Election day musings……

It’s taken your Lady Yokels a few days to digest all the election news. Nationally, things worked out very well, The Democrats took the House, and despite this causing the Orange Menace to have a colossal press conference melt-down, it’s the first step to re-establishing some sort of sanity in our country.

Let’s get to the local level. Thank you to the Frederick News Post for all the election graphics. It is so much better to look at than the unofficial results on the Frederick County Board of Elections page. 

WHOO HOO! Three times was NOT the charm for Cindy Rose. Hopefully we can hide all stories about her in the archives and she won’t make us write about her ever again.


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Seriously! Thank you!

And of course we are pleased about this:

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We can only imagine who Kathy would have photoshopped into her official photographs. Earl Robbins didn’t garner the 33% spread that Blaine predicted he would. Isn’t it shocking that the Blaine/Kirby/Cindy endorsement crew couldn’t pull it out for him? Congratulations CE Gardner, we look forward to another great 4 years!

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We are happy/sad about this one. Happy that Kai made it through with the most votes, sad that Susan won’t take the other seat. There are still votes to be counted, so we can’t predict which Republican will take the other seat. And Bud? Well, we had some good times with him on the council. For three years he fended off the craziness of the Shrelauter crew, however some of the things he did towards end of his term cost him votes that he desperately needed as an Independent candidate. We wish him good luck in his future endeavors.

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We were going to be happy with either of these two winning. Who was the write-in candidate again? LOL!!!! We did go to the election site to take a closer look at the write-in numbers.

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Do you remember when Tony said he was running because not enough people came out to vote for him in the primary? Therefore, he HAD to run as the only true conservative. So curious as to how he couldn’t even garner 800 votes. Now we are about to show you something we’ve been sitting on for awhile: Tony didn’t run a very good campaign. The evidence? His PayPal link on his campaign page looked a little like this:

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At least the mansplaining days are almost over!

More good news!:

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These ladies will be the most experienced members of the new county council!

We really hope that this works itself out in Jerry’s favor with the absentee ballots:

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After all, he was in this same boat with Ellen Bartlett four years ago!

And now for the boo hiss portion of this post:

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Hopefully this Blue guy isn’t as obtuse as #kirbydelauter.

And the worst of all local news:

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We know Spazzy! But, you can’t win them all!

We are all so curious as to how this new county government will function! STAY TUNED!


Pick yer poison: Volumes 1 and 2

This may or may not be an actual representation of your Yokels.


Y’all. We are a bit overwhelmed with the number of meetings and the OMGeeee number of candidates in this 2018 local election, so things are going to get quick and dirty here. We will do our best to keep on top of as much as humanly possible while still attending to our regular responsibilities such as work and parenting and whatnot. We do step out of our basements into the Vitamin D and seasonal allergens from time to time, actually. If you’re in need of a refresher on the tradition of anonymous writing in America, we have a whole think piece on that. It seems like some BOE candidates aren’t any better versed in history than they are in language arts…isn’t everyone shocked?

The agenda for Tuesday’s County Council meeting is here, and Billy Shreve may even attend, so just grab whatever you have handy and have at it. That said, guard you precious liver, because there is also a joint meeting of the Council and the Board of Education on Wednesday. Same “rules” apply. What have we done to deserve this?


Return of the haters: Your 8/22 meeting roundup!

Looking right at ya Billy!
If you were following our drinking game, we asked  you to be on the look out for the boosters and haters. Both Billy and Kirby fell firmly into the haters category with Billy well in the lead.

We started off very nicely. Bud recognized Catoctin High School for their character development award. He even calls Kirby down to stand with him since this high school is in his district. Mr. Paul Dial, who is retiring as the Chief Administrative Officer, was also recognized for this 20 years of service to the county!

Then things start to get a little dicey. Budget adjustments are voted on and passed 5-2. Let that sink in. Voted on and passed! After they are passed, Kirby says he has questions concerning one of the adjustments. M.C. wasn’t sure how to handle this, since Kirby should have asked to pull the item BEFORE they voted to pass it. Billy then screams out, “Let him ask his questions!” M.C. responds that it is the President’s job to determine what to do to which Billy smirks and says that everyone thought she was running the meeting anyway. Bud then smacks the gavel down and calls Billy out of order. And man, it didn’t take long to get back right where we left off did it?

Consistency is NOT always a admirable trait!
Back to the budget adjustment. Kirby is questioning the purchase of vehicles. Montevue is getting rid of two smaller wheel chair accessible vans and replacing it with one larger wheel chair accessible bus. So, Kirby uses this chance to grandstand about Montevue and how it’s going to drain every last cent out of the county’s coffers. Well, well, well, what’s that Rick Harcum? This money is coming from a self sufficient fund in which the tax payers don’t have to pay anything? Well, Kirby still wants to know what will happen WHEN that fund fails, to which Harcum replies that he doesn’t have an answer to that because he doesn’t see that happening.


Kirby then has some questions about some other vehicles, but when he finds out that they all have over 100,000 miles  he simply replies, “Okay. That’s fine.” By some further conversation on this subject we are made aware of the fact that these vehicles had already been approved in the 2017 budget. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Billy votes against approving the minutes (he did this with the agenda as well), nobody wants any new workshop items added so we are off to Billy’s one and only bill.

Bud starts off by asking Billy if he has any comments to which Billy replies, ” I moved to approve…”. Billy then asks if anyone has come up with any amendments to his bill. You see folks, Billy thinks that he has so graciously allowed his fellow council members time to modify his bill. In reality, he was trying to get them to do his work for him.  This turns out to be a giant trap, however, because since they didn’t add anything it allows Billy the opportunity to tell them all that they don’t care about businesses in Frederick County. Billy also, at least four times, informs us that since NASCAR could open up a racetrack in the General Commercial (GC) district, then this business, that clearly is not allowed to operate in the GC, should be allowed to. How does that logic suit y’all?

What’s that Tony? You have put forth your own bill that isn’t as “overreaching” as Billy’s?RUH-ROH! Well, it seems as though Tony actually researched this problem, talked to the Town of New Market and has written a bill that M.C. describes as more of ” a scalpel than a sledgehammer.” Billy is not happy about any of this. When M.C. explains to Billy that it is very irresponsible to introduce legislation that you know will have to be fixed later, and brings up the 17 month process it took to formulate a good solar bill as an example, Billy shouts out that it was ABSURD. Really absurd to take your time to make a good piece of legislation, I mean it’s ludicrous people! Remember this part, gentle readers, for at the end Billy will contradict himself. His solution to the problem of other mulch businesses setting up shop in the GC district is that the County Executive can simply issue a moratorium. No problem!

He then lays into Tony. Even though Tony very nicely compliments him, Billy tells him that he doesn’t care about a business in his own district because if he did he would vote for this bill.  The solution is right in front of you Tony! Never mind the fact that the planning commission unanimously voted against this AND it would allow any mulching business to set up shop in the GC district. But NASCAR!

The tantrum isn’t over yet, though it’s so very clear this bill is dead. Billy lets us all know that in the GC district not only could NASCAR set up a race track, but so could:

-Stone cutters

-A bus depot

-An auction to sell large animals

-A zoo

And what does any of this matter? This business was clearly operating in a zone in which it was not supposed to, on a piece of land that they don’t even own! The planning commission hates this bill, the town of New Market hates it and look what the FNP reported that the owner of this business said after this very meeting last night:

“Outside the council chambers, Rick Bussard said he’d not had any problems with the county since the issue first came to light; county planning officials told the council in July that the business had received a courtesy violation and was not accruing fines.”

So, Billy’s hysterics aside it seems as though we can all wait and see what Tony’s bill has to say before making a YUGE mistake by changing what businesses can operate in the GC district. Kirby, who tells Billy that he did a very good job on this bill, is the only one who joins him in voting for this.

We feel the need to admonish Billy here. Not only because he did a very bad job in writing this bill or getting anyone else’s input on it, but also because of his attitude. Besides Kirby, no one is going to be willing to work on anything with him because of the insulting, immature way he treats others. In case you were never taught this Billy, study the old adage that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.


There is  a vote to go into closed session to interview people and you can guess who votes no.

No public comment tonight!!

Kirby and Jerry both have nice things to say. Then it’s Billy’s turn. Remember when we told you earlier to remember that he said that the County Executive could simply issue a moratorium if too many mulching operations set up shop in the GC zone? Well, forget about it! He now wants us to remember when Jan did put a moratorium on solar panel farms and how very horrible and destructive that policy was! Billy once again informs us that the outlook for business is bleak in the county. Contrary to what is actually happening in our county mind you.

Jessica and M.C. end things nicely and we have to be back here next week.

In September, we will see if Billy can swallow his pride to support Tony’s bill. Shall we start taking bets?

A day ending in y. Again.

Yes, folks, Billy is again doing something stupid.

Today there is a letter to the editor printed in the Frederick News Post vilifying everyone but himself for the incident. ICYMI: he inappropriately hosted and photographed the Boy Scouts in the house of our county government–the one run by Democrats and Republicans alike–all adorned with Trump campaign materials. The nerve of this man child, really.

He insists that everyone else apologize and throw a pizza party for the scouts. Which really, someone should start a gofundme for that. We are obviously too lazy to run fundraisers as nonpologies; we have too much fundraising to do for our own kids’ activities. ProMomTip Billy: Costco sized pizza is $10 at Costco. He has abdicated the opportunity to go high, just like  when his pal did the very same thing and threw a misguided tantrum and lashed out at the Catoctin High School athletics program because he was mad about county government ethics rulings, so other people picked up the slack and found a way to fill the void.

Once again, Billy seems just like Trump. Not my fault. You guys made the mistake. You owe everyone. BigLig.

Speaking of which, keep an eye on little Billy today if you are a local Republican. Trump will be up in Gettysburg at an invitation only event, and if you’re not careful Billy will be up there loaning all your money to a guy with a long standing reputation for not paying people back.

Yes, Billy. It's really this simple.
Yes, Billy. It’s really this simple.


What is Billy qualified to do?


If you follow our posts, you know we have approximately infinity examples of Billy’s incompetence as a council member. Let’s call it a Treasury of Billy’s mistakes. Today we have been made aware that his incompetence also extends to his role as Chairman of the local Republican Central Committee.

Danielle Gaines reported in today’s paper  on the occurrence of this delightful incident:

The Frederick County Republican Central Committee’s chairman was planning to lend thousands of dollars to Donald Trump’s campaign in Maryland, where the billionaire presidential candidate faces long odds of winning.

The chairman, Billy Shreve, said the planned expense was canceled. But while it was considered, the nearly $12,000 loan would have represented a significant majority of the committee’s coffers, campaign finance and central committee records show.

Instead, the Maryland Republican Party picked up the expense — because the donation would have violated Federal Election Commission rules. The county central committee made an initial payment, later refunded, without registering an FEC number and without disclosing the expense within the federal campaign finance reporting system.

Such a shock  that Billy wouldn’t understand the Federal Election Commission Rules. I mean really, we didn’t expect that he was going to actually read, or ask, or investigate the proper way to make a donation, did we?  And it’s not clear whether or not the other members of the central committee were keen on spending all the dollars on Trump:

Messages with three members of the Frederick County Republican Central Committee were not immediately returned on Wednesday evening.

Two other members — Darren Wigfield and Mike Bowersox — referred comments to Shreve.

And why would he spend $12,000 on a candidate who has 0.1% chance of winning in Maryland. Aren’t there other candidates on the ballot that money may have been better spent on? The Maryland Republican Party, who hadn’t planned on making this donation, instead donated the money. What was that chairman’s response to what Billy had done?:

“It was something people wanted, so we went ahead and did it …,” Cluster said. “Look, central committees — sometimes they get excited about things.”

Excited?! Kinda like a Labrador Retriever excited? Or a 4 year old child who hasn’t learned any self control kinda excited?  Because honestly Billy could fit into either category. We hope beyond hope that when the next election shows up he is shown the door. At least his position as co-chair of the elect Trump campaign of Frederick County is surely coming to an end.

It sure does!
It sure does!

Can we have one meeting where someone doesn’t complain about the nursing home? The answer, of course, is no.

The discussion of whether or not to approve the non binding Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU)  began and ended with exactly the same point. This meeting was to discuss the county’s TIF (Tax Incremental Funding) bond of $2.8 million. That’s it. Doug Browning (nice to see you back Doug!) and Council Member Keegan-Ayer made that clear at the beginning and end of the discussion. That’s all the county has to consider at this point. Sounds easy, right? WRONG.


Kirby wants it KNOWN that the agreement signed in 2014 with the city is not the same one they are speaking of now. Actually, as Council Member Donald points out, it is! Jerry tells Kirby that he can read it to him and Kirby says: You can read what is says but I am going to tell you what it means!!! That’s right folks, forget about all that vocabulary you learned during your fancy elite schooling because it doesn’t matter! Kirby will now tell you what all the words mean!! Isn’t that a relief?  He wants to make sure that all you jerks are not going to “pin this” on the last BOCC! Kirby rambles on about how everyone is being disingenuous dangling the carrot of Main Street money in front of municipalities. Because of course they will say yes to money! Durh! And finally, he would have never voted for this if he had known we were picking the winners and losers in the hotel business. Hmm, winners and losers… that sounds familiar. Where have we heard that line before?

True conservative Republicans would say that being open for business means no government restrictions, other than protecting the public, allowing the free market to dictate winners and losers.

That’s right, those exact words were in Blaine’s last column that he wrote for the Frederick News Post before that honor was taken away from him because of that unfortunate hotel thing.

Jerry makes some more points about the increase in tax revenue the county will receive and Kirby uses that opportunity to bemoan the nursing homes….again.


Now Billy is waiting in the corner to pounce. He’s got a bunch of  nonsensical questions that all have a very reasonable answer. He tries with a mortgage analogy and fails miserably. Then he tries a car. Tells Doug and Richard it’s as though you are giving them a brand new car and saying here just change the oil and take care of the tires. But bless Richard’s heart, he turns the car analogy around and says: No, it’s as though they built almost the entire car, including the engine, and now they have to take care of it. Thank you for playing along with our village idiot sir.

We haven’t heard much from Tony lately, but he’s using tonight as his chance to step back into the spotlight. He’s doing his thing where he tells us he’s going to vote for whatever is on the table, however, you people are still going to listen to all of his objections to it first. The most curious was that he was lamenting the fact that Fort Detrick would be using a 4 star hotel to hold their meetings. He’s insinuating that those kinds of accommodations are way too nice for government employees. Jeeze, you greedy tax suckers, can’t you just be happy with the old waffle house down by the highway?

M.C. is exasperated by all this talk and tries to redirect the fellas back to the task at hand.  You are only voting on the TIF of $2.8 million (which is lower than what was agreed to in 2014) that will only be used for public improvements, STOP GRANDSTANDING!

No new business items to consider and they vote to go into closed session. Well, all except Billy, because he’s trying to get attention again. Meeting on whether or not they will vote on this MOU will take place on October 25.

What ridonkulous hypocrisy will Kirby treat us to today?

Is this man_______________?
A.) A Idiot
B.) a colossal asshat
C.) a stooge
D.) all of the above

In today’s paper we learn that Kirby the Esteemed Hashtag had his ill-conceived alt-budget published with a special political ad rate in the FNP. From the quality of it we will also guess that it was hastily crafted on the back of a thin paper napkin, scrawled with the splintered nub of an eyeliner tearing through the paper, just in the final 17 minutes before the start of the council meeting. And THEN he submitted for reimbursement from the county! For entirely unclear to us reasons “we the taxpayers,” for whom he is allegedly governing today, actually gave his money back. All for that fantastically stupid printed proposal!


Meanwhile, seemingly encouraged by Frederick County Sen. Michael Hough, R-District 4, Kirby spews forth from the other side of his face to bellyache about Jan Gardner having used a county car that is reserved for county use to attend a county function at a library run by the county. And for the completely greedy reason that her personal vehicle had a flat tire that day. Quelle horreur!


Dear Crazy People,

The ax you are grinding makes your ass look big.


Ladies of the Local Yokel


Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.

Continue reading “Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.”

Refuse the refuse: off gassing of the landfill discussion

Oh, man. Tread carefully around the landfill workshop held at Kirby’s behest.  By the time we got through the new business, day drinking seemed like an attractive option. It seems that ‘ol Hashtag thought he was going to get a constituent issue addressed by calling the Waste Management staff out so he and his drinking buddies could needle them about how they figure out if people are allowed to bring trash from outside the county and dump it in our landfill or not, which is not allowed. There’s some cautioning from staff about making imprudent decisions that could inadvertently drastically increase the amount of trash, filling the landfill faster.

There is some general agreement amongst thinking council persons and county attorneys alike that if a legislative issue is going to be solved, a bill is needed. A mystery person will have to identify the problem and draft said bill, because the person who needs to understand how all this works has no idea what everyone else might be talking about. His main point in a nutshell seems to be, “I know about a complaint my constituent has. No one else thinks it is a problem. No one else will fix it for me, but if you don’t do what I want, I will continue to waste vast amounts of time AND be a loud mouthed blowhard.”

The fact that constituent issues are not on the agenda for discussion at this time prompts a huge Delauterburst man-tantrum during the staff briefing. And you don’t have to take our word for it, because did Kirby Delauter take his tantrum to social media (also, it’s at about 43 mins on the archived video)? Well, does a bear poo in the woods? You betcha. Look at that. He didn’t even have to write this himself.

STFU morans.
“…have never ran?” You don’t say…well, we wouldn’t say that, but whatever. Language evolves, right? Semantics also take a big role in this whole brouhaha.

Bud tries to move on and thank the staff for their help during the briefing, and Billy cuts him short to say they aren’t done yet, and then says, “It’s like Romper Room in here.” Bud quietly offers back, “Sure is.” lololololololllllllllllll  (indeed).

Billy and Kirby should watch Romper Room and refresh their manners.
Billy and Kirby should watch Romper Room and refresh their manners.

Jessica proposes a workshop regarding human trafficking, because several counties have task forces applicable to the issue. And between the lines, right? If we are going to have a prominent former (and yet still aspiring politician) soliciting hookers, it becomes a pet local concern. Billy then says that there are lots of groups both for and against this issue, at which point we have to feel so grateful to Jerry Donald for saying (in the appropriate appalled voice) what we were shouting at our screens, “THERE ARE GROUPS THAT ARE FOR HUMAN TRAFFICKING?!?!?!?!?!” To which Billy mutters, “Well yah…depending on how you define human trafficking…” Good grief. The Confederacy lost, right? That passes 5-2 and we know you know which marionettes didn’t vote for that, right?

Billy has a whole festering bunch of ideas for workshops, making the entire New Business section of the agenda a train wreck. It’s hard to distill a word cloud of Billy’s brain into a cogent prose form. They are not even fully formed thoughts as Billy brings them forth as motions to add to the agenda, in most cases, and the others (with particular kudos to the patience of M.C. Keegan-Ayer here) try to divine what he means and reword these vague notions into something that can be worked within a “yea/nay” decision making format. This section is entirely analogous to his previous legislative priority to send to Annapolis, “Understanding what regulations impede the operation of roadside hot dog stands.” New readers, we swear we are not making this up.

These are various ideas along the lines of, “Understand how citizens make claims against the county, or how the county administers claims, what zoning stuff is obsolete, what it takes to file a complaint, a reasonable timeline for complaints, oh wait I mean for complying with zoning and building violations.” There are points at which Tony Chmelik seems to try and talk some sense into him, but he derides the need for word smithery. As though effective communication has no purpose in legislating. Tony notes that phone calls could be made to find out information.

Jerry Donald also suggests using email. Billy and Jerry repeatedly go at it, because Billy is peeved that you can’t just have a meeting every time he would rather not do anything like wait for a constituent concern, address it with legislation, and discuss it in a pertinent public hearing at that time. When Jerry Donald has to give an impromptu workshop on “How the County Council Works,” he gets called an elitist. It’s a point Billy throws at him repeatedly, when he continues to allude to the fact in rather diplomatic (if impatient) terms that he is wasting everyone’s valuable time. Not to be lost: knowing how to do your job is elitist in B.S. World.


Another infuriating problem through all of this is that Billy accuses the government of being dysfunctional because it is meant to follow a clear procedure, yet he seems to be on an open door lets-look-for-problems-no-one-has-identified-yet fact finding mission, so that someone–but definitely not him or Kirbycan write some new legislation.

Please, Frederick County, at the next local election let’s take out our trash.

Are our council members listening? Your June 7th drinking game!

Leroy! You took the game too far! Don’t be like Leroy, people!

Seriously folks, if the Lady Yokels find you peeking out of trashcans we may have to put a moratorium on these games! It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had one, so take care if you think your tolerance may be low. Let’s begin this game with a hearty congratulations to Jessica and her husband on the birth of their son. Between us Lady Yokels there are 8 Junior Yokels running around. So welcome to the club Councilwoman Fitzwater!

Grab your agenda and follow along, there’s lots of items tonight and lots of times that the folks on the dais need to utilize their listening skills. Hopefully they are all paying attention and NOT staring at the phones for advice.

Public comment is back on the top of the agenda. 15 minutes max at 3 minutes each, means 5 folks max. If any of these 5 folks decide this is a good time to call our esteemed Council President a turncoat, slam back a Benedict Arnold with a smile upon your face.

It's certainly tragic when things don't work out the way you thought they would.
It’s certainly tragic when things don’t work out the way you thought they would.

Nine, that’s right nine, budget transfers are up next! We are probably pretty good until we get to the  bottom two concerning school construction. When the objections come, mix up some Harvey Wallbanger, since we are all so close to banging our heads on the wall.

It’s listening time now. An update will be made by the Maryland Association of Counties. Hopefully Billy and Kirby haven’t partaken of any Fireball shots beforehand and are now engaging in some drunk texting that would cause some kind of embarrassing political resignation. (Who are we kidding, drink away fellas!) In their honor, have a Fireball shot every time they seem to be distracted by their electronic lifeline.


Time to approve the County Executive’s appointment to the Maryland Fire Service Professional Qualifications Board. If this is met with any static, mix up a Flaming Asshole. Yes, we said it!

It’s time to either approve or reject the historic designation for Glenellen Farm in Ijamsville. When Billy or Turncoat Kirby object to this on account of the brain-washers not getting their “drug treatment” facility, go ahead and have yourself a UFO and good luck driving those nasty Thetans out of your body!


Next up is a renewal for a contract for an external audit. We hear some talk here and there about accountability and outside opinions, so if any nonsense shall occur, sip on your Billionaire cocktail. Since that’s what all these county employees are anyway, right?

Listening time again! A presentation from the department of Solid Waste management and an overview of Agricultural Preservation Programs. We’ll keep the drink the same. If anyone is staring at their electronic delight instead of the informative presentation have yourself a Fireball shot!

Lastly, it’s a presentation of amendments to the Charter from both the County Executive and Council. It’s a long list so we will refer you back to the agenda if you want to see it for yourself. Since that’s probably enough drinking for tonight, get yourself a nice cold drink of that EPA regulated water and re-hydrate.

We’ll update you on the meeting as soon as we humanly can!