Keep it under control people!
Keep it under control people!

This is going to be a looonnnggg meeting.There’s been lots and lots of wedding venue nonsense so brace yourself to hear more. Since it’s budget voting week (Please, please baby Fitzwater wait until at least Wednesday to make your appearance) we expect this meeting to be full of drama and intrigue. For that is the stuff Frederick politics is made of. Keep in mind that we write these games for entertainment purposes only, following this game faithfully will result in your death. Grab your agenda, cue up the feed and follow along.

Budget transfers are a nice way to begin the evening. We have Fire and Rescue, Child Advocacy, Community Development and Utilities on the list. If “someone” decides this is a good time to bring up  the Fire Marshal’s authority have yourself a nice little sip of your Fire Engine.

The easiest part of the agenda. Approving minutes for past meetings that most of the council members attended. When Billy says no, which for the millionth time makes no sense, shake your head slowly from side to side and breathe deeply until you feel that breath way down in your belly.

Next up is an introduction of a bond which will be used to pay for education and other such socialist nonsense. When that fact is insinuated in any way, shape, or form , mix up a pitcher of The Communist. Since we are apparently on communism’s door step.

Hang in there Smokey!
Hang in there Smokey!

It’s time to adopt the FY 2017 budget.  Shrelauter was adamant about not sitting down with the “evil” lady to talk about their priorities, so they didn’t get a say. Let’s not forget the hours wasted listening to Kirby’s 18 rejected amendments. There’s no way we are getting out of this without one of the usual suspects jumping upon their soapbox to proclaim one of the following:

  1. Council is a rubber stamp to County Executive.
  2. We need a budget analyst.
  3. I tried to come up with my own budget.
  4. The end times are here.
  5. Jan is a wedding crasher. Billy doesn’t understand that a wedding crasher is someone that comes to weddings uninvited, not someone who follows the Fire Marshall’s guidance on unsafe structures. But hey, words are hard!

For this one, line up five of your favorite shots (one for each of the absurdities listed above), and slam it back when you hear them spoken!

Great, now who is going to eat all the ticks in my yard? Thanks Shrelauter!
Great, now who is going to eat all the ticks in my yard? Thanks Shrelauter!

Tax hike a.k.a. leave the tax rate the same is up for a vote. We predict this 4-3. Next!

Nine confirmations to various boards, unless it’s an enemy of the state these usually get through without a fight. Take a break from the hard liquor and have yourself a #9 Magic Hat. 

Next up on the list is an approval of a gift that a very nice woman left in her will to the animal shelter. This money has to be approved by the council and we swear to Zeus up on  Mt. Olympus if anyone acts out of this we are going to throw the biggest Yokel fit ever. Hopefully, all of us will be able to just sit back and enjoy a nice Chardonnay in memory of the nice lady who seemed to love animals so much.

We told you this night was going to be long. Now we are onto a public hearing for a historical designation for a property in Ijamsville. Predictably Billy will complain about Trout Run, and perhaps Kirby will as well since he’s now on Xenu’s side. Whenever Trout Run is mentioned, mix yourself up an Alien Brain Hemorrhage.

Motion to go into closed session is always denied by Billy. Make him go home then! We end with public comment. If you are still awake, get yourself a bottle of water and re-hydrate. For you still have to go to work in the morning.