Let’s shine some light on our local fascist rag!

Yes, Mr. Kraken, let’s have some words!

It’s time to take a break from our summer hibernation! We try to stay away from the noodlely appendage as much as we can. Most of it is indecipherable trash, and frankly we’d rather scrape cat throw up off the floor than waste our time there. However, this month has been way too much. These “authors” feel free (especially since The Tentacle does not allow for comments) to spew their awful opinions all over the internet without any push back. So push back we must give.

For a site whose writers purport to put freedom above all else, there seems to be a lot of calls to suspend just that for those that don’t agree with them. Let’s look at this passage from a recent post from Harry Covert concerning those that don’t agree with the Sheriff’s participation in the 287g program:

Sheriff Jenkins will soon be conducting meetings to discuss the effectiveness of working with ICE and 287(g). Previous meetings were held but invaded by disrupting outsiders. These protestors should be prevented from another show. Maybe a few days in the Adult Detention Center is in order, maybe isolation. Now, that’s a funny.

Locking people up for alternative viewpoints is hilarious!!!!! Can I get a whoop whoop?!

Here’s what really gets us about this guy. According to his official Tentacle biography:

Harry M. Covert is a writer-editor and syndicated columnist. His comments on local, state and international matters appear in numerous print and online publications. A veteran Virginia journalist, he enjoys life in Frederick.

He’s a veteran newspaper man who advocates locking people up for exercising their 1st amendment rights?!

NO.

Our next writer, Ken Kellar, is the owner and editor of the Woodsboro-Walkersville Times. So, it’s super curious as to why he feels the need to spout off on the noodlely appendage. But spout off he did. He’s also super outraged over the 287g audit (we thought conservatives loved fiscal accountability!), and wants us all to know what a value we are getting from the 287g program! Bet ya didn’t think of all these benefits:

I don’t see our elected officials seeking the other side of the ledger, the cost of illegal immigrants in our county, especially the cost of criminal illegal immigrants in our county.

The new Butterfly Ridge elementary school cost well over $20 million. How much of that cost was due to the presence of illegal immigrants in our county? Our officials aren’t asking the question.

How many millions are spent each year on special teaching services for illegal immigrant children or the children of illegal immigrants? Our County officials aren’t asking that question.

How much of our welfare dollars are spent on illegal immigrants and their children?

How much money is our law enforcement expending due to the crimes of illegal immigrants?

What is the financial value of one of our children not being raped; one of our sons or daughters not being murdered by a Latino gang; one of our loved ones not being killed by an illegal immigrant drunk driver? We have enough home-grown drunks, thank you very much.

Oh, he aint done:

In 1992, my Woodsboro home was built by English-speaking Americans. Today I can’t get a new refrigerator delivered without meeting someone born outside the USA.

Just all kinds of WOW! We are so sorry that you are afraid of meeting someone other than what you consider a native born American Mr. Kellar, perhaps you should seek some help…… or a time machine.

Former county council candidate, and now President of the Frederick County Conservative Club (Splinter group formed when Afzali won the nomination and all went to hell) Jason Miller loves to call people socialists. What we are really intrigued with is his solution to all the mass shootings we’ve had lately. You’ll find in his post a jumbled up list of who and what isn’t to blame, followed by his simpleton simple prescription for fixing it all:

The one solution to our ever more violent society stems from wisdom shared long ago. It’s looking upon each other with dignity and respect.

It is doing unto others as you would have done upon yourself. There… problem solved.

“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.” – The Rev. Billy Graham

STOP WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME! And go ahead and look through the rest of his posts to see how much dignity and respect he gives to those he disagrees with.

And how’s this for dignity and respect?:

Perhaps the most amusing post of all is from Thrice-BOE candidate loser, Cindy Rose! Folks, she just can’t take it anymore. It’s so hard for us not to chuckle our way through this one:

I don’t like saying it, but Frederick County seems to lack Republican leadership. By that I mean the political party, not the ideology of conservatism that seems to have found a home in the Frederick County Conservative Club.

Who is leading the Republican “Party” here in Frederick? Why isn’t someone in political power rallying the Republican troops to push back against the Frederick County Democrats, Frederick County Socialists and RISE, all of which seem to be calling for Sheriff Chuck Jenkin’s head on a pike?

Uh, who was calling for his head on a pike?

She wants us all to know that she STILL hates Kathy Afzali:

Former Delegate Kathy Afzali proved how much she was interested in “serving” the citizens and “Party” of Frederick. She may have lost the county executive election, but she did win a spot on the party’s central committee. That’s an all work and no glory position. Who’s shocked she quickly resigned, tucked her tail and ran fast and far away?

The absolute best part of this is her attempt to shame her fellow Republicans:

Right now it’s Frederick Democrats and Socialists 1 – Republicans 0.

Seriously though, we don’t know which is worse, Donald Trump for spewing all his hateful rhetoric about immigrants, or those who try to normalize it all.This isn’t normal folks.

Giddy with idiocy

If it pleases the rabble, we would like to direct your attention to a masterpiece of comedy published as an op-ed in today’s Frederick News Post by Monsieur Harry Covert, Esteemed Confrere of Galahad Sweetbottom of the Cotswolds at The Tentacle The Slippery Noodles Blogging Coterie. It is some fan fiction in which Mssr. Covert suggests ways in which an unconstitutional travel ban might be achieved by Orange POTUS. Ah, if only…if only…if only…the administration were not the Trumpster fire that it is.

First and foremost, we regret to inform Mssr. Covert that El Jefe does not have a reputation for reading. Thank you, though, for penning a romantic vision of what we are not even close to experiencing in real life. Rather than exhaust precious time, it might preserve hours and dignity if he were to package these slippery ideas into some sort of Covert extrasensory messaging format and convey them by mental telepathy. Also, if the Scrambled Noodle in Chief can take time out of watching Fox and read, Cotswold’s words at the FNP are abysmally far below the golden toilet pay grade. That said, it’s not like the man is reading the Wall Street Journal, either.

Speaking of scrambled noodles, unless the toddler in the highest office in the land has had a lobotomy we don’t know about, the complete personality transplant Covert imagines wherein he exits campaign mode (literally his only talent) and turns into a magical diplomat capable of speaking softly and carrying a big stick is tragically unthinkable.

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There’s been some hand wringing about what could happen to the quality of the Frederick News post if the sale from the Randall family to Ogden Newspapers occurs. Hopefully the critical analysis of President Trump from our local political analysts of Dame Noonington’s caliber–those who just want him to free that noble genius and master of decorum that he is hiding within–shall never be deterred!