Special Council Bulletin: Marathon Meeting Madness Warning

We are looking at the agenda for tonight’s meeting and thinking that there’s a lot to cover, possibly due to the cancelation last week. Budget Adjustments get the party started, as is the custom. The fact that Billy is not available to dork around in a petulant manner at this point is cause for a swig of Barefoot Bubbly. The fact that we are scared that Phil Dacey is willing and able to fill that role makes us wonder if we won’t need something harder for these things in the future.

Other matters for the meeting include appointment confirmations, Monocacy River Plan Presentation, Maryland General Assembly Legislative Items. After the break there will be some bills for public hearing. Here they are (if you use the link above for the agenda then the links to the bills there will be active).

We kind of miss the games, but this Council offers more dignity than we are accustomed to. The rules for this meeting are simple: take a gulp of that cheap bubbly every time Phil reminds you of Billy in a suit.

Ummm, can someone let the council know that things slow down in the summer? Your June 19th council drinking game!

2cfnxp.jpg
That’s what we want to know!

Seriously folks, we are used to things slowing down a bit in the summertime! Someone didn’t pass that memo along to the council! Just look at this agenda!!! How are we supposed to keep tabs on all the election news AND all the terribleness of the national news AND the council agenda? We will give it the old college (ELITE!) try for y’all! Remember this is just for chuckles and to keep you informed, we’ve even included some non-alcoholic drinks so you can keep your wits about you! We need you to vote, not to end up in the ditch like Edgar Allen Poe.

Let’s remind everyone that it is summertime by mixing up a bunch of summer themed cocktails!

We should savor the fact that Billy will either vote against or abstain from voting against the agenda, budget adjustments and minutes since he’s not going to be on the dais much longer. However, our patience has run thin so we’ll skip right over this part.

There are six separate installment purchase agreements to talk about and vote on. They are listed in the agenda for you to peruse. We are going to go out on a limb and guess that the property owners are on board with this or it wouldn’t be called an agreement! However, if property rights are screamed from the corners, make yourself a nice tall White Grape Spritzer to brighten up your mood!

Buckle down for a whole slew of county executive appointments! If any axes are ground, slap back a pitcher of Peach-Ginger Ice Tea!

Next up is the government review of the agreement between ICE and the Frederick County Sheriff’s Office. If you didn’t read the article of this meeting last week, it is a must-see. We here at the Yokel are not fans of the High Sheriff and his participation in this program. We don’t expect anything to change anytime soon, so just go ahead and make a vat of Watermelon-Coconut coolers to see you through it.

There are three first reading items. Two have to do with the accessory dwelling units and the last one has to due with school construction fees. First readings are for information only, so we’ll be watching out for these items in the future!

Next up is a vote on the Sustainability commission. When “someone” talks about all the ridiculous environmental protections go ahead and sip on your Berry-Guava lemonade.

The evening continues with two public hearings. One regards sewage amendments (yawn!) and then on to the council amendments that could reach our ballot come November. Remember the collect bargaining amendment is something our firefighters want, not some socialist attempt to take over the universe.

Remember to vote! #localelectionsmatter!

Love is in the air? LOLOLOL! Not with this county council! Your February 13th drinking game!

drunk_o_540640.jpg
Come on Floyd! Keep the crazy tucked in!

We haven’t had much time to recover from last week’s meeting, but hey who said keeping up with this county council was for the faint of heart? We’ll see if the spirit of St. Valentine fills the hearts of our favorite local characters, or if we are going to have a situation more along these lines:

67e52099479921f0c662a3caf0e565220143c6fa2530bd7b6a72dee1988f8476.jpg
Oh dear!

Grab your agendaand follow along, but do remember to take care. Billy isn’t coming to help any of our fans!

Lots of presenters to start off the evening! Impact Fee Report, Report on Developer Rights and Responsibilities (DRRA), and Interagency Internal Audits! Let’s toast to all of our hard working county employees who take a lot of abuse at the hands of some of our council. Mix up a big Love in a Glass in their honor!

It’s Forest Resource Ordinance time! Will the bills be reconciled or will there still be two? Mix up a pitcher of Love/Hate as the answer to that one is revealed to us!

Time to go behind closed doors to discuss a county executive appointment! Then we are back at 7:00 for more happy fun time! Grab some water to rehydrate!

We thought this was tabled, but things have a way of creeping back on to the agenda lately. We suppose the public pressure really paid off, for we return with a hearing on the DRRA bill. Will this hearing result in more badgering of the public by Tony? Will the developer’s lawyers once again be given unlimited time to answer questions? Is anyone running anything around here anymore?! Anyhoo, mix up a barrel of Love Gone Sour, since a lot has changed, and not for the better, with this council lately!

The public has a chance to speak and then we have some council member comments. This is always a crap shoot, so go ahead and make a row of Love Hurts shots, and fire at will!

This is a busy month for the council, and by extension us! So we’ll let you know what happens and then we are right back here on February 20th for another edition of your favorite local reality show. Happy Valentine’s Day!

d7d3cbe015b99b89ca456c0d553495ab.png

It’s been awhile. Do you remember how to drinking game?

1l8o6u
Oh, Max is ready to play along. Can we get thinking cats for certain council members? They really need them.

 

It is sometimes difficult to tell by reading the agenda, but tonight’s meeting looks like it could be a real doozy. So take care of your liver. As always, this game is just for giggles. Actually participating in this to the fullest may result in death. You’ve been warned.

The meeting starts as always with public comments. We aren’t going to hold our breath on anyone actually showing up to speak. Just hold your beer, just in case.

A bunch of budget adjustments on first up on the agenda.  Billy will  complain about the library grant because everyone knows folks go to Borders instead, Kirby will kvetch about Citizens, blah, blah, blah. Mix yourself a kitchen sink.

Next up on the agenda, approval of minutes for 4 meetings. When Billy abstains mix yourself up a flaming asshole.

Now, it’s time to discuss a mutual aid agreement between the Fred Co Sheriff, Wash Co Sheriff and Hagerstown City Police. Where are the Fred City Police? Make yourself a missing in action while you ponder that.

Well, well well, it’s time to take a vote on the Maryland Association of Counties Legislative Committee County Council Representation. What? Didn’t Bud already executive decision this? Things could get snippy. Make yourself a T-bone in anticipation of Bud’s phone ringing with its Bad to the Bone ringtone.

What workshop items are in store for us? We don’t know what these are as they aren’t listed on the agenda. This might be a good time to hydrate with some good old water.

Time to look at a petition to close a portion of Old Frederick Road to improve the safety of Route 15. Pick your favorite drink and stick it in a cone when anyone complains about being inconvenienced by this proposal.

Lots of First Readings on the docket! Including those that Billy decided he better get going on before anyone brought up the fact that he did nothing but ABSTAIN during his entire tenure as a council member. Anyhoo, sip on your Lazy Daze while you endure this portion of the evening.

It’s time to vote on the dueling Forest Ordinance bills. With Bud’s voting patterns recently altered, we predict his version will be the one to make it through; Sip on your Forest Funk while you think of all the lost trees.

Before the break, they will vote to pull the Adequate Public Facilities bill, and then Billy will vote against going into closed session. If it isn’t too close to 7:00, we may get treated to Billy complaining about having to waste all his precious time at Winchester Hall.

MDX hearing is the last bit of business this evening. There’s a lot of opposition to this bill because it would theoretically allow a warehouse to go next to a school or a housing development. Mainly, it’s introduction has to do with the fact that the Jefferson Technology Park did not fill up the way the previous BOCC claimed it would. While you listen to the arguments mix up a pitcher of Nuclear Disaster, and think of all the bad things the Young BOCC have brought upon this fine county.

Public and council member comments can get a little dicey, however, you’ve been through enough for one evening.

4de3d3e0e7b7fc547127a8034a8898c3
Don’t end up like Jonesy.

 

 

Let’s make it a September to remember! Your 9/5 drinking game is here!

1v2rcy
County council meetings are not worth damaging your liver over!

Billy ruined last month’s meeting, utterly ruined it. Hopefully, this meeting will be more civil. But with Kirby double negatively seeking the CE office with his new fashion line, we don’t have much faith that will happen. Nevertheless, we mustn’t check out, so grab your agenda, turn on FCGTV, and guard your liver well!

Public comments have been tame or non-existent lately. If anyone should think this is their time to grandstand, instead of you know,  providing legitimate, helpful feedback, slam back a Screaming Hick!

Let’s see if Kirby can remember to pull a budget adjustment before everyone votes yes on them this week. If not, sip gently on your Poor Decisions cocktail.

We have minutes to approve, legislative items to learn about, and county executive appointments to confirm! If anyone should provide any disruptions mix up a barrel of Lunatic Giant, since we have more of our share of those around here!

Next up there’s documents to sign and then a public hearing on some water and sewer amendments. We need clean water and Zeus on the high mountain knows we need a functional sewage system. Therefore, if anyone throws fits mix up a Dark’n Dirty. Because that’s what our water will look like if we don’t take care.

The end is nigh! Billy will vote against going into closed session, because REASONS. Maybe we’ll hear from the public again and then we close up with the council member comments. This is when things can get really, really bad.

frabz-Please-dont-do-this-to-me-c5ec68
We are begging you Shrelauter!! It’s going to be stressful enough this week getting the kids back to school!

ICYMI: Please vote for our blog in FNP’s Best of the Best contest. Imagine how much the haters will hate if we win!

Let’s keep those dogs tethered!! Your April 4th drinking game!!

1mdlqr

It’s Legislative Day in Olde Fredericktowne!!! Billy was extra rude at the last workshop, so we’ll see if he steps it up this week. Remember to use extreme caution when following this game, as it is only for fun. Grab the agenda and fire up your FCGTV!

One budget adjustment on the list! If your favorite non-reader suggests you go to a now defunct bookstore to get your reading materials slam back a Taming of the Shrewdriver.

Next up is putting signatures upon the Urbana re-zoning decision. Zeus have mercy! We are going to hear it! To steady your nerves fortify yourself with a Sad, Alone on a Beach.

Next up is a financial report on Citizens/Montevue. So we’ll just leave this here:

696
Oh the poor horses in this county!
Three first readings on the docket: Zoning Map Amendments during election years, Dog Tethering, and payment regarding Moderately Priced Dwelling Units. We know by now that first readings are only for informational purposes. It’s not the time to argue or grandstand. If our favorite “entity” forgets that mix up a pitcher of Brain Erasers. If only we could start from scratch with those two.

Two bills are on their third reading, which means it’s time for the council to vote on them.  We have General Obligation Bill Authorization and the Distillery and Brewing bill. If Billy cannot address people in a mature way,  sip on your Idiot Box while pondering the fact that this fool thinks he deserves to be our State Senator.

We go to break and reconvene at 7:00 for a public hearing.

Tony’s bill on Limited Private Event Venues is the subject for the evening.  We’ve been hearing some rumblings about this so we’ll see how it goes. But kudos for the 1/3 of the Republicans up there who actually wrote a piece of legislation.

Lastly, public and council member comments. Surely, we will be lectured about how terrible everything is. And how since we didn’t let Kirby do his unrealistic, expensive lease back idea, and as a result of not compromising with every law breaking business in the county we are all going to hell in a hand basket. Maybe Billy will even accuse a county employee of hiding something because he can’t get an advance copy (that he surely won’t read) of some plan. If these unfortunate events occur, cue up Bloodlines on Netflix so you can see that things can always get worse.

 

 

Come on people! Don’t you know that ethics is Kirby’s trigger word?!?!

1lpvbl

There’s ethics talk on tonight’s agenda!  Better batten down the hatches!!! This week we are going to try something different. After describing a part of the agenda, we are going to share a Jack Handey quote that hopefully illustrates how we feel about Shrelauter. Grab your agenda, fire up the FCGTV and let’s hope we don’t all get an ulcer. Keep a bottle of your preferred beverage on hand, and just take a swigg as needed. We are going with the honor system on drinks this week.

We start off the same way every month. Pubic comments, voting on the agenda, budget adjustments and then approving previous minutes. Billy, who we hear is considering a run against Ron Young in the next election, thinks it’s all fine and dandy to waste everyone’s time with his abstentions. Mankind is mysterious isn’t it?

Deep_d04920_6037542

Next up with have some County Executive appointments to confirm and FY 2018 Operating and Capital Grant Resolution presented by Nancy Norris of the Transit Services Division. If there’s anything negative to be said, well, this is the best we can do for you:

cffa492473635e3431417a111d8e1544

Here’s where things can go South. It’s the first reading of a bill to appoint an independent council to nominate people to the ethics board. Refer to this quote if there are any rumblings from the far sides of the podium:

quote-the-wise-man-can-pick-up-a-grain-of-sand-and-envision-a-whole-universe-but-the-stupid-man-will-jack-handey-343847

Next, there’s a new bill on solar facilities. That’s right Billy did tell us that solar was dead in Frederick County. He also told a big fat lie and said he saw billboards up in Central Pennsylvania thanking Frederick County  for outlawing solar panels. We wonder if Billy would believe this:

l89H5a7

Next, we have the reallocation of the Recordation Tax .  This funding needs to go back to our parks and schools where it belongs. This is followed by a public hearing on the Agricultural Preservation easement applications. It seems as though the Recordation Tax issue will be squared away nicely, but we imagine we are going to hear something about land grabbing when it comes to the preservation issue. It makes us want to scream, when they get things so very wrong. Speaking of screaming:

db395f1886e2ad9c709263ff7bd208aa

There’s a break until 7:00, (keep your trap shut Billy!) and then there’s the chance for the public to comment on two separate issues. First up, is a bill regarding bond authorization.  Then we are off and running on the bill regarding farm distilleries and tasting rooms. We don’t see Tony’s competing bill on the agenda so hopefully that issue has been settled. We end up, as we always do, with public and council member comments. We’ll leave you with one final thought since we know this is the part of the meeting where Shrelauter likes to shine:

4cd925e0ba92c813d63cddd0b03ffc32

10/4 Drinking Game

Please let this be quick! This agenda has several council decisions required…
If the regular stuff (Budget Adjustments, Minutes Approval, Appointments Confirmation) is done as is the usual custom, drink a Fast ‘N Furious. If Kirby takes time out to have a tantrum because the fire department’s needs present an opportunity to make a dimwitted point, make a Piece of Mind instead.

 

Not really. No.
Not really. No.

On the Third Reading Calendar the council must decide on the medical marijuana, nuisance noise enforcement, a clean energy bill for commercial property, and a procedure for enforcing county codes with fines. Sometimes the governing process has worked all the kinks out by the time the decision needs to be made, and sometimes at the final hour things get…kinky? No. Not that! All mucked up. Make your wagers on who what holds things up, and drink a Gamble to go with it.

Happy 240th America! It’s your 240th turn to scream at your screen!

Hopefully in 2018 we will put them on vacation!
Hopefully in 2018 we will put them on vacation!

We hope you had a fun 4th! After the ridiculousness that went on during last week’s workshop, we don’t have much hope for sanity this week. Grab your agenda, tune up your FCGTV and let’s do this!

We’ll be surprised if anyone comes to speak for the pre-meeting comment, since it’s failed to happen thus far.  So we’ll skip ahead to one of our fave county employees, Rick Harcum.  He’s here to speak of some budget adjustments. The list is long and we have little hope that our usual suspects will not grandstand. So when they do what they do, sip on your President cocktail in honor of Bud and all he has to put up with.

The High Sheriff will be in the house to discuss a joint grant application with the City of Frederick. This actually looks like some good stuff, with the money split between the Sheriff’s office and the Frederick City police. Click on the agenda to get all the details.

Up next is naming the County Attorney as the Resident Agent for the county as required by law. If this discussion is too much for some to comprehend, mix up a Roosevelt, since he’s probably spinning in his grave.

There are some first and third readings of bills proposed by the county executive on the agenda. Kirby threw this Facebook fit earlier:

2016-06-30 (1)

Someone hasn’t read our post about what a traitor is. And these guys have a hard time  comprehending what a legislative body does. Jan cannot introduce legislation. She needs someone on the council to do it for her. And quelle horror! She actually has some people on the council who think it’s advantageous to work together. If Kirby can get over his Ted Cruz style of legislatin’ we’ll all be better off. If he brings up anything on this Facebook rant mix up a batch of Martha Washington’s punch. Since we are fairly certain that’s what the good lady would do to him.

To round things up there’re two public hearings. One on sewage amendments and the other on charter amendments. There’s gonna be words. When there are slam back your Bear Witness. Since bearing witness to this all really can be a burden.

Grab some water and hydrate for public and council member comments. This can sometimes be the hardest part of the meeting.