the ground-breaking (or logic-breaking) series that exposes the fact that FCPS teaches kids (take a seat folks) about the human reproductive system! What century is this lady living in anyway?

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/03/05/some-worse-things-happened-today-warning-sexually-explicit-content-part-deux/

The people giving accurate information to the children are the ones actually thinking of them! How do you like them apples?!

5. Here’s the first story in the series, oh the things we could pay attention to before Covid hit!

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/03/04/so-some-things-happened-warning-sexually-explicit-material/

4. We don’t get to write about Kirby very much, though his flowchart from years ago still brings a tear to our eyes when we need a nice little pick me up. This year, despite once upon a time supporting the new county charter AND running for CE, he decided it was no good. Curious that they couldn’t muster up enough signatures to bring the dissolution of our government to the ballot this year.

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/01/08/what-is-kirby-and-his-merry-band-of-minions-up-to-organizing-frexit-2020-thats-what/

It’s always a good time to look at the flowchart again!

3. We rarely have to discuss Billy Shreve anymore. But, for some reason, an old Billy article back from 2017 got a lot of views this year. It’s worth revisiting though as it’s a nice little synopsis of all the dumb-dumb things he did on the council. We need to remember all their misdeeds shall these guys ever try to trick us to vote for them again.

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2017/09/04/ah-billy-shreve-the-oracle-of-fredneck-hath-spoken/

2. Back to Dan Cox again! There is so much material with this one, he’s anti-mask, anti-restrictions, anti-human, but hey what’s not to love? Let’s never forget all the resources the state and county governments had to waste on people like this.

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/04/18/we-have-a-blockhead-in-cox/

dopl3r.com - Memes - Tank.Sinatra @GeorgeResch Me getting my Masters in  Epidemiology from YouTube University LOOK BEFORE BACKING The OgBho EESרח
So many people are experts these days!

And our number one article of the year, entitled: Freedumb from awareness, Freedumb from responsibility, really sums things up nicely this year. For the life of us we will never understand these people. We blame Trump of course, for if he had embraced the masks from the beginning these sheeple would have never carried on this way.

https://fredericklocalyokel.com/2020/04/15/freedumb-from-awareness-freedumb-from-responsibility/

Party City Is Selling "FU 2020" Balloons For New Year's Eve | POPSUGAR  Smart Living
Let’s all hope for a better 2021. But, never forget those who made this year much harder than it needed to be.

On Thanksgiving: Don’t forget to thank people trying to protect our health

We heard through the grapevine that the Council is getting a lot of feedback from the turkeys who think that we should just open everything back up. And hey, we get it. This is not good for the economy and people need to make money.

The solution to this should not be to risk exposure to a pandemic virus that (checks notes…dear Zeus…latest is that it might make your teeth fall out????…please do not full yokel on us, people). At any rate, the point is that the long term health effects are not yet known, the virus has killed one in every 1,000 North Dakotans. So far. It ain’t over yet, folks. No matter how tired we all are.

Don’t be a virus hoaxer, mask rebel, or otherwise idiotic conspiracy theorist.

The solution should be for us to support people who have to stay home, not for all of us to go get Covid at our favorite restaurants and bars (which we DO love dearly and make our community the distinct and vibrant place that it is) so that they can still get a paycheck.

What we need to be sure of is that while we all do our Thanksgiving Day Oprah gratitude journaling like:

Dear Oprah’s Gratitude Journal, I am thankful that I have never met Cindy Rose, Dan Cox, or Danny Farrar live and in person and they have never had the opportunity to breathe or shout Covid on me directly.

We also send off some genuine gratitude to the people making the most responsible decisions possible to prevent the spread of the virus. You can reach your County Council and County Executive through these pages via the email link. There is no reason we should be opening bars and not schools, but these are the choices that are being forced upon us by people’s refusal to be responsible. Also, if you want to show our local hospital some support, for we all know they are about to get slammed, support our fundraiser on their behalf.

And FYI Sweden has had worse economic impact than their neighbors in Europe for all their effort at attempting to carry on like this virus doesn’t exist. Take a lesson.

Nearby counties in Pennsylvania are way in the critical risk zone, and Frederick Health Hospital has a record number of covid patients at this moment. Please thank the people who are taking this seriously and doing what is a thankless job with no great options in sight.

Anti-Democracy is the theme of day!

Every day seems to be getting crazier and crazier doesn’t it? Like we are in an endless spiral of terribleness that doesn’t seem to be easing up. The only bright spot is the very real and verifiable fact that Joseph R. Biden won the presidency! And, unless someone invents a new way of counting that makes positive numbers go negative, there’s nothing any of these goons can do about that!

Except when it isn’t, like in the case of counting votes. 1+1+1, etc…

We really aren’t too worried about all the legal challenges because just look at the head of the Trump legal team today:

Can these people do anything right? It’s a rhetorical question folks!

We know it’s all just nonsense. But that hasn’t stopped Delegate Dan from riding on up to Pennsylvania to be a part of this very bad and dumb legal team. We’ve been going back and forth on Twitter with him, because as futile as it really is to argue with him there are others watching. Here’s a sampling of the Lord’s work we’ve been doing lately:

There is no steal no matter what these people would like you to think. It’s really amazing how these same people who claim they are Patriots and “TRUE” Americans, become just the opposite when the democratic process doesn’t go in their favor. Then, like magic, they are very fine fascists. Not to mention liars. They would rather light the Constitution on fire, destroy our institutions, and make all future elections seem nefarious than admit that their narcissistic, incompetent, man-child of a candidate lost. They would put our nation in danger’s way by not allowing the next administration the information they need to combat an ever growing threat of a global pandemic, because they cannot fathom that a majority of Americans decided we needed to go down another path. What kind of people are they? What kind of legislator is Cox? Not one we want to keep.

While we are on the subject of Cox, read this very fine article that explains how he lost YET another lawsuit in which his goal seems to be to get as many people killed by the pandemic as possible. What a hero! Remember this, folks, when he tries to run for Hough’s Senate seat in a few years time. We need to leave these people who work 100% on emotion, 0% on information, by the wayside once and for all. Vigilance!

We have to turn our attention to one more local group that seems to be bent on this very dangerous, false, and self-serving narrative about fraudulent votes. If you’ve been a long time reader of ours, you’ll remember that the Frederick Conservative Club was formed as a reaction to Kirby losing to Kathy Afzali in the County Executive Race back in 2018. Kirby turned on anyone who supported Kathy or Regina Williams and a new group (whose board members change quite frequently) was formed that allegedly represented the true conservatives of this fine county. *Notice the pattern of not accepting the outcome of elections*

Well, a few days ago an alert reader sent us some pictures that appeared on their Facebook page. A group of them rented a bus to go to the Thousands for MAGA parade, and upon return there were some photos posted. However the last two pictures were not of the MAGA parade but of two very separate and very far away events! This alert reader attempted to point out this very deceptive error to the MAGA folks, but instead of taking the pictures down they removed his comments and banned him from the page. We also checked the origin of the photos and behold exhibits A and B:

Deception seems to be the name of the game around here lately. YOU LOST, people, and as we told Dan Cox you really need to get through your stages of grief a lot quicker than this. Because, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you are tearing this country apart and quite honestly you should be ashamed of yourselves.

If you want to see some great video of the Thousands MAGA March, look at this clip from the Daily Show, it really tells you all you need to know:

Did we wake up in a theocracy?

Things have been bad, but not this bad, right? Right?!

We know this election hasn’t even passed yet, but we need to keep a nice record of how everyone who will be seeking higher office around here is behaving in these dark times. We’ve had too much to say about Delegate Dan lately, because, well, he is terrible. 

Even though he’s lost every idiotic lawsuit (even ones he copied and pasted) trying to fight public health measures because of REASONS that aren’t evident to most sensible folks, he’s forging ahead. Last night, we made a Facebook post regarding his defending two Harford County men  who apparently threw a fit at their local polling location because they were asked to wear a mask. Instead of obtaining a absentee ballot OR voting at the outside location OR just putting a fucking piece of cloth over their faces for a couple of damn minutes, these two decided to disrupt everyone’s day and cause a colossal scene. Don’t they seem nice?!

Well, Delegate Dan jumped all over that. Worked up an idiotic constitutional claim that according to the Baltimore Sun, Judge Angela M. Eaves dismissed with these mighty fine words:

More harm would be done to the public at large than to the two Fallston men who filed the suit if they were allowed to vote without covering their faces during the COVID-19 pandemic, Harford County Circuit Judge Angela M. Eaves ruled.

“That disenfranchises everyone,” said Eaves, noting the pair’s request met none of the standards for a temporary restraining order. “That is the greater injury in this case.”

CORRECT! You can read the whole story for yourself. But, folks this isn’t even the worst of it. Yesterday afternoon Delegate Dan changed course. Instead of making a constitutional argument, he’s going to go with a biblical one. That’s right, biblical.

Now, the anti-maskers’ religious freedom is in danger of being flushed right down the toilet. BEHOLD:

The amended complaint adds a contention that Daniel Swain’s right to religious freedom was violated. Because Swain is a Christian, he was created “to breathe as part of our direct worship,” the complaint said, quoting Psalm 150:6 “let all that has breath praise the Lord.”

“Plaintiff Dan Swain believes in his religious right to breath oxygen and worship the Lord his creator with an uncovered face, including while he votes, and not with a muzzle, face covering or mask, and as such has had his religious freedom violated,” the complaint states.

We here at the Yokel thought it would be fun to gather some biblical quotes about why you shouldn’t sue! Because if Delegate Dan wants to throw around bible quotes when it comes to very serious public health issues, then we’ll throw some out there that show he shouldn’t be doing any of this to begin with!

AND IT CAME TO PASS:

1 Corinthians 6:1-20 

When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, …

Philippians 2:3-4 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Leviticus 19:18 

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

If you missed the article in the FNP about Delegate Dan retweeting debunked crazyland theories, take a gander. This needs to be his last term in office in our fine county. Aren’t all of our crazy cups already all filled up?