We already thanked them for the recent explosion in interest they have garnered for our blog. It seems that they timed their nonsense just smashingly well. After all the side show histrionics over it being unfair for ALL the businesses to have to abide by the same laws, when they seem to feel that a wink and a nod and a post to Kirby’s Facebook page should suffice, they followed up with their main act: budget grandstanding (act 1)and(act 2).Oh wait,(also act 3).
It is time we gave the first Boomhauer Boomerang Award in honor of our generous benefactors. Ironic that they should prove to be so giving, recalling that one of the clowns withheld support he claimed he ordinarily would have given to his district’s high school football team when the County deemed that it would be unseemly for a sitting council member to profit off of county contracts. We bring that up again, in case any of our new readers have just begun to realize that Frederick County politics is hands down the best reality show around.
Howdy, boys! We sure do thank you kindly. Keep up the good work. Your overtaxed golgi apparatus are going to just burn out eventually.
To keep y’all informed we like to look at Councilman Billy Shreve’s Facebook page. It’s public for all to see, and you would think it’s there to keep his constituents informed. Mostly it’s a bunch of grandstanding nonsense. However, something has caught our eye lately. Billy likes to tag people at the end of his posts. We would hazard to guess these are people whom he thinks are directly involved with whatever the rant of the day may be. Look at this sampling and see if you can see a pattern:
Blaine Young, every time. We can understand the others (why no C.Paul Smith though, did they break up?), but why Blaine? Isn’t he on some kind of hiatus? What say you Councilman Shreve?
We’ve heard through the grape vine that today is Cliff Cumber’s last day at the Frederick News Post. Your Yokel Ladies have enjoyed his editorials over the years, but none so much as Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter:
Knowing Councilman Kirby Delauter as we do, we weren’t surprised that he threatenedThe Frederick News-Postwitha lawsuitbecause we had, he says — and we’re not making this up — been putting Kirby Delauter’s name in the paper without Kirby Delauter’s authorization. Attorneys would be called, Kirby Delauter said.
In fact, we spent quite some time laughing about it. Kirby Delauter, an elected official; Kirby Delauter, a public figure? Surely, Kirby Delauter can’t be serious? Kirby Delauter’s making a joke, right?
Round about then, we wondered, if it’s not a joke, how should we now refer to Kirby Delauter if we can’t use his name (Kirby Delauter)? Could we get away with an entire editorial of nothing but “Kirby Delauter” repeated over and over again — Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter? OK, imagine we agreed because of temporary madness or something funny in the water that week, how would we reference “Kirby Delauter” and do our job as journalists without running afoul of our lack of authorization?
Blanks? Sure, we sometimes use hyphens in the case of expletives. Perhaps we could do that: “K—- D——-.” Or, perhaps, “Councilman [Unauthorized].” We giggled a bit more than we should have when we came up with “the Councilman Formerly Known as Commissioner Kirby Delauter,” which doesn’t seem as funny written down in black and white and includes his name, which defeats the point. Maybe we should just put his initials, “KD,” with an asterisk to a footnote (KD*), or refer to him as GLAT, the acronym for his campaign: “Govern Like A Taxpayer.” We could even make it sound a little hip-hop with a well-placed hyphen: G-Lat. Speaking of, could we get away with “K-Del”? Or we could simply go with the Harry Potter-esque “He Who Shall Not be Named.” (Cue the lightning strike and peal of thunder.)
Yet we could take the low road down even further and childishly mangle “Kirby Delauter” into references you, the reader, would still understand. “Sherbert Deluder,” say. Or “Derby Kelauter.” “Shirley Delaughter” (and don’t call me Shirley). We found a great automatic online anagrammer that generated all kinds of alternatives and could make it a challenge for our readers to decode each time we have to reference the councilman: “Rebuked artily.” That was a good one. “Bakery diluter” is just silly but does have a ring about it. “Keyed rural bit” was another that caught our eye as somewhat telling, because Kirby Delauter’s pretty keyed up. We’re sure there’s a joke in “Brutelike Yard” somewhere.
Discernibly, though, Kirby Delauter’s ignorance of what journalism is and does is no joke, and illustrates one disturbing aspect too prevalent in conservatives’ beliefs: That the media are all-liberal stooges hell bent on pursuing some fictional leftwing agenda. Generally this “fact” is bleated when the facts on the ground differ from conservative talking points. Take Councilman Billy Shreve’s abstract, almost nonsensical defense of KD*: “I think media outlets are cowards and they hide behind the label of journalists and that’s a bully pulpit to expand their liberal” agenda. Cowards? Tell that to the families of the 60 journalists killed in 2014, or the 70 in 2013, or the 74 who died in 2012, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists. All in pursuit of the truth, or the most reliable version of it at hand in the most dangerous regions of the world.
Edifying as it may be to lapse into name calling — and yes, we allowed ourselves a little childishness above and maybe a little bit below — we need to make one serious point the councilman needs to hear and understand: We will not bow to petty intimidation tactics because a local politician thinks he can score political points with his base throwing around empty threats.
Legally, Kirby Delauter has no case.
And why? Here’s how Washington Post blogger Eugene Volokh, who “teaches free speech law, religious freedom law, church-state relations law, a First Amendment Amicus Brief Clinic, and tort law, at UCLA School of Law,” nicely sums it up:
“Uh, Council Member: In our country, newspapers are actually allowed to write about elected officials (and others) without their permission. It’s an avantgarde experiment, to be sure, but we’ve had some success with it.” You know, that whole First Amendment thing.
That’s why we’re taking his threat with a pinch of salt. We’ve seen this behavior before (not just from Kirby Delauter) and it’s worth highlighting again. Bullying seems to be the only way Kirby “Don’t say my name” Delauter feels he can lead. Only now, the target is not the public at hearings or occasional “punk” staff member, an arrogant, self-serving, whining middle school teacher or fellow “moron” commissioner, it’s The News-Post. Instead of taking his job seriously like the voters demanded and the rest of the council seem to grasp, he’s grabbing at distractionary shoot-the-messenger tactics that make a lot of noise but, to quote Shakespeare, a man who knew drama when he saw it, noise that “signifies nothing.” Frederick County has big issues to tackle in 2015 and we have yet to hear Kirby Delauter sound out one single, sensible idea. He used the word “govern” in his slogan. Maybe he should apply that to his temper first.
Enough. Seriously. What’s Kirby Delauter going to do? Sue everyone who’s making fun of him on Twitter using the #kirbydelauter hashtag, or on Facebook? Boy, his attorney will be able to retire off that.
Reasonable men (and women) are required to move Frederick County forward. All Kirby Delauter is doing yet again is displaying his inability to control his temper, embarrassing himself, his district, the county and those who voted him into office. If he wants to govern like a taxpayer, he needs to respect the taxpayers whose money provides his paycheck, stop this silly, inflammatory nonsense, and get to work.
———————
* Kirby Delauter.
Absolute brilliance. And anyone Kirby accuses of having a mental illness is okay in our book. Therefore, Mr. Cumber, we wish you all the best and hope you will take with you this Yokel tip of the hat:
We’ve finally figured it out readers! We are living in an alternative reality than Shrelauter and, on occasion, Tony. It’s the only way this all makes any sense.
First let’s thank Baby Fitzwater for allowing his/her mommy to be in attendance during this very important meeting. Without her there…shiver…we don’t even want to think what would have happened.
Tony starts off the meeting trying to get the 6th item pulled off the agenda and wants to have clarification over what is a budget transfer and what is a supplemental appropriation.
On a side note-Kirby is saying yes instead of aye now. He used to say aye, but now he’s adopted Billy’s idiotic manner of using yes. Isn’t he such a brave rebel?
After Billy predictably votes against approving past meeting minutes, we are off on a discussion on bond offerings. There will be two bond series, A and B. A will pay for government projects such as schools, roads and other improvements. B is a refinance on the note that was taken out three years ago to pay for Montevue/Citizens nursing home. And hey, we think we’ve found Billy’s Pavlovian response. Because holy hell, he won’t let it go. He has to be told by two separate people that this is to simply refinance a note that needs to be paid off, but he wants to know everything about the nursing homes right this very second. Tony gets confused about debt financing debt, which is not what this is. And it’s never easy for our county employees is it?
Now, brace yourself because it’s time to vote on the budget and capital improvement projects. Tony is right out of the gate with his: I’m very sorry but I cannot vote on this budget. Next it’s time for Kirby.
To say the least!
Well Yokels, we knew we wouldn’t get out of this one unscathed. It is ridiculous to Kirby that the council only cut out $210,000 from this budget. It should have been more! And did you know the county council members are just cookie cutters to the County Executive’s budget (drink!)? Of course, and let’s not forget that Kirby believes they are giving the impression that they are handling this with the savoir-faire of drunken sailors, as well.
You didn’t think he was going to let this time go without pointing out that Jessica and Jerry vote on their salaries did you?
Jerry is the star of this evening.
It’s so very hard, we feel for you Mr. Donald.
Jerry sees this as a teachable moment. Too bad his students are Billy and Kirby. He reminds them if they actually met with department heads and sat down with the County Executive then maybe, just maybe, they would have seen more of what they wanted in the budget. After all, the time for negotiation is before the budget is written. Jerry pointed out that Kirby wanted to pull $1 million from the education budget.* To which Kirby sarcastically replies, “The children will suffer.” He then points out that the former BOCC actually raised taxes which elicits a bait and switch comment from Kirby. Jerry then has to point out that Kirby does not know what bait and switch means (kinda like Billy doesn’t understand what a wedding crasher is). There are some more words exchanged which made your Yokel ladies wonder if there will be a fist fight later on.
Jessica adds that she will not cut the budget just for the sake of cutting. The community and department heads said they wanted to see these things in the budget, and that is what is happening. You hear that Shrelauter?! Pay better attention next year! You don’t get to pretend you did something just because you attempt to cut a million things out of the budget after the fact! Bud ends this portion of the meeting with: “We’ve had a good discussion, well we’ve had a discussion. Let’s vote” Passes 4-3.
Tax rate stays at $1.06. All except two appointments pass with 7-0, Shreve being the only hold out on two. He probably blocked them on Twitter like he did to us as well. Animal control bequest goes off without a hitch and then we have our historical designation hearing on Glenellen Farm. We had a very nice presentation about the history of this property and Lady Thompson’s school that once existed there. This will be voted on at the next meeting. Public comment is one guy that Kirby gave a sheet to read from and then it’s time for council member comments.
Shade Trees and Evergreens is the popular theme this evening.
Kirby starts off the talk with how the county has ruined these poor people’s lives. But hey he’s also not saying that people should go out and do whatever they want. Then again if they’ve gotten away with it for 10 years, then it’s fine. Since they weren’t caught, it gives them immunity, right? But even though they were in the wrong the county shouldn’t bring the hammer down on them. The county is a train wreck. A train wreck he says! Making businesses follow the rules is running them out of the county.
Billy is so very sorry about the tax increase, folks! And the county is targeting the wedding venues. That’s right! Targeting them. Since the fire marshal has not produced any papers for Billy, Jan is a liar. And we just have to wait for the rest of this to come out!
Tony also insinuates that Jan is lying about the fire marshal. His solution? Let the venue operate until the end of the year, don’t let them use the bathrooms, and then close them down and fine the Dickens out of them!
M.C. is the first voice of reason on this subject. She wants to know if her fellow council members are really advocating for businesses to not follow the proper procedures. After all, this particular business had been warned and did nothing to correct the situation. And she is getting calls from legitimate businesses who are upset that the three amigos are advocating for a business that is run by people who thought they were above the law. She hopes that there aren’t two separate set of laws in this county.
Bud finishes off this discussion by informing us that he saw some evidence that they haven’t even had their gas lines inspected. So we are talking about a possible explosion here folks.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
Bud says it doesn’t matter if nothing has happened in the past, that doesn’t excuse them. And if anything were to happen in the future shame on them all! Why can’t they see this? What is the matter with these three? Leave your diagnosis in the comments!
Frederick County politics strikes again.
* This is a correction. The county council did not take $1 million from the education budget as was previously noted. Jerry was pointing out to Kirby that his budget took $1 million dollars away from the schools. Your lady Yokels apologize for any confusion.
This is going to be a looonnnggg meeting.There’s been lots and lots of wedding venue nonsense so brace yourself to hear more. Since it’s budget voting week (Please, please baby Fitzwater wait until at least Wednesday to make your appearance) we expect this meeting to be full of drama and intrigue. For that is the stuff Frederick politics is made of. Keep in mind that we write these games for entertainment purposes only, following this game faithfully will result in your death. Grab your agenda, cue up the feed and follow along.
Budget transfers are a nice way to begin the evening. We have Fire and Rescue, Child Advocacy, Community Development and Utilities on the list. If “someone” decides this is a good time to bring up the Fire Marshal’s authority have yourself a nice little sip of your Fire Engine.
The easiest part of the agenda. Approving minutes for past meetings that most of the council members attended. When Billy says no, which for the millionth time makes no sense, shake your head slowly from side to side and breathe deeply until you feel that breath way down in your belly.
Next up is an introduction of a bond which will be used to pay for education and other such socialist nonsense. When that fact is insinuated in any way, shape, or form , mix up a pitcher of The Communist. Since we are apparently on communism’s door step.
Hang in there Smokey!
It’s time to adopt the FY 2017 budget. Shrelauter was adamant about not sitting down with the “evil” lady to talk about their priorities, so they didn’t get a say. Let’s not forget the hours wasted listening to Kirby’s 18 rejected amendments. There’s no way we are getting out of this without one of the usual suspects jumping upon their soapbox to proclaim one of the following:
Council is a rubber stamp to County Executive.
We need a budget analyst.
I tried to come up with my own budget.
The end times are here.
Jan is a wedding crasher. Billy doesn’t understand that a wedding crasher is someone that comes to weddings uninvited, not someone who follows the Fire Marshall’s guidance on unsafe structures. But hey, words are hard!
For this one, line up five of your favorite shots (one for each of the absurdities listed above), and slam it back when you hear them spoken!
Great, now who is going to eat all the ticks in my yard? Thanks Shrelauter!
Tax hike a.k.a. leave the tax rate the same is up for a vote. We predict this 4-3. Next!
Nine confirmations to various boards, unless it’s an enemy of the state these usually get through without a fight. Take a break from the hard liquor and have yourself a #9 Magic Hat.
Next up on the list is an approval of a gift that a very nice woman left in her will to the animal shelter. This money has to be approved by the council and we swear to Zeus up on Mt. Olympus if anyone acts out of this we are going to throw the biggest Yokel fit ever. Hopefully, all of us will be able to just sit back and enjoy a nice Chardonnay in memory of the nice lady who seemed to love animals so much.
We told you this night was going to be long. Now we are onto a public hearing for a historical designation for a property in Ijamsville. Predictably Billy will complain about Trout Run, and perhaps Kirby will as well since he’s now on Xenu’s side. Whenever Trout Run is mentioned, mix yourself up an Alien Brain Hemorrhage.
Motion to go into closed session is always denied by Billy. Make him go home then! We end with public comment. If you are still awake, get yourself a bottle of water and re-hydrate. For you still have to go to work in the morning.
Despite all the declarations of love we’ve heard from our At Large Council member there seems to be some trouble between him and Governor Hogan brewing:
Oh dear.
What evidence does Billy present as to why Hogan should jump on the Trump bandwagon?
Frederick County Councilman Billy Shreve warned that Hogan is risking the support of the 54 percent of Maryland Republicans who voted for Trump in the April 26 primary.
“It’s going to look really bad if Trump wins Maryland and the governor doesn’t come out and support him,” Shreve said.
54% huh? Let’s do some numbering. Let’s see there’s 959,858 registered Republicans in the State of Maryland. 434,572 of those decided to show up and vote. Of those 434,572 primary voters 236,623 voted for Trump So yes 54% of those who showed up voted for Trump, however only 24% of the registered Republicans in this fine State of ours cast their vote for him. If we look at that in Statewide numbers, out of the 3,694,527 registered voters in Maryland 6% of them have actually cast a vote for Trump. Not quite the mandate.
And even if former Republican governors are drinking the Trump Kool-Aid:
Really Bobby haircut?
There’s precedence in this year’s election that not every Republican is throwing their support behind him. There’s a Republican governor in Massachusetts, a mostly Democratic state like Maryland, who is refusing to back Trump. Huh, what would give a fellow Republican pause? Let us count the ways.
Y’all remember way back to the 2012 election when Romney pretty much lost the election because he said this?:
“There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax… my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives…. The president has been a disappointment. He told you he’d keep unemployment below 8 percent. Hasn’t been below eight percent since. Fifty percent of kids coming out of school can’t get a job. Fifty percent.”
If that was enough for people to stop and think, “Huh, maybe Romney doesn’t give a flying hoot about me?”. What can we pull out of the Trump archives? Ready! Set! Go!
“Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part.”
“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?”
“[Angelina Jolie’s] been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby… And, I just don’t even find her attractive.”
“While @ BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct. ”
“My favorite part [of ‘Pulp Fiction’] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: ‘Bitch be cool.’ I love those lines.”
On maybe dropping a nuclear weapon on Europe:
Matthews: How about Europe? We won’t use it in Europe?
Trump: I—I’m not going to take it off the table.
Matthews: You might use it in Europe?
[Laughter]
Trump: No, I don’t think so. But I’m not taking . . .
Matthews: Well, just say it. “I will never use a nuclear weapon in Europe.”
Trump: I am not—I am not taking cards off the table.
Matthews: O.K.
Trump: I’m not going to use nuclear, but I’m not taking any cards off the table.
Matthews: O.K. The trouble is, the sane people hear you and the insane people are not affected by your threats. That’s the trouble. The real fanatics say, “Good. Keep it up.”
Trump: I think—I think they’re more affected than you might think.
In one of the kerfuffles that sparked early (and wrong) predictions that Trump’s campaign was about to implode, the Republican candidate appeared at an event in Ames, Iowa, on July 18, during which he derided Arizona Sen. John McCain as “a war hero because he was captured.”
“He’s not a war hero,” Trump said at the Family Leadership Summit, during a discussion. “He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”
Mr. Trump said his experience at the New York Military Academy, an expensive prep school where his parents had sent him to correct poor behavior, gave him “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.”
We could do this all day. If you want more Google is up and running for ya. If Mr. Shreve really believes that Trump has some kind of mandate in this State he is beyond delusional. We know that the good people of Maryland are not going to elect a opportunist, misogynist, xenophobic, bumbling “entertainer” to the highest office of our land. And maybe, just maybe Governor Hogan feels the same way.
You didn’t think there wouldn’t be a new nugget of nonsense from the asshat faction today, did you? That would be positively unthinkable. Remember when we said Cindy Rose should keep her crazy tucked in? Guess what. You, too, you two. What fresh hell have they delivered unto us, on a public platform, for today’s point and laugh session?
There’s some childhood saying about rubber and glue that used to seem kind of silly, but now maybe it looks like 8 year olds have a point. We are sure it is not CE Garner who is the one experiencing the confusion.
And we would like to give a big Tip o’ the Hat to Dan Patrell for his forthright delivery of a small dose of reality. One or two of us may have laughed so hard that we fell off the couch when we read this:
Well done, good sir. Thank you.
Also, guess who has chimed in. So glad he moved on with his life. He has the strangest ways of reinventing himself.
Catch a clue, loser.
How does what he said make any sense? “The rules should be fair to all.” How is it fair to have one business who follows all the rules and one that does not, but has two council members bending backwards on their behalf? Stop being awful!
In point of fact, zoning laws are so your neighbors have some sort of say in what you are doing with the property next door to theirs, since it also affects their property value. Maybe Lady Yokels don’t want The Best Little Whorehouse sprouting up overnight on the property next-door, built of cow dung bricks and lighted with kerosene, regardless of your personal tastes. Just shut up already.
Your Yokel former brides read this story in the FNP this morning. It’s about Shrelauters BFFs at the tree farm/illicit wedding business. Even though the county has tried to be sensitive to the engaged couples, their families, and their friends, who may have planned to come attend a wedding, the business has yet to apply for the temporary permits they could be granted in order to keep the scheduled weddings. Is this over a philosophical disagreement of some kind?
Time keeps on ticking ticking ticking…into the future. So it’s looking less and less like they are going to get their act together. This is really pretty outrageous, and why Shrelauter decided to pick a fight to defend this particular “upstanding” business is an ongoing enigma. Looking like basic dimwits, per usual. Also, probably all this attention is not really doing their dopey BFFs any favors in the marketing department.
It’s all that matters.
The Shrubbery Farm Wedding of Your Dreams’ event coordinators aren’t answering the phone for the FNP reporter, so we won’t bother calling for comment. Aside: we’re joking. You know that right? We don’t call for comments, which is why you still have to subscribe to a local newspaper if you want to have an unsnarkified and objective account of what is happening in Frederick County politics. We will always bend over backwards at any opportunity to reignite a conversation with the main idea being what a public embarrassment Billy Shreve and Kirby Delauter are. Apparently they are determined to make sure we can say something about it. Every. Single. Day.
I has been a bit since our last poll. Let’s close that out and move on to our next topic. Looks like everyone thinks Billy boy would establish a special day for a special person. Thank goodness our polls are not scientific or based in any kind of reality for Frederick.
Stop crapping on everything!
There is so much going on, we can hardly limit ourselves to just one poll this week, but since we actually do have self control, we managed to narrow it down.
Since Kirby and Billy have started doing Facebook reviews of local event venues with poor business practices, numerous brides now know that the most important event of their lives!!!!! (clutch your new, blue hanky) could be jeopardized. At least, if they schedule them at places that fail to comply with common laws that businesses in surely every last county in America are subject to. Luckily Frederick County couples now know which specific places they will plan to avoid, and that they should be cautious about plans down the road, so we extend a hearty, “Thank you!”
Speaking of jeopardizing weddings, Blaine thanks you in advance, as well. Eventually he will find someone willing to overlook his past transgressions and buy his line of nonsense that he again has turned over a new leaf, again (did we say that again?).
The Yokels also thank you, as you have apparently opened our audience up to some new readership. We are speculating that it could be coming from the Oakdale-had-to-move-their-prom feeder area. And also some folks who are also subscribing to The Knot this year.
This should probably just say Fireball and low IQs…
Dontcha just love unintended consequences? That’s Frederick County politics in a nutshell.
frederick local yokel 