Author: fclocalyokel

Giddy with idiocy

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If it pleases the rabble, we would like to direct your attention to a masterpiece of comedy published as an op-ed in today’s Frederick News Post by Monsieur Harry Covert, Esteemed Confrere of Galahad Sweetbottom of the Cotswolds at The Tentacle The Slippery Noodles Blogging Coterie. It is some fan fiction in which Mssr. Covert suggests ways in which an unconstitutional travel ban might be achieved by Orange POTUS. Ah, if only…if only…if only…the administration were not the Trumpster fire that it is.

First and foremost, we regret to inform Mssr. Covert that El Jefe does not have a reputation for reading. Thank you, though, for penning a romantic vision of what we are not even close to experiencing in real life. Rather than exhaust precious time, it might preserve hours and dignity if he were to package these slippery ideas into some sort of Covert extrasensory messaging format and convey them by mental telepathy. Also, if the Scrambled Noodle in Chief can take time out of watching Fox and read, Cotswold’s words at the FNP are abysmally far below the golden toilet pay grade. That said, it’s not like the man is reading the Wall Street Journal, either.

Speaking of scrambled noodles, unless the toddler in the highest office in the land has had a lobotomy we don’t know about, the complete personality transplant Covert imagines wherein he exits campaign mode (literally his only talent) and turns into a magical diplomat capable of speaking softly and carrying a big stick is tragically unthinkable.

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There’s been some hand wringing about what could happen to the quality of the Frederick News post if the sale from the Randall family to Ogden Newspapers occurs. Hopefully the critical analysis of President Trump from our local political analysts of Dame Noonington’s caliber–those who just want him to free that noble genius and master of decorum that he is hiding within–shall never be deterred!

 

 

Shrelauter and the Sheriff were wrong? Volume: Elevenbillionity: Human Trafficking edition!

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More importantly you have annoyed us!

In this month’s edition of Baltimore Magazine there is a very interesting and horrifying article about the human trafficking problem in Maryland. Did y’all know that Maryland ranks fourth in the nation when it comes to human trafficking victims!?!? Also, this article points out that most human trafficking victims are: 1. U.S. Citizens and 2. Under the age of 17. The only failing of this article is that it left Frederick County off the list of Maryland counties that have formed a Human Trafficking Task Force.

We feel the need, at this point, to take a trip down memory lane to revisit the process that created this task force. First, kudos to Jessica Fitzwater for spearheading its creation and to Frederick Police Chief Hargis for recognizing the need for county services to be coordinated to help these victims.

What’s the opposite of kudos? Condemnation? Dishonor? Disregard? Because that is what Billy Shreve, Kirby Delauter and Sheriff Jenkins all deserve for being against this. Let’s first go back to our June 29, 2016 post when Billy said this about the task force:

“Billy then says that there are lots of groups both for and against this issue, at which point we have to feel so grateful to Jerry Donald for saying (in the appropriate appalled voice) what we were shouting at our screens, “THERE ARE GROUPS THAT ARE FOR HUMAN TRAFFICKING?!?!?!?!?!” To which Billy mutters, “Well yah…depending on how you define human trafficking…” Good grief. The Confederacy lost, right? That passes 5-2 and we know you know which marionettes didn’t vote for that, right?”

Yes, you read that correctly, Billy said there are groups in favor of human trafficking. So, both he and Kirby voted AGAINST the creation of this task force. All this happened not too long after their buddy, Blaine, was arrested after using backpage.com to find his “masseuse” ( a website idenifited by the Baltimore Magazine article as being the Craigslist of human traffickers).

Let us not forget that Chief Hargis’ polar opposite, the High Sheriff, also spoke out against the creation of this task force. According to the FNP article covering this meeting Jenkins was quoted as follows:

“I’m always leery when the local government gets involved in something that really is not a local government issue. This is a national, regional issue and law enforcement at all levels are working on it. There are already state task forces, federal task forces,” Jenkins said.

He said his main concern is that he doesn’t want the task force’s work to veer into areas already being addressed.

“I don’t want to see it become a recommendation or a mandate for law enforcement to do certain things or [for the task force to] make recommendations that are unrealistic,” he said.

So, if human trafficking occurs in Frederick County, which it most certainly does, is it not a local issue?  So very confused as to why the Frederick City Police recognize the need for such a task force but our county sheriff does not!

 

If you missed the June meeting on this, it is worth watching, because you would hear all of the heart wrenching arguments for why this is necessary. You will also get to see good law enforcement at work when the Frederick Police department explains how they need additional resources to help people that they suspect are victims of human trafficking. Also, two of your Lady Yokels attended a lecture at FCC last year given by an actual human trafficking victim, please read our reaction to that here. Let us all remember, come next year’s election, what these guys stood for. Rumors are swirling that Billy has his eye on the Maryland Senate and Kirby on the County Executive office. Their voting record and words more than speak for themselves.

Procrastination update: Frederick County Council 3/21/2017

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Sorry y’all. We are tiring of same ol same ol. It was really hard to get back to this and give it our attention. However, a bright spot occurred during the discussion of the Bill regarding Farm Distilleries and Tasting Rooms. This process seemed to be a model of good governance–citizens and representative legislators coming together to get things done. It showed our community in a charming light. Robert Ramsburg, President of the Frederick County Farm Bureau, even mused that this bill may come with the blessing of Jesus, who turned water into wine at a wedding venue. One of our Junior Yokels was intrigued by the discussion, and it proved a wonderful teachable moment. These people want music and Jerry’s constituents want peace and quiet and they will work on amendment to try and resolve this. This would also be a useful primer for some U.S. Congresspersons regarding how compromise and efficacy are intended to be a part of the gig.

Of course, there was plenty to find fault at other points. Most especially Council Member Comments continues to be A Festivus Celebration: Airing of Kirby Delauter’s Many and Unvaried Grievances. This is why we had such a hard time returning to torture ourselves: if we wanted to listen to someone rant and rave tirelessly about the same stupid crap, we would call our own Drunk Uncles during the late evening hours. You sit, hold the phone to your ear while patiently waiting for the end of the bellyaching over a litany of things that don’t entirely make sense, but everyone knows contradictory evidence is futile in these circumstances. You just ride it out.

Most of the council members regularly reflect on positive things in our community. Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber rarely mention anything that would make you think they have any pride in this county. It’s truly astonishing that this is a regular feature of these events.

Billy was worse than Kirby this week, as he is a flagrant asshole (although mercifully brief). He asks without a hint of irony, “Why do we hate solar?” This, understandably, was noted by both M.C. and Jessica, as they have authored a bill, scrapped it, and started again with a new bill. This is the one they are currently in the process of trying to work through to expand the solar industry in Frederick. It’s the weirdest hatred of solar power in history.

Worse, though, after Kirby’s regular rehash of the teachers voting on the budget that funds the BOE, Jerry explained that he is earning less than he did before joining the Council and has the W2s to prove it. Riding on this, Billy tried to question the validity of this statement because Jerry gets paid for the part time work of Council Member. Shut up, Billy. Just stop. The council salary has nothin’ to do with the teaching position. He took on the additional work of council person to do it. Furthermore, he does the things in the job description of councilperson, and should be compensated appropriately. This still does not discount the possibility that he is in sum making less, or maybe just making less at FCPS (where he bowed out of the new salary scale to be sure no conflict of interest could be found–not that it will stop the rambling about one), but who cares. It’s irrelevant. Shut up. Really.

Jerry addressed the theatrics involved in all of this, noting that the same person who trots out a ridiculous fantasy budget each year and expects to be praised for it, actually voted against Tony Chmelik’s proposed charter amendment that would have allowed his suggested changes to the budget to be useful.

Also picking up on this theatrical flair, Jessica seized upon the fact that Billy claims a simple text amendment would solve the issues Kirby has regarding the mulch business. This is the issue that was central to this weeks extensive griping. Jessica noted that she would hope we could expect some focus on problem solving in lieu of complaining. She also suggested that if a simple text amendment were all that is required, perhaps one of the concerned Councilpersons might solve the problem by drafting a simple text amendment. Wouldn’t that be a Festivus Miracle for the ages? Hmmmmmm. She managed to so without sarcasm, which frankly makes her a freaking superhero. We would also like to see our Councildolts make a doody or get off the pot. We will never run for office, because we would probably word it that way, but harsher.

It’s crystal ball time! Let’s imagine a Frederick County with #kirbydelauter at the helm!

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Things will be bad, very bad indeed!

You’ve probably heard the rumors of Kirby’s intention to run for County Executive in 2018.  Yesterday, The Frederick Extra ran a piece in which our old pal Billy had this to say about Kirby:

“Should Trump supporters stay true, he predicts a similar outcome for his buddy, Council Member Kirby Delauter (R) in his quest to become county executive in 2018. “He’s just like Trump,” Shreve said of Delauter.”

Wow! What an endorsement! Let’s pause for a minute and envision what our fair county would look like if our new County Executive was “just like Trump.”

After a contentious campaign season, in which Mr. Delauter referred to county council members having their heads up Mrs. Gardner’s skirt, (you know, “locker room talk”), he manages to squeak a win with the support of the most Northern and Southern parts of the county. A win that horrifies the most populous areas of the county who didn’t think it was important to vote in a local election. His swearing in ceremony is #YUGE! He claims that large screens had to be set up at Baker Park for the crowd that was spilling out of the Weinberg. A claim that is refuted by the Frederick City Parks Department when they release pictures of a couple of people walking their dogs. Kirby’s team claims that the parks department is super biased, and how can you trust a bunch of government bloodsuckers anyway?

His first day is spent signing a flurry of Executive Orders. Orders that were previously so very evil and over-stepping, but are now a completely reasonable way of governing. His son will resume operations of his business, but no fear, family members can now do business with the county. ‘Tis the free market, people!  Fifty people are sent to the hospital due to the food poisoning contracted at Kirby’s celebration party. All those “out of control” health inspectors were the first to go!

Speaking of  the county health department, it will  be headed by a former snakes oil salesman.  There will be no more programs to promote healthy behaviors in this county! People need the freedom to eat their BBQ, drink their Fireballs, and vape without the government telling them they are going to drop dead!

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County parks will  be sold to the highest bidder and you will be charged admission to enter. Swings will now be equipped with coin machines, 50 cents for every 10 minutes, and  you better keep an eye on that timer, because when your time is up the swing freezes. If junior happens to be stuck in mid-air, well, don’t you take any personal responsibility for your kid’s life?

All county government correspondence must be in the shape of a teardrop:

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Yes folks, this is real!

FCPS’s budget will be stripped to the bare minimum. High schools will be closed and teenagers will be forced to buy access to their own online programs in order to achieve their dreams. No more frills either! Kids can eat in the hallway and the history curriculum will now be provided by the Heritage Foundation. All school staff will now be outsourced with part time workers making minimum wage.

All business and zoning regulations will be stripped. Frederick will look something like this:

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Libraries will be shuttered because we have a Barnes and Noble and reading is for wussies anyway. CE Delauter will spit on any and all environmental regulations. Mysteriously, we’ll be in severe debt at the end of #’s realm. All those tax cuts really made a mark. Our graduation rate has also plummeted,  crime is up, thousands are dead due to water borne illnesses, and there is a general feeling of malaise throughout the land. Who could have foreseen it? More importantly, who could have prevented it?

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That’s right! YOU can prevent this!

Come on people! Don’t you know that ethics is Kirby’s trigger word?!?!

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There’s ethics talk on tonight’s agenda!  Better batten down the hatches!!! This week we are going to try something different. After describing a part of the agenda, we are going to share a Jack Handey quote that hopefully illustrates how we feel about Shrelauter. Grab your agenda, fire up the FCGTV and let’s hope we don’t all get an ulcer. Keep a bottle of your preferred beverage on hand, and just take a swigg as needed. We are going with the honor system on drinks this week.

We start off the same way every month. Pubic comments, voting on the agenda, budget adjustments and then approving previous minutes. Billy, who we hear is considering a run against Ron Young in the next election, thinks it’s all fine and dandy to waste everyone’s time with his abstentions. Mankind is mysterious isn’t it?

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Next up with have some County Executive appointments to confirm and FY 2018 Operating and Capital Grant Resolution presented by Nancy Norris of the Transit Services Division. If there’s anything negative to be said, well, this is the best we can do for you:

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Here’s where things can go South. It’s the first reading of a bill to appoint an independent council to nominate people to the ethics board. Refer to this quote if there are any rumblings from the far sides of the podium:

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Next, there’s a new bill on solar facilities. That’s right Billy did tell us that solar was dead in Frederick County. He also told a big fat lie and said he saw billboards up in Central Pennsylvania thanking Frederick County  for outlawing solar panels. We wonder if Billy would believe this:

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Next, we have the reallocation of the Recordation Tax .  This funding needs to go back to our parks and schools where it belongs. This is followed by a public hearing on the Agricultural Preservation easement applications. It seems as though the Recordation Tax issue will be squared away nicely, but we imagine we are going to hear something about land grabbing when it comes to the preservation issue. It makes us want to scream, when they get things so very wrong. Speaking of screaming:

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There’s a break until 7:00, (keep your trap shut Billy!) and then there’s the chance for the public to comment on two separate issues. First up, is a bill regarding bond authorization.  Then we are off and running on the bill regarding farm distilleries and tasting rooms. We don’t see Tony’s competing bill on the agenda so hopefully that issue has been settled. We end up, as we always do, with public and council member comments. We’ll leave you with one final thought since we know this is the part of the meeting where Shrelauter likes to shine:

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Could Shrelauter be wrong about how very terrible everything is?

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No need to cough up a hairball Smuckers!

Into the Lady Yokel mailbox comes an interesting announcement. Curiously, Frederick County has retained its Triple A bond rating:

How can this be? Billy and Kirby and their birds of a feather are constantly reminding us how terrible everything is. Businesses are being run out on a rail, taxes are being spent willy nilly, back door conspiracies lurk behind every corner. We just don’t get it. I mean who are we supposed to believe?

With friends like Blaine, who needs a enemy? #Kirbycampaign deluxe edition

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We were first reluctant to advertise the Second Amendment Bait and Tackle Raffle Kirby cooked up to fish for funds, but things got Good Ol Entertaining. Follow along to see what happened next.

PEW PEW PEW Reminder: Delauter was cutting Meals on Wheels before cutting Meals on Wheels was en vogue; if conservatives believe we should handle our problems at the local level, but we handle them at no levels, is that effective government? Calling b.s. on that.

Since our copy is blurry, here is a bulleted list of content:

  • Thanks n stuff. Hugs to my homies.
  • Straight talk, straight answers. Ex: “I won’t sit here and be talked to like some punk.”
  • Family guy, business guy, veteran is worried about what we leave the next generation. (Historically with #: guns and $$ woohoo! Drinking water and blue crabs, meh.)
  • Gun Raffle!!!! That got Hough barrels o’ attention, amirite?
  • BBQ
  • Give him a holler at email or phone or money at website
  • Property rights (Presume he will be looking to donate to provide legal aid to ranchers on the U.S.- Mexico border. Yeehaw!)

This became irresistible, even though free publicity for Kirby’s Bake Sale makes us feel all icky inside, because two “all ickies inside” make a positive. It’s just how integers work. And our favorite skeevy former politician decided to endorse Kirby on Facebook in the Klassiest of ways. I can’t even. You can’t even. We can’t even.

Can y’all believe he didn’t add anything about his various prostitution scandals to this endorsement? Why not trot out all your greatest hits? Sincere question, Blaine: Have you ever been trending higher than Kanye? Maybe you don’t even have the je ne sais quoi to shine Kirb-o’s shoes. It is really strange how these people confuse total bonehead behavior with accomplishments! It’s almost charmingly idiotic!

Unsure about changed behavior. That post gives every impression that it was written by a drunk person, but maybe he is just incredibly stupid? Since the ladies are supposedly the reason Blaine lost, please be sure to grab these Good for Nothin’ Good Ol Boyz by the ballot. Local elections matter, yo.

Who is the flip-floppiest of the flip-floppers?

fclocalyokel4 Comments
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Sorry Mitt, there’s  a new Sheriff in town!

We here at the Yokel headquarters value the past. You can acquire so much insight by  studying the choices made by those who came before us.  It’s also super enlightening to look back on an individual’s history. There are times when the change an individual makes, in let’s say 10 years time, can be startling.

Way back in the FNP’s archives, we found a fun little article from 2006 about Billy entering the political scene. It is chock full of good stuff, so make sure you read the whole thing, while we point out some of the juicier bits.

You may remember, back in December 2016, there was a ground breaking ceremony at 520 North Market Street for low to mid-income housing. C.Paul Smith wrote a nasty letter to three members of the council, that we picked apart here, in which he so eloquently stated:

“Those who don’t understand market and economic forces should avoid involving themselves in economic development projects.”

When it came to the vote on what to do with this property the vote count went something like this:

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So, Billy voted against the findings of the County Executive and then abstained on the selling of said property for $1.6 million! Despite the fact that C. Paul Smith told us that there were NO buyers for said property. For those who don’t remember, this property is being developed with teachers, police officers and other first-responders in mind. Fifty-nine units will be set aside exclusively for those who make less that $60,000 a year. Wait a minute, what say you 2006 Billy?

“Billy wants to introduce legislation giving preference in the moderate income housing program to school teachers, firefighters and police officers who are having trouble finding houses they can afford.” (FNP, March 22, 2006)

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Oh, we hear it loud and clear!

Wow! What the heck happened!? Oh, that’s right, a Democrat proposed it. Therefore, there’s no way in Poseidan’s blue seas that Billy could support it! Even if, at one point, he was all for it!

You may recall, that over the last couple of years, Shrelauter has thrown a lot of fits when Jessica and Jerry vote on the budget. Since said budget gives FCPS some of their money, but does not control or dictate how that money is spent, they are corrupt money grabbers. Not that anyone with a brain doesn’t see what their objections are really about.  A lame attempt, to be able to control and no doubt further strip, FCPS’ budget. Well, let’s pull this out as a refresher before we move on:

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We are going to have to make a new one of these for Billy!

Last week, there was a rezone application brought forth by the developer Natelli. Now, if the rule exists that if you have in any way, shape or form benefited directly, or indirectly from a vote made upon said council, then why didn’t Billy recuse himself?

“Billy has been selling commercial real estate with Tony Checchia at the Frederick Land Co. and also peddles houses and townhouses for Natelli Communities, which is developing a mini-metropolis in Urbana.” (Frederick News Post, March 22, 2006)

Well, well, well that seems looks a straight line from Natelli to Billy’s pocket !!! According to his county council bio, real estate is still listed as his profession. When is the last time Billy sold a Natelli property ? That should be something Billy should be able to answer rather quickly. Because if he has profited from the Urbana development anytime during his tenure on the BOCC OR the Frederick County Council, he needs to disclose that. If voting on a zoning change on a development from which he has profited isn’t a conflict of interest, we are not sure what is!