Are our council members listening? Your June 7th drinking game!

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Leroy! You took the game too far! Don’t be like Leroy, people!

Seriously folks, if the Lady Yokels find you peeking out of trashcans we may have to put a moratorium on these games! It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had one, so take care if you think your tolerance may be low. Let’s begin this game with a hearty congratulations to Jessica and her husband on the birth of their son. Between us Lady Yokels there are 8 Junior Yokels running around. So welcome to the club Councilwoman Fitzwater!

Grab your agenda and follow along, there’s lots of items tonight and lots of times that the folks on the dais need to utilize their listening skills. Hopefully they are all paying attention and NOT staring at the phones for advice.

Public comment is back on the top of the agenda. 15 minutes max at 3 minutes each, means 5 folks max. If any of these 5 folks decide this is a good time to call our esteemed Council President a turncoat, slam back a Benedict Arnold with a smile upon your face.

It's certainly tragic when things don't work out the way you thought they would.
It’s certainly tragic when things don’t work out the way you thought they would.

Nine, that’s right nine, budget transfers are up next! We are probably pretty good until we get to the  bottom two concerning school construction. When the objections come, mix up some Harvey Wallbanger, since we are all so close to banging our heads on the wall.

It’s listening time now. An update will be made by the Maryland Association of Counties. Hopefully Billy and Kirby haven’t partaken of any Fireball shots beforehand and are now engaging in some drunk texting that would cause some kind of embarrassing political resignation. (Who are we kidding, drink away fellas!) In their honor, have a Fireball shot every time they seem to be distracted by their electronic lifeline.

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Time to approve the County Executive’s appointment to the Maryland Fire Service Professional Qualifications Board. If this is met with any static, mix up a Flaming Asshole. Yes, we said it!

It’s time to either approve or reject the historic designation for Glenellen Farm in Ijamsville. When Billy or Turncoat Kirby object to this on account of the brain-washers not getting their “drug treatment” facility, go ahead and have yourself a UFO and good luck driving those nasty Thetans out of your body!

Yippee!
Yippee!

Next up is a renewal for a contract for an external audit. We hear some talk here and there about accountability and outside opinions, so if any nonsense shall occur, sip on your Billionaire cocktail. Since that’s what all these county employees are anyway, right?

Listening time again! A presentation from the department of Solid Waste management and an overview of Agricultural Preservation Programs. We’ll keep the drink the same. If anyone is staring at their electronic delight instead of the informative presentation have yourself a Fireball shot!

Lastly, it’s a presentation of amendments to the Charter from both the County Executive and Council. It’s a long list so we will refer you back to the agenda if you want to see it for yourself. Since that’s probably enough drinking for tonight, get yourself a nice cold drink of that EPA regulated water and re-hydrate.

We’ll update you on the meeting as soon as we humanly can!

 

 

Charter Amendments 101: Chmelik Logical Analysis

The Yokel desk is trying to do their charter amendments homework and we find that we need a tutor. What do all y’all make of this crazy sandwich of proposed amendments from Tony Chmelik?

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And then he goes on to put the peanut butter n’ fluff in, where he asks for the compensation for the County Executive to be nearly doubled from $95,000 to $180,000. That is highlighted as an amount equal to 125% of the average Frederick County household income. Plus he also strikes through the part where said officeholder can’t hold other offices or work in other capacities.  And then if you will follow along, you will see more of the same from above in his 6th Amendment. Pay attention to the parts in bold; those are the proposed changes…

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And of course, we know that County Executive Jan Gardner does not support the aforementioned amendments to the charter that would drastically increase the CE salary.

 

Jan no want mo money

 

The question is, what is he playing at? And we seem to recall him having derisive things to say at the previous Maryland Association of Counties (MACo) Update when he talked about professional officeholders like they have in <<gasp, clutch pearls>> Montgomery County. Them durned professionals. And yet here he is, acting like an executive should be extra high and mighty. And for what? Is this so Kirby gets a sweet deal if (Bast forbid) he is elected to the CE position? Doesn’t it seem like Kirby is always trying to get a sweet deal from the guv’mint?

This is a have cake, eat it, too, vision, is it not? Coming from the corner of constant bellyaching that according to their intimate acquaintances with them, the Founding Fathers didn’t want professionals in government. Now (Tax & Spend?) Tony wants the executive to be ultra compensated and be allowed to continue to run their construction businesses, or what have you? And FWIW, we can all be pretty sure our forefathers had neither Billy Shreve nor Kirby Delauter in mind as ideals. In fact, they’d have been tragically disappointed by a look ahead into 2016, now wouldn’t they?!

Is this some set up for these human impediments to a functioning society to start in with their buyer’s remorse about the charter government? Probably. And boy howdy, will that be a long winded bellows of misery. It will probably even rival Kirby’s infinite poutrage about the teachers voting on the BOE budget (and in the end the teachers still get no raises, as it turns out–an irony totally lost on that idiot). If they were planning to repeal the charter, as they’ve been hinting at, why bother crafting amendments? Or is the idea to sabotage it from within?

Frederick County Politics would have given the nations forefathers an attack of indigestion.

What is the opposite of logical? Let’s find out!

Seriously!
Seriously!

Seems like the 1st of the month is Kirby’s special time to be a “Guest Columnist” on the noodley appendage. We’ll try to cover it in enough detail so you won’t have to look. However, if you prefer to be a first hand witness to this train wreck of a post, feel free to click here. 

Let’s start with some vocabulary:

Feel free to pick any of the above. They all work!
Feel free to pick any of the above. They all work!

Kirby’s thought process is just…well bizarre. He tries oh so very hard to come up with some cute anti-business nickname for Jan. The best he can muster is: “County Executive Jan (please take your business elsewhere) Gardner.” So very witty. In this post treating Jan as the most anti-business elected representative in the world, we are graced with three examples.

Example 1!: A rant about a trash company that is not allowed to dump their trash coming from outside the county into our county dump. Kirby doesn’t do a good job explaining how this trash is actually in county. Not at all. Instead he gives an example about buying a couch in Montgomery County and then years later being denied the right to dump it at the Frederick County landfill. Not quite the same thing, but okay. Why does Jack Handy come to mind?

the-wise-man-can-pick-up-a-grain-of-sand-and-envision-a-whole-universe-jack-handey

Example #2!: Another company has been told that their refuse would start a fire in the landfill. We don’t know the details, and we are pretty sure that Kirby doesn’t either (just a hunch–see entire Facebook saga of wedding venues with no permits), and if this company has a legitimate claim they would be wise to go through someone other than Kirby. Who, in his analysis of this situation, claims that the county is assuming the worst about this business. There couldn’t be any logical explanations as to why the county could have this policy could there?

Example 3! (is our favorite): Here we find Kirby trying his best to defend the actions of Shade Trees and Evergreens. You know one of the aforementioned wedding venues, which secured ZERO permits? Kirby tries to answer those who would question his stance on this business in the following fashion:

Now you can say, Mr. Delauter, you know damn well Shade Trees knew they were operating illegally and it’s their fault!

 

I could say that, but I know all too well being in business in Frederick County for 30 years how many times the county has showed up on our jobs and stated the rules have changed without notice. That’s right, they changed county code, no notification to business owners effected, just do as we say, and get over it. Oh, and pay a fee of course.

Ummm, this is not what happened at ALL. So what does Kirby say the solution should be? So glad you asked! Kirby’s solution is that Queen Jan should use her Executive Order powers to declare that this place stay open to the end of the year. Yes, those same Executive Order powers that practically sent him to the soup kitchen. No matter those pesky health and sewage inspections. And we should all ignore the fact that legitimate businesses who went through the proper channels are being undersold.

So this epic poem concludes with Jan killing all the county businesses. And now Kirby has NO choice but to consider a run for County Executive. No choice at all.

So many unanswered questions in the world. So many.
So many unanswered questions in the world. So many.

 

 

If a group of crows is called a murder, what do you call a group of nincompoops?

Well folks, if you haven’t had a chance to take a gander at today’s Political Notes , it is a must see. First off, we have a summary of the cell phone discussion  that we touched on from the last meeting. When Jerry suggested that the council hand over their phones during council meetings, Billy yells:

“Why don’t we just use rice paper?”

We can thing of a few places we would love to shove these rice papers.
We can think of a few places we would love to shove these rice papers.

His reaction was as though Jerry suggested we do away with technology altogether. What is wrong with putting the phones away during council meetings? On the other hand, if one is  waiting for instructions from the puppet master it may be a little hard to know what to do.

Next, Kirby so wants there to be a scandal. So he provided the reporter at the News Post with this:

To show his frustration, Delauter forwarded me an email last week in which a staff member at the county’s Office of Economic Development redirected his questions, on behalf of FSK Holiday Inn owner Randy Cohen, to Browning.

Delauter responded angrily.

“That’s total Bullshit………….but then again,” Delauter wrote back. “I’ll have Randy contact you directly since as an elected official we get treated like third graders from the worthless CE,” referring to the county executive.

He then suggested that Cohen contact the employee — who was copied on the email — directly.

“I don’t have the time to spend to go thru the layers of bureaucratic bullshit that CE Gardner has put in place,” Delauter wrote.

Nice, huh? He’s starting to sound all county executivey isn’t he? And what’s Kirby’s problem with third graders? Well, if Kirby isn’t able to have his issue addressed this very second isn’t the whole system just for shit? Here’s what Jan had to say about this:

Gardner said the process for handling constituent service emails was set up between her staff members and the council’s staff members.

Gardner said the executive and legislative branch staffs worked together to create the system, so staff members wouldn’t be overwhelmed by seven separate requests from each council member on one constituent issue.

“It’s absolutely not impossible for them to talk to county staff. This whole focus is about constituent service,” Gardner said, adding that a high percentage of questions get a response within a day. “… I think the system is working for the majority of council members.”

If Kirby can’t circumvent the procedures that were made by both his and the county executive’s staff, aren’t we already at tyranny’s doorstep?

The last section is our favorite. In an attempt to imitate House of Cards, Delauter, Shreve and Jenkins have created something closer to a Shack of Sharts. Just look at this description of an email exchange that someone forwarded to the FNP:

In an unrelated chain of emails forwarded to The Frederick News-Post this week, Shreve and Delauter expressed disappointment not only with county government policies, but also the form of county government entirely.

Republican Sheriff Chuck Jenkins, who was copied on the multiple email messages, suggested that the councilmen and others “push a movement to go back to the County Commissioner form of government. It worked!”

When another person on the email list suggested that a lot of Republicans who supported charter government before Gardner, a Democrat, took office would have to “eat crow” to support a reversal, Jenkins responded.

“I have no crow to eat because I predicted it would be [a] total disaster as it is turning out to be,” he wrote. “But wouldn’t everyone choke down a little crow if things could be fixed? Just take a big bite and swallow hard.”

Shreve also wrote that he would favor a repeal.

Delauter said he didn’t vote for charter government and is frequently reminded why, though he’s still considering a run for county executive in 2018.

“If I was county executive, [charter government] would be great …,” Delauter said, before adding that he was joking. “I’m kidding. That’s the form of government we have, so I have to live with it.”

Better be careful Fellas!
Better be careful Fellas!

Well, well, well, we wonder who forwarded this along! Could it be that someone on that exchange doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid? Or was it one of them thinking this would be a great way to get all this recall charter government nonsense in the news? This isn’t new talk folks, we reported almost a year ago of Blaine’s winds of change. These guys lived in some warped bubble in which they thought Blaine was going to win it all and they would be the Boss Hoggs of the county. So, when that didn’t happen they immediately went into boo hoo, everything’s horrible mode.

I guess people just didn't like ya!
I guess people just didn’t like ya!

Well, we happen to like that an discriminatory language ordinance was repealed. We like that our county has a strong ethics law. We also like that our schools and other services are finally being funded at somewhat reasonable levels. And we are oh so very pleased that the nursing homes are back in the county’s hands. We would also be remiss to not mention that we really like that we have a County Executive who isn’t getting arrested for solicitation of prostitutes. (Thanks Jan!)  So we’ll stick with the Charter government thank you very much. For we remember what it was like during the last BOCC. Shiver.

 

 

The Yokel has a new hero…Dave Schmidt edition.

I hope you will bear with us Yokels, for we have a story to tell in screenshots. Local Yokel hero Dave Schmidt has been spending a considerable amount of time trying to explain this whole building code/public safety thingy to Kirby. This is only one of many, many posts that have taken place between them. We think it’s important for our readers to see Kirby’s  thought process first-hand.

Very nicely written!
Very nicely written!

Let the back and forth commence:

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Right off with the name calling.

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We will proudly join the coalition!

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Time to Jiffy Lube the building inspectors!

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Right, if you want to discriminate that’s your given right. Wait.

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Hilarious Kirby. Well we have very nice teeth, were up before noon and don’t actually have all day and night to comment. (But obviously Kirby does because look at the number of posts!) However, that doesn’t mean we are going to keep our traps shut! Who does this guy think he is anyway? Anyone who disagrees with him must be a jobless lib?! We know for a fact that isn’t the case. The delusional world this guy lives in. A business operates outside of the law and let’s make damn sure they don’t suffer any consequences. How on Earth does not having any of the proper permits or zoning equate to going one mile over the speed limit?  Mr. Schmidt, for seeing this out over the long haul we gladly give you a Yokel tip of the hat:

You have been recognized for the sacrifice to your sanity Mr. Schimidt!
You have been recognized for the sacrifice to your sanity Mr. Schimidt!

Legislatin’ Facebook Style!!

Looks good to us!
Looks good to us!

We’ve brought you two posts  already about Kirby’s threat to run for County Executive due to the “unfriendly” business practices of the current administration. Turns out the businesses in question were not only operating without the required permits, but in the case of one, the Fire Marshall said, “No way, no how!” So Kirby’s been forced to send decrees through Facebook. In this first one, he’s told said business to ignore the county’s order:

Who is acting like the Pharaoh of Frederick County now?
Who is acting like the Pharaoh of Frederick County now?

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According to The Frederick News Post story on this issue, here’s the reason one of the businesses was shut down:

Caboose Farm, near Sabillasville, was also prohibited from hosting events after getting a notice in March of similar permit and zoning violations, owner Peter Fedak said.

The business did not have building permits or inspections for improvements made to the property. Caboose Farm also violated the zoning ordinance, according to a March 2 citation warning notice from the Frederick County Division of Planning and Permitting.

Kirby then went on to accuse the County Executive of having a vendetta against county businesses. Even going so far as insinuating that maybe, just maybe this was some kind of political retribution. What is the logic when a business knowingly does not follow the law for close to a decade that they are somehow the victim? Let’s explore this topic further. First another excerpt from the FNP:

Gardner, however, said permit and zoning violations arose because of complaints, and not at her direction.

“This is not something that the county is doing,” she said. “People individually have not followed the required process.”

Gardner said county officials worked with Shade Trees & Evergreens to let the business continue holding events as it worked on compliance, but could not allow this weekend’s events due to concerns by the fire marshal about public safety.

“The reason why people have to have these uses and these permits is to ensure public welfare and public safety,” she said.

And….

However, the county fire marshal was opposed, since the buildings and the septic system had never been inspected. Laxton said county officials denied the temporary permit. All planned events were canceled.

But Billy sees nothing afoul in this. As long as nothing bad has happen thus far, what’s the prob peeps?:

Councilman Billy Shreve said that since Shade Trees & Evergreens has run events for 10 years without problems, it should be allowed to continue during the permitting process.

“The county should go out and say, ‘We found these issues. We want to work with you to get you into compliance,’” Shreve said. “Absolutely, he should be allowed to stay open when he comes into compliance. That’s the way the county’s done it in the past.”

So they’ve been breaking the law for 10 years and nothing bad has happened so let’s let them continue! What if, Mr. Shreve, something bad did happen. Something along the lines of this?

 

Station Night Club Memorial, Taken By: Joe Webster (www.joewebster.net)
Station Night Club Memorial, Taken By: Joe Webster (www.joewebster.net)

Then we are oh so sure the rhetoric would be how very incompetent Jan is for allowing an uninspected, out of zone business to operate. Don’t pretend any differently, Billy and Kirby.

We like to explore the comment section of the FNP. And on this very article we found a very nice comment from former BOCC member Lenny Thompson:

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That’s right, these investigations are complaint driven. And we do hope it was from a business that followed all the proper procedures, because how unfair is that? Can you imagine doing every thing that you were supposed to do, paying all your fees, getting all your inspections and then being undersold by someone who didn’t bother? And then on top of that have your local County Council member go to bat for them just because they are looking for any and all opportunities to try and embarrass the County Executive? We would be infuriated! We are infuriated!

Next on the Internets, Dave Schmidt host of Frederick’s Forum posted this wonderfully articulate analysis of the situation:

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We couldn’t agree more! If you don’t like a certain procedure or ordinance then you lobby for a change. You don’t get to pick and choose what you want to follow and then act all outraged when you get caught! The logic Kirby and Billy are using to defend circumventing county codes and ordinances is just mind boggling. What in tarnation is the meaning behind arguing, “If nothing happens, it’s fine?” (And again, if something does, presumably that would also be Jan’s fault…damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t with these types.) Are we supposed to all place our children in a situation where they are the guinea pigs in the experiment to determine if the free market is successfully ensuring their safety. If they literally Die In A Fire, with the next kid, we won’t let them go to their prom if it is going to be held at the Regulation Free Prom Farm & Inn. Furthermore, what kind of county are we living in where our elected officials are encouraging businesses to not only ignore the rules, but to blatantly defy them? Kirby made these two replies to Dave’s post:

 

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Did Dave run against Kirby? I don’t think so.

Um, okay?
Um, okay?

 

 

This is an all hands on deck, 5 alarm Yokel alert!!!!! This is not a test! Repeat, this is not a test!

Only you can turn back the horsemen fellow Fredericktonians!
Only you can turn back the horsemen fellow Fredericktonians!

We are so sorry to have to bring this to you on a dreary Friday afternoon. We know this news is not want you wanted to see before you start your weekend. But, it’s our duty to inform. Your Yokel gals found this floating around on the interwebs today:

Breathe! Count to 10! Breathe again!
Breathe! Count to 10! Breathe again!

If this is his candidacy announcement, it needs a few tweaks! But seriously folks, even though a Delauter administration (Oh, how it hurt to write that) would keep this blog in business for quite some time, we wouldn’t wish that kind of destruction on our county. It’s time to come out strongly against this before he gets serious. We don’t need any more national embarrassments.

It’s a very maniac Monday!

Thank you for this gift Council Man Delauter. We always look forward to your Tentacle articles.
Thank you for this gift Councilman Delauter. We always look forward to your Tentacle articles.

It’s about that time again folks. Kirby has keyed up another article for that slithery appendage. Be sure to read through it a couple of times, because it takes that long to digest. If you can’t bring yourself to do so, read our nice synopsis below.

Now you know we are in for a treat with a title like this:

The Budget, Constituent Service and Schools

That’s a lot of ground to cover! First we are reminded of the time crunch between the time the County Executive has to present the budget and the time the County Council has to approve it. So Kirby, you better put forth an amendment to extend that in the charter since that’s the only way to fix it. I am sure the citizens of this fine county will be more than willing to give you more time. Then it’s the same blah, blah we don’t have any help so how do you expect us to do this? Afterwards,  we are reminded that he was the ONLY one that came up with an alternative budget. And that he and Billy are once again the ONLY council members willing to do their own analysis. Now for a moment let’s fly back to last year. We found this nice little write up from the FNP. Remember when Billy did this:

At one point, Councilman Jerry Donald asked about the impact of following Shreve’s suggestion to completely eliminate a $1.2 million allocation for snow removal.

“What would happen if it snows?” he asked.

“We’d pray it didn’t,” said Doug Browning, the county’s chief administrative officer.

Thankfully that didn’t happen because remember this folks?:

Photo courtesy Frederick News Post
Photo courtesy Frederick News Post

That’s right we had a blizzard!!! And Jan had this to say about the changes Kirby wanted to make to the budget. She said they were:

unclear and do not maintain a balanced budget

So it’s not enough to say and do things if they are destructive and make no sense. The next section complains about he and Billy being treated like third graders.(Yes folks, he complained about feeling like a third grader put in time out).  Do we have to point out that if you act like third graders that’s the way people will treat you? Kirby even admits that he lost his cool when he “used a few choice words” to express his discontent over not being  allowed to talk to someone at the county dump.

Alright Kirby, just calm down!
Alright Kirby, just calm down!

From day one, these two have been uncooperative, combative and have used WFMD and their writings on the Tentacle and other “news” websites to attack their fellow members of the county government. Not to mention their behavior in meetings. We will allow that if Kirby and Billy are required to follow different protocol to talk with county staff than the other members then they may have a small point. But they have offered no proof of this. And we see the logic of individual council members not barraging county staff with one request after another. You are on a collective body that makes decisions together Kirby, you don’t get to be a lone wolf.

We are so very sorry to have to tell you that this happened again:

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The horse is so very, very dead. Please stop beating it.

We guess there’s at least two more years of hearing this:

Yes, these councilmen somehow with a straight face vote on the budget that funds their employer and ultimately their own salaries. These are the same people who voted with the county executive and President Otis to disallow my company to bid on work in the county.

So we feel the need to bring out our nice little chart again:

No matter how you try to spin it Kirby this is how it is. You can't say that you may not win the bid is reason to let you bid.
No matter how you try to spin it Kirby this is how it is. Even if the numbers change, the message is still exactly the same as it was last year.

Kirby equates this “logic” to transgender bathrooms. Surprise, surprise, he’s against them. But why he used this time to slip that in is beyond us.

Now, for the conclusion, Kirby sorta kinda has an idea for school construction. But he’s not sure, and then is sure it will be great, even if it isn’t all worked out. And of course it has to do with privatization.

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What a week it’s been!!!

So much has happened this past week in Ye Olde Fredericktowne that your friendly Yokels have decided to do a weekly roundup. Let’s start with the County Council and happy budget fun time.

We’ve written two posts this week about budget talk. Read it here and here. However, we were very interested to find this in the Political Notes section of the paper this morning:

County Executive Jan Gardner’s budget announcement last Friday included a new little nugget. Well, five of them.

Gardner said she extended an invitation to all seven Frederick County Council members to talk about the budget, including a list of their priorities. Five members took her up on the offer: Democrats Jerry Donald, M.C. Keegan-Ayer and Jessica Fitzwater and Republicans Bud Otis and Tony Chmelik.

Gardner said she couldn’t meet all of their requests, but each was considered in her proposal.

Councilmen Billy Shreve and Kirby Delauter, also Republicans, didn’t take Gardner up on the offer, apparently.

It seems they have other plans.

Shreve, who is still upset the council doesn’t have a dedicated budget officer, gave handouts to his colleagues, showing that they are the only council in the state without such help. Nevertheless, Shreve said he was going to dig into the numbers.

“I’m going to work on this budget. Look at it. See if we can make some changes,” he said Tuesday. One major change he pitched included scrapping a plan to keep the county’s property tax rate steady — which will yield increased revenue — and instead lower the rate and cut spending.

“The easiest solution … is if you have the same amount of revenue as you did last year, you adopt the same budget you did last year,” Shreve said.

Kirby and Billy are fine sitting on the couch thank you very much!
Kirby and Billy are fine sitting on the couch thank you very much!

So not only are they refusing the County Executive’s invitation to come discuss the budget, which really is a dereliction of their duty, but Billy is all fine and dandy with keeping everything the same. Why should we strive to improve? A real brain stumper!

Next on our wrap up is Sheriff Jenkins. As we are sure you all know our Sheriff testified in front of Congress this week about illegal immigration. Last night, Sean Hannity had the Sheriff and two other guests on for four minutes of the most exquisite fear mongering we have ever seen.

Is that comment for reals?
Is that comment for reals?

Look, we here at the Yokel do not want anyone, be it citizens, immigrants, or illegal immigrants, committing crimes. And if someone had hurt our kids, we cannot say that we wouldn’t feel the same way that poor woman who testified with the Sheriff does. However, this kind of sensational talk does nothing to bring about meaningful immigration change.  What it does do is incite fear and discrimination against the Latino community. Not one of us wants criminals running around our community. Building a wall is not a realistic solution towards that goal. Also, it is a known truth that huge numbers of “illegals” arrive by plane and overstay an expired, once-valid visa, so wasteful government spending on a stupid wall is stupid and wasteful. But now we totally get why Fox News watchers are so angry and paranoid all the time. Jeeze O’Flip that channel! And we also didn’t realize how scary a place Frederick is to live, the internets must be wrong about us.

 

Who exactly is the beast in this scenario Gaston?
Who exactly is the beast in this scenario, Gaston?

Last on our roundup: You may have heard that a certain Presidential Contender was in town yesterday. Another nugget from the Political Notes section was this:

Apparently, that relationship stuck. Ahead of Cruz’s rally on Thursday, Hough picked Afzali to pick up the candidate from the airport. And if Cruz’s camp was impressed with Folden’s driving skills, they may have had a different review of the Afzali Cab Service. “My husband went slow, because I needed to talk to Ted,” Afzali said. “We had a lot to talk about.”

If Cruz wasn't so terrible we might have felt sorry for him. But since he is, we laughed and laughed.
If Cruz wasn’t so terrible we might have felt sorry for him. But since he is, we laughed and laughed.

If you missed our tweets about his speech head on over to @fclocalyokel and take a looky look. The most disturbing story to come out of that mess was the transgender student who was thrown out of rally. You can read the story here. But James, we would be remiss if we did not officially give you a Yokel tip of the hat:

Thank you for having the courage to stand up for what you believe in. Always be proud of who you are!
Thank you for having the courage to stand up for what you believe in. Always be proud of who you are!

We really don’t get all this fervor over public bathrooms. Whether you like it or not transgender people have been using public bathrooms for years. And has society crumbled as a result? No! Because nothing bad has happened! You really should be more afraid of former Republican Speakers of the House and U.S. Senators. But if you can’t get past it, Kirby has a solution:

Brilliant!
Brilliant!

 

New fun time: Council meeting bingo

We thought we’d mix it up a little this week. Here’s your agenda. In case you do feel compelled to drink at any point, we’ll recommend you toss back an Alien Secretion and encourage Xenu to scamper on outta here.

 

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Click on image to open in a separate tab for printing!