Pick yer poison: Volumes 1 and 2

This may or may not be an actual representation of your Yokels.


Y’all. We are a bit overwhelmed with the number of meetings and the OMGeeee number of candidates in this 2018 local election, so things are going to get quick and dirty here. We will do our best to keep on top of as much as humanly possible while still attending to our regular responsibilities such as work and parenting and whatnot. We do step out of our basements into the Vitamin D and seasonal allergens from time to time, actually. If you’re in need of a refresher on the tradition of anonymous writing in America, we have a whole think piece on that. It seems like some BOE candidates aren’t any better versed in history than they are in language arts…isn’t everyone shocked?

The agenda for Tuesday’s County Council meeting is here, and Billy Shreve may even attend, so just grab whatever you have handy and have at it. That said, guard you precious liver, because there is also a joint meeting of the Council and the Board of Education on Wednesday. Same “rules” apply. What have we done to deserve this?


Return of the haters: Your 8/22 meeting roundup!

Looking right at ya Billy!
If you were following our drinking game, we asked  you to be on the look out for the boosters and haters. Both Billy and Kirby fell firmly into the haters category with Billy well in the lead.

We started off very nicely. Bud recognized Catoctin High School for their character development award. He even calls Kirby down to stand with him since this high school is in his district. Mr. Paul Dial, who is retiring as the Chief Administrative Officer, was also recognized for this 20 years of service to the county!

Then things start to get a little dicey. Budget adjustments are voted on and passed 5-2. Let that sink in. Voted on and passed! After they are passed, Kirby says he has questions concerning one of the adjustments. M.C. wasn’t sure how to handle this, since Kirby should have asked to pull the item BEFORE they voted to pass it. Billy then screams out, “Let him ask his questions!” M.C. responds that it is the President’s job to determine what to do to which Billy smirks and says that everyone thought she was running the meeting anyway. Bud then smacks the gavel down and calls Billy out of order. And man, it didn’t take long to get back right where we left off did it?

Consistency is NOT always a admirable trait!
Back to the budget adjustment. Kirby is questioning the purchase of vehicles. Montevue is getting rid of two smaller wheel chair accessible vans and replacing it with one larger wheel chair accessible bus. So, Kirby uses this chance to grandstand about Montevue and how it’s going to drain every last cent out of the county’s coffers. Well, well, well, what’s that Rick Harcum? This money is coming from a self sufficient fund in which the tax payers don’t have to pay anything? Well, Kirby still wants to know what will happen WHEN that fund fails, to which Harcum replies that he doesn’t have an answer to that because he doesn’t see that happening.


Kirby then has some questions about some other vehicles, but when he finds out that they all have over 100,000 miles  he simply replies, “Okay. That’s fine.” By some further conversation on this subject we are made aware of the fact that these vehicles had already been approved in the 2017 budget. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Billy votes against approving the minutes (he did this with the agenda as well), nobody wants any new workshop items added so we are off to Billy’s one and only bill.

Bud starts off by asking Billy if he has any comments to which Billy replies, ” I moved to approve…”. Billy then asks if anyone has come up with any amendments to his bill. You see folks, Billy thinks that he has so graciously allowed his fellow council members time to modify his bill. In reality, he was trying to get them to do his work for him.  This turns out to be a giant trap, however, because since they didn’t add anything it allows Billy the opportunity to tell them all that they don’t care about businesses in Frederick County. Billy also, at least four times, informs us that since NASCAR could open up a racetrack in the General Commercial (GC) district, then this business, that clearly is not allowed to operate in the GC, should be allowed to. How does that logic suit y’all?

What’s that Tony? You have put forth your own bill that isn’t as “overreaching” as Billy’s?RUH-ROH! Well, it seems as though Tony actually researched this problem, talked to the Town of New Market and has written a bill that M.C. describes as more of ” a scalpel than a sledgehammer.” Billy is not happy about any of this. When M.C. explains to Billy that it is very irresponsible to introduce legislation that you know will have to be fixed later, and brings up the 17 month process it took to formulate a good solar bill as an example, Billy shouts out that it was ABSURD. Really absurd to take your time to make a good piece of legislation, I mean it’s ludicrous people! Remember this part, gentle readers, for at the end Billy will contradict himself. His solution to the problem of other mulch businesses setting up shop in the GC district is that the County Executive can simply issue a moratorium. No problem!

He then lays into Tony. Even though Tony very nicely compliments him, Billy tells him that he doesn’t care about a business in his own district because if he did he would vote for this bill.  The solution is right in front of you Tony! Never mind the fact that the planning commission unanimously voted against this AND it would allow any mulching business to set up shop in the GC district. But NASCAR!

The tantrum isn’t over yet, though it’s so very clear this bill is dead. Billy lets us all know that in the GC district not only could NASCAR set up a race track, but so could:

-Stone cutters

-A bus depot

-An auction to sell large animals

-A zoo

And what does any of this matter? This business was clearly operating in a zone in which it was not supposed to, on a piece of land that they don’t even own! The planning commission hates this bill, the town of New Market hates it and look what the FNP reported that the owner of this business said after this very meeting last night:

“Outside the council chambers, Rick Bussard said he’d not had any problems with the county since the issue first came to light; county planning officials told the council in July that the business had received a courtesy violation and was not accruing fines.”

So, Billy’s hysterics aside it seems as though we can all wait and see what Tony’s bill has to say before making a YUGE mistake by changing what businesses can operate in the GC district. Kirby, who tells Billy that he did a very good job on this bill, is the only one who joins him in voting for this.

We feel the need to admonish Billy here. Not only because he did a very bad job in writing this bill or getting anyone else’s input on it, but also because of his attitude. Besides Kirby, no one is going to be willing to work on anything with him because of the insulting, immature way he treats others. In case you were never taught this Billy, study the old adage that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.


There is  a vote to go into closed session to interview people and you can guess who votes no.

No public comment tonight!!

Kirby and Jerry both have nice things to say. Then it’s Billy’s turn. Remember when we told you earlier to remember that he said that the County Executive could simply issue a moratorium if too many mulching operations set up shop in the GC zone? Well, forget about it! He now wants us to remember when Jan did put a moratorium on solar panel farms and how very horrible and destructive that policy was! Billy once again informs us that the outlook for business is bleak in the county. Contrary to what is actually happening in our county mind you.

Jessica and M.C. end things nicely and we have to be back here next week.

In September, we will see if Billy can swallow his pride to support Tony’s bill. Shall we start taking bets?

A day ending in y. Again.

Yes, folks, Billy is again doing something stupid.

Today there is a letter to the editor printed in the Frederick News Post vilifying everyone but himself for the incident. ICYMI: he inappropriately hosted and photographed the Boy Scouts in the house of our county government–the one run by Democrats and Republicans alike–all adorned with Trump campaign materials. The nerve of this man child, really.

He insists that everyone else apologize and throw a pizza party for the scouts. Which really, someone should start a gofundme for that. We are obviously too lazy to run fundraisers as nonpologies; we have too much fundraising to do for our own kids’ activities. ProMomTip Billy: Costco sized pizza is $10 at Costco. He has abdicated the opportunity to go high, just like  when his pal did the very same thing and threw a misguided tantrum and lashed out at the Catoctin High School athletics program because he was mad about county government ethics rulings, so other people picked up the slack and found a way to fill the void.

Once again, Billy seems just like Trump. Not my fault. You guys made the mistake. You owe everyone. BigLig.

Speaking of which, keep an eye on little Billy today if you are a local Republican. Trump will be up in Gettysburg at an invitation only event, and if you’re not careful Billy will be up there loaning all your money to a guy with a long standing reputation for not paying people back.

Yes, Billy. It's really this simple.
Yes, Billy. It’s really this simple.


What is Billy qualified to do?


If you follow our posts, you know we have approximately infinity examples of Billy’s incompetence as a council member. Let’s call it a Treasury of Billy’s mistakes. Today we have been made aware that his incompetence also extends to his role as Chairman of the local Republican Central Committee.

Danielle Gaines reported in today’s paper  on the occurrence of this delightful incident:

The Frederick County Republican Central Committee’s chairman was planning to lend thousands of dollars to Donald Trump’s campaign in Maryland, where the billionaire presidential candidate faces long odds of winning.

The chairman, Billy Shreve, said the planned expense was canceled. But while it was considered, the nearly $12,000 loan would have represented a significant majority of the committee’s coffers, campaign finance and central committee records show.

Instead, the Maryland Republican Party picked up the expense — because the donation would have violated Federal Election Commission rules. The county central committee made an initial payment, later refunded, without registering an FEC number and without disclosing the expense within the federal campaign finance reporting system.

Such a shock  that Billy wouldn’t understand the Federal Election Commission Rules. I mean really, we didn’t expect that he was going to actually read, or ask, or investigate the proper way to make a donation, did we?  And it’s not clear whether or not the other members of the central committee were keen on spending all the dollars on Trump:

Messages with three members of the Frederick County Republican Central Committee were not immediately returned on Wednesday evening.

Two other members — Darren Wigfield and Mike Bowersox — referred comments to Shreve.

And why would he spend $12,000 on a candidate who has 0.1% chance of winning in Maryland. Aren’t there other candidates on the ballot that money may have been better spent on? The Maryland Republican Party, who hadn’t planned on making this donation, instead donated the money. What was that chairman’s response to what Billy had done?:

“It was something people wanted, so we went ahead and did it …,” Cluster said. “Look, central committees — sometimes they get excited about things.”

Excited?! Kinda like a Labrador Retriever excited? Or a 4 year old child who hasn’t learned any self control kinda excited?  Because honestly Billy could fit into either category. We hope beyond hope that when the next election shows up he is shown the door. At least his position as co-chair of the elect Trump campaign of Frederick County is surely coming to an end.

It sure does!
It sure does!

Can we have one meeting where someone doesn’t complain about the nursing home? The answer, of course, is no.

The discussion of whether or not to approve the non binding Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU)  began and ended with exactly the same point. This meeting was to discuss the county’s TIF (Tax Incremental Funding) bond of $2.8 million. That’s it. Doug Browning (nice to see you back Doug!) and Council Member Keegan-Ayer made that clear at the beginning and end of the discussion. That’s all the county has to consider at this point. Sounds easy, right? WRONG.


Kirby wants it KNOWN that the agreement signed in 2014 with the city is not the same one they are speaking of now. Actually, as Council Member Donald points out, it is! Jerry tells Kirby that he can read it to him and Kirby says: You can read what is says but I am going to tell you what it means!!! That’s right folks, forget about all that vocabulary you learned during your fancy elite schooling because it doesn’t matter! Kirby will now tell you what all the words mean!! Isn’t that a relief?  He wants to make sure that all you jerks are not going to “pin this” on the last BOCC! Kirby rambles on about how everyone is being disingenuous dangling the carrot of Main Street money in front of municipalities. Because of course they will say yes to money! Durh! And finally, he would have never voted for this if he had known we were picking the winners and losers in the hotel business. Hmm, winners and losers… that sounds familiar. Where have we heard that line before?

True conservative Republicans would say that being open for business means no government restrictions, other than protecting the public, allowing the free market to dictate winners and losers.

That’s right, those exact words were in Blaine’s last column that he wrote for the Frederick News Post before that honor was taken away from him because of that unfortunate hotel thing.

Jerry makes some more points about the increase in tax revenue the county will receive and Kirby uses that opportunity to bemoan the nursing homes….again.


Now Billy is waiting in the corner to pounce. He’s got a bunch of  nonsensical questions that all have a very reasonable answer. He tries with a mortgage analogy and fails miserably. Then he tries a car. Tells Doug and Richard it’s as though you are giving them a brand new car and saying here just change the oil and take care of the tires. But bless Richard’s heart, he turns the car analogy around and says: No, it’s as though they built almost the entire car, including the engine, and now they have to take care of it. Thank you for playing along with our village idiot sir.

We haven’t heard much from Tony lately, but he’s using tonight as his chance to step back into the spotlight. He’s doing his thing where he tells us he’s going to vote for whatever is on the table, however, you people are still going to listen to all of his objections to it first. The most curious was that he was lamenting the fact that Fort Detrick would be using a 4 star hotel to hold their meetings. He’s insinuating that those kinds of accommodations are way too nice for government employees. Jeeze, you greedy tax suckers, can’t you just be happy with the old waffle house down by the highway?

M.C. is exasperated by all this talk and tries to redirect the fellas back to the task at hand.  You are only voting on the TIF of $2.8 million (which is lower than what was agreed to in 2014) that will only be used for public improvements, STOP GRANDSTANDING!

No new business items to consider and they vote to go into closed session. Well, all except Billy, because he’s trying to get attention again. Meeting on whether or not they will vote on this MOU will take place on October 25.

What ridonkulous hypocrisy will Kirby treat us to today?

Is this man_______________?
A.) A Idiot
B.) a colossal asshat
C.) a stooge
D.) all of the above

In today’s paper we learn that Kirby the Esteemed Hashtag had his ill-conceived alt-budget published with a special political ad rate in the FNP. From the quality of it we will also guess that it was hastily crafted on the back of a thin paper napkin, scrawled with the splintered nub of an eyeliner tearing through the paper, just in the final 17 minutes before the start of the council meeting. And THEN he submitted for reimbursement from the county! For entirely unclear to us reasons “we the taxpayers,” for whom he is allegedly governing today, actually gave his money back. All for that fantastically stupid printed proposal!


Meanwhile, seemingly encouraged by Frederick County Sen. Michael Hough, R-District 4, Kirby spews forth from the other side of his face to bellyache about Jan Gardner having used a county car that is reserved for county use to attend a county function at a library run by the county. And for the completely greedy reason that her personal vehicle had a flat tire that day. Quelle horreur!


Dear Crazy People,

The ax you are grinding makes your ass look big.


Ladies of the Local Yokel


Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.

Continue reading “Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.”