The Frederick Extra’s gossip column, Extra Buzz, is infused with weapons grade WTF today. Why not just share the link? Well, the Facebook algorithm makes it so that you are more likely to see this post, so we are making a quick shooter. Please visit the Extra page for the real deal.
Afzali is still running her obviously verboten fundraiser for a campaign she apparently may or may not be running.
More ridiculously, there’s a story about Afzali spreading notes around the Delegates building in her quest to best Kirby. Del. Afzali, you are too old for this nonsense. Irrefutable proof: making paper notes to promote an online poll!
Oh, that was funny, Frederick Extra. We ❤ U!
.And there’s a nugget of “whut? whyyyyyyy?” tainting the city with the dumb aroma of Billy Shreve thanks his role in the Republican Central Committee. Our readers will not want to miss it.
We cannot take a half hour nap this week without some steaming dung getting caught up in an oscillating fan. Flagrant imbecile Kirby Delauter has hired Cameron Harris, noteworthy creator of fake news, as his spokesperson. Harris used this side gig while he was working for Del. Vogt to bring in, at one point, $1,000 an hour in ad revenue (NYT). Vogt fired him. No word on whether or not he is still living in Vogt’s basement (awkwarrrrrd). Obviously a person of such upstanding moral character was determined to be a perfect fit for the Delauter campaign!
Cameron Harris, professional derp purveyor, sucks. #KirbyDelauter sucks. Kathy Afzali also sucks. What a time to be alive.
But, wait. There’s more. The Frederick News Post has published the push poll Kirby was running to try and suggest in the “just asking questions here” way that Afzali was a liberal supporter of terrorists. Fake News Harris seems pretty proud of the manipulation. True colors and all. Afzali’s annoying as heck (remember when she anonymously texted Sheriff Jenkins to be all Mean Girls?) and has done plenty of ridiculous stuff, but this is not a contest of the absurd. Or, wait, is it?
Since Donald a l’Orange started terrifying some members of the Latino community in Houston, rapes being reported are down more than 40%. Now Occam’s razor that. Did more than 40% of the rapists get magically beamed into prison? Hell to the naw. Those women are more scared of ICE coming and separating them or their spouses from their kids than they are of a rapist, so now they don’t call the terrifying police.
Do you know what happens when a criminal isn’t apprehended because the crime isn’t reported? Do they probably wake up the next day and turn into a nice non-violent person the morning after they raped some rich lady’s undocumented nanny? Or is this a more likely scenario. The rapey person (regardless of country of origin) is maybe going to climb in your window at night and assault someone like you or your daughter (regardless of your citizenship status as well)? NB: There’s absolutely nothing saying the person victimizing these ladies isn’t the head of the household where she works, who knows full well he can get away with it like a common ladycrotch grabbing “modern day presidential” person. Very possible, even though certain people assume the bad people are the scary boogeymen from Mexico described by Trump on the campaign trail. Here is one of about seven bazillion articles explaining that immigrants are less crime prone than the population as a whole.
Police chiefs in six big Texas cities — Arlington, Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, and San Antonio — vocally opposed the Senate bill, even as it won support from rural and suburban voters. Major Texan hubs like Dallas and Fort Worth are now torn between continuing policies they say make their cities safer and economically vibrant and enforcing the letter of the law and moving to deport anyone who may have entered the country illegally.
So police chiefs from 3 of the 10 largest cities in America are on that list of people who don’t want to see sanctuary city policies abolished. People with lots of first hand experience here. And then here is Kirby Delauter on the subject, and he is actually paying to spread this message as a Sponsored Facebook post, wherein the subtext is “I am a total simpleton and think nothing through.”
This is a serious issue. This man is seriously unable to handle anything more sophisticated than a party line talking point. Oh la la. 258 likes, though.
Local Yokel’s favorite thing about the super cool ESSL is Frederick County kids getting this lesson: if someone tells you something is true, you must ask, “What is your evidence?” If they have none, they are just talking. Isn’t that brill? Long story short. Be quiet, hashtag.
FFS. There’s a difference between “your balls” and “you’re balls,” you BALLS. This is your official Councilman Facebook page. Please try and keep up with fourth grade in this space, if you want to make grown man plans.
Guess what, jerk-face. We cashed those checks and donated to charities providing for the people you kicked in the BALLS, where a $100 donation will do a lot more than buy one dinner out. Disgusting. Trying to buy a vote with $100. Bless David Gray (R-easonable) for having some class and leaving his name off of that letter. These crass simpletons. You know who noticed the reduced workforce?! The 20% who lost their livelihood, you collection of scrotal tissues.
BTW, “legal tax payers” should know that even undocumented workers pay taxes. And then receive little in return. It’s a genius scam. What loathsome testes you all are.
You should all go to this page and comment. It’s your 1A Right. Make sure you document with a screen grab in case you need the ACLU to stop him from silencing you on his official minion of the scary scary government that he hates page.
Egad, y’all. Kirby has a shirt that looks like a Lego Friends ad for his CE campaign. It is fuchsia and has a stylized purple daisy on it, symbolizing sexism. We are super excited for the unveiling of his Men for Kirby shirt, which we guess will be blue and we hope has a Hot Wheels, or a Spiderman, or a Thor, or some other boy nonsense, instead of probably a handgun. Have a look.
And then a person with a feminine name asks a very good question which we will paraphrase as, “Can you specifically explain why you hold this position?”
Derp.
And the answer is: HELL NAW.
And furthermore:
Hurrrrrrr-durrrrrrr.
Straight-talk/Straight-answers flying out his bunghole. Did he actually think that was a clever thing to say? Dear Melting and Tumbling Icarus, what a disaster…
Word to the wise (wait who would that be addressing?). Some advice: Don’t start a conversation that you know nothing about and then prove it.
The linguistic experts at the desk posit that Malissa means Bad Melissa. We love you Bad Melissa. #Heroine. Go On with Your Bad Self.
The breaking installment of WTF is Kirby doing: the grapevine sayeth that he needs more time to prepare an explanation containing factual information regarding his school construction claims, so that is why his hearing has been rescheduled. Does this mean he has been full of it for about a year now? See, we can be nice and pretend it’s just this one thing! Is he just making it up as he goes along? Just asking questions here…
The best thing about this is that it looks like a box of Massengil, and while on the surface making silly pink logos and Georgia O’Keefey floral stuff could seem patronizing to the ladies, that Kirby would have such interesting product connotations to market himself is somehow delightfully poetic.
So, this isn’t exactly breaking news at this point, since everyone who cares about local politics has been gossiping away about it, but OMGeeeeeee.
Blaine’s ex…no, not his ex wife, his ex-fiancée, the one and only Regina Williams, who hitched her wagon to this sinking cinderblock post-Black-Book drama and contemporaneous with his last marriage…is running for County Executive.
The back and forth in our quarter upon learning was something like: I feel drunk, but I’m not drinking. It’s just all the blood rushing to my overactive brain. This is just too crazy. Is this her way of showing him up? Her way of showing Jan Gardner up (for the demotion she received when her boyfriend wasn’t in charge anymore)? A two birds with one stone maneuver? And very most importantly, doesn’t she know that all anyone will talk about now is how she got involved with the married boss rumored to be into hookers, and then he got busted for solicitation? Just check the comments section of the FNP for proof. Things don’t change! And foresight ain’t her strong suit!
Ordinarily we would say a person’s private life doesn’t have anything to do with public office, and we really don’t know anything about her opinions on the issues, but we feel the same way about this dramedy with Blagina that we do about Anthony Weiner. At a certain point your judgment is just so unreliable that we are left to wonder: what other probably terrible decisions should you not be trusted with? We’re thinking, “All of them, County.”
And yet we have to kind of root for Ms. Williams here, given who her competition is. Because # is involved, so we have reason to rejoice. What kind of position does that put her habitually disgraced ex-fiancé in when the primary involves his obnoxious bestie and his former honey? The very idea is squeeeeeeee!
So at current count we have three candidates in the clown car, all very worthy of the clown status designation, including #Kirby Delauter and Kathy Afzali. And remember Afzali and her text spat a la teenager with Sheriff Jenkins? Because he (clearly accurately) called her juvenile names! Folks, we are–all of us–too old for this crap! Where are the grown people? This is going to be one interesting election. We have been of the mind that Frederick County is actually ahead of the national curve with regards to electing a buffoon and then collectively realizing oopsy-daisy-this-guy’s-crazy. Hopefully the sun is setting on the “any old fool will do” dreams. Remain vigilant (and remember: friends don’t let friends vote for looneytooneys).
Grab your agenda and brace yourselves. As always, you play this game at your own risk. Certain Council Members want to slash the Fire/Rescue budget so don’t count on anyone coming to save you!
Will there be public comments? Assuming proper procedures won’t be followed regarding the budget adjustments, help yourself to a hole in the head. Might as well have a second one when Billy abstains from voting on the budget items. Double up if he actually votes yes or no. Robert’s Rules are still so hard.
I’m just not sure how much more nonsense we can take.
There are 2 meetings worth of minutes to approve. Flip a coin to see how Billy behaves here, too. Drink a tapeworm. It matches the intellect of the I won’t do my job to make a statement be the council’s fool mentality.
More housekeeping to attend to with the approving the County Executive’s appointments. Don’t drink anything but water, here, because there’s plenty to take on later and you are certainly already staggeringly intoxicated due to Billy’s obstinance alone. And this brings us right up to…
…the Kirby Mistakenly Believes he has Big Boy Ideas (Again) section. You will recall that we still have these budget amendments to consider. If any of them pass, put on your thinking cap.
You will need it, because up after the break is the solar bill. The efforts to pass any legislation regarding solar facilities have also caused a ridiculous amount of histrionics, disingenuous grandstanding, and flat out stupid accusations, mostly from Billy. However, his buddy–you know the one–is not blameless here either.
If you are still conscious, keep something good in your hat holster, because The Second Reading Calendar includes Jerry Donald’s Dog Tethering bill, and Jessica Fitzwater has a bill about moderately priced dwelling units. This means our two infamously scholarly council members (just ask Kirby) will need to school the, um, less academically inclined. We thank them for their good service on this Teacher Appreciation Week. A teacher’s work is never done.
Sorry!!! There are many more amendments to the budget that we have to sit through!
ICYMI Danielle Gaines left us a gift earlier this week. It’s a complete list of all of Tony and Kirby’s amendments. If you remember from our post earlier in the week, Tony was only able to get through 10 of his proposed changes (all shot down), before the council had to move to the public hearings that were on the agenda. Therefore, this Tuesday, the council will decide what to do with the rest of this mess list. Let’s highlight what changes Kirby would like to see made to the budget first.
We need to put these books on Kirby and Billy’s reading list!
Kirby has close to 30 budget amendments. On his chopping block are funding to the County Executive’s Office, Line Highway Operations, Environmental Sustainability, Office of Economic Development, Permitting and Inspectors, and the department of Planning and Developing! He also wants to cut $808,816 from our public libraries!!! The Severe Weather Contingency fund gets chopped down by $200,000, he removes the entire county workforce allotment and there are 3 separate amendments to strip the Family Partnership of money. He doesn’t want the Solid Waste department to replace their old tub grinder or get a new UTV. He removes $50,000 from the Frederick Arts Council and totally eliminates funding for a Maryland Ensemble Theater (MET) partnership with Waverly and Hillcrest Elementary Schools. What’s most curious of all is that he wants to totally remove the $100,000 allotted for Thurmont to put a sidewalk on the south side of Moser Road!!! In his own district!
Kirby once again exhibits his ignorance of the county charter. His last two amendments add money to Fire and Rescue (which he cut by $521,000 in another amendment) and FCPS (so he can soapbox that he tried to increase FCPS’ budget). What’s the prob you may be asking? Well this:
Whoops!
Tony still has some amendments left. He wants to eliminate Community Partnership Grants and he doesn’t want Animal Control to hire any new people. More with less people! He’s not quite as big a scrooge when it comes to The Frederick Arts Council as he only wants to cut $10,000 of their budget. Man, Tony and Kirby make quite the budget cutting team!
We are sure that we don’t have to lecture you, gentle readers, of the importance of the arts, libraries, animal control and sidewalks. It does seem as though some of our council members sure need one though. Maybe if they engaged in more stimulating activities than hanging out in bars and growing their beards out we could get through to them. However, it seems the only way we are ever going to see some change around here is in 2018.
frederick local yokel 