April 17th meeting menu: third reading casserole with Fredneck salad

Here is an exact transcript of our text messages concerning the first part of the meeting (yawn):

Billy voted against the agenda.
Abstained on the budget adjustments.
Voted for the minutes.
 He is such an idiot
Then both he and Kirby gave the same tired old argument about how keeping the tax rate the same is the same as a tax hike.
For the 4th year in a row.
Then there was a magical interlude of professionalism wherein the Retired Military Tax Credit was combed through by county staff before it passed, and we moved on to the circus events.
Billy had proposed legislation requiring that council members receive some minuscule amount of education regarding what the hell they are supposed to be doing there. Presumably this is because Billy is confuzzled. Possibly because he says he took a thing online with a quiz and it took five minutes, so what’s the big deal? How very educational. M.C. Keegan-Ayer proposed some amendments, which Tony Chmelik felt neutered the power of that legislation since it made it a mere suggestion. M.C. was basically like (to paraphrase this as we would have said it), look, don’t get all snippy with me, I was just trying to polish Billy’s turd here. Nobody was into making unnecessary laws, except Billy. Failed 1-6.

Then there was the zoning violation drama, which is naturally a big ol thing to the nincompoop faction, in large part because of the great wedding venue drama of 2016. Billy and Kirby are both very upset that zoning complaints can be filed anonymously and for some weird reason they are allergic to anonymous criticism (neener-neener), and so Jerry Donald had to explain to them that some people may be afraid of their neighbors–and for good reason. (Tangential thought: can you imagine if Billy Shreve or Kirby Delauter were your neighbor? And you had some sort of property dispute? Scary.) At one point M.C. made it clear that she was not even able to try and fix this. Sigh. This failed too, because obviously. Turd status: unpolishable.

Also there was the wood chipping scandal (it’s as if these bills Billy launch begin a listicle of Billy and Kirby’s prior buffoonery and proof that neither of them deserve to hold current office and certainly do not deserve to be entrusted with any additional responsibilities). Their position here, in a nutshell, is that these people have been in violation of the law for ages now, and how is it fair that someone noticed and is going to make them stop? Scandalous indeed! In fact, it becomes rather clear through Kirby’s bellyaching about County Executive Jan Gardner’s role in these zoning violations matters that he still does not understand the different branches of government under the charter. How is he going to be the county executive if he doesn’t know what that is? It will be a lot like the current status of Billy Shreve, who does not know what he is supposed to be doing ever.

This bill failed because the one business it was initially custom tailored by Councildolt Shreve to benefit–until Tony Chmelik took over the turd polishing operation–was likely to be harmed by it, and hardly anyone thought that was a good idea. At one point during the discussion of this (or it could have been the earlier bill, but no matter) Billy was so stuck in oppositional defiant mode that he started opposing his own position. It was really a scene. Billy still remembers to like his own dumb ideas in the end, though. And after all that grandstanding and noise that Kirby made here, he voted against it!

Off-track betting passed unanimously. It now has to go back for public hearing.


It’s your April 10th drinking game!

You too?

We are not even sure if anyone is able to stay sober right now. Therefore, if you are already drunk due to the national news, just carry on with your selected beverage of choice.  Grab your agenda and follow along.

There are no minutes to vote on tonight, so you can spare your liver right away because Billy won’t have the option to abstain.

First up are 3 bill updates. And oh dear, one has to do with ethics. Remember how Kirby gets triggered whenever the “E” word comes up? If you see #NeverKirbyforCountyExecutive get all twitchy, slam back a pitcher of Trigger!

The council then goes into closed session, a motion that Silly Billy will surely vote against. They return at 7:00 for a variety of public hearings.

First up is Billy’s very bad bill that Tony had to re-write so it made a modicum of sense. And speaking of Tony, we need to digress for a moment because people have you seen this?!:

This is his campaign sign!!! So many thoughts…First of all, are we building a wall? Starting a trade war with Washington or Montgomery counties? When does Frederick County not come first in the Frederick County Council?! Zeus give us strength this election season. And, vote for Steve McKay in the primary if you are a Republican District 2 voter.

The next hearing is the wood chipping bill, and boy are we tired of hearing about this! Tony added some amendments last time, actually took some of the planning commission and county executive’s suggestions into consideration!  Still, why are we making legislation that benefits one business? If “anyone” talks about Jan shutting down all the businesses ( YOKEL FACT: This business was never shut down or even fined!) set up a row of Pink Faced Liar shots!

We next have to sit through two hearings on the same issue. Tis an election year and Kirby needs to grandstand over all his failed bills and budget writing attempts. We know who has the better bill, so sit back and set up your moonshine still, because man you’re gonna need it this year.

We round up the evening with M.C.’s bill about locating amenities within the boundaries of a particular community. If When Billy says something condescending (we know the nerve of that fella) take dainty sips of your Raspberry Stupid.



Beating flies with sledgehammers: Your October 17th meeting round-up!

Tonight we finally had a public commenter in the form of Friend of the Yokel (FotY) Patrick Schempp. Patrick made some really good points concerning proposed changes to the DRAAs.

Billy votes against the agenda, for the budget amendments, and abstains from the minutes. No rhyme or reason whatsoever. Kirby needs a clarification about one of the budget adjustments. Rick Harcum comes to the rescue to spell the language out for him.

There are various confirmation votes on county executive appointments. All received 7-0 votes, except for someone on the Transportation Advisory Board that Billy votes against. Wonder what that person did to him! And if they want to be our friend!

Back for public hearings at 7:00.

First public hearing is on a bill that restricts recreational facilities that are designed only to serve residents in a development, to exist only within the borders of that development. Basically, if a development has a pool that only serves the residents of that development, it must be IN the development. Billy wants to know where his aerial photo is. Mr. Horn tells him it’s available. But Billy wants to know when Mr. Horn is going to wrap it all up in pretty paper and deliver it to his front door! Because you really don’t expect Billy to do any legwork on his own, do you? Jeez!

Tony wants to know if amendments are going to be added. Because folks,Tony says the Planning Commission voted against this 7-0. Nope!  It was really it 5-1-0, and he is told no. You see this bill had to come about because a development near Pinecliff had to run their water lines outside the development in to Ag land. For some reason both Billy and Kirby insist this incident has never happened in the county before. Staff want to make sure that running water lines through agricultural zones does not become a precedent just because it was allowed this one time.

Kirby says y’all are killing a fly with a sledgehammer and he’s totally against this bill. And man oh man, this guy wants to be county executive? I don’t think we are ready for over very own Ross Perot!


M.C. reminds everyone that this is not the time to be discussing amendments or changes of any kind. The point of a public hearing is to hear comment on the bill as written. The third reading is the time to discuss any changes. And man oh man, they’ve been doing this for almost three years now and she still has to remind them! Billy is rude as hell to the county lawyer when she tries to answer one of his questions by snapping, “I wasn’t talking to  you!” Hard to believe he’s still single, isn’t it ladies?

Maury delivers the truth to Billy!

Staff remarks that even though the Planning Commission voted against this bill they made no specific recommendations. Billy blurts out, ” It was so bad they didn’t even want to talk about it!” Such insight!

No one from the public felt the need to speak on this.

The second hearing was on Tony’s version of the Bussard Brothers’ bill. Once again, no one from the public was moved to attend. Ray Barnes passes out a memo with the planning commission and  staff recommended changes to this bill. Billy totally hijacked  this moment by asking for another aerial photo, which is then displayed on the screen. Billy recounts the tale of the owner of this woodchipping business. And then admonishes us all with these words, ” This is the American dream and we are crushing it! This is as Unamerican as it gets!”


Kirby very boringly reads off the aforementioned memo that Mr. Barnes distributed. And then to the shock all of your Lady Yokels,  he quotes an email from FotY Steve McKay. But, not before Kirby makes it very clear that he does not usually agree with  Mr. McKay nor is he the type of person that he would usually align himself with! However, Kirby does respect him because he shows up and he made some good points in his email. Stil, Kirby thinks this business should just be grandfathered in.

M.C. asks staff to highlight what they put in the memo and  for some reason causes all kinds of hullabaloo with Tony and Billy. Tony accuses M.C. of doing just what she was admonishing him for doing during the last hearing (not at all) and Billy complains that he asks for staff to come up all the time and is told that it’s inappropriate and now he has her on record! So there! Man, these dolts. But anyhoo, Mr. Horn returns to the desk in order to discuss what staff thinks.

We are thankfully spared the drama of council member comments because Tony, Kirby and Billy all decide to pass!  Thank Zeus for small mercies!

Until next time, enjoy this beautiful Fall weather.

Billy’s bill is so bad! Your 7-11 council meeting round up!

This may sound like a broken record, but Billy was so bad tonight. So very bad.

He votes against the agenda but then for the budget adjustments. We’ve heard him on numerous occasions say that he doesn’t vote for budget items because the council doesn’t have their own budget director! So what gives? Is it possible he doesn’t even remember his own legislative philosophy?

Minutes are passed by everyone except you know who. All County Executive appointments are confirmed. You can read about the vote breakdown on those here.

The amended council rules are finally passed. Jessica adds an amendment that states that three members can add an item to an agenda if it has a legislative component and is in writing. Wonder why she felt the need to be so specific. Tis a mystery! Billy is the only hold out on this vote. In case you don’t get it, we will spell it out for you. This was Billy’s idea, but now that he will have to be prepared, he won’t vote for it. Could he be any lazier or less prepared? I guess he knows his limits!

Now it’s time to go on a break until the public hearings at 7:00. Billy throws a fit asking what is he supposed to do for 2 hours?! We have some suggestions, but we’ll keep them to ourselves for now.


How about your job? You could have prepared the business owner that is about to speak in support of your bill for example! Or written a more articulate introduction to your very first bill!

The first two public hearings are on the antique, artisan and craft shops in the industrial zone and changes to the retirement committee for county employees. Both of these discussions went quickly with people only speaking of support of the bills. We predict this will pass at a future date.

Then comes Billy’s bill. And we feel the need to take back any compliments we may have given to him for finally putting forth some kind of legislation. For what he put forth was really worse than doing nothing at all.

So, we all remember the story of the business in Monrovia that was told by the county that they couldn’t do their wood-chipping on a piece of property that is in the general commercial district. And surely, we all remember that Billy and Kirby grandstanded about how this was another example of the county executive going out and shutting down all the businesses. In order to fix this problem, Billy put forth a bill that would allow this activity in all General Commercial (GC) zoned properties. What could be the problem? Well, according to county employees plenty.  Let us start with Billy’s introduction to his bill.

Billy, in remarks he surely could have refined during those two hours that he didn’t know how to spend, tells us that the county went out and said hey you can’t do this. And instead of shutting down the business (which didn’t happen by the way!), he did this! That’s his intro!

Then the business owner, who is the sole speaker on behalf of this bill, comes to the podium and asks, “What do you want to know?” Again,  Billy you could have used those two hours to have a pow-wow with this fella and better articulate what both of you wanted the public and the council to know. The business owner tells us that he IS in fact looking to move, and is still operating while that process is happening.  But, he still says that he wants the county to leave him alone while he looks. He also curiously adds that he is NOT looking for a change in the law.

County employee Steven Horn comes to the podium to express his concerns with the bill. Billy informs him that he only has three minutes. The problem the county, and this is also very well articulated by another county employee that speaks on this issue, has with this bill is that this special exception will allow anyone in these GC zoned districts to set up this kind of operation. Wood-chipping produces a lot of noise, vibrations and dust that can really affect neighboring businesses. The employees come armed with maps and other examples of how this bill would be very bad for the county. For if this bill passed it would not be out of the realm of possibility that a business such as this could set up shop next to a restaurant or church.

Tony wants to know if a special exception or floating zone could be made. The answer is no. He needs to do this on agricultural or industrial zoned land, like the piece he owns across the street! When legal is asked if the county executive can do anything, the answer is also no. Because people, the county executive, as is the fashion for all executives in this country, is charged with enforcing the laws made by the legislative branch! Can you imagine the uproar if Jan were to all of the sudden start telling businesses they didn’t have to follow the law? Wouldn’t  that make her the dictator they claim her to be?!

Billy scrambles to save his bill. Asks Steve Horn when the complaint against this business was lodged. Steve says he doesn’t know. Billy tells him to guess. (!?) Steve refuses to do so. The business owner shouts out February.  Billy then goes on a tirade about how the county has done nothing. (Remember this business is still operating and is looking for a new piece of land.) Billy is then reminded that county departments have to follow zoning ordinances and laws.  However, according to Billy we don’t really  need all these rules!!


Jessica steps in to remind the council that, according to their rules, council members are not supposed to interrogate county employees during a hearing. One last point before this discussion mercifully ends, the county attorney makes us aware that the property that this wood chipping is occurring on isn’t even owned by the company! What?! Sounds just like the wedding venue drama doesn’t it?

The obvious solution is that they are going to have to find the correctly zoned piece of land to do this on. The excuse that I’ve been doing it for this long does not hold water if you were violating the ordinance the entire time! As the county employees pointed out, once a complaint is made the county has to investigate and enforce the law. And Billy’s attempt to fix the law is so very bad and thankfully won’t go any further.

No Public Comment today..at all!

Tony and Kirby are silent. Jerry talks about the Opium workshop that he, Jessica, M.C., and the county executive attended. He also talks about the extended Middletown library hours and reminds people to apply for any property tax credits that they may be eligible for . Which reminds us of a discussion on Twitter we saw earlier this week. Billy claims that the Young BOCC was responsible for the senior property tax credit, but local hero Susan Reeder Jessee was not having it:

Billy has more to say. Says that county staff has come up with Zero ideas. Claims that he gets calls once a week complaining about businesses being shut down. Practically yells that county employees do nothing to help citizens and he’s sick of it!!! You know what we are sick of? Showboating and grandstanding by a guy who still doesn’t understand his role here.


He also feels the need to complain, again, about the two hour break this evening. Tells Bud that if you can’t schedule a meeting then you shouldn’t be doing it. Do we have to point out for the millionth time that it’s impossible to tell how long the first half will take? Sometimes it goes up to 7:00, sometimes it doesn’t. Does Bud possess a crystal ball that tells him how much discussion will take place? Why does Billy have to be like this? Why?

Jessica, M.C., and Bud all have nice things to say. We only wish it were enough to erase all the bad feelings we have from watching this meeting.

Next week there are two legislative days. Too much work for the summer if you ask us!