Tag: The Tentacle

Let’s shine some light on our local fascist rag!

fclocalyokel4 Comments
Yes, Mr. Kraken, let’s have some words!

It’s time to take a break from our summer hibernation! We try to stay away from the noodlely appendage as much as we can. Most of it is indecipherable trash, and frankly we’d rather scrape cat throw up off the floor than waste our time there. However, this month has been way too much. These “authors” feel free (especially since The Tentacle does not allow for comments) to spew their awful opinions all over the internet without any push back. So push back we must give.

For a site whose writers purport to put freedom above all else, there seems to be a lot of calls to suspend just that for those that don’t agree with them. Let’s look at this passage from a recent post from Harry Covert concerning those that don’t agree with the Sheriff’s participation in the 287g program:

Sheriff Jenkins will soon be conducting meetings to discuss the effectiveness of working with ICE and 287(g). Previous meetings were held but invaded by disrupting outsiders. These protestors should be prevented from another show. Maybe a few days in the Adult Detention Center is in order, maybe isolation. Now, that’s a funny.

Locking people up for alternative viewpoints is hilarious!!!!! Can I get a whoop whoop?!

Here’s what really gets us about this guy. According to his official Tentacle biography:

Harry M. Covert is a writer-editor and syndicated columnist. His comments on local, state and international matters appear in numerous print and online publications. A veteran Virginia journalist, he enjoys life in Frederick.

He’s a veteran newspaper man who advocates locking people up for exercising their 1st amendment rights?!

NO.

Our next writer, Ken Kellar, is the owner and editor of the Woodsboro-Walkersville Times. So, it’s super curious as to why he feels the need to spout off on the noodlely appendage. But spout off he did. He’s also super outraged over the 287g audit (we thought conservatives loved fiscal accountability!), and wants us all to know what a value we are getting from the 287g program! Bet ya didn’t think of all these benefits:

I don’t see our elected officials seeking the other side of the ledger, the cost of illegal immigrants in our county, especially the cost of criminal illegal immigrants in our county.

The new Butterfly Ridge elementary school cost well over $20 million. How much of that cost was due to the presence of illegal immigrants in our county? Our officials aren’t asking the question.

How many millions are spent each year on special teaching services for illegal immigrant children or the children of illegal immigrants? Our County officials aren’t asking that question.

How much of our welfare dollars are spent on illegal immigrants and their children?

How much money is our law enforcement expending due to the crimes of illegal immigrants?

What is the financial value of one of our children not being raped; one of our sons or daughters not being murdered by a Latino gang; one of our loved ones not being killed by an illegal immigrant drunk driver? We have enough home-grown drunks, thank you very much.

Oh, he aint done:

In 1992, my Woodsboro home was built by English-speaking Americans. Today I can’t get a new refrigerator delivered without meeting someone born outside the USA.

Just all kinds of WOW! We are so sorry that you are afraid of meeting someone other than what you consider a native born American Mr. Kellar, perhaps you should seek some help…… or a time machine.

Former county council candidate, and now President of the Frederick County Conservative Club (Splinter group formed when Afzali won the nomination and all went to hell) Jason Miller loves to call people socialists. What we are really intrigued with is his solution to all the mass shootings we’ve had lately. You’ll find in his post a jumbled up list of who and what isn’t to blame, followed by his simpleton simple prescription for fixing it all:

The one solution to our ever more violent society stems from wisdom shared long ago. It’s looking upon each other with dignity and respect.

It is doing unto others as you would have done upon yourself. There… problem solved.

“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.” – The Rev. Billy Graham

STOP WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME! And go ahead and look through the rest of his posts to see how much dignity and respect he gives to those he disagrees with.

And how’s this for dignity and respect?:

Perhaps the most amusing post of all is from Thrice-BOE candidate loser, Cindy Rose! Folks, she just can’t take it anymore. It’s so hard for us not to chuckle our way through this one:

I don’t like saying it, but Frederick County seems to lack Republican leadership. By that I mean the political party, not the ideology of conservatism that seems to have found a home in the Frederick County Conservative Club.

Who is leading the Republican “Party” here in Frederick? Why isn’t someone in political power rallying the Republican troops to push back against the Frederick County Democrats, Frederick County Socialists and RISE, all of which seem to be calling for Sheriff Chuck Jenkin’s head on a pike?

Uh, who was calling for his head on a pike?

She wants us all to know that she STILL hates Kathy Afzali:

Former Delegate Kathy Afzali proved how much she was interested in “serving” the citizens and “Party” of Frederick. She may have lost the county executive election, but she did win a spot on the party’s central committee. That’s an all work and no glory position. Who’s shocked she quickly resigned, tucked her tail and ran fast and far away?

The absolute best part of this is her attempt to shame her fellow Republicans:

Right now it’s Frederick Democrats and Socialists 1 – Republicans 0.

Seriously though, we don’t know which is worse, Donald Trump for spewing all his hateful rhetoric about immigrants, or those who try to normalize it all.This isn’t normal folks.

Pretend and all so real outrage. Which do you choose?

fclocalyokel1 Comment

There’s so much to share with our dear readers on this chilly Friday morning. Let’s start with a column in today’s Frederick News Post. Self appointed crotchety old man, Rick Blatchford, shares with us his stream of consciousness rant on everything that is wrong with the world today. From Caitlin Jenner to Bill Clinton to the singer Pink, there seems to be no end to the issues that outrage this man. This kind of stuff is mostly amusing to us. Because, faux outrage is well, funny.

What deserves some real outrage is a piece that appeared in the noodley appendage this morning. The author is so very  outraged that Republican Senator Jeff Flake made a donation to Alabama Democratic Senatorial candidate Doug Jones. He is even more outraged that on the donation check Senator Flake wrote: “country before party”. A nice sentiment that we wish more people would adhere to. Well, no, no, no says this author because Doug Jones will kill all the unborn babies, let the immigrants flow through the border in droves (especially those Muslims), and will force all that government health care down y’all’s throats! But, even that hyperbolic drivel isn’t what gets us. It’s this note the author makes at the end of the piece:

Regarding the severity of claims, Mr. Moore had relations with teenagers when he was in his 30’s back in the 1970’s, Moore’s grandparents and perhaps parents, likely would not have batted an eye at such a relationship. Many men in their 30’s and older where (sp) widowers from disease and child birth deaths. Women their age where (sp) all married with their own families. Moore was no widower, but the age mismatch issue is only a recently formulated taboo. It should also be noted that all of the claims against Mr. Moore are for consensual relationships unlike the groping, grabbing, coercing and raping claims filling our news every day against entertainment, news and elected offenders.

20q8nh
Seriously!!

How long ago does this guy think the 1970’s were?! Roy Moore’s behavior was bad and creepy enough that he was banned from the local mall! And, kind sir, if you think that a 15 year old child can consent to a relationship with a 30 some year old man then your view of consent is really warped. Putting aside the issue as to whether or not a child can consent (they can’t!) to a relationship with a much older man, is the fact that he has also been accused of attacking at least one woman as a teenager. It’s also outrageous that you are so worried about protecting all the unborn children, but not the girl children that have already been born. What kind of pro-lifer does that make you? But, go ahead and tell us all the trade-off is worth it. That a Democrat is worse than a pedophile. For that is what is truly worth the outrage.

*Just for clarification MOST 15 year olds were not married in the days of yore. Just take a gander at this chart on the average age of marriage from the Census Bureau:

Well, bestill our Yokel hearts! We are actually enjoying the Tentacle this week!

fclocalyokel1 Comment

Pick yourself up from the ground and let us explain! There’s a new writer over at the noodly appendage by the name of Brooke Winn. Appointed to the Frederick County Republican Central Committee just two short years ago, Ms. Winn has some insights into the local party that we very much appreciate!

First of all, in her November 6th piece, we are treated to this:

I quickly learned to automatically assume politicians are a bunch of self-serving, narcissistic monsters who are completely willing to sell their “principled” soul for an extra $500 in their campaign bank account, Republicans included

My faith in the Republican Party has decreased in the past two years. Trust me, I don’t like to be a “Debbie downer,” seeking to find the best in every situation, but our party functions in ways that seemingly go against everything it claims to be.

giphy (7)

Followed by:

The most disturbing element within the local party is the in-fighting and heated battles of a contested primary election. As much as Republican voters think their votes elect a particular candidate of their choosing, it does not. In fact, party politics dictates who the “chosen” Republican nominee will be, with the party throwing money at their ‘Chosen One’ faster than Democrats spending money on entitlement programs. So, your choice doesn’t matter as much as you think when you are standing in the voting booth on primary election day – the powers that be in Republican Party have already spoken for you.

If that wasn’t enough, today she penned another criticism of the local political machine. This time she publicized phone messages that Delegate Barrie Ciliberti left her. Here’s a taste:

December 3, 2015 at 5:28PM: (https://youtu.be/RkGGKU-81nc):

 

Delegate Ciliberti: Yeah, hi, Brooke, uh, Barrie Ciliberti here. Uh again, you’re a busy woman, ha. I’m on my way to Winchester Hall, but I understand there’s a meeting tonight with the Central Committee. And, uh, you don’t know me. Uh, but I’d enjoy meeting you personally and, over coffee, or whatever. Glass of wine. Get to know each other.

 

My thoughts: Again, yeah, I don’t know you. And wine? Sounds a bit inappropriate to be asking a young woman out for adult beverages who doesn’t know you.

Very inappropriate!! Did he think he was going charm her into silence? Wow, just wow!

66026f53b26f25a383971516e7e929d062ca34702b9660a2bd050775ca345af0
We are sure this is the opinion of the Hough arm of the Republican party at this time!

We are anxiously waiting to read next week’s installment!!

This is getting sooooo boring….

fclocalyokel1 Comment
1nzg2s
Come up with something new #!

With all of the predictability of the ocean tides, Kirby has taken to the noodley appendage to complain about the budget. First of all folks, take a look at his post from last year and see how much of it he copied and pasted into this year’s diatribe. 

He entitles this year’s regurgitation, “A Smoke and Mirrors Budget” and yawn!!! Does he even know what that means? Since we can barely take this…again…we will evaluate his complaints through the use of pictures.

Jan won’t bow down to the old BOCC for making Frederick County’s economy (which oddly enough is a terrible place to do business according to him and Billy) the crown jewel of the United States:

696

It’s unethical for teacher’s to vote on their own salaries:

696

My leaseback idea would have built so many schools it would have been tremendous:

696

The constant yield tax rate remaining the same is a tax increase:

696

It’s really boring isn’t it? He ends his rant by saying that Jan is using the taxpayers like one would use an “ATM”. This coming from a guy who believes that voodoo economics is going to fix our economy:

2017-04-27 (2)

2017-04-27 (4)

Giddy with idiocy

fclocalyokel1 Comment

If it pleases the rabble, we would like to direct your attention to a masterpiece of comedy published as an op-ed in today’s Frederick News Post by Monsieur Harry Covert, Esteemed Confrere of Galahad Sweetbottom of the Cotswolds at The Tentacle The Slippery Noodles Blogging Coterie. It is some fan fiction in which Mssr. Covert suggests ways in which an unconstitutional travel ban might be achieved by Orange POTUS. Ah, if only…if only…if only…the administration were not the Trumpster fire that it is.

First and foremost, we regret to inform Mssr. Covert that El Jefe does not have a reputation for reading. Thank you, though, for penning a romantic vision of what we are not even close to experiencing in real life. Rather than exhaust precious time, it might preserve hours and dignity if he were to package these slippery ideas into some sort of Covert extrasensory messaging format and convey them by mental telepathy. Also, if the Scrambled Noodle in Chief can take time out of watching Fox and read, Cotswold’s words at the FNP are abysmally far below the golden toilet pay grade. That said, it’s not like the man is reading the Wall Street Journal, either.

Speaking of scrambled noodles, unless the toddler in the highest office in the land has had a lobotomy we don’t know about, the complete personality transplant Covert imagines wherein he exits campaign mode (literally his only talent) and turns into a magical diplomat capable of speaking softly and carrying a big stick is tragically unthinkable.

Screen Shot 2017-03-28 at 12.11.26 PM

There’s been some hand wringing about what could happen to the quality of the Frederick News post if the sale from the Randall family to Ogden Newspapers occurs. Hopefully the critical analysis of President Trump from our local political analysts of Dame Noonington’s caliber–those who just want him to free that noble genius and master of decorum that he is hiding within–shall never be deterred!