20/20 hindsight? We have 20/20 foresight! It’s your weekly drinking game time.

Pulease hold onto your liver. This meeting could put you 5 steps closer to cirrhosis. Grab your agenda while we look into our crystal balls to predict how this meeting is going to go down.

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Just kidding. This is our Cristal. Get it???

When Billy abstains from the agenda, shake your fist at your screen and fix yourself a drunk uncle.

Since Kirby was such a jerk last week, and Tony was the week before, we predict the public will show up to comment at the beginning of the meeting. The public wants to be heard. When this happens swing back a shot of brandy to steel your nerves.

Next up are several budget adjustments for emergency services and les pauvres enfants. Shrelauter usually talks up how important fire and rescue are until it is actually time to spend money. When one of them starts squawking, pour yourself a screaming eagle.

Next up, business items.

There are board confirmations, and then two items related to transportation. Then Tony Chmelik will discuss the state legislative issues, so have a Flying Dog during the business items, because there are some dueling beer bills in Annapolis, and our small craft breweries are at risk. (If you would like to be a beer advocate, details about the beer bills are here). Be good to our local businesses.

First reading calendar. The agenda lists dueling senior tax credit bills. Kirby already tried and failed to propose a fully thought out tax credit bill for public servants, so we are not holding our breath that this first reading of his will be any more successful. Fortunately, Jerry’s bill is up first. Cristal is telling me that we should all have a bottle on standby. When Jerry’s bill is well received take a swig. If you just want Kirby to stop talking, take another swig.

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We are looking at you Kirby.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer is proposing legislation that would make more stringent guidelines to the effect that if your neighborhood pool isn’t in your neighborhood, then it’s not your neighborhood pool. If that makes sense to you, have another swig. If you think your neighborhood pool should be outside your neighborhood, you know nothing. You get nothing.

Now we are all the way up to the dramatic third readings, and y’all. We’re nervous. Not gonna lie.

A decision will be made on Jan’s Bill regarding DRRAs (Developer Rights and Responsibilities, if you’re nasty). Finish the bottle. Finish it before they start talking or voting, and then steel yourself for…

Permitted Uses in MXD. Council decision. Pick your poison. And there’s an addition of a proposed amendment by Council President Bud Otis.

Then there is a public hearing on a Water and Sewerage Plan Amendment, which sounds like the perfect time to pass out after what may happen above. Especially since they go on a break and reconvene at 7:00 to cover the Amended Forest Resource Ordinance and Public Comments.

Council Member Comments would be a good time to loudly crunch some ice chips.

Fin.

 

 

 

 

 

Epic meeting of February 6th: round 1

The yokels all missed the very beginning, only to tune in as Melanie Cox of the League of Women Voters was saying, “…give us a chance to speak.” The immediate assumption is that this is about the botched process for changing Frederick County’s representation to the Maryland Association of Counties (MACO). If we’re wrong about that, let us know and we will edit. We keep threatening to write a meeting up without watching it and see if we can guess what happens, because we know our characters purty stinkin well at this point. For example, Melanie Cox is a classy lady for whom dignity and propriety is important, so under the circumstances, it makes sense to leap to the conclusion that she would have liked to see a transparent process for the thing that…spoiler alert…comes to fruition later on.

Regular examples of totally predictable events: Budget adjustments. Everyone votes for those, except Billy the Abstinent. Then everyone votes to approve the minutes, except Billy the Obstinate. And you also already know that he couldn’t bother to speak into his microphone.

We have a presentation on a Mutual Aid Agreement with the Washington County Sheriff’s Department and the Hagerstown P.D. A member of the Sheriff’s department comes in our Sheriff’s stead, because… hold on to your little ACLU fold-up Constitutions…because Jenkins is out of pocket. Why? Because he is meeting with The President about immigration. Another of the Yokels had a boss who used meeting with the president as her euphemism for going to do her powder room business, which makes us snicker.

Mr. Yokel observes from the other couch, “The President of What???” We will not go into our skepticism of Jenkins’ qualifications on this subject, from the vantage point of living on the Mason-Dixon border. Riding Arpaio’s coattails onto Fox is all the qualifications the Dunning-Kruger Administration requires. Mr. Yokel still believes this tale is sound and fury signifying nothing, and since Newt Gingrich declared that facts are no longer a thing (and heck if he isn’t painfully right), we will all believe in whatever manner our emotional states’ require. The decision is in favor of a cooperative approach to providing for the common defence.

We move on to stripping M.C. Keegan-Ayer of her appointment to MACO so that Tony Chmelik can have it. M.C. is classy and abstains from voting on a matter that pertains to herself. Guess who doesn’t?! Both of them speak in favor of improving the process by which this is done. Great idea…

There’s a presentation about closing the intersection of Old Frederick Rd. at 15, for the sake of safety and traffic efficiency. Much more of this is needed in that general area–both in the safety and efficiency department.

We come to the First Calendar Readings, which is mainly the Throw Covfefe at the Wall and See What Sticks section, as far as Billy Shreve is concerned. Steve McKay said it best:

Council Member Billy Shreve is introducing a bunch of bills. I guess you can tell that it’s an election year. Billy Shreve – known to abstain on most votes – is all of the sudden introducing a handful of bills. Sorry folks, but after three years of his disagreeable nature, this doesn’t impress me a bit.

No one wants to speak, making us wonder if there are any redeeming qualities these bills may have if their authors cannot be bothered to enlighten us. Chemlik feels a bit of shame and takes up his own cause on the wood chipping bill. Isn’t local politics sexxxxxxy? Shreve is the definition of shameless.

Justin’s bringing sexy back Fredneck style.

And we are on a break!

 

The Tony Show gets upstaged by Kirby in bizarre encore performance

Loquacious lecturing Tony Chmelik–imagine our surprise when we fret that Shrelauter will muck things up, and then he takes the reins. He got into orator mode again this week, and man we can do without the Tony with a condescending tone schtick. Sighhhh.

There was long discussion of the River Board process, which had Councilman Chmelik frustrated with the time these things take and the lack of television air time, but the bulk of his grievances centered on County Executive Jan Gardner’s public briefing last week regarding the school capacity report and traffic study. And he wrote and delivered an exhausting, pompous speech on the matter, in lieu of discussing like a normal person.

Jessica Fitzwater criticized him for wanting to spend additional taxpayer dollars to find something that reached conclusions he agreed with, and after listening to him complain about money already spent and tiresome, lengthy processes, it was hard not to see her point. He had some great ideas in there, though, such as how it would be inaccurate to assume all the houses would actually be sold (????). We find that kind of funny coming from someone with as large a family as he has. Why didn’t the report assume families of twelve would move into every one of those homes? We can come at this from both sides, dude. It also bugged him out that increasing costs of construction weren’t factored in, and isn’t that shooting yourself in the foot, if you want to say maybe we don’t need to plan for big expenses? We have a confuse.

At any rate, that finally ended (if you’d like to know more, the Frederick News Post has a good run down that won’t make you want to stab yourself in the ears; we cannot recommend actually exposing yourself to the archives of this meeting) and they went into closed session. Chmelik helpfully acknowledged during Council Member Comments that we had probably heard enough from him. Hoo-boy. Truer words never spoken.

And then, apparently national laughingstock Kirby Delauter wanted to take it outside with Jerry Donald over that meme someone made with Jerry spanking Kirby. We’ll put it in here for educational purposes, since he’s opened the door to that (genius!), and ICYMI. It’s in reference to Jerry Donald using his social media account to publicize the inaccuracy of Kirby’s assertions that the Democrats on the Council are planning to make Frederick a sanctuary county. How dare he insist Misleading Push-Poll and Fake News Employer Kirby stick to the facts. This caused Kirby to (allegedly) call him another name for a trendy pink knitted lady hat, approximately one time for each woman who attended that march, it sounds like. He wants Jerry Donald to monitor his Facebooking more closely, which is beyond hilarious, considering the source. Maybe Kirby should worry about the damage he does with his own Facebook account. Or lippy outbursts.

Did we think this was worth using? Not that much, really. Now that the context has changed? Yes, yes it is.

A Miner Detail spoke with Delauter, who claims that M.C. Keegen-Ayer and Jerry Donald just want to make the council look foolish–an assertion that causes us to hoot in side-spitting, knee slapping laughter, given the dedication he has to looking like a fool all by his own self.

Do you know what? Billy Shreve wasn’t even worth mentioning. That’s how bad all this was!

Tonight’s meeting rating: Not too shabby!

If you take away one person’s antics we are as well!

Jessica and Jerry are absent this evening. Thank Dionysus there wasn’t anything too important on tonight’s agenda!

No props tonight folks! We did have one public commenter who was also very angry though. Something concerning a sewer line issue on his property. This guy asks the council what good do they think they are? And you all look weak and bad! He’s also angry at the county attorney. In his closing remarks, Bud says that he will not comment on issues that are in litigation. So, though we don’t know the details of this fella’s issues, and he very well may have a legitimate claim, everyone knows that you catch more flies with honey.

Billy won’t turn on his microphone, ,but since everyone else knows how things work, we can tell that he votes against the budget adjustments and the minutes.

Not nearly good enough.
We are about to get a nice presentation about Frederick County Land Preservation , Parks and Recreation Plan. Contrary to the agenda, this presentation is not just for council information but needs to be voted upon. Billy throws objections around and was quickly rebuked by the chief of staff. If this plan isn’t approved by July 1st the county could lose a piece of the $1,015,000 that the state gives out. Billy is the only one who asks questions, more like observations really. Tells the Parks and Rec department that they must have a good staff and it seems like he’s on board. However, when it comes to voting time he is the sole no. Seriously folks, this guy’s only legislative style is obstruction.

There is a public hearing on the “closure” of a couple of county roads. Closure is in quotation marks because the road isn’t really being closed. It’s just being transferred from county hands to private. There’s a lot of back story on  this,  but it only affects a few people who live in the Countryside neighborhood, all who seem to be on board. So we’ll leave these screenshots for those that want more info:

This one is approved 5-0.

No public commenters at the end of the meeting!

Kirby and Tony pass on their council member comments.

Then we think Billy has turned a new leaf. In the spirit of Jessica and Jerry, he actually talks about an event he attended. And says nice things!  We are aghast! Then, he’s back.

Happy fun time quickly came to a crashing halt!

Billy loves public comment! He wants us all to remember last week when someone came up to talk about how very angry she was with the chair! (Really, Billy how could we ever forget?) He accuses Bud of not putting things on the agenda! And then says that the “disjointed” council and “dysfunction” are going to continue until the council gets new leadership. In Billy’s twisted logic the reason the council hasn’t been able to function for the last three years is because of the leadership!!! NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM!

Billy! Be careful of Aunt Pittypat’s nerves!
M.C. calls on all of us to remember those that lost their lives on the USS Fitzgerald.

Bud tells us that his office is always open to any council member who wants to talk. Only one member of the council hasn’t taken him up on that offer. Poll time!

June 6th frazzled mommy recap

We were all busy last night, because at this time of year all moms are required to be in seven places at once. The FNP has good information about the important stuff that happened last night (and if you can’t read that because you aren’t subscribing to the paper, read this). We will just round things out with the gossip column details.

Tony Chmelik ducked out because he has relatives in town in celebration of his son’s wedding. Congratulations to the Chemliks and best wishes to the young couple. Lucky of Councilman Chmelik to have a solid reason to bounce, because the archives say that meeting is six hours long…and so we are just gonna trust the real news this week.

#KirbyDelauter gave kudos to Billy for his wood recycling bill, which is very important grown up legislating that he is finally getting around to on behalf of his constituents.

Look who’s gotten their boobies!

He also talked about illegal dumping and how that happens when fees are too high, which is possibly true (or also because some fools are lazy). Riddle me this, dingdong. How would we pay for it without “too high” fees? Spoiler alert: the answer is TAXES. And you hate those, so…illegal dumping it is?

Jerry Donald said nice things about Middletown’s 250th anniversary and what is being done in recognition of that, and also working together with the town for economic development in downtown Brunswick. He explained that his earlier vote against the water and sewer decision was based upon the timing falling during what we will call the “lame duck” period. He then reiterated his support for the bill that would limit this type of decision making.

Billy Trumpeter Shreve had an argument against that. Something like the other folks who did the decidering were also elected representatives, but as an UberTrumpet he is consistently a hypocrite, and Gorsuch/Garland–months and months ahead of the lame duck stage and still we had to wait for our new moronic overlords–so la di da. And now we’re dancing. Then he attacked Bud and the functioning of the council and how nobody gets to speak anymore, which seems weird since they added those extra public comments segments. The ones that people don’t so much seem to be coming to–although we certainly do not object to the opportunity not to have to listen to them until 0 Dark Thirty before you get your three minutes. And we think that was at Billy’s behest, so don’t say we never have anything positive to say about him! The numerous aggrieved people he described were upset about water runoff, which coming from a hater of fees destined to mitigate water runoff issues also seems like it should be filed in the “none of Shrelauter’s concern” box. Trumpeter Syndrome strikes again.

Jessica Fitzwater had words of congratulations for graduates of all stripes: high school seniors and fire and rescue recruits alike. She also highlighted that the Frederick region was recently named 8th in a list of the top 10 most vibrant arts communities in America. She also remarked upon celebrating the giving spirit of Frederick County with the United Way last week. It’s interesting to note how differently these people speak about the communities they live in. The boosters versus the haters.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer talked about numerous cool things happening (booster!). Teddy Bear Picnic at Everedy Square and Shab Row, FCC Kids on Campus, Barnstomers Tour (tickets available at the Visitor’s Center on East St.), Alive at Five, and family movie nights on Caroll Creek. Worth a Google for details on any of those.

And finally Bud explained that Billy’s real problem is that he still doesn’t know that there is a County Executive and he is not an administrator any more but a legislator, and the whole system has changed. He was very polite and patient about it, which is simply amazing, since it is only the eleventybillionth time this has come up since the charter government was formed.

Fade to black.

 

 

 

May Day! May Day! It’s time to talk about last night’s council member comments!

If you want to hear about the three hearings last night, read this report in the FNP. We just don’t have the time to sit through all that public testimony. We won’t deprive you, however,  of the council member comments!

We first had to backtrack to public comment. We heard that Friend of the Yokel, Steve McKay, caused Billy to have a hissy fit. And oh what a sight that was! Billy thought that Steve was breaking the civility code because he mentioned someone else who had also given public comment. Billy demands an opinion from legal council. While we wait, we couldn’t help but think: “Doesn’t the civility code only apply to the council council?” That language was pretty specific if we remember it correctly. And YEP! Legal says it only applies to the council! Talk away Steve!

Tony wasn’t going to talk. And how we wish he hadn’t. Rambles on about some client of his in Carroll County that is trying to subdivide a property and all the steps they have to go through, in Carroll County, to do that. And why can’t we just de-regulate everything and use cheap materials?! In case you didn’t know where this was leading, it is definitely why we don’t have affordable housing in Frederick County.

Kirby, sweet cracker in a basket, Kirby. After he agrees with Tony and spews out some arcane Reagan quote, we are dead horsing his school lease back idea. Then he bores the snot out of everyone ranting about lawn mowers and throwing out phrases such as:

“These are the facts!”

“Just putting the numbers out there!”

“Do the math!”

Then, there’s talk of privatizing everything and didn’t they try that already?! Good gracious!

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Our favorite “Kirby Quote” comes when he tries to make an analogy between sausage and how he has to be the big meanie that says no to all the budget stuff:

“People like to eat sausage, but don’t like to see how it’s made!”

He really is a treasure! What are we going to do without him come 2018?

Jerry has some nice things to say and then mysteriously, our feed keeps skipping back to the beginning of the meeting . Kind of like the recording is rejecting a certain someone:

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We swear this is 100% true! We couldn’t listen to the beginning of what he said because it the recording kept skipping back to the beginning!!! LOL!

Billy thinks that people should take care of their pets ANY WAY that they want!! Guess he’s never heard of animal cruelty. We also need more manufactured housing. He wants to know if we’ve ever heard of some guy named Henry Ford and his manufacturing.

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Jessica thanks everyone who came out and Councilwoman Keegan-Ayre for all of her hard work on the solar panel bill.

M.C. reminds us to lock our cars, as 90% of vehicle theft happens to those of us who don’t! Then she has to address some nonsense that was said by Billy on the radio last week.

We know exactly of what she speaks. Some guy who pretends to be a Norse god and has a low rated AM radio show. Random super hero fetish guy was joined last week by not only Billy, but some kid who has been going around Facebook pretending that he’s both a liberal and conservative! Sometimes even arguing between his fake and real profiles for all to see!!  They should actually thank us for listening, a mistake we will not be making again, no matter who the guest may be, since the three of us probably increased his listener-ship by 50%! It was that bad people, so bad that we have to equate it with Blaine’s mess of a program that used to run on WFMD. Such a bunch of hyperbolic nonsense!  We cannot abide a program that will trot Billy out as though he’s some kind of serious legislator. Jessica and M.C. were called anti-environmentalists because they took their time with the solar bill. They, cruelly,  called Bud a Wal-Mart greeter while questioning his mental abilities. The Marvel Comics wanna be even promised to show up at a county council meeting wearing a Wal-Mart vest.

The accusation that M.C. was specifically addressing was the one that Billy made stating that “certain” members of the council were receiving texts from Jan (who watches the live feed of the council meetings in some secret compartment of Winchester Hall) to vote yay or nay on certain parts of the agenda. One of the mental giants on this show then gets the idea to P.I.A. the cell phone texts of the council members (sans Billy, Tony and Kirby of course!),  which CANNOT be done because the county doesn’t store the private text messages of the council members!

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Just ludicrous!

M.C. explains that the last two times she used her phone during the meetings was due to family emergencies. She assures us (not that the sane among us needed reassurance) that there isn’t any espionage afoot!

Bud is going to allow Kirby to put forth his school leaseback idea…again.

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Next week, the budget will be voted on!!! Can’t wait to see what hi jinks are in store for us all!

Yeah, sorry we aren’t listening to four hearings worth of public comment. But we’ll be happy to bring you council member comments!

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We don’t know how the council members sit for that long!

We won’t listen to comments for three bills and the budget. We just can’t. However, if you would like to click here, or read this nice summary in the Frederick News Post.  We already reported on the first half of the meeting, and now we will bring you what we know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seats for: Council Member Comments.

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It really shouldn’t be this dramatic, but alas…

Tony’s got nothing to say so we are off to Kirby, and oh dear Sappho. According to Kirby taxes have gone up 10%, and since he doesn’t know anyone whose income has gone up 10% the money doesn’t match up and everyone should move out of Frederick County. Because 10% of one number is always equal to 10% of another number, right?

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Then there was a long winded diatribe, after he shuffled through his papers for awhile, about how he was lied to about payment to a lobbyist. He even referred to our pal Katherine Heerbrandt’s blog. And we encourage you to read the post he was referring to here. Instead of going through Kirby’s rant about how he was lied to and told things were none of his business, you  be the judge of what really happened. All told, we really don’t think Kirby has a very good understanding of the charter and the powers allotted to the different branches of county government. We know, durh.

Jerry informs us that every member of the council was sent an email to make an appointment with the County Executive to discuss budget priorities. Shall we take wagers on who didn’t make an appointment, or is that too easy?

Billy, oh dear Mother Earth, Billy.  He enlightens us to the fact that budget time is really interesting because taxes never go down. (Is that the only reason, pal?) He then asks some really deep rhetorical questions:

“Where does it stop?”

“Where does it end?”

“Where does it end?”

“In Frederick County it looks like it never ends.”

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Frederick County is in grave danger so it seems.

Jessica also reiterates the fact that on January 24th all council members received an email from the County Executive asking for a meeting regarding the budget. She also tells us about some very interesting things she learned on a tour of Ft. Detrick. We like science and knowledge and stuff so all of this was very fun to listen to.

M.C. is the gold star winner of the council member comments!

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We may even commission her a trophy!

M.C. finds it concerning, as do we, that after two years of going through the budget process that is explicitly put forth in the charter, there are still questions about how it works! While she appreciates the effort in coming up with an alternative budget (we don’t!), according to the charter the council can’t do anything with it!! So, she encourages her fellow council members to put their efforts into making amendments to the CE’s budget AS IT IS SPELLED OUT IN THE CHARTER! She also reminds some of her fellow public servants that the charter states that when money is moved from one category to another it must come before the council. The County Executive, per the charter, is allowed to issue checks up to $20,000 without council approval. She then encourages Shrelauter her fellow council members, that if they don’t like these parts of the charter, then they should put some amendments forth next Spring. Until then, thems the rules! Stop wasting everyone’s precious time!

Next week there are a series of hearings and workshops on the budget. Stay tuned!