Tag: Kirby Delauter

Happy? New Year.

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Last night’s meeting was uneventfulish.

Bud hopes it will be a productive year. We feel pessimistic. Because of the bookends on the dias (who were oddly quiet, until uncorked at the end).

Normal things happened like Billy voted against the agenda and budget transfers. Aren’t tools supposed to be useful?

Friend of Local Yokel, Patrick Schempp, spoke on several issues and seems to be far more consequential to the proper running of the county than Billy Shreve. Just sayin’.

There was a riveting water and sewer hearing and W4S4 changing to W3S3, or some such.

A proposed small business development real estate tax credit sounded intriguing. This would be for businesses with between 5 and 50 employees on purchase of or expansion of at least 2500 square feet. The tax credit would start at 40% and decrease according to a schedule over time. And they would have to pay 150% of federal minimum wage to their employees, which sounds nice, but still wouldn’t really get you much in the way of livability in urbane Fredneck. However, we are not those sort of philosophers who think, “If you cannot fix everything, why bother doing anything.” (cough…climate change illogic…cough). The program would expire in 2026, although Tony Chmelik seemed inclined to have it continue in perpetuity, because who needs taxes anyway, right?

For the second edition of public commenting a young man (we love to see our youngsters at county meetings) wants to have recycling bins available at summer lunch program centers. Tony suggests they go to another meeting, in a strange attempt to pass the buck. Thankfully  M.C. steps in taking their names and promising to put them in touch with the appropriate person. Thank you M.C.!

Kirby talked for half the meeting it seemed like and to start there was a part where he seemed gracious and as though he spoke with staff he may have a good rapport with, and then spoke knowledgeably about septic system science. In the light of day it seems less mysterious that a person owning and operating a digging business hemmed and hawed about septic tanks and doesn’t just stomp his foot about <<gasp>> regulations. Not to say he made no sense, but still. It’s difficult for us to say he made sense, if you know what we mean.

Oh and who could forget the spin machine we were stuck in that has this story in the newspaper, produced by a newspaper reporter, who reported on the relative salaries of county officials here and elsewhere. This has now become some new government boondoggle talking point, even though it has zilch to do with anyone in the government having said or done anything, and was apparently produced for informational purposes such as local news. It never has to make sense to become a crisis. Special teaflakes strike again.

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Kirby has thankfully found an editorial section that is not biased! And he’s going to take up everyone’s time reading this editor’s accusations.  Kirby is “not sure what’s going on here” and “hope(s) these accusations are unfounded”. However, he’s not going to let whether or not any of this is true stand in his way! No siree bob! What’s all the hullabaloo? Well, remember when M.C. said that she and Bud talked to the County Executive before legislation is introduced? Yeah that.  Must be some sneakiness going on. Thank goodness we have some local heroes with no agenda against Jan, Bud or M.C. on it! We took a peaky poo at the Open Meetings Act and didn’t see anything that would warrant these allegations. However, tis very long and written in legalese so we will have to see what the attorney says. Sounds like the County Council has a few time sucking, tax wasting PIAers on their hands as well.

 

There was more, but I give up, which is awful, because some smart people got shortchanged. If Billy said anything exciting, nobody even knows. You will have to wait for another Local Yokel to let you know.

Oh, but wait! Almost forgot! Jerry Donald likes meeting constituents and is going on a tour, like the rock star that he is.

Can we please stop pretending government serves no purpose? Thanks.
An oldie, but a goodie.

M.C. apologizes for not answering Kirby’s hero editor and promises to do so. Also vows to continue talking to people in the county government in  order to do her job. The county attorney will be issuing an opinion soon on whether or not anything was untoward. We can already predict the answer.

Kirby proclaims the 4th Estate dead as a doornail!

fclocalyokel1 Comment

This year ain’t done with us yet folks!!!! Kirby has taken to his favorite medium to proclaim that said medium is now the way all Americans should get their information:

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What could go wrong?!

First off Donald Trump is going to give us the truth with no spin!!!! BAAAHAAAAHAAA! Who is the sheeple now #? If you really believe for one minute that Twitter, with its 140 character limit, is a sufficient way for an American President to convey pertinent information to us…then whoa man…we really fear for our future.

1gt8uo

Now let’s address how the “average American” no longer needs the “mainstream media”. Because this is what really has us hot under our collars. First of all, may we suggest Council Man Delauter, that you take a trip down to the Newseum so you can see for yourself how very important it is to our DEMOCRACY that we have a FREE PRESS. A FREE PRESS is absolutely essential to the free spread of ideas, opinions, information and is the ONLY way we have to investigate corruption in both corporations and the government!!!! What kind of elected official not only does NOT know this, but is actually pleased that the White House Press Corps will be locked out?! This is not a good development! This is exactly what dictators and tyrants do!!! But that’s right, Putin is a cool guy is he not, Kirby? Here’s a list that illustrates how the 4th Estate is doing in Russia.

Thankfully, once again, Kirby is so very wrong. How are newspapers doing in this current climate? Very well indeed. The Washington Post is doing so well that they are adding dozens of journalists. Vanity Fair, after Trump’s mantrum, saw their subscriptions soar!

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That’s about as accurate as Kirby’s Facebook post. They are twinsies!

The Atlantic and The New York Times have also seen a rise in donations and readership. Thinking people with a sense of history know the value and necessity of a free and unhindered press.

So what can we do to support our local media? Unless you want to friend Kirby to get his updates on local governmental issues (feel free!) or perhaps encourage him to open his @RealKirbyDelauter twitter account as we previously suggested, we need to support the Frederick News Post, even though according to Kirby they haven’t told the truth for “over 40 years,” we need to show them that we have their back! If you don’t already have a subscription, please click over and sign up! Or make a donation in Kirby’s name! Let’s show Kirby that we will not sit idly by while our one of our nation’s most important institutions is disparaged! We “average Americans” see the value of having the media call out our elected official’s bullshit.

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Get a clue Trump!

Kirby is a winner winner chicken dinner

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We’ve been trying to get some answers to questions about what the real rules are regarding campaign signs. It is surprisingly confusing, and varies a lot. If the signs were on Kirby’s Kar Kleaners’ property, then he may have been infringed upon. And everyone knows that when someone does something such as put a temporary sign on a stick on your land, the first thing you should do is be klassy with a k, and the second thing you should do is react in anger, and the third thing you should do is make an angry post to your Facebook wall where the Local Yokel is going to get hold of it and bust a gut pointing and laughing at how the same guy did the same kind of dumb thing. Again!!! It’s true! We find this funny, this inability to learn from one’s own mistakes.

At no point should you call someone and alert them to a potential problem. Then they may apologize for how egregiously you were wronged, make amends, and educate whomever may have been misinformed about where they may or may not place those hideous signs. Then you might live happily ever after without having “yer prawperty” besmirched by the names of qualified adults. That would just be ridiculous!

Here. Have an MVP award:

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This is so much more fun than his dead horse talking points, because even if he is right!!!! (wouldn’t’ THAT be a gas) he is only shooting himself in the foot. And maybe it ricochets over to Cindy Rose’s foot, too, since she has a reputation for a short fuse and birds of a feather and whatnot. Such a shame.

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Will you just look at that flock of birds…

An alert reader provided us with the final resting place of the unfortunate sign. As you can see, it was carefully relocated by a steward of the county’s natural resources.

Never one to be concerned with the environment.
Never one to be concerned with the environment.

 

EDIT: Oh, oops, per real journalist Katherine Heerbrandt:

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Looks to us like Kirby’s just a hypocrite who threw away a sign he didn’t like and left one he did.

 

EDIT AGAIN: Kirby still says it’s his land. Like we said, this is all very unclear. But whatever. He still acted proud to be a giant man baby.

 

It’s poll time again!

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So if you are like us, and we are going to assume you are since you are reading, you have been anxiously awaiting the results from our last poll in which you picked out ringtones for the members of the council. We are going to have to apologize in advance to anyone who happens to be nearby when the phones ring. It could get embarrassing.

 

baby
Ermahgerd, can you believe who is calling us???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally our infotainment selection:

 

It’s pretty hard to follow up those polls. So much serious stuff is going on at the national level. Is it election day yet?

So to try to keep things light(ish), we have this week’s poll. Have you been keeping up with the proposed downtown hotel? What is your verdict?

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Ok, so maybe it won’t look exactly like this…

 

 

 

#KirbyDelauter has ideas. Trigger warning: language & sexual assault

fclocalyokel3 Comments

In his grand personal tradition of social media indiscretion Kirby shall forge ahead. He has what he thinks is a clever funny thing to say about Our Next President Clinton, but in case folks were too dumb to catch his meaning, someone went ahead and spelled it out with Kirby’s blessing and encouragement. And his friend thinks Trump should assault her, like Trump likes to do. Hey, every guy’s got his own traditions, right?

If the basket fits.
If the basket fits.

Good job trying to take the heat off of Billy Shreve. You’re a real peach, champ.

 

A day ending in y. Again.

fclocalyokel1 Comment

Yes, folks, Billy is again doing something stupid.

Today there is a letter to the editor printed in the Frederick News Post vilifying everyone but himself for the incident. ICYMI: he inappropriately hosted and photographed the Boy Scouts in the house of our county government–the one run by Democrats and Republicans alike–all adorned with Trump campaign materials. The nerve of this man child, really.

He insists that everyone else apologize and throw a pizza party for the scouts. Which really, someone should start a gofundme for that. We are obviously too lazy to run fundraisers as nonpologies; we have too much fundraising to do for our own kids’ activities. ProMomTip Billy: Costco sized pizza is $10 at Costco. He has abdicated the opportunity to go high, just like  when his pal did the very same thing and threw a misguided tantrum and lashed out at the Catoctin High School athletics program because he was mad about county government ethics rulings, so other people picked up the slack and found a way to fill the void.

Once again, Billy seems just like Trump. Not my fault. You guys made the mistake. You owe everyone. BigLig.

Speaking of which, keep an eye on little Billy today if you are a local Republican. Trump will be up in Gettysburg at an invitation only event, and if you’re not careful Billy will be up there loaning all your money to a guy with a long standing reputation for not paying people back.

Yes, Billy. It's really this simple.
Yes, Billy. It’s really this simple.

 

Nothing Happened.

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So, there was a council meeting today and by the time we got connected to the WiFi the business was pretty much done and on to Public and Council Member Comments.

This would have been the shortest council meeting in history, except someone mistakenly activated the Hashtag Signal again. D’oh! So then we had to listen to Kirby’s regularly scheduled nursing home/Jan Gardner rant, recently augmented by his hotel TIF tiff. There was even some stuff in there he wasn’t sure if had happened or not, but it probably did, so why not throw a fit about it anyway (psssst: because that makes you look stupid…). If he could limit the Two Minutes Hate to two minutes, things would be a lot nicer for everyone involved. Frankly, we’re getting bored with him. His effort to weave from one talking point to the next has the end result that he rarely makes any sense.

Calling #KirbyDealauter. (Never.)
This device needs some kind of secondary verification.

Other members of the council spoke of nice and positive things like the rededication at Culler Lake, Oktoberfest, that our county has been identified a County of Opportunity, and recognition given to the Hispanic and Latino community in Frederick. Jerry Donald did some pro TIF/hotel chattering, pointing out that the mayors of absolutely everywhere came out to say what a good thing that downtown hotel will be for the whole dang county.

Even Billy didn’t sound too crazy tonight. Most probably because he is all burned out from the derpfest he has been on since this whole Trump campaign tickled his fancy (oh no…that’s probably not the right way to allude to Trump or Billy, given the recent news here, there, and everywhere…). Maybe he’s feeling dejected because Trump is going to get his butt handed to him in this election, although we seriously doubt Billy has ever heard of Nate Silver or Sam Wang or poll aggregation or the electoral college at all, so he probably has no idea really. Sad.

Has the High Sheriff had it with Shreve? Your 10/4 meeting roundup!

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1btl0p

The agenda was all flip floppy tonight because the High Sheriff had other obligations and wanted to speak about the noise ordinance.  A few weeks back Sheriff Jenkins was in the house to discuss changes to said bill. His main objective is to change this from a criminal offense to a civil one. The logic being that since the burden of proof for a criminal citation is so hard to reach, issuing a civil citation would allow law enforcement to better deal with this issue.

Well Billy Shreve, our very own dirt bike expert and connoisseur, has oh so many problems. The list of changes he wants to make is long and futile. He even suggests that the county would have to hire a sound engineer to properly deal with this issue. It is at this point that the High Sheriff states that all of Shreve’s amendments are unreasonable. And oh my, my, my is there trouble in paradise?  Could it be that aggravation with the legislatin’ style of Billy Shreve has spread far and wide?  Tony also jumps on the anti-Shreve train and accuses Billy of playing a game of semantics. In the end, Kirby is the only one who votes for his amendments. At least he still has one friend left.

Kirby’s suggestion that construction starting time be moved to 7 a.m. means the bill needs to be re-written and voted on at a later time.

Back to public comments. Some are still not too happy about the cannabis.

Kirby is sure weird things are afloat in the budget.

County Executive appointments are all good. Has there ever been an explanation as to why Shrelauter refuses to say aye?

Councilwoman Keegan-Ayer tries to clear up the misinformation over the medical cannabis bill. But no matter what she says, there will always be those who hear the big scary word “marijuana” and go absolutely cray cray!

reefermadnessposter

Because of all the scandals and the inability of some of her council members to understand facts, she has decided to lay the bill on the table. Which means that as of today, because it’s the end of the 90 day period, the bill will die. We are so very sad to see this happen. Bud Otis commends the Vice President for all of her hard work on this issue. The most Deplorable of the Deplorables pipes up and yells to Bud:”How were you going to vote on it?” Bud calmly states that the bill has been  tabled to which Billy screams, “That’s what I thought!” Now, dear readers, we don’t like to say we hate people. We hate their actions, we think they do really dumb things, we think they aren’t qualified to hold public office, etc., etc. But right now, we HATE Shreve.

And then the other representative in the Shrelauter department apparently mistakenly thought the # signal had been activated.

Calling #KirbyDealauter. (Never.)
Calling #KirbyDealauter. (Never.)

 

It would have been difficult to follow his seemingly wrecked train of thought, had we not had this handy dandy guide from just earlier where Kirby did this Red Letter Editor thingamabob. If you are thinking it’s like Red Letter Christian, it’s totally not like that. Here is a field guide to a fairly typical mantrum from The Red Visaged Kirby.

 

kirbys-red-letter-day

Of course, Jerry Donald did some fact checking during his public comments. Thanks, Councilmember Donald, for keeping him honest. Or trying, at any rate.

 

Polls, polls and more polls!

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As always, before starting a new poll, we need to close out our last one.

 

 

Looks like you think there will be a bonfire at Winchester Hall in the near future.

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Just kidding. Sort of.

We hope you all remember the council meeting where Council President’s Otis’ phone rang and everyone was treated to his “Bad to the Bone” ringtone.
That got us thinking. We need your to help us decide what ringtones to assign to each council member and some other locals that we want to set up on our speed dials.

We realize this means you will have to do extra work this week with all these polls, but we think it is important enough to ask you to take the time to complete each one.

We also highly recommend you google the lyrics of any titles of which you are not familiar. WARNING: some of these songs contain lyrics that some may find highly applicable offensive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And for infotainment purposes only:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The legislative priorities part was interesting

fclocalyokel1 Comment

Holy moly, it’s that magical time of the year where the council members must send legislative priorities for Frederick County up to the County Executive’s office so that they can be included in the upcoming public hearing regarding these priorities. Some highlights below.

Kirby sent out a press release about his wish list, which we have already told you all about. He suffers from a special condition wherein he has no idea that he lives in Maryland and not Kansas not Texas. It was his turn to go first, but he was whispering to his neighbor and so they called on Jerry to go first, and there were words exchanged about it being ineffective and useless but still everyone wanted to support Delegate Krimm’s efforts to do something about derelict properties.

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Then when M.C. asked Kirb-o if he was ready to take his turn now, Billy piped up to ask who was running the meeting and asked if Bud was going to start doing it now. We learned he extols the “bar stool manners” one day when he was whining about people criticizing him on Facebook (gosh, we wonder who criticizes him so much…). That is theoretically like saying what you would say to the person next to you at the bar, but in practice seems to be treating everyone like he’s a mean drunk. We heard he’s a teetotaler; it’s just an analogy, people.

Taking to Facebook to confirm our suspicions correct, apparently the reason he wants to put forth something that has already been taken up in Annapolis was just to try and take the teachers down a notch. Also, Billy called the teacher’s union like organized crime, because they obligate non-union teachers to pay a fee to the union for taking advantage of the contract negotiation process, even if they aren’t going to pay dues and join in the process. So as you plainly see, this is exactly like Tony Soprano.

We might be able to help a fella out here. While we don't know Bud, and we don't call people because we don't like people, we do know that he is a Seventh Day Adventist and that they are kind of groovy in some regards. One of which being that they are pacifists, which means they are unlikely to be interested in shootemup solutions.
We might be able to help a fella out here. While we don’t know Bud, and we don’t call people because we are all kind of antisocial, we do know that he is a Seventh Day Adventist and that they are kind of groovy in some regards. Groovy meaning they are pacifists, thus unlikely to be interested in traditional shootemup solutions.

Oh, what else happened last night? That’s right, school vouchers turned everything all upside down. Sound explanations were made about how private schools don’t have to accept all kids, so if you send some of them to school with a voucher then the remaining kids in the public school system will be those who are most expensive to educate. Tony complained about people having to send kids to the school near their house, and how it’s unfair that you can’t get on a bus and go to whatever school you want. Which is frankly insanely at odds with his willingness to tax and spend, because of the massive public investment that would be necessary to facilitate transportation in this vision. Much like with school vouchers and charter schools, these ideas can only benefit those who can afford both the time and actual physical resources required to transport kids to LaLaLand Perfect Elementary. Suddenly Billy was claiming to be looking out for the poorest in society–so long as they are not too poor to afford a reliable car and gas money–and deriding Bud for being able to send his kids to private school.

Kirby had his other stuff about school funding, too, and they rewrote his thing about reallocating funds from one construction project to another so that it was appropriately nonthreatening to good policy, and sent it on ahead. Probably having sensed they needed to do something…anything…to make him a place at the grown up table.

There’s more worth reporting, but we’ve invested enough time and emotional energy in this meeting already today, and you’re still getting a bargain if we cut it a little short.