Impact fees: kabooooom.

So the council had a workshop last night on the impact fees associated with new school construction costs. We let that get a little ahead of us, what with all this falalalala to do. Tonight we watched with half an eyeball while wrapping gifts. That was not so fun. Happy freaking holidays. We hope you got in the egg nog we suggested earlier.

They say nature abhors a vacuum, and tonight we were missing Kirby, which really upset the ecosystem. Unfortunately, Tony got sucked right into Delauterburst mode. So the CE wants to raise these impact fees. Clearly there’s no greater pleasure in life than levying fees; she and her people must be ecstatic. Democrats just live for that, so the straw man sayeth. Actually, this is suggested in solution to the problem that Urbana and Hillcrest are overcrowded and new elementary schools are needed, not just for the decadent joy of big government.

Where are Kirby and Jessica? We miss you Jessica.
Where are Kirby and Jessica? We miss you Jessica. (I read once that writing is as much about what you leave out…)

Tony would like to solve this problem by redistricting, apparently. A thing almost no one else could possibly want. That always goes badly, but what would he know about that? At Chmelik Academy, redistricting might mean moving from the kitchen to the dining room.  Also, Tony says if Frederick High (which isn’t very relevant to the discussion, since the high school impact is not being looked at for a change at this time) looks like the Taj Mahal, people are going to be upset. I don’t know about you all, but back where I come from when community high schools look like…palatial mausoleums…people are majorly proud of their fancy-schmancy school. And I have to point out that would be a super-duper RED state, not some tax and spend paradise.

Most of the hour and a half meeting was Chmelik being rude. At one point he claimed to have still been in his line of questioning, but in point of fact the question was being answered and he was still talking like Donald Trump speaking over Joe Scarborough. He did apologize later, saying that he was railing against policy and not meaning personal offense, but whoa Nellie. It was one of those moments where even when he may have had a point, he lost it, because his behavior was so terrible. How the mighty do fall. We were just complimenting him last week.

Look how awesome Frederick High is going to be!

Good news, though. Billy will save the day. He thinks it’s not a big deal because the schools have 10% absenteeism (where? this seems unsupported by facts) so the 500 kids who do not have a permanent seat in the system…can just go to school when the flu is going around? I don’t really know what he meant. And neither do you, do you? WTH? Jerry Donald helpfully pointed out that they cannot just be beamed elsewhere. har har. How was it necessary to point that out? And yet…Plus, Billy has trotted out another idea, and that is to send elementary kids to middle school. Remember middle school? Would you go there for your even more vulnerable years? No thanks. GREAT GRAVY. Go away, Billy Shreve.


3 thoughts on “Impact fees: kabooooom.

  1. This is an absolutely hilarious rendition of what was surely a boring, yet frustrating, meeting. I laughed several times while reading your description. Hope those packages got wrapped, too!


  2. Thank you for reporting on the meetings. Your stories are more informative than what you can find in the FNP and I enjoy your take on things.


    1. Thanks a bunch! We try to keep it interesting (especially when the topics can at times be painfully uninteresting), but to be honest, we aren’t doing a lot of reporting so much as we are providing commentary. We are not always as diligent as a reporter would (should, at any rate) be. Straight journalism is pretty involved, and the Frederick News Post this week provided some good facts and figures about these impact fees that are important to have. It’s a community effort for sure!


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