frederick local yokel

Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition


December 2017

It’s time to be triggered! Your revisionist history workshop round-up!


With discussion of Citizens-Montevue on the agenda, you know Shrelauter is going to have words to say.  For those of you who are new around here, back in 2014 the Young BOCC sold the county nursing homes to a company called Aurora. There was A LOT of criticism concerning this deal, with a very vocal contingent of concerned citizens speaking out against it. When Jan Gardner was elected  County Executive in 2014, one of the first issues she tackled was bringing the nursing homes back into county hands.  Which she did!

Esteemed Budget Director Lori Depies, shows us this very fine power point presentation. Contrary to what Shrelauter told us would happen, the homes are no longer showing a loss! They are actually making money! And taking in more indigent seniors. Well, well, well, all this talk causes Kirby to be triggered.


Since the beginning of this year, Citizens/Montevue has received a 5 star rating, which is much improved from the 2 star rating they garnered in 2014. Since the county has reacquired the homes, Aurora has been retained as the manager of the facility.  Kirby wants us all to realize that it was a great move to bring Aurora in! You know because the poor scapegoated Young BOCC took much undeserved flak when they opened the door to them! What Kirby is trying to gloss over is that his board’s move was to SELL the nursing home to Aurora not have them manage it, a move that would have put indigent seniors at risk because of the continuing care agreement that the Young board signed with Aurora that stated they only had to take future indigent patients if they happened to have the room! This was a major reason why Jan thought it necessary to return the homes to county control. Plus, the county would have had to come up with an additional $7 million dollars, which was not in the county budget, to give to Aurora should this deal have gone through. So Kirby is once again WRONG and deliberately trying to mislead those of us that don’t pay attention around these parts.


Just sub Kirby for defense!

But, nice try #! Billy makes some noise trying to disparage the numbers, but he’s wrong as well, and boring so let’s move on.

Next, up is a presentation from the nice people at the United Way. Take a minute and go through their slide show to learn how many of our neighbors are really struggling to make ends meet in our county and our state.

Lastly, Jerry and Kirby present their dueling Senior Tax Credit bills, which honestly don’t seem very different. Jerry seems to have a better handle of what is in his bill than you know who. Quelle Surprise! Anyhoo, Tony suggests that the two of them sit down and hash out one bill and they actually agree!

Now, your Lady Yokels have to go and check if Alabama is going to remain the boil on the butt of this country!

Let’s workshop those dueling bills!


Check out the agenda for this evening’s county council workshop! We are going to get an update on the nursing home, so brace thyself for the complaints from Shrelauter. Also, there is an update from the United Way. And, finally, a discussion on Jerry and Kirby’s dueling senior tax credits. Let’s hope everyone stays in the holiday spirit!

Holiday Inspiration, part 2.

Orange booz
Just like Aunt Gloria, you can pretend you are French when you bake with this.

This continues our ongoing series to share some of our own Yokel family traditions to help you get in the holiday spirit.

Today’s feature is from Aunt Gloria. She loves to bring dessert to our holiday gatherings. Aunt Gloria has a fondness for all things orange. Her holiday treat features Grand Marnier. It is safe to say she samples a lot while making this yummy version of pound cake. Measure the flour, take a sip. Measure the sugar, take a sip. You get the idea. Please make sure you save some for the cake!

You’ll find Aunt Gloria’s recipe here. She may be a good baker, but she is not original. You can recognize Aunt Gloria by her orange blossom perfume and by the hiccups she gets when she bakes this cake.

Drunk cat
No, no, no! Do not feed this to Mr. Jingles!

Pretend and all so real outrage. Which do you choose?

There’s so much to share with our dear readers on this chilly Friday morning. Let’s start with a column in today’s Frederick News Post. Self appointed crotchety old man, Rick Blatchford, shares with us his stream of consciousness rant on everything that is wrong with the world today. From Caitlin Jenner to Bill Clinton to the singer Pink, there seems to be no end to the issues that outrage this man. This kind of stuff is mostly amusing to us. Because, faux outrage is well, funny.

What deserves some real outrage is a piece that appeared in the noodley appendage this morning. The author is so very  outraged that Republican Senator Jeff Flake made a donation to Alabama Democratic Senatorial candidate Doug Jones. He is even more outraged that on the donation check Senator Flake wrote: “country before party”. A nice sentiment that we wish more people would adhere to. Well, no, no, no says this author because Doug Jones will kill all the unborn babies, let the immigrants flow through the border in droves (especially those Muslims), and will force all that government health care down y’all’s throats! But, even that hyperbolic drivel isn’t what gets us. It’s this note the author makes at the end of the piece:

Regarding the severity of claims, Mr. Moore had relations with teenagers when he was in his 30’s back in the 1970’s, Moore’s grandparents and perhaps parents, likely would not have batted an eye at such a relationship. Many men in their 30’s and older where (sp) widowers from disease and child birth deaths. Women their age where (sp) all married with their own families. Moore was no widower, but the age mismatch issue is only a recently formulated taboo. It should also be noted that all of the claims against Mr. Moore are for consensual relationships unlike the groping, grabbing, coercing and raping claims filling our news every day against entertainment, news and elected offenders.


How long ago does this guy think the 1970’s were?! Roy Moore’s behavior was bad and creepy enough that he was banned from the local mall! And, kind sir, if you think that a 15 year old child can consent to a relationship with a 30 some year old man then your view of consent is really warped. Putting aside the issue as to whether or not a child can consent (they can’t!) to a relationship with a much older man, is the fact that he has also been accused of attacking at least one woman as a teenager. It’s also outrageous that you are so worried about protecting all the unborn children, but not the girl children that have already been born. What kind of pro-lifer does that make you? But, go ahead and tell us all the trade-off is worth it. That a Democrat is worse than a pedophile. For that is what is truly worth the outrage.

*Just for clarification MOST 15 year olds were not married in the days of yore. Just take a gander at this chart on the average age of marriage from the Census Bureau:

The Twitter Feeds of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.

Every few days we check the social media accounts of our favorite local characters. Not only Facebook, but Twitter as well. Boy did we find some jewels today. Lets’s begin with #kirbydelauter:

Isn’t it comforting to know Kirby is totally fine electing a man accused of assaulting and perusing underage girls, and who was dismissed from the Alabama Supreme Court TWICE to the U.S. Senate just so he can get a few thousand dollars back on his taxes? He is literally willing to have a sexual predator serve in the U.S. Senate as long as his wallet is a tad bit greener. What a peach!

The second retweet from Dan Bongino is also very interesting. Especially considering fellas like Kirby are always screaming about the overreach of the federal government. Guess all that federal overreach doesn’t apply when it comes to their precious guns. Pew! Pew!

Now onto Tweedle Dumb. We have no idea in the world what this is about:

If anyone can clear this up, please send us a line. And, it appears as though Shrelauter have started the Dan Bongino fan boyz club!

Not sure who thinks this guy is worthy of an award. Considering this is how he behaves. Plus, he can’t seem to win an election.

Finally, Mr. Ski Instructor is all fine and dandy with the President giving away public lands:

This all begs the question, is there anything that Trump can do that will turn Shrelauter against him? Sure seems as though they are drinking the kool aid to the very last drop.

Holiday inspiration, Yokel style.

Picard yummy

This holiday season we are going to share some of our own Yokel family traditions to help you get in the holiday spirit. This will be an ongoing series of one special daily recipe. You may even want to pull some of these items out to help you get through a council meeting.

Our first tasty item is from the kitchen of Uncle Fred. Good ole Fred would make huge batches of this to send home with everyone every Christmas. He told us it was beef, but I’m not sure if that is what he used every year. We learned not to ask as Uncle Fred had a fondness for anything he could hunt for himself. One year, I accidently found out he used groundhog after being hired by several neighbors to help them with a groundhog infestation.  Anyway, you can recognize Uncle Fred if you see him around town by his groundhog teeth necklace.

Here is the recipe. I had to promise to let Uncle Fred hunt squirrel on my property to get this from him. I later found out he got this off Pinterest so jokes on me.

Yummy jerkyYummy jerky


December 5th Meeting: Part 2 is almost all good except when Krampus shows up at the end

The good part of the meeting concerned the Veterans Affairs Council. Many eloquent and distinguished people–most, if not all, of whom are veterans themselves–came to talk about the beneficial things such a council could accomplish for the many veterans in our community. It was truly a testament to the goodness of mankind in a week where most sane people have been wondering if and when we would see such benevolence again. (Guess who is going to harsh the vibe? You know, right? You do.)

The Ghost of General Burnside Judge Scott Rolle spoke of what he has witnessed firsthand in his courtroom to say that it would be good to have a  centralized way to locate resources for veterans: help with jobs, housing, counseling, what have you. Awesome. And we’re just kidding about the facial hair. It looks cool.

The next speaker also spoke of the need to have something “be the connective tissue,” especially for those who are impacted by physical or mental costs from their service. We so agree. This seems very similar to the discussion with regard to the needs of human trafficking victims, but we realize this issue will receive uncontroversial support, whereas we have heard about how some people are not opposed to human trafficking, and yes we will keep bringing it up whenever we can tie anything at all to it, because there are also mental and physical costs to being enslaved and sold.

Anyway, we are getting persnickety again, and really it was a heartwarming discussion that (thank you Craig Tyler—tip of the tricorn here) also emphasized that some of us chose to settle here in Frederick County and make roots, and we do so because the community is engaged and caring, and has good governance as a result of an active community that sees a need and does something about it. Another speaker mentioned that government can do more than disjointed groups or individuals. Hallelujah. Some people do recognize the purpose of “we the people” promoting the general welfare and all of that Founding Fathers forming a more perfect union jazz.

We particularly appreciated the Retired Lieutenant Colonel and Iraq veteran from the Marine Corps who spoke specifically about not forgetting women veterans, who have higher rates of both homelessness and suicide, and people tend to think of the veterans as males.

Absolutely everyone who spoke made excellent points, and we appreciate your service to your country and your continued service in this community. This was an inspiring process to watch, and that was a true privilege today.

There was also a discussion on rezzzzzzzzzzzzzoning. We cannot promise we will revisit that, even though it looked as though it may have been one of the better such discussions you could want to hear.

Then the regular nice people were nice, although Bud was testy, which he has been lately…for some odd reason. And in honor of December 5th, nasty old Krampus Billy showed up at the end to get all cranky about commenters not being civil and say we should do away with the code of civility since no one cares about it. Newsflash: disagreeing with Billy is not uncivil. It’s a sign of sanity (that was uncivil, but we don’t even feel bad). Seriously, we assume he was referring to the public comments criticizing people who are rude to county employees, and if he took that is a personal attack, there must be some reason he might have thought it was directed at him.

Nikolaus krampus.jpg





Photo credit: By unknown, not stated in the source – “Wiener Bilder” 6/12/1896, Public Domain, Link



Some things change, others stay the same. Your December 5th meeting rundown–Part one!

The meeting starts off nice enough! Some recognition is given to those who collected coats for kids for an event called Operation Warm. With all the awful in the world, it’s nice to see people helping others.

For the first time in forever we have some public commenters. We love that the first lady speaker wore Patagonia while asking the council when they were going to start paying attention to climate change. This nice lady also gave Bud some praise recalling some words he said that indicated that we didn’t need science to tell climate change was real. Matt Seubert is up next, also talking about the environment and the importance of passing the county executive’s forest ordinance. Next, another friend of the Yokel, Patrick, admonishes “some” (wink, wink) members of the council for how they speak to government employees when they present information.  We agree with this sentiment 100%, as we have often mentioned how much our county employees suffer at the hands of Shrelauter, and often Tony.  Stan Mordensky rounds out the comments also talking about the forest ordinance.

Billy refuses to vote on the agenda and is a bit of a jerk about the budget adjustments, but yawn, what else is new? During the county executive appointments, Billy wants to split the vote between the two appointees to the Monocacy River Board. Very jerkily tells M.C. to just do it the way he wants her to do it. The reason? He wants to vote against Stan Mordensky’s appointment to the board, but not the other fella. Unsurprisingly, the coup fails and Stan’s appointment went through.


In case you were wondering how Trump and the Congressional Republicans have screwed us today, look no further than your county government. You see folks, if the new tax bill goes through bonds made to local governments will lose their tax exempt status. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to this provision, the financial people testifying were at a loss as to why this was included in the proposed tax bill. Nevertheless, the county must stay ahead and refund some bonds before the new law goes into effect and screws everyone. We didn’t even hear Shrelauter trying to defend this provision.

Everything is terrible every day!

Both bond refunds pass 7-0.

Next on the agenda are four first readings. Bud goes through them quickly, too quickly we think! The first and last one are interesting and need to be addressed. The first reading is the county executive’s Forest Ordinance bill that our public commenters came out to support. The last one, is a bill put forth by Bud that alters said Forest Ordinance. After Bud finishes reading off the list, M.C. asks him to explain his alterations to the bill. She said she had a few calls from people because they were confused as to why there were two first readings on the same issue. Instead of answering her, Bud very curtly says, “I am not going to get into that right now. ”

That’s what we want to know Bandit!

Now, we don’t care for that one bit! We hope that Mr. Otis is just having one of those nights that we all have from time to time. Because, we do not see how it is unreasonable to be asked to explain the rationale behind a bill you are presenting!

We close out the first half with a public hearing that really isn’t a public hearing on some bonds concerning Mt. St. Mary’s University. No one shows up to speak and it’s passed 7-0.

Tony is pulling his wood chipping bill and starting over with planning commission recommendations. Billy is outraged because this process has now taken 7 months and we have this business that is NOT being fined and was breaking zoning ordiances and you know what Billy?…

Billy, you have our warmest regards!

Bottoms up! Please make sure you are seated before imbibing.

so drunk
You better Jenkins, or you may end up in the hospital!

Lots of items on the agenda for tonight’s meeting so please make sure you are properly prepared with a comfy seat. As always, take care not to overindulge. The Yokels are not responsible for any damage you may do to your livers and we really do need you to be back again for the next meeting.

First up public comments. If no one shows up, drink some ginger ale. You are going to want to coat your stomach with a preventative liner.

Next are a bunch of budget amendments. When Billy complains that he still doesn’t have a budget analyst to help him read, throw back a flaming asshole. You know why.

Business items are up next. Three meetings worth of minutes need to be approved plus confirmations, bond authorizations and new workshop items. Someone is going to abstain so get ready to drink a mojito mocktail. 

Next up are first readings of four different items.  Forest resources, DRRA, APF for school construction are going to be discussed. We predict tempers will flair (the 3 usual suspects). This could go long, so pick your own personal favorite beverage to slowly sip during this portion of the meeting. We still have more to get through and you will want your wits about you.

A public hearing on bonds for Mount St. Mary’s University is up next. Mix up an Irish Catholic to set the mood.

Next a third reading on the Wood Waste Recycling bill. Are you still upright??? Time for a boozy affagato. You’ll need that espresso to help you stay awake for the rest of the meeting.

Take a break until 7. If the meeting ran until 7, and you don’t get a break, grab a glass of good old fashioned water. Your liver needs a break.

Next up a second reading on the Veteran’s Advisory Council.  You’ll want to mix up an American Spirit for this one.  Just drink it because we all support veterans.

I can’t believe there is still more, but next comes a public hearing on rezoning the Ballenger PUD. Throw back a I’m Ya Huckleberry when Billy asks a question someone has already answered.

We are almost done.  We just have to get through public and council member comments. Time to throw back a shot of C. This one is for your health.  Right????

Oops. Don’t say we didn’t warn you Smokey!

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