Tis The Night of the Beating of the Dead Horses! Part One!

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We are going to put forth a motion to re-name budget season! It will now be known as: “The time when the dead horses get their due!” We’ve been covering the council for two years now, and this time of the year is always the WORST. Kirby hasn’t trotted out his nonsensical budget thus far, but PATIENCE! For it will occur. Let’s get you up to speed on tonight’s beating  meeting.

Tony pulls the 3rd reading of his bill allowing farms to host events. Recognizes it had many faults and the planning commission was not going to approve it. Plans to bring it back at a later date.

Kirby wants a budget adjustment pulled concerning new fire trucks, and what’s that we hear?! Billy wants one pulled as well! He wants the Veteran’s court adjustment pulled. More on those two in a minute.  Billy wants to know who is running the meeting and he is ignored.  All is right with the world..for a moment.

6-1 in favor of approving the agenda. Billy is not, even though he got his item pulled.  7-0 for the consent agenda. Which is curious because didn’t Billy say that he abstained from all budget votes because he didn’t have enough information? 

Now, it’s time to talk about the fire trucks. You see folks, the fire department NEEDS a new ladder truck and four new pumper trucks. Turns out we don’t have any reserve vehicles in this county. AND the ladder truck they want to replace is 17 years old. This transfer needs to be approved as soon as possible because the prices will go up in June and they still need to secure financing. Local heroes, Rick Harcum and Lori Depies, along with representatives from the Frederick County Fire Department, explain the necessity of this. Well, well, well, you nice folks are going to get some Shrelauter and Tony treatment first! Kirby doesn’t think the old trucks are at their end cycle, and Billy doesn’t have enough info!! Tony says that it is “unfortunate” and “inappropriate” that they aren’t given all the information and they are just expected to “take one person’s word for it”.  Ms. Depies explains, ever so calmly, that the info Billy wants was sent to the County Executive since she is the signer and executor of the lease. The council’s job is to simply transfer the money, that was already set aside for this exact purchase, to another part of the budget. You see folks, it had already been decided to buy these trucks last budget cycle!  They’ve found  an alternative lease program. Instead of getting an operational lease, that you have to pay taxes on, they will get a capital lease that will be tax exempt! So, they aren’t arguing over whether or not to buy these trucks, as that was decided last year. They simply have to move the ALREADY allocated money from one part of the budget to another to SAVE the county some money. What do these guys even believe in anymore? Also, lease seems to be another trigger word for Kirby. For when it is said, he goes on and on about how his school lease back idea could have also saved the county lots and lots of cash!

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Final vote: 5 Ayes, 1 No (Kirby) and 1 Abstain (Guess who?).

Not really sure why Billy pulled the Veteran’s court item, as it seemed to be because he wanted to let Judge Rolle talk about it.  Couldn’t that have been handled another way? That budget item was passed 7-0.  We did notice that Billy does use his manners around people he seems to like.

Constant Yield time.

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Yes, it was horrible. The rate is staying the same. Kirby has some questions, no wait, not a question, a clarification. Wants us all to know that the concept says, well, he’s not going to read the whole thing but, blah, blah, blah, it’s a tax increase. When it’s not. The rate stays the same, but here we are again:

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There’s a heated discussion between Kirby and Jerry about how the BOCC raised taxes back in 2013 when they applied the fire tax rate to all municipalities. To which Kirby first says is not true, but then says they were playing a shell game and had to do the most fair thing. So…even if it was necessary Kirby, you still raised taxes. Why can’t those words leave your lips? Approval to have a public hearing over keeping the constant yield rate the same was passed 5-2. Kirby voted with Bud and the Democrats! Is the world ending?

Frederick County Hazard Mitigation Plan is passed 7-0.  Go to Frederick Alert and pick the notifications you would like to receive.

Last item before the break was the approval of transportation priorities. The top three are:

  1. Route 15 between I-70 and Route 26.
  2. Route 194
  3. Route 85 between Spectrum and Guilford Drives.

Passed 6-1, with Billy voting no.

Second half of the meeting begins at 7:00.

It’s time for your drinking game, spring break edition.

fclocalyokel1 Comment
Celebrate while you can Sunny.

FCPS is currently on Spring Break! We are trying to soak up every minute with our dearest children since our overlord Governor Hogan has pretty much nixed any hopes of more than a four day weekend yippe skippy spring break fun time in the future. Channel your inner college break constitution, but remember this is just for fun. Don’t overdo the alcohol. Grab your agenda and steel your mind for the ride!

We hope you had a good holiday. You are going to need to hold onto that good mood when this week’s meeting starts with budget adjustments. When there is a BS abstention on budget items for no good reason throw back a truffle bunny, because we know you need a tiny excuse to steal your kid’s candy.

Next up are a few business items. The constant yield tax rate is one of the items. The crystal ball says there will be denial if the constant rate actually stays constant. Throw back a tax break because who has patience for this? Bonus drink if you managed to get your own taxes done by tax day. Next up are hazard mitigation and transportation updates. We recommend abstaining on drinks for those discussions. Save your liver for what’s up next.

Time for the 3rd reading of Limited Private Event Venues Bill. If Council Member Chmelik doesn’t vote Aye for his own Bill drink a poison apple.

Break time! Have some carbs. There are 3 second readings to get through when the meeting reconvenes.

Prepare to throw back some local shots as distilleries, ethics and solar facilities are discussed. We know there will be dead horse flogging during the ethics reading. That poor horse is so dead and flogged that all we can recommend is have a long tall glass of water to quench your tbirst.

Finally, we have a draft budget, followed by public and council member comments. We predict some council member complete nonsense during comments, so finish strong with a bullshit.

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If only this weren’t necessary.

 

WHUT did we just listen to?

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Billy Shreve was a guest on yesterday’s Bravo and Quill show on WTHU, but isn’t it more fun to rearrange that call sign???  And he was as awful as you would expect him to be. Billy was first asked to identify the three most pressing issues facing Frederick County. Billy explains that the local concerns reflect the national ones:

  1. Safety and security- Since ISIS is bombarding Europe and American gun sales are way up we are all scared. It’s like Pavlov said. (Billy soon realizes he meant Maslow, and asked, “Pavlov was the one with the dogs, right?”)
  2. Taxes
  3.  Growth/school overcrowding

The topic of growth and school overcrowding takes up the first part of the program. Billy is asked why things aren’t planned in advance. And we are treated to an explanation that it only takes 4 months to make a house but 3 years to build a school. He pulls out his HORRIBLE suggestion–one that Dr. Alban shot down with many logical reasons last year–when he says we could just move the 5th graders to the middle school and the 8th graders to the high school. Billy also lets us know that when he was re-districted as a child it was great! He had twice as many friends then AND it was no drain on him educationally.

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RIGHT!

On to crime!!! Billy hasn’t seen any sexual trafficking. (Cough, cough!) But heroin is through the roof. It starts when people get those FREE painkillers from the doctor and then they move onto heroin. Makes us wonder what kind of health insurance Billy has! Well folks, he did his film festival last year so he knows the drugs are bad, but as to solutions? Who knows! When the talk turns to marijuana dispensaries and how they will be run he has this sage prediction:

” There will be a honeymoon, divorce and then a re-marriage”.

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This however, is the most incredible thing Billy utters:

“You have to have reasons why you are against things!”

We know, friends, we know.

Towards the end of the program, Billy is asked why he abstains. And he so eloquently responds:

” So people like you ask why I do it!”

He then claims that he only abstains from the budget issues! (FALSE- We’ve seen him abstain not only from the budget adjustments, but also from approving the agenda and minutes.) He proclaims proudly that he is the only one that abstains and that it is voting! He’s showing the world that he doesn’t have enough information to vote! And MY ZEUS, people! Does he realize that he’s announcing to the world that he isn’t qualified to be a county council member?!

We end with what one of the host calls the lightning round. An issue is thrown out to which Billy has to respond quickly:

  1. Fracking ban- bad for Western Maryland. We’ll see what Governor Hogan has to say about it. UMMM, Billy…he signed it…..weeks ago.
  2. Sick leave bill- horrible for small business.
  3. Are you running for County Executive? No, he’s leaning towards District 3 State Senator. But, you know, he’s great friends with Ron. However, we are in need of some new representation there!

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We know it’s a lot to process folks. There is NO way we can send this embarrassment to Annapolis to represent our fine district. NO WAY.

Check out the brain on Billy: deploralogical edition

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Ooh la la. We nearly missed this gem in the FNP, and naturally in the Best Of “Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do” Category we have a Shrelauter. Both the City of and the County of Frederick would like to limit rezoning in the “lame duck” sessions of their legislative boards. And what does Deplorable And Proud of It think of that? You’re going to be so tickled (when tickled is something like the burning itch of athete’s foot):

“Elected officials are elected for their whole four years, not three years and three months,” he said in a phone interview Wednesday. (Billy Shreve in the Frederick News Post)

Announcement: Billy is superlative. He is the actual worst.

Remember when President of the United States Barack Obama couldn’t nominate a Supreme Court Justice–even with the checks and balances of Senate confirmation–months and months before the election even happened? Way before he actually became a “lame duck?” Because it was an election year. Of course you do! We are smack in the thick of a hypocritical wasteland of dramatic irony right now, at the federal and local levels. It’s exhilaratingly stupid. And also exhausting.

Billy cannot help himself during this phone interview. If this measure passes he’s also going to suggest that county council members give up 9 months salary. You know cause there won’t be any work to do! Maybe Billy can start the trend by donating $18,750 to the Frederick County Parks and Recreation department!

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We are 100% sure that this hero’s Frederick County counterpart will mirror his expression!

Oh, also, the reason our delightful County Executive suggests this measure could be worthwhile that the last BOCC hastily rammed through a bunch of zoning changes. So, there’s that. A thing that even if you didn’t know, you kind of knew, because that’s just how they rolled.

Is silence always good? Your April 4th meeting breakdown!

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Seriously folks, what’s in store for us?

Besides a couple of utterances of yes, Kirby was as quiet as a dormouse last night. We know we should rejoice that no more dead horses were beaten, but we can’t help but feel that it may just be the quiet before the storm.

You can guess who wasn’t quiet tonight. You know what Billy’s behavior reminds us of? We’ve all come into contact with that person , be it young or old, who is confused about what is going on around them.  And instead of asking questions or perhaps due to a serious mental issue, they lash out at everyone else like they are the idiot. THAT! Case in point, when Bud turns the meeting over to M.C. to run so he can introduce an amendment, Billy screams, “Why?!”  To which poor Bud has to re-state what he already said about introducing an amendment.  So tedious.

Billy is the only one who votes against the $100 million bond authority bill. No explanation, not even sure he knows why anymore, just no.

The discussion concerning the Farm Distilleries and Tasting Room bill was interesting. Lots of amendments made and some really good discussion from the 5 that appear to understand what their job entails. The vote for the 1st amendment to this bill is the most interesting we’ve seen by far:

Donald-Nay

Chemlik-Yay

Keegan-Ayre-Nay

Fitzwater Yay

Delauter-No

Shreve-Yes

Otis-Yay

So, as we said, interesting.

New bill with all of it’s amendments will have to go back to public hearing.

There’s a break until 7:00 to discuss Tony’s bill concerning events on farms. Not many people were for this, and there were quite a few against. It looks as though there’s going to have to be a lot of changes in order for this to garner public support. We cannot imagine living peacefully out in the country and then having our neighbor rent their land out for weddings every weekend during the warm months. It could be an intolerable living situation.

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This we do have to say, and Council Members Donald and Fitzwater touched on this during their comments, kudos for Tony for trying to solve a problem. This is how a legislative body is supposed to work.

Chemlik and Delauter pass on their comments and how we wish Shreve did as well. His contribution to the discussion is that we need to define what a farm is and go out and get our feet dirty. No other legislation should be introduced until they define exactly what a farm is. Can you just imagine that discussion people? Everyone else had nice things to say and how sorry we are that those good points are often lost due to the noise of the absurd.

Tonight the County Council and BOE are having a joint meeting. Check out the agenda here. 

Happy Anniversary to US!!!!

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Pew! Pew!

This week marks our two year anniversary!! Where has the time gone, y’all?  In that time we have managed to garner over 1,000 followers on Facebook and over 400 on Twitter!!! That’s not counting those that follow us directly from the blog! Thanks for making this so fun for us!  We look forward to bringing you the latest on the upcoming county council/executive races. It’s going to be a doozy!

Let’s keep those dogs tethered!! Your April 4th drinking game!!

fclocalyokel3 Comments

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It’s Legislative Day in Olde Fredericktowne!!! Billy was extra rude at the last workshop, so we’ll see if he steps it up this week. Remember to use extreme caution when following this game, as it is only for fun. Grab the agenda and fire up your FCGTV!

One budget adjustment on the list! If your favorite non-reader suggests you go to a now defunct bookstore to get your reading materials slam back a Taming of the Shrewdriver.

Next up is putting signatures upon the Urbana re-zoning decision. Zeus have mercy! We are going to hear it! To steady your nerves fortify yourself with a Sad, Alone on a Beach.

Next up is a financial report on Citizens/Montevue. So we’ll just leave this here:

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Oh the poor horses in this county!
Three first readings on the docket: Zoning Map Amendments during election years, Dog Tethering, and payment regarding Moderately Priced Dwelling Units. We know by now that first readings are only for informational purposes. It’s not the time to argue or grandstand. If our favorite “entity” forgets that mix up a pitcher of Brain Erasers. If only we could start from scratch with those two.

Two bills are on their third reading, which means it’s time for the council to vote on them.  We have General Obligation Bill Authorization and the Distillery and Brewing bill. If Billy cannot address people in a mature way,  sip on your Idiot Box while pondering the fact that this fool thinks he deserves to be our State Senator.

We go to break and reconvene at 7:00 for a public hearing.

Tony’s bill on Limited Private Event Venues is the subject for the evening.  We’ve been hearing some rumblings about this so we’ll see how it goes. But kudos for the 1/3 of the Republicans up there who actually wrote a piece of legislation.

Lastly, public and council member comments. Surely, we will be lectured about how terrible everything is. And how since we didn’t let Kirby do his unrealistic, expensive lease back idea, and as a result of not compromising with every law breaking business in the county we are all going to hell in a hand basket. Maybe Billy will even accuse a county employee of hiding something because he can’t get an advance copy (that he surely won’t read) of some plan. If these unfortunate events occur, cue up Bloodlines on Netflix so you can see that things can always get worse.

 

 

Who wants to be our County Executive? Kathy Afzali edition!

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Mr. Hopkins is doing it better than you!

We’ve already alerted you to the fact that #kirbydelauter has a fancy new website up and running to collect all your money for his County Executive bid. Word is that former contender for that office, Blaine Young, is jumping aboard as his campaign manager. And BAWHAAHA! Please let that be true! Today we have some insight into our other rumored Republican contender for that office, Delegate Kathy Afzali.

In one of our fave FNP sections, Political Notes, we are made aware of how Delegate Afzali is conducting herself while representing our fine area in Annapolis. Turns out, not so good! You see, Delegate Afzali refuses to participate in the General Assembly’s women caucus. And wait until you see the REASONS:

“Afzali said she chooses not to take part in the caucus for several reasons. One, she said, is that so-called women’s issues generally apply to the population at large. She also feels that most of the discussion in caucus meetings would likely focus on liberal topics.”

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Best go back into hibernation Mr. Fluffs!

Do we seriously have a delegate who believes that women’s issues do not exist? Is sexism over in Ms. Afzali’s imaginary utopia?  If that part isn’t astounding enough, let’s pay attention to the second part of her reasoning. It appears the Delegate cannot bear to be in the same room with those who do not subscribe to her point of view. We can imagine it can be quite taxing to share the same air with those who, through the thorough study of history, realize that women’s issues are not at all the same as those that men face.  And let us also call attention to her use of the word likely, as it appears she doesn’t even know what is going on in these meetings that she has taken such strides to avoid!

What makes this even sweeter for us to write about is that many Republican women statewide do NOT share Afzali’s point of view. In fact the article reported to us:

“Rey, a Republican who frequently takes part in floor debates in the House, said she enjoys the caucus meetings as a time to speak candidly with other lawmakers.”

“I think it’s a good place to really discuss the issues and it’s an opportunity to understand different points of view,” Rey said.”

WOW!! Can we trade Kathy for this gal?! If you want a chance at being our County Executive you better shape up lady! We ladies know that while we have made great strides in this country, there is still work to be done. And, if you do happen to be elected county executive, you sure as hell better get used to hearing opposing viewpoints. Because right now, you are doing it all WRONG!

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Workshop Livable Frederick: Kirby is better than Billy

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Mr. Horne and friends came to visit the Council yesterday to discuss the comprehensive plan and the new approach under County Executive Jan Gardner. The plan needs revamping after changes to zoning in 2012. You may remember that a steering committee was established and the County put out a survey that solicited feedback from residents and the panel said that they felt very pleased with the rate of response and diversity of views represented in the information they have collected. This included 15,000 comments and responses to open-ended survey questions.

Good points were made, such as the need to be more proactive with planning for future growth, as we have been reactive in the past. Special concerns included anticipating a fairly dramatic increase in our aging population and preparing for future transportation policy needs.

Stupid points were made, too, and you get two guesses as to who made them. First one doesn’t count! Just as quick as they concluded, Billy had questions. His questions always seem to be of an I didn’t really understand what was going on just now, so I’m going to pick an argument over something trivial to make myself seem involved nature. Billy wants to know why the title is Livable Frederick when it is really the comprehensive plan. This went on in a hostile tone and for far longer than good manners allow. Namaste to the gentleman who seized upon the teachable analogy. Internal monologue something like:

I wonder what this guy already knows about that I can relate this concept to? Oooh. This is gonna be difficult. Not seltzer. That’s elitist like arugula. Aha! Big Gulp! He worked at 7-11. It says so in his bio. Thank goodness I did my research and knew to expect these hard hitting questions at a county workshop…

“It’s like…Coca-Cola. They don’t have to tell you it is a sweetened carbonated beverage, because people understand that.”

 

But, instead we have Billy.

You just made yourself look stupid!

We have no complaints about Kirby, for a change. He has to float criticism. It’s his way. But, thank goodness it was respectful and rant-free. In fact, we have been mulling over the several ways in which Kirby is actually better than Billy. For another day.

Giddy with idiocy

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If it pleases the rabble, we would like to direct your attention to a masterpiece of comedy published as an op-ed in today’s Frederick News Post by Monsieur Harry Covert, Esteemed Confrere of Galahad Sweetbottom of the Cotswolds at The Tentacle The Slippery Noodles Blogging Coterie. It is some fan fiction in which Mssr. Covert suggests ways in which an unconstitutional travel ban might be achieved by Orange POTUS. Ah, if only…if only…if only…the administration were not the Trumpster fire that it is.

First and foremost, we regret to inform Mssr. Covert that El Jefe does not have a reputation for reading. Thank you, though, for penning a romantic vision of what we are not even close to experiencing in real life. Rather than exhaust precious time, it might preserve hours and dignity if he were to package these slippery ideas into some sort of Covert extrasensory messaging format and convey them by mental telepathy. Also, if the Scrambled Noodle in Chief can take time out of watching Fox and read, Cotswold’s words at the FNP are abysmally far below the golden toilet pay grade. That said, it’s not like the man is reading the Wall Street Journal, either.

Speaking of scrambled noodles, unless the toddler in the highest office in the land has had a lobotomy we don’t know about, the complete personality transplant Covert imagines wherein he exits campaign mode (literally his only talent) and turns into a magical diplomat capable of speaking softly and carrying a big stick is tragically unthinkable.

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There’s been some hand wringing about what could happen to the quality of the Frederick News post if the sale from the Randall family to Ogden Newspapers occurs. Hopefully the critical analysis of President Trump from our local political analysts of Dame Noonington’s caliber–those who just want him to free that noble genius and master of decorum that he is hiding within–shall never be deterred!