Whereas, Kirby proposes Frederick County as a sanctuary ground for all the poor persecuted guns. WARNING: We did not make this up!

download (4).jpeg

Into the old inbox this afternoon appeared a very interesting read. Kirby (copied from Zeus only knows where) has prepared a Resolution that he has to know the council will not pass. The best way to go through this mumble jumble of American constitutional thought is to lay it out for you bit by bit! With commentary of course!

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 4.41.51 PM.png

Man, this is going to be a lot of work for us. Let’s first look at the bills he’s upset at.  First on the docket HB1302, which apparently violates the majority of The Bill of Rights:

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.10.52 PM.png

We’ve been here before with Kirby. He previously made us defend Kathy Afzali for voting for this bill. Basically a judge, not just some guy, has to determine that your behavior is severe enough to warrant having your weapons TEMPORARILY removed. You know because of cases like this. In sum, it’s to keep violent people, especially domestic abusers, from killing people. We cannot fathom why Kirby’s love for the weapon supersedes this common sense legislation.  (Doesn’t a case coming before a judge indicate that some sort of due process has occurred?)

Next up, SB707. Here’s both the summary of the bill and part of the fiscal analysis.

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.16.32 PMScreen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.16.44 PM

Anyone else notice how that analysis is in direct contradiction to what Kirby said about people already owning rapid fire triggers becoming instant felons?

Last bill on the complaint list. SB 281:

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.24.57 PM.png

You may remember this bill being upheld by the Federal Judiciary and that the Supreme Court REFUSED to hear any arguments against it. Thereby upholding its constitutionality. Because the Supreme Court (you know that pesky due process arm of the government) has also stated:

“Like most rights, the Second Amendment right is not unlimited. It is not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose.  For example, concealed weapons prohibitions … possessions of firearms by felons and the mentally ill, carrying of firearms in sensitive places such as schools and government buildings, or laws imposing condition and qualifications on the commercial sale of arms.”

And that part about the Maryland Constitution being severally violated by all of these laws? Well, we read it and the only part that we could find that was even close to mentioning guns (and it didn’t) was:

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.02.01 PM.png

Some more study may be needed. Do ya want to see the rest? Neither did we, but here it is:

Screen Shot 2018-05-17 at 5.34.14 PMScreen Shot 2018-05-17 at 4.42.11 PM

LOOK at that final FURTHER RESOLUTION!  He proposes that Frederick County be a safe place for all the poor illegal assault weapons. And, he wants the Frederick County Sheriff’s office to not enforce these state laws!!!! HOLY SHITE ON A CRACKER!

Has he not heard the news that most Americans are in favor of banning these types of weapons, as well as favoring universal background checks. Most people agree that bump stocks and rapid trigger devices aren’t so hunky dory. AND most people support getting weapons out of the hands of people who should not have them, even Kathy Afzali. Just who is Kirby trying to appeal to here?

Hear, ye! Hear, ye! “omygosh did you hear that????”

A press release fortuitously slid its way into our inbox today, and you will never guess what that’s about! Apparently everyone in Frederick County is just worked into a lather after Cleveland FearMongerfest 2016. During the Two Eleventybazillion Minutes Hate we all learned about the scary and terrible no longer great country that we live in, where crime is up and the sky is falling and there is random violence everywhere. Facts say that crime has been on the decline over the last several years (thanks, Obama). Even though there has been terrible news just recently, the long term trend shows that police are safer at work, too. Luckily Newt Gingrich was available to assert that feelings are more important than facts in some sort of diabolical twist where willful ignorance is a.) a virtue and b.) no longer bliss, but a dystopian nightmare. Voila, local nuttery ensues?

Did we say nuts? Truck Nutz.
Truck Nutz.

Some guy–who lets face it, is probably a friend of Billy’s, because Billy has never appeared to be real motivated to bother with anything up to and including cast votes during a council meeting–out of Washington County is offering “Wear and Carry” classes. At first we thought this was about wearing and carrying Pampers, because…it’s weeeelly, weeeelly scaaaawey out thewe. The GingGrinch said so.

But NO! Billy wants to let us know he signed up for a class. Betcha never thought you’d hear about Billy taking a class, right? He’s wanting all of Frederick County (but not in Frederick County; you have to drive to Washington County) to come learn about guns pew! pew! pew! at Hinder Shot Sports. No, that’s not right…Hey, if you want to know when and where, find out somewhere else. This is so not our bag. This is even for the “never ever shooter.” That, folks, is a direct quote. As a devoted never ever shooter, one might think a benefit of said philosophy would be that you don’t have hang out with Billy Shreve at a gun range, examining autopsy reports (yup! autopsy reports!).

Also, too. What is this sudden interest in learning? Attaining knowledge in advance is not in the Shrelauter Code. Which is kept on a different shelf than Robert’s Rules, which are hidden using a suuuuuuper secret code developed by Dewey of the Order of the Decimal System, probably.

If you have any questions, you can call Councilman Shreve. (lolololololol) Also, keep that on the D.L. because we remember that Kirby said he can teach this stuff, and it seems like it might hurt his feelieweelies if he finds out this came down the pipe while he was on vacation.