Where the sidewalk ends (in Emmitsburg)

If you saw our post about this week’s budget amendment circus, you know already that Kirby put forth an amendment to slash a grant funding sidewalk improvements in Emmitsburg by 40%; he claimed they wouldn’t need it all, because he was going to take care of the portion in front of his business. M.C. Keegan-Ayer said she was uncomfortable supporting the amendment without hearing from the mayor. Has she got his number, or what?! Because lo and behold, The Frederick News Post reports today that the mayor was a bit surprised that this amendment passed (the only of this year’s catalog of fantasy budget cut amendments that passed), because he didn’t think this proposal was doable. Read it for yourself here.

(Fun fact: if you Google “Frederick News Post Kirby Delauter” the first hit that comes up is the greatest op-ed piece of all time from when Kirby threatened to sue Bethany Rodgers for using his name in the paper. Lolololololol. It’s still funny. We do wonder what we will all point and laugh at when Billy and Kirby are finally kicked to the curb. Probably some other gem who acts like he escaped from The Silver Linings Playbook will run for mayor or something. We don’t even know what to hope for. Be careful what you wish for…as the song goes.)

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Now we don’t really know what Jerry Donald intended to do when he said he would defer to Kirby since he represents the Council District Emmitsburg is in. It seemed like a “please proceed [at your own risk]” maneuver from the Local Yokel sofa perspective. Maybe we imagine these things are performance art when they are not.

There is an update to this tale where Kirby explains to the Frederick News Post later this afternoon that he never got the email that Mayor Briggs didn’t want to proceed with the Kirby/Emmitsburg Sidewalk Enhancement Cooperative where Kirby paves the way in front of his business. Make of this what you will, just as we have (DIY CYA?). Hopefully Emmitsburg gets its sidewalks and a better Councilperson in 2018.

Annual tradition: fantasy budget cuts

In case you are new here, every year Kirby comes up with “fat” that we can trim from the budget (also Tony and Billy, but mostly Kirby) in the form of unicorn and rainbows amendments. He proposes a bunch of stuff without knowing really what this money does or what happens when we take it away. Like today when we tried to cut the money for library staff at Walkersville and Myersville. Oopsie-daisy-dummy. (Failed) Sometimes he has to pull his own amendments because he didn’t know what they were. Weird how that happens.

Just as long as you don’t become the County Executive, do whatever.

We breezed onto the scene right about the time Billy tried to suspend the rules and let The Yellow T-Shirt Brigade take over. We expected shenanigans and malarkey, because Billy was involved, but in reality this was the Career Firefighters’ Association, and their presence there and contributions everywhere are very much appreciated by Local Yokels and all of our friends everywhere. We are very pleased that our assumptions are wrong, because they were somewhat dark, based upon Billy’s Twitter feed and the black hole of intellect that can drag a yokel into. On the upside, Billy Shreve’s State Senate page only has 35 likes, so we may be free of his torment soon.

Something like this scene occurred (text transcript)

Kirby just got petulant because they don’t want to cut $$ for MET to go do theater programs at schools with high percent FARM (that’s free and reduced meals, if you don’t know the lingo) lunch kids because they had no problem voting down a quarter mil for Classical Charter.
M.C.’s reply: We haven’t voted on that yet.
Kirby: Well, the last two years!
Yokel text: Oh my God. You know what we should do? Find the post we wrote about his amendments last year and see if it matches up. Just to prove what a dead horse beater he is!
Man, oh man. Even the broken sidewalk budget cuts are part of the historical record! (Tonight Kirby explained that he had made a handshake deal with the mayor of Emmitsburg and he’s going to split the cost of the sidewalk repairs. M.C. was as uncomfortable as we would have been not knowing whether or not Mr. Mayor had agreed to this, but Jerry counseled that it was Kirby’s D and if he didn’t want to fix the sidewalks one way or the other, that would be his problem in the end. So fine. That all works out spiffy.)
But enough about Kirby, because Tony Chmelik got in a complete snit over $45,000 for an administration position in the Office of Economic Development. Since they’ve been doing a grand old job, even though they haven’t filled a position, but have needed to for four years, it’s obviously fine to continue overworking people there who are covering that shift, so to speak. Surely nobody who is doing extra work all the damn time will find a new job where they don’t have to put up with that. Right, Billy and Kirby? Suggestion: you volunteer your time, just like teachers do when they are grading and planning and documenting after school and on weekends, and sacrifice pay for being useless human bookends to the council since you apparently earn money for other things that you do in life. The pay of two marginally sentient council persons will cover one administrator in the OED. Problem solved! Also, tons of egregious mansplaining from Tony Chmelik here. The Lady Yokels felt that Helen Propheter was a particular heroine tonight, because who wants to be treated like that IN PUBLIC for their job? Nobody. Billy and Kirby also had “contributions” to this discussion in the form of: won’t we need to build all the houses you keep telling us to stop approving? NO. The answer is no. Some people already live here and could work closer to home, and would even like that. Question: what if we just made Jefferson TECH Park make the leap from fiction to nonfiction?
Jessica is a hero tonight, over and over again. Every time Kirby and Tony tried to snip, snap the budget she jumped in, diplomatically, like an excellent teacher, to guide them toward the information showing that they are so very, very wrong. For all her hard work this evening we present her the following award:
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We are also happy to report that Bud landed on the side of county employees by helping to defeat Kirby and Tony’s austerity amendments. Nice to see you back on the team, Bud!

May Day meeting: mayday! mayday!

Here is your agenda for May Day’s Sobriety Challenge. There are budget adjustments, and since this is like Cheers, “where everybody knows your name,” we all know who will be oppositional during the regular scheduled business portion up top. It is not worth endangering our blessed livers to drink for this anymore. We will need these in working order just so we can get through the next election.

The first new business pertains to a bill regarding the Frederick County Sustainability Commission. Sustainability sounds like socialism (not really, but whatever certain people don’t like is “the socialist agenda”) so…queue up the histrionics? Take your mayday swig of whatever you have handy if any related slippery slope variety nonsense comes up. Cheap wine straight from a bottle (box/spigot?) seems fitting.

Council decisions will be required for three separate items.

  • Elderly Individual and Retired Military Tax Credit: if Billy Shreve finally accomplishes something…Well, lets not go overboard. This is a good bill, we should make a nice toast, take a sip, and carry on under the informed hypothesis that it will be back to the regularly scheduled B.S.B.S.
  • Off Track Betting: prediction–this will pass easily, based on the prior discussions. Giddy Up! Maybe have a Black-Eyed Susan, which seems hella elitist for video gambling, but we have to spruce things up on occasion, don’t we?
  • Veterans Advisory Council: this better pass, and there’s no reason to think it wouldn’t. Unanimously. Another toast for what happens when government functions cooperatively. If something goes horribly awry, chug the bottle.

Public hearings are scheduled before the break, and after, and this is going to be a lot to digest. We have Installment Purchase Programs, City Enterprise Zone for the Golden Mile, and a Petition to alter county roads in the city watershed. Definitely have some bread and pasta during the break if you’re going to keep up with this game after the break, because first up is Constant Yield, and you must know we are going to get another lesson on how keeping the property tax rate the same is a tax increase because the county will get more money, which one would imagine may make a certain amount of sense, since if they have to purchase any land or anything it is at today’s prices and not yesteryear’s. Suggested solution: finish your glass.

Mayday! Mayday! Math, how does it work?

Thankfully (and miraculously) Kirby and Jerry have done the magical bipartisan duo thing to craft a relief bill to supplement seniors, because their property values are going up, and consequently their tax bill is higher. This is the right idea for legislation, because this is also important for people on fixed incomes. If Kirby toots his own horn for his very lately discovered election season cooperative sensibility…what do we mean, “if…”? When Kirby pats himself on the back, finish that bottle.

Switch to rosé. Gag. Also up for discussion is that whole thing about whether your neighborhood pool/tennis court/community center has to actually be in your neighborhood, if it is to be exclusive to your neighborhood. What kind of special mediocre elite nonsense is this meant to address anyway, anyway? If you want a country club, go join one. FFS. Your bottle was empty after Kirby’s issue above anyway, right? Now you will definitely have a headache in the morning.

And that brings us to Adequate Public Facilities. Rest In Peace.

 

 

 

April 17th meeting menu: third reading casserole with Fredneck salad

Here is an exact transcript of our text messages concerning the first part of the meeting (yawn):

Billy voted against the agenda.
Abstained on the budget adjustments.
Voted for the minutes.
 He is such an idiot
Then both he and Kirby gave the same tired old argument about how keeping the tax rate the same is the same as a tax hike.
For the 4th year in a row.
Then there was a magical interlude of professionalism wherein the Retired Military Tax Credit was combed through by county staff before it passed, and we moved on to the circus events.
Billy had proposed legislation requiring that council members receive some minuscule amount of education regarding what the hell they are supposed to be doing there. Presumably this is because Billy is confuzzled. Possibly because he says he took a thing online with a quiz and it took five minutes, so what’s the big deal? How very educational. M.C. Keegan-Ayer proposed some amendments, which Tony Chmelik felt neutered the power of that legislation since it made it a mere suggestion. M.C. was basically like (to paraphrase this as we would have said it), look, don’t get all snippy with me, I was just trying to polish Billy’s turd here. Nobody was into making unnecessary laws, except Billy. Failed 1-6.

Then there was the zoning violation drama, which is naturally a big ol thing to the nincompoop faction, in large part because of the great wedding venue drama of 2016. Billy and Kirby are both very upset that zoning complaints can be filed anonymously and for some weird reason they are allergic to anonymous criticism (neener-neener), and so Jerry Donald had to explain to them that some people may be afraid of their neighbors–and for good reason. (Tangential thought: can you imagine if Billy Shreve or Kirby Delauter were your neighbor? And you had some sort of property dispute? Scary.) At one point M.C. made it clear that she was not even able to try and fix this. Sigh. This failed too, because obviously. Turd status: unpolishable.

Also there was the wood chipping scandal (it’s as if these bills Billy launch begin a listicle of Billy and Kirby’s prior buffoonery and proof that neither of them deserve to hold current office and certainly do not deserve to be entrusted with any additional responsibilities). Their position here, in a nutshell, is that these people have been in violation of the law for ages now, and how is it fair that someone noticed and is going to make them stop? Scandalous indeed! In fact, it becomes rather clear through Kirby’s bellyaching about County Executive Jan Gardner’s role in these zoning violations matters that he still does not understand the different branches of government under the charter. How is he going to be the county executive if he doesn’t know what that is? It will be a lot like the current status of Billy Shreve, who does not know what he is supposed to be doing ever.

This bill failed because the one business it was initially custom tailored by Councildolt Shreve to benefit–until Tony Chmelik took over the turd polishing operation–was likely to be harmed by it, and hardly anyone thought that was a good idea. At one point during the discussion of this (or it could have been the earlier bill, but no matter) Billy was so stuck in oppositional defiant mode that he started opposing his own position. It was really a scene. Billy still remembers to like his own dumb ideas in the end, though. And after all that grandstanding and noise that Kirby made here, he voted against it!

Off-track betting passed unanimously. It now has to go back for public hearing.

 

The worst public commenter in the history of forever. The end.

The bulk of last night’s meeting is unfortunately going to get lost in one lady’s theatrics. Theatrics that we are oh so sure were orchestrated by Shrelauter. The only consolation being that one was the total number of people who answered their call to beat up on Bud. Click here to watch this hot mess for yourself!

So this angry lady, who has been before the council in the past to yell at Bud for not being the kind of Republican she thought he should be, is VERY, VERY ANGRY! Her litany of complaints against Bud include the very serious charges of:

  • Picnicking with Bernie Sanders supporters.
  • Not cutting taxes to her satisfaction
  • Not aligning himself with Shrelauter and thereby becoming a lap dog of a woman who (and this is the lady pedaling these rumors) has affairs at La Paz.

She calls Bud a scoundrel. We can’t help but wonder if Billy is going to start yelling civility code, but then we remember that is very situational for him. She concludes her tirade with some gifts for Bud!

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A potted plant because Bud just sits there and a yellow tie for cowardice! Really, lady, if you are going to use props at least TRY to be witty. This is just really poorly done! It was not totally lost on us that she seems a lot like a woman scorned. Is this a situation of unrequited love? We love to speculate about our characters…

 

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Oprah knows how to give things away!!

Thankfully she was followed by local hero and Rational Republican Matt Seubert, who called her comments exactly what they were: LOW CLASS!

Billy decides to vote against the agenda and abstain on the budget adjustments, again.

There are two nice presentations from the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments and Livable Frederick.

There is some discussion regarding changing county council rules and things get a little dicey. Billy and Kirby are all confused as to why the council can’t have good, productive discussions and we have to try really hard not to throw our computers out the window. It’s truly amazing the lack of insight some people have.

The two bills pass and then we are back to public comment. And sigh:

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You can’t see it but she’s holding up her cell phone!

The VERY mad lady is back. In the true high drama fashion that she seems to enjoy, with a recording of Bud…which she plays into the microphone. Bud tries to object, since the comments aren’t hers but a voice recording of him, to which Billy yells 1st amendment! This lady is truly obsessed with Bud and how he allegedly wronged her in every way imaginable. We would encourage you dear readers, to email Mr. Otis at botis@FrederickCountyMD.gov, so when she and her ilk PIA all his email they can see your praise!

We roll on into Council Member Comments, which is again divided into Haters v. Boosters (and this seems to be more the difference in the frequent 4-3 split than partisanship, if you notice the tone of the comments section). Kirby gripes awhile in an effort to criticize Bud, and also because Matt Seubert said he was not a fiscal conservative. Ironically part of this griping includes a claim that tax dollars are rolling in but they don’t even spend them. He fixated on a bridge that he supposes they aren’t having to pay maintenance on right now. It’s a weird kind of logic. Plus, later Jessica Fitzwater clarifies that the TIF rolls future taxes over to the developer for community improvement projects, and so Kirby is not a common tax and tax and tax and don’t spend conservative? Also he tells us that he didn’t vote for charter government, which is weird because we don’t remember any public criticism of it until he had to live with its effects.

Jerry likes ice cream. (But seriously, the creamery sounds cool) Jerry also likes Middletown, and talks about positive stuff in the community.

Billy (and his old BOCC) takes credit for the creamery. Also Billy wants to complain about Bud and leadership and point fingers. Also Billy did not favor charter government. Who knew????!!! Seriously, if you all knew all this and nobody ever told us, we are gonna be upset. Why was this a secret? huh? Billy speculates that Jessica called the ACLU on the sheriff, to which he is refuted.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer declines to discuss the hooey, but does acknowledge the elephant in the room. She also talks about a bunch of cool stuff happening in the community. If you have summer guests arriving, look into the Whiskey Tasting and the Jazz Festival.

Bud says nice stuff and is nice again and doesn’t even get mad at the haters. He simply notes, “You can tell that the election campaign is heating up, and that’s fine,” since everyone is going to have their opportunity to tell the truth.

Is Matt Seubert going to run for something? We like the cut of his jib.

June 6th frazzled mommy recap

We were all busy last night, because at this time of year all moms are required to be in seven places at once. The FNP has good information about the important stuff that happened last night (and if you can’t read that because you aren’t subscribing to the paper, read this). We will just round things out with the gossip column details.

Tony Chmelik ducked out because he has relatives in town in celebration of his son’s wedding. Congratulations to the Chemliks and best wishes to the young couple. Lucky of Councilman Chmelik to have a solid reason to bounce, because the archives say that meeting is six hours long…and so we are just gonna trust the real news this week.

#KirbyDelauter gave kudos to Billy for his wood recycling bill, which is very important grown up legislating that he is finally getting around to on behalf of his constituents.

Look who’s gotten their boobies!

He also talked about illegal dumping and how that happens when fees are too high, which is possibly true (or also because some fools are lazy). Riddle me this, dingdong. How would we pay for it without “too high” fees? Spoiler alert: the answer is TAXES. And you hate those, so…illegal dumping it is?

Jerry Donald said nice things about Middletown’s 250th anniversary and what is being done in recognition of that, and also working together with the town for economic development in downtown Brunswick. He explained that his earlier vote against the water and sewer decision was based upon the timing falling during what we will call the “lame duck” period. He then reiterated his support for the bill that would limit this type of decision making.

Billy Trumpeter Shreve had an argument against that. Something like the other folks who did the decidering were also elected representatives, but as an UberTrumpet he is consistently a hypocrite, and Gorsuch/Garland–months and months ahead of the lame duck stage and still we had to wait for our new moronic overlords–so la di da. And now we’re dancing. Then he attacked Bud and the functioning of the council and how nobody gets to speak anymore, which seems weird since they added those extra public comments segments. The ones that people don’t so much seem to be coming to–although we certainly do not object to the opportunity not to have to listen to them until 0 Dark Thirty before you get your three minutes. And we think that was at Billy’s behest, so don’t say we never have anything positive to say about him! The numerous aggrieved people he described were upset about water runoff, which coming from a hater of fees destined to mitigate water runoff issues also seems like it should be filed in the “none of Shrelauter’s concern” box. Trumpeter Syndrome strikes again.

Jessica Fitzwater had words of congratulations for graduates of all stripes: high school seniors and fire and rescue recruits alike. She also highlighted that the Frederick region was recently named 8th in a list of the top 10 most vibrant arts communities in America. She also remarked upon celebrating the giving spirit of Frederick County with the United Way last week. It’s interesting to note how differently these people speak about the communities they live in. The boosters versus the haters.

M.C. Keegan-Ayer talked about numerous cool things happening (booster!). Teddy Bear Picnic at Everedy Square and Shab Row, FCC Kids on Campus, Barnstomers Tour (tickets available at the Visitor’s Center on East St.), Alive at Five, and family movie nights on Caroll Creek. Worth a Google for details on any of those.

And finally Bud explained that Billy’s real problem is that he still doesn’t know that there is a County Executive and he is not an administrator any more but a legislator, and the whole system has changed. He was very polite and patient about it, which is simply amazing, since it is only the eleventybillionth time this has come up since the charter government was formed.

Fade to black.

 

 

 

May Day! May Day! It’s time to talk about last night’s council member comments!

If you want to hear about the three hearings last night, read this report in the FNP. We just don’t have the time to sit through all that public testimony. We won’t deprive you, however,  of the council member comments!

We first had to backtrack to public comment. We heard that Friend of the Yokel, Steve McKay, caused Billy to have a hissy fit. And oh what a sight that was! Billy thought that Steve was breaking the civility code because he mentioned someone else who had also given public comment. Billy demands an opinion from legal council. While we wait, we couldn’t help but think: “Doesn’t the civility code only apply to the council council?” That language was pretty specific if we remember it correctly. And YEP! Legal says it only applies to the council! Talk away Steve!

Tony wasn’t going to talk. And how we wish he hadn’t. Rambles on about some client of his in Carroll County that is trying to subdivide a property and all the steps they have to go through, in Carroll County, to do that. And why can’t we just de-regulate everything and use cheap materials?! In case you didn’t know where this was leading, it is definitely why we don’t have affordable housing in Frederick County.

Kirby, sweet cracker in a basket, Kirby. After he agrees with Tony and spews out some arcane Reagan quote, we are dead horsing his school lease back idea. Then he bores the snot out of everyone ranting about lawn mowers and throwing out phrases such as:

“These are the facts!”

“Just putting the numbers out there!”

“Do the math!”

Then, there’s talk of privatizing everything and didn’t they try that already?! Good gracious!

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Our favorite “Kirby Quote” comes when he tries to make an analogy between sausage and how he has to be the big meanie that says no to all the budget stuff:

“People like to eat sausage, but don’t like to see how it’s made!”

He really is a treasure! What are we going to do without him come 2018?

Jerry has some nice things to say and then mysteriously, our feed keeps skipping back to the beginning of the meeting . Kind of like the recording is rejecting a certain someone:

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We swear this is 100% true! We couldn’t listen to the beginning of what he said because it the recording kept skipping back to the beginning!!! LOL!

Billy thinks that people should take care of their pets ANY WAY that they want!! Guess he’s never heard of animal cruelty. We also need more manufactured housing. He wants to know if we’ve ever heard of some guy named Henry Ford and his manufacturing.

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Jessica thanks everyone who came out and Councilwoman Keegan-Ayre for all of her hard work on the solar panel bill.

M.C. reminds us to lock our cars, as 90% of vehicle theft happens to those of us who don’t! Then she has to address some nonsense that was said by Billy on the radio last week.

We know exactly of what she speaks. Some guy who pretends to be a Norse god and has a low rated AM radio show. Random super hero fetish guy was joined last week by not only Billy, but some kid who has been going around Facebook pretending that he’s both a liberal and conservative! Sometimes even arguing between his fake and real profiles for all to see!!  They should actually thank us for listening, a mistake we will not be making again, no matter who the guest may be, since the three of us probably increased his listener-ship by 50%! It was that bad people, so bad that we have to equate it with Blaine’s mess of a program that used to run on WFMD. Such a bunch of hyperbolic nonsense!  We cannot abide a program that will trot Billy out as though he’s some kind of serious legislator. Jessica and M.C. were called anti-environmentalists because they took their time with the solar bill. They, cruelly,  called Bud a Wal-Mart greeter while questioning his mental abilities. The Marvel Comics wanna be even promised to show up at a county council meeting wearing a Wal-Mart vest.

The accusation that M.C. was specifically addressing was the one that Billy made stating that “certain” members of the council were receiving texts from Jan (who watches the live feed of the council meetings in some secret compartment of Winchester Hall) to vote yay or nay on certain parts of the agenda. One of the mental giants on this show then gets the idea to P.I.A. the cell phone texts of the council members (sans Billy, Tony and Kirby of course!),  which CANNOT be done because the county doesn’t store the private text messages of the council members!

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Just ludicrous!

M.C. explains that the last two times she used her phone during the meetings was due to family emergencies. She assures us (not that the sane among us needed reassurance) that there isn’t any espionage afoot!

Bud is going to allow Kirby to put forth his school leaseback idea…again.

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Next week, the budget will be voted on!!! Can’t wait to see what hi jinks are in store for us all!