Yeah, sorry we aren’t listening to four hearings worth of public comment. But we’ll be happy to bring you council member comments!

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We don’t know how the council members sit for that long!

We won’t listen to comments for three bills and the budget. We just can’t. However, if you would like to click here, or read this nice summary in the Frederick News Post.  We already reported on the first half of the meeting, and now we will bring you what we know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seats for: Council Member Comments.

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It really shouldn’t be this dramatic, but alas…

Tony’s got nothing to say so we are off to Kirby, and oh dear Sappho. According to Kirby taxes have gone up 10%, and since he doesn’t know anyone whose income has gone up 10% the money doesn’t match up and everyone should move out of Frederick County. Because 10% of one number is always equal to 10% of another number, right?

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Then there was a long winded diatribe, after he shuffled through his papers for awhile, about how he was lied to about payment to a lobbyist. He even referred to our pal Katherine Heerbrandt’s blog. And we encourage you to read the post he was referring to here. Instead of going through Kirby’s rant about how he was lied to and told things were none of his business, you  be the judge of what really happened. All told, we really don’t think Kirby has a very good understanding of the charter and the powers allotted to the different branches of county government. We know, durh.

Jerry informs us that every member of the council was sent an email to make an appointment with the County Executive to discuss budget priorities. Shall we take wagers on who didn’t make an appointment, or is that too easy?

Billy, oh dear Mother Earth, Billy.  He enlightens us to the fact that budget time is really interesting because taxes never go down. (Is that the only reason, pal?) He then asks some really deep rhetorical questions:

“Where does it stop?”

“Where does it end?”

“Where does it end?”

“In Frederick County it looks like it never ends.”

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Frederick County is in grave danger so it seems.

Jessica also reiterates the fact that on January 24th all council members received an email from the County Executive asking for a meeting regarding the budget. She also tells us about some very interesting things she learned on a tour of Ft. Detrick. We like science and knowledge and stuff so all of this was very fun to listen to.

M.C. is the gold star winner of the council member comments!

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We may even commission her a trophy!

M.C. finds it concerning, as do we, that after two years of going through the budget process that is explicitly put forth in the charter, there are still questions about how it works! While she appreciates the effort in coming up with an alternative budget (we don’t!), according to the charter the council can’t do anything with it!! So, she encourages her fellow council members to put their efforts into making amendments to the CE’s budget AS IT IS SPELLED OUT IN THE CHARTER! She also reminds some of her fellow public servants that the charter states that when money is moved from one category to another it must come before the council. The County Executive, per the charter, is allowed to issue checks up to $20,000 without council approval. She then encourages Shrelauter her fellow council members, that if they don’t like these parts of the charter, then they should put some amendments forth next Spring. Until then, thems the rules! Stop wasting everyone’s precious time!

Next week there are a series of hearings and workshops on the budget. Stay tuned!

Shrelauter and the Sheriff were wrong? Volume: Elevenbillionity: Human Trafficking edition!

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More importantly you have annoyed us!

In this month’s edition of Baltimore Magazine there is a very interesting and horrifying article about the human trafficking problem in Maryland. Did y’all know that Maryland ranks fourth in the nation when it comes to human trafficking victims!?!? Also, this article points out that most human trafficking victims are: 1. U.S. Citizens and 2. Under the age of 17. The only failing of this article is that it left Frederick County off the list of Maryland counties that have formed a Human Trafficking Task Force.

We feel the need, at this point, to take a trip down memory lane to revisit the process that created this task force. First, kudos to Jessica Fitzwater for spearheading its creation and to Frederick Police Chief Hargis for recognizing the need for county services to be coordinated to help these victims.

What’s the opposite of kudos? Condemnation? Dishonor? Disregard? Because that is what Billy Shreve, Kirby Delauter and Sheriff Jenkins all deserve for being against this. Let’s first go back to our June 29, 2016 post when Billy said this about the task force:

“Billy then says that there are lots of groups both for and against this issue, at which point we have to feel so grateful to Jerry Donald for saying (in the appropriate appalled voice) what we were shouting at our screens, “THERE ARE GROUPS THAT ARE FOR HUMAN TRAFFICKING?!?!?!?!?!” To which Billy mutters, “Well yah…depending on how you define human trafficking…” Good grief. The Confederacy lost, right? That passes 5-2 and we know you know which marionettes didn’t vote for that, right?”

Yes, you read that correctly, Billy said there are groups in favor of human trafficking. So, both he and Kirby voted AGAINST the creation of this task force. All this happened not too long after their buddy, Blaine, was arrested after using backpage.com to find his “masseuse” ( a website idenifited by the Baltimore Magazine article as being the Craigslist of human traffickers).

Let us not forget that Chief Hargis’ polar opposite, the High Sheriff, also spoke out against the creation of this task force. According to the FNP article covering this meeting Jenkins was quoted as follows:

“I’m always leery when the local government gets involved in something that really is not a local government issue. This is a national, regional issue and law enforcement at all levels are working on it. There are already state task forces, federal task forces,” Jenkins said.

He said his main concern is that he doesn’t want the task force’s work to veer into areas already being addressed.

“I don’t want to see it become a recommendation or a mandate for law enforcement to do certain things or [for the task force to] make recommendations that are unrealistic,” he said.

So, if human trafficking occurs in Frederick County, which it most certainly does, is it not a local issue?  So very confused as to why the Frederick City Police recognize the need for such a task force but our county sheriff does not!

 

If you missed the June meeting on this, it is worth watching, because you would hear all of the heart wrenching arguments for why this is necessary. You will also get to see good law enforcement at work when the Frederick Police department explains how they need additional resources to help people that they suspect are victims of human trafficking. Also, two of your Lady Yokels attended a lecture at FCC last year given by an actual human trafficking victim, please read our reaction to that here. Let us all remember, come next year’s election, what these guys stood for. Rumors are swirling that Billy has his eye on the Maryland Senate and Kirby on the County Executive office. Their voting record and words more than speak for themselves.

Come on people! Don’t you know that ethics is Kirby’s trigger word?!?!

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There’s ethics talk on tonight’s agenda!  Better batten down the hatches!!! This week we are going to try something different. After describing a part of the agenda, we are going to share a Jack Handey quote that hopefully illustrates how we feel about Shrelauter. Grab your agenda, fire up the FCGTV and let’s hope we don’t all get an ulcer. Keep a bottle of your preferred beverage on hand, and just take a swigg as needed. We are going with the honor system on drinks this week.

We start off the same way every month. Pubic comments, voting on the agenda, budget adjustments and then approving previous minutes. Billy, who we hear is considering a run against Ron Young in the next election, thinks it’s all fine and dandy to waste everyone’s time with his abstentions. Mankind is mysterious isn’t it?

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Next up with have some County Executive appointments to confirm and FY 2018 Operating and Capital Grant Resolution presented by Nancy Norris of the Transit Services Division. If there’s anything negative to be said, well, this is the best we can do for you:

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Here’s where things can go South. It’s the first reading of a bill to appoint an independent council to nominate people to the ethics board. Refer to this quote if there are any rumblings from the far sides of the podium:

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Next, there’s a new bill on solar facilities. That’s right Billy did tell us that solar was dead in Frederick County. He also told a big fat lie and said he saw billboards up in Central Pennsylvania thanking Frederick County  for outlawing solar panels. We wonder if Billy would believe this:

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Next, we have the reallocation of the Recordation Tax .  This funding needs to go back to our parks and schools where it belongs. This is followed by a public hearing on the Agricultural Preservation easement applications. It seems as though the Recordation Tax issue will be squared away nicely, but we imagine we are going to hear something about land grabbing when it comes to the preservation issue. It makes us want to scream, when they get things so very wrong. Speaking of screaming:

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There’s a break until 7:00, (keep your trap shut Billy!) and then there’s the chance for the public to comment on two separate issues. First up, is a bill regarding bond authorization.  Then we are off and running on the bill regarding farm distilleries and tasting rooms. We don’t see Tony’s competing bill on the agenda so hopefully that issue has been settled. We end up, as we always do, with public and council member comments. We’ll leave you with one final thought since we know this is the part of the meeting where Shrelauter likes to shine:

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With friends like Blaine, who needs a enemy? #Kirbycampaign deluxe edition

We were first reluctant to advertise the Second Amendment Bait and Tackle Raffle Kirby cooked up to fish for funds, but things got Good Ol Entertaining. Follow along to see what happened next.

PEW PEW PEW Reminder: Delauter was cutting Meals on Wheels before cutting Meals on Wheels was en vogue; if conservatives believe we should handle our problems at the local level, but we handle them at no levels, is that effective government? Calling b.s. on that.

Since our copy is blurry, here is a bulleted list of content:

  • Thanks n stuff. Hugs to my homies.
  • Straight talk, straight answers. Ex: “I won’t sit here and be talked to like some punk.”
  • Family guy, business guy, veteran is worried about what we leave the next generation. (Historically with #: guns and $$ woohoo! Drinking water and blue crabs, meh.)
  • Gun Raffle!!!! That got Hough barrels o’ attention, amirite?
  • BBQ
  • Give him a holler at email or phone or money at website
  • Property rights (Presume he will be looking to donate to provide legal aid to ranchers on the U.S.- Mexico border. Yeehaw!)

This became irresistible, even though free publicity for Kirby’s Bake Sale makes us feel all icky inside, because two “all ickies inside” make a positive. It’s just how integers work. And our favorite skeevy former politician decided to endorse Kirby on Facebook in the Klassiest of ways. I can’t even. You can’t even. We can’t even.

Can y’all believe he didn’t add anything about his various prostitution scandals to this endorsement? Why not trot out all your greatest hits? Sincere question, Blaine: Have you ever been trending higher than Kanye? Maybe you don’t even have the je ne sais quoi to shine Kirb-o’s shoes. It is really strange how these people confuse total bonehead behavior with accomplishments! It’s almost charmingly idiotic!

Unsure about changed behavior. That post gives every impression that it was written by a drunk person, but maybe he is just incredibly stupid? Since the ladies are supposedly the reason Blaine lost, please be sure to grab these Good for Nothin’ Good Ol Boyz by the ballot. Local elections matter, yo.

Straight talk. Coming right at ya. Wait, whut?

It looks like #kirbydelauter has a brand new website up and running. We are guessing it is just to make sure you know all the ways you can give him your hard earned cash money, for anyone who still has something left after the rush to invest in gold bouillon. Honestly, if we could send him a negative check for all the pain and suffering we have endured over the last almost 2 years we would. Maybe we will send him a bill instead. Like an invoice. Not proposed legislation. We are still waiting to see him come up with one of those on his own. We may as well be Waiting for Godot.

He also wants to make sure you know who all his friends supporters are.

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Who doesn’t seem like they belong here? Anyone???
Also, we think the absolute best part of his new site is under the contact tab. Kirby would LOVE to hear from you. So, how about it? We definitely think you should give him a piece of your mind. Or ours. Be sure to let us know if you actually get a response that features “straight talk and straight answers.” It seems out of character.

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We didn’t say it.

Hashtag humblebrag and other local loco

Have you asked yourselves what the local locos are up to lately? Are you sure you even want to know? Spoiler alert: probably not!

Oh you complete bumbling fool. This was not your shining moment, just like your idiot president.
Oh you complete, bumbling fool (but thank you, yet again, for proving it on Facebook). It’s kind of weird that you didn’t notice that this episode was not your shining moment, but having failed to realize what that was all about, it is less shocking that you failed to notice what the rest of us–even on Fox news–did about yesterday’s circus.

Today Kirby is posting on his page about how he attacked the media and afterward was trending higher than Kanye. Head, meet desk. WHAM. Would Councilman Delauter like to recall a couple of things? When this occurred, he was getting schooled for his First Amendment failure by the national media. Remember that time Snoop diagnosed Kanye (need we spell out that Snoop Dogg live reporting Kanye’s mental break is NSFW?) and it was the funniest thing evah! Wouldn’t we love to hear him weigh in on this situation…Councilman Delauter may also want to check himself, considering the fact that Kanye is also never trending for doing something right!

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Look! It’s Yeezus on a Cracker!

Speaking of delusional dolts on Facebook, there’s also this gem from Shrelauter’s other half:

Yes, all the media opportunities are surely drying up as Watergate Part Treason plays out before us. Once again with the not knowing any history and the repeating variations on themes.
Yes, all the media opportunities are surely drying up as Watergate Part Treason plays out before us. Once again with the not knowing any history and the repeating variations on themes.

 

 

What did y’all think of the Super Bowl commercials?

Your Lady Yokels are not so much into the whole football thing. We do, however, enjoy the commercials and half time show. Lady Gaga brought down the house with her choice of songs. And she seems to have tricked a whole bunch of people into thinking she did not make a statement. Well, let’s get those of y’all who think she didn’t get political a clue. Whenever anyone chooses to sing This Land is My Land, they are making a statement. Here’s a list of our most favorite commercials:

 

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Your Lady Yokels know what website we’ll be heading to come vacation time!

Airbnb’s co-founder’s personally edited this commercial. Take a look if you missed it.

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Coca-Cola is in the house baby!!

For at least 40 years now, Coca-Cola has been at the forefront of inclusive advertising. So it should come as no surprise that they would step up their game this year. Here’s a link in case you had to make a beer run.

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Never in a million trillion years would we have expected such a thing from 84 Lumber. Of course, we had to wait awhile since their server crashed with everyone scrambling to see the end. All because FOX, who thinks it’s all fine and dandy to broadcast the Orange Menace morally equating The United States with Russia, thought it “too controversial.”

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BUDWEISER FOR THE WIN!

Guess what peeps?! Unless you are 100%  Native American your ancestors came from somewhere else! It’s true, look it up! This commercial nicely illustrates the journey of one such young immigrant looking to make a name for himself in the New World.

Now who do you think it going to ruin all these nice commercials for us? Who possesses that uncanny ability to mess up the good vibes?

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We are NOT in Kansas anymore!

Jeeze O’ Flip Kirby why do have to be so terrible all the freaking time? Can’t you just give it a rest for one damn day? Oh, this really burns us up…we need some comic relief….STAT!

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You’re welcome!

Drunk Agenda: Game plus Standing Rules for 2017!

Standing Rules for the remainder of 2017:

Take a swig of anything you’ve got for the regular stuff: Billy abstains for no obvious reason, Billy and Kirby eschew yea and nea for yes or no just to behave poorly, Billy votes no on mundane stuff like the minutes, the agenda, going into closed session, or budget adjustments.

***Very, very important 2017 Wild Turkey addendum: if at any point during this year either half of Shrelauter introduces their own legislation, participants must consume an entire bottle of Wild Turkey in one sitting***

If you find yourself with the irresistible urge to repeal and replace one of the council persons serving as bookends on the dias with a more knowledgeable and engaged public commenter, mix a Papa Joe’s Healthcare (this is for everyone’s mental healthcare, in lieu of a better plan).

If any council member ever again mentions Donald Trump as a role model or by way of example, drink a Pink Pussycat. *Cautionary tales do not count.

Worst ad campaign ever, but irresistible to suggest that we give Billy and Kirby the bird.
Worst ad campaign ever, but irresistible to suggest that we give Billy and Kirby the bird.

And today. If our Republicans find a reason to complain about M.C. and Jessica’s solar energy collection bill, have a Midnight Sun.

BUT if the same subset suddenly finds themselves in favor of taxes because the assembled collection of Democrats appear to favor the small business tax credit program, make a Bullshit Sunrise instead. Full disclosure: this contains disgusting Sunny Delight, so maybe drink neither and save your liver function for the other stuff you’re gonna need it for this week.

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Namaste and all that jazz, y’all.

 

Define improves.

Why? Who cares what improves means? FCPS does! Your yokels received in their hot inboxes today an email to let us know the joyous news that the out of district application process has been improved!! Woohoo! Sounds fantastic.

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Whom is this easier for?

Current process: submit application for out of district transfer. Once approved, you are done until your child finishes his/her stay at said institution. So if you get an out of district approval for your kindergartner, you are good until your child is ready to go to middle school. If you need to go out of district for middle school, you will have to submit a new application. Pretty simple.

New process: submit an application every year that your child will be out of district. Whoa, as a parent your work just increased! FCPS your workload just increased! By a whole lot. Per the FAQ published by FCPS, there are about 3000 out of district transfers in the system.

The same FAQ says:

FCPS found that the old procedures lacked a way for parents and administrators to regularly track and review how well out-of-district transfers were working for students. This meant that once a student received an out-of-district transfer, they often moved through their school years without a review by parents, teachers, and administrators of how well their transfer was serving them and meeting their changing needs. Accordingly, FCPS is clarifying, modernizing, and streamlining its procedures on out-of-district transfers.

Here’s an idea. How about instead of penalizing the families that were previously told they only had to apply once, making a policy for school administrators to be able to review the children enrolled via exception and make a decision at the school level as to whether their exception will continue to be improved. And how about publishing those criteria? Perhaps include grade requirements or behavior standards that students must meet or jeopardize their exception status? Putting the decision for the annual approval back to the main office seems inefficient and impersonal.

We yokels feel like we know what is really going on here. FCPS is trying to avoid redistricting. So many of our schools across the county have exploding enrollment. Remember whom to thank for that exploding enrollment when you see them around town. Your former BOCC president Blaine “$60” Young, and former commissioners and current council members Billy Shreve and Kirby Delauter. Why is this their fault?  They are the ones that lifted the building moratorium previously put in place by Jan Gardener. Thanks to them we have more, more, more houses going up regardless of inadequate roads and schools to support the increase. Go ahead and thank Tony, too. He doesn’t think there are any traffic issues in Urbana.

On the one hand, we are thankful that FCPS is trying to help ease overcrowding without putting everyone through a painful redistricting process. On the other hand, we think this new “improvement” is not ideal.

Please FCPS consider instituting rules for keeping your out of district status.  Allow the administration at your out of district school to make the decision about your continued approval. Or make a grandfather clause. FCPS also needs to provide clarification regarding the magnet program. Do families in magnet need to reapply every year as well? What about high school kids in academies? What about IB? Do those 3000 out of district students include elementary magnet, and high school academy attendees including IB?Don’t penalize those who are following the previously established rules.

Kirby mischaracterized something? How can this be?

This morning’s Political Notes is chock full of good information. First off, Governor Hogan is commanding each school system come before the next Public Works meeting to beg for school construction money! If the school districts dare not appear then screw all the students in your district! Hogan  said if they do not appear “..they won’t be getting any money”. Even though lawmakers and school officials have asked for this annual “Beg-A-Thon” to stop the governor is going to continue to make you grovel before his divine presence.

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Here’s how State Treasurer Nancy Kopp has characterized these meetings:

Kopp said she agreed with her colleagues about the board’s ultimate authority to approve the school construction funds, but also said the Beg-a-Thon has turned into a “political barrage” and “bullying” in recent years.

Sounds great! Next up in the column is Kirby. At the last council meeting Kirby tried to characterize Jan as some greedy land confiscator. He had a whole list of offenses Jan had committed against the poor citizens of Frederick County. However, he appears to have exaggerated those claims. On the accusation that Jan gobbled up all the land along Route 15 the County Executive had this to say:

She said the 2001 rezoning action was at the Frederick County Planning Commission, and though she was the county commissioners’ liaison to the board, she was at another political event when the U.S. 15 rezonings were voted on. That move by her colleagues on the planning commission ultimately had unintended consequences and was rolled back, she said.

Huh. Well, Kirby can’t be right all the time can he? The new recommendations (that’s right recommendations not a law or Executive Order) concerning the Monocacy River and water buffer zones is what has gotten Kirby all in a pinch. The Monocacy Scenic River Citizens Advisory Board has recommended that properties along the river have a protected water buffer of 300-500 feet. You know to prevent the Monocacy from becoming a simmering cess pool of chemicals and pollutants. Some potentially affected landowners are understandably upset. Nobody likes having to part with their property. And when they have to they should be justly compensated. We need to protect our waterways, even when it upsets some. All interested parties should lay their arguments before the government and said evidence should be weighed with the public good as the ultimate goal. In case you want to read up on the science of what water buffers do here is an informative joint study by Virginia Tech and Virginia State University. We need good, educated discussion with a result that is fair as possible to all parties involved. Not knee jerk statements like this, from someone whose only goal it seems is to be outraged about everything all the time:

“Environmentalism is the new socialism. You know, if you want to take something, just call it environmental. Just call it somehow environmental and everyone’s got to bow down and give up all their rights for that. It’s ridiculous,” Delauter said.

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Take heed! Barbara Fritchie is not a fan of the faux outrage.