We’ve been trying to follow this riveting rezoning application discussion (from yesterday) and the cross examination process. None of us live in Urbana, so while we sympathize BIGLIG with the concerns about adequate public facilities and overdevelopment, it has been difficult to stay awake.
What we know is that 75 townhouses and 700 age restricted units and maybe an assisted living facility, too, plus some additional market place development are part of this rezoning application–and the estimated figures are that this will add 30 elementary school, 10 middle school, and 11 high school students.
To liven this up as best we can, we will tell you what observations were made by the children who were innocent bystanders during the viewing of this event.
They’re talking about bonds! We just learned about that at school! (ok, that was really during the first half, but how often do you hear a child get excited about a bond proposal?)
Wait, he doesn’t vote for the minutes. Why not?????
Look at Billy and Kirby! They are all slouched in their chairs!
Do you like her? She seems smart.
Do you like the younger lady? She seems smart, too.
What is he (Billy Shreve) playing with? Does he have yarn?
Why does that man with the sweater always have his hands on his face? Do you think he’s just really tired?
Ohmygosh! He (Billy Shreve) is such a BUTT!!!
How long do these last??????
Mark Jafari gets our award tonight for asking good questions, especially the one about having the age restricted community and the high school traffic all concentrated in the same area. Like most good questions, the answer was something like, “Well, we deal with that kind of thing at a later phase.”
So FredCo’s archives do not yet include lasterday’s meeting, and we can only update you kind folks on the parts we caught. That doesn’t include council member comments, and the regulars will know that’s where things consistently go off the rails.
Now that the custom is to just make up whatheheckever you might want reality to have been anyway, we don’t even know why we should bother looking for the rest later, TBH. We always joke on the sidelines that we could pretty much predict what is going to happen without watching and that we should try it out sometime and see how it compares.
Just wait til we get our Ouija Board and start discussing our dimwits with long dead historical figures a la Frederick Douglass.
What did happen while we were juggling parenting and citizenshipping? There was a discussion about establishing procedures for rezoning application hearings that sounded like some good stuff for the people. Billy was adversarial. If Billy is reading this, adversarial means acting like a teenage boy does when his parents tell him he can’t drink beer and ride dirt bikes on a school night. What ever in the world would be wrong with just offering constructive criticism?
Tony Chmelik tried to reason through it for him for a second, and Jessica Fitzwater explained that some stuff he didn’t like was exactly as it had been done during his tenure on the BOCC. Pretty regular stuff. We would go back and review it and tell you which part exactly, but maybe later. Or not. We’re unpaid writers. You’re lucky we don’t move to Macedonia and put some teenagers out of work, at this point. Our patience is wearing thin with reality, anyway.
Speaking of which, that’s the other part we caught, after the break. A lot of people came to talk about M.C. Keegan-Ayer’s legislation for permitting solar collection on farmland. Everyone seemed to like the idea in some form, but there were many suggestions about how to improve what was written. None of the public commenters behaved the way some of our council members do on a regular basis. Perhaps one of these kind folks could unseat Billy in the next election.
We thought Billy had a visual aid and we were super looking forward to that. Maybe it happened in the negative space here. Or maybe it was emasculated by M.C.’s two large and colorful ones with easels. Who can say?
Take a swig of anything you’ve got for the regular stuff: Billy abstains for no obvious reason, Billy and Kirby eschew yea and nea for yes or no just to behave poorly, Billy votes no on mundane stuff like the minutes, the agenda, going into closed session, or budget adjustments.
***Very, very important 2017 Wild Turkey addendum: if at any point during this year either half of Shrelauter introduces their own legislation, participants must consume an entire bottle of Wild Turkey in one sitting***
If you find yourself with the irresistible urge to repeal and replace one of the council persons serving as bookends on the dias with a more knowledgeable and engaged public commenter, mix a Papa Joe’s Healthcare (this is for everyone’s mental healthcare, in lieu of a better plan).
If any council member ever again mentions Donald Trump as a role model or by way of example, drink a Pink Pussycat. *Cautionary tales do not count.
Worst ad campaign ever, but irresistible to suggest that we give Billy and Kirby the bird.
And today. If our Republicans find a reason to complain about M.C. and Jessica’s solar energy collection bill, have a Midnight Sun.
BUT if the same subset suddenly finds themselves in favor of taxes because the assembled collection of Democrats appear to favor the small business tax credit program, make a Bullshit Sunrise instead. Full disclosure: this contains disgusting Sunny Delight, so maybe drink neither and save your liver function for the other stuff you’re gonna need it for this week.
We previously postedwho will be the president and vice president of the county council for the next two years. In case you missed it, Bud will remain president and M.C. will keep her position as vice president. Now, we will we recount the severe pain that it took to get us to this result.
When nominations were first called we had this slate:
M.C. nominates Bud
Tony nominates M.C.
Kirby nominates Billy
If only these three names could have just gone to a vote. Maybe then a little piece of our faith in humankind would still be intact. But the world is a topsy turvy place and things are often out of control. So in that spirit; Enter Tony stage right!
Tony wants M.C. to explain her nomination of Bud. She replies that while she appreciates Tony’s nomination, issues in her personal life would keep her from performing the job in the manner she believes it should be performed. Tony, oh so sensitively, lets her know that since she was elected she should be able to give the time. He presses her to justify her nomination which results in her stating that Bud has the patience, tenacity and skills necessary for this job. Well, this was all a big set up for some “prepared” remarks that Tony has about Bud.
We wish we had some warning beforehand!
Tony recites a list of all his grievances with the way the council works and Bud himself. He accuses the others on the council of having back door meetings with the County Executive. But what’s the prob guys, Tony also said he doesn’t mean any disrespect. He’ll just accuse away and then say please don’t take that the wrong way. So it’s all good right?
Jessica alerts us to the fact that all these “back door ” meetings have the Chief of Staff present whom kindly takes notes that everyone can read. Then Shreve chimes in. Whines about Bud telling him to get on his knees. States that if this kind of language is appropriate for our children to see then he is going to start (!) using it on the dais. And we would be remiss if we didn’t point out that Billy was Trump’s #1 fan! So it’s clear that saying terrible things does not bother Billy one little bit. We are then informed that because of everything Bud has done Trump won! There is an absolute direct correlation between these two things! Billy’s just spewing them facts!
Kirby also wants us to know that no one in the leadership called or emailed him except when they threatened his business. Wonder why that could be? Tis truly baffling. Also, shouts out one of his many trademark phrases: “We are just a rubber stamp to the County Executive!”
M.C. addresses this rubber stamp claim quite succinctly. She explains to Kirby that the council pushes back on the County Executive plenty. When meetings take place concerning bills to be introduced they compromise and collaborate. Therefore, by the time the bill reaches the council many of the issues have already been hashed out. But what’s that worth if you don’t get to do it publicly? How’s an idiot to grandstand ?
Anyhoo, votes are cast and Bud is the winner. Bud then nominates M.C. for VP and Kirby nominates Tony and thankfully M.C. emerges the winner with no more drama. We must apologize for our drinking game this evening. For if you followed it you probably were not conscious for the remainder of the meeting.
Next up is council member comments. But before we get there, we feel the need to share what the editorial page of the newspaper is for. It is not reporting in the sense that one needs to be objective. It is the OPINION page of the newspaper. The place where readers and the editorial board can post their OPINIONS. In case that isn’t clear here’s an article from How Stuff Works that may explain it better than we can. The reason we need to clear that up is that three of our council members are truly confused about the function of the Editorial Page.
Tony is flabbergasted that the FNP would lump him in with Shrelauter. He takes special exception over an online comment posted by a READER of the paper:
“Chmelik is just as bad as Shreve and Delauter. He is with them plotting and planning in secret with Blaine Young behind the scenes on how best to obstruct any progress at all.”
Now Tony wants to the FNP to investigate before they print stuff like this! Hear that FNP ?You have now been tasked with the responsibility to investigate all online comments. Good luck! Tony also wants to know how the FNP would know that he meets in secret with the fellas. This is then followed by some nervous laughter because he probably just realized he invited a Gary Hartlike challenge to the press.
Kirby starts normal style. Talks about a road meeting he attended, offers condolences to the loved ones of someone he knew, but it’s not to last. There’s some talk in the county about taking some easements around the Monocacy River in order to clean the river up. You know the dreaded water buffers. About 300 homeowners will be affected in Frederick and Carroll counties. Now mind you, this is only a recommendation. No legislation has been proposed, no hearings held, just a group of people thinking of solutions to the river’s pollution. Well, its enough for Kirby to shout out:
“Environmentalism is the new Socialism”
Tell him Harry!
Then to prove that Bud’s comment about constituency services is all wrong,Kirby is going to read on and on and on and on and on and on from a list that the council uses to record when a citizen calls in, what the problem is and how that problem was addressed. Curiously, he focuses on Jerry’s calls with one of Bud’s thrown in. He wants to know why Jerry has special privileges (more on that soon) that he doesn’t seem to have. Assures us that he’s going to try his best for the next two years to tell us all what is correct!
Jerry let’s us know the source of his magical powers that allow him to get information from county staff. He simply uses the words please and thank you.
That’s P-L-E-A-S-E and T-H-A-N-K_Y-O-U Kirby!
It really is astounding how much you can get done when you are nice to people.
Billy is threatening to actually write legislation to establish a People’s Court. But does remind us that it will take quite some time before such magical legislation appears. He also goes off on the Editorial Board of the FNP. Shreve claims that he had a meeting with the new Editorial Editor (because you know what a big meanie Cliff Cumber was to him) and he was assured that he would be treated fairly. (Man, to be a fly on the wall during that meeting!) And now the new meanie Editor is still saying horrible things too! Why does the conspiracy to point out all the stupid things that Billy does continue?
Jessica talks about hosting some Boy Scouts at Winchester Hall (and we saw some pics, curiously enough no political signs were involved). She also brings up the list Kirby was reading off of. You know the one that PROVED that Jerry got all this special treatment. Well lo and behold guess who else’s name is on said list? That’s right, Old Hashtag himself! With his very own problems and resolutions. Good gravy this guy!
M.C. reminds “someone” that you get more flies with honey than vinegar. And also , that sometimes it’s better to bite your tongue and not say anything. Wink, nudge Billy.
Bud clears up his comment about the council not being a constituency service. He explains that when he worked in Congress they had all of the government organizations open to them in order to help people resolve issues. However, the way the charter is written, all citizen concerns need to go through the County Executive’s office. The council can of course hear the complaints, but aside of writing legislation to fix grievances, it is the charter mandated responsibility of the County Executive to handle constituent problems.
Now back to the rubber stamp comment that Kirby made earlier. Bud has some numbers about all that. In 2015, 11 bills were passed 9 of which passed with a super majority. Only 2 were passed with the 4-3 breakdown. So far this year, 14 bills were passed with 11 passing with a super majority and only 3 with the 4-3 breakdown that Kirby so laments. But don’t let numbers get in the way of your complaining.
Next meeting is Tuesday, December 13th. Same bat time, same bat channel.
If you had a chance to see last Sunday’s paper, you would have noticed a front page story and an editorial about the dysfunction Kirby and Billy cause on our beloved county council. The big story this evening is the election of a county council president and vice president. No one seems to know which way the wind is blowing on this one, so your Lady Yokels are very, very nervous. Not because Kirby and/or Billy could obtain either one of those positions, but because of the potential for some flinging o’ the insults. Grab your agenda and let’s start from the beginning.
If there is any drama during the public comments, budget transfers, approval of minutes or confirmation of the County Executive appointment, take really big gulps of your Failure cocktail.
Now for the drama of the evening. Straight from the Charter here are the steps necessary to vote for the president and vice president:
We are nervous too Pancakes!
Do you see why your Lady Yokels are nervous?! There is no way in Hades’ cold underworld that this is going to go well. Every single time one of the three potential trouble makers (that’s right we said three!) cause some drama guzzle down your Jack Frost. Things are about to get super icy in Winchester Hall!
Believe it or not they are going to try and do some more work after this! There’s the first reading of a bill to give small businesses a real property tax credit. Now, Billy and Kirby commonly lament the plight of the small business owner. But alas, a Democrat has introduced it so there’s no way they can support it now! If any objections are made, and none should be made during a first reading, slam back a Fall of Rome.
Motion to go into closed session will be voted against by the resident fool. And onto public comment we go.
If you are still looking for that perfect gift for your Local Yokel reader, visit our store on Zazzle!
We apologize for the lateness. The feed on the night of the meeting was just awful and it took your busy Yokel ladies a day to watch and digest the latest edition of our local government in action.
Right out of the gate, Kirby wants to pull one of the budget transfers. He wants a list of all (except Sheriff vehicles because he knows that everything is on the up and up there) county vehicles that need to be replaced. He was given a list of 58 vehicles but apparently that’s not sufficient. Local budget hero Rick Harcum, explains to the council that he is asking for this transfer because his department accidentally put the money in the wrong column. It really doesn’t have to do with the purchase of any vehicles. There is some discussion as to whether or not this transfer can wait two weeks, to which the county employees say no it would really back them up. Kirby still will not relent on pulling the amendment. M.C. points out that these vehicles were already approved when they passed the budget in May so exactly what’s the point here? It’s only a transfer that was inadvertently put in the wrong column to buy vehicles that were already approved to be bought! So Kirby:
Do us all a favor please!
All transfers pass 4-3. All vote to approve minutes, except for the Lone Idiot. New Parks Director approved 7-0. And then the League of Women Voters is in the house y’all! The league representative makes a very nice presentation about the process of selecting people to sit on the Ethics Commission. Surprisingly Kirby sits quietly and they are all approved!
Clean Energy Program for Commercial Properties is approved 7-0. Now the upside of waiting a few days to report on the meeting is we get to bring you things like this:
Look at the list of people he tagged! Now no where in this article is Jan taking credit for this bill. Since her name was mentioned it gives Billy license to carry on in the fashion he is accustomed to. He does know that private citizens cannot introduce legislation, right?
Public hearing on two changes to sewer lines. Passed.
The one public commenter, who spoke at the beginning and end of the meeting, is concerned about curbs and sidewalks in Urbana.
Council Member comments. Kirby stays quiet. Jerry asks citizens to become members of county commissions. It’s a great way to affect public policy. Like we always say here at the Yokel, local government is very responsive to the public and is a great place to make a difference.
Silence from Tony and then it’s time for Billy to get some of the attention back on himself. Still believes it would be a great idea to get a People’s Court up and running here in Frederick County. So apparently someone else up there also does not understand the function of his job. If you have not seen the movie Idiocracy, you really need to take a look because we are more than certain that his People’s Court would look just like this scene from the movie:
Watch it this weekend if you haven’t seen it yet!
He then decides to list all of the offices that we voted on in the election last week. Doesn’t congratulate the winners of any of the other offices he mentions (That’s right because those offices will all be occupied by Democrats!) but takes the time to congratulate Trump. Ends his inane statements with: “Looking forward to draining the swamp.”
Looking right at ya Billy!
Jessica, M.C. and Bud all end their comments with a positive note.There’s talk of SOAR (Supporting Older Adults through Resources), donating to the food bank, the homeless problem in Frederick and the Frederick County Veteran’s treatment court. Next meeting will take place on December 6.
We are so NOT in the mood for something like this today. But, as it has become all too obvious this past week, we have to deal with what we are given, not what we wished for. Case in point, our exalted 5th District Council Member is so professionally voicing his opposition to an already passed resolution.….on Facebook. Let’s begin first with the big reveal:
La la la! I can’t hear you Kirby!
We are not feeling very generous, but we are going to help Kirby out anyway. Let’s dissect his commentary to see if we can accomplish some good, long lasting understanding of this issue. Let’s start at the beginning where Kirby so eloquently wrote this:
“Perfect example of someone looking for something to do rather than looking to do something….” Maybe, just maybe Kirby didn’t read (baa haa haa of course he didn’t!) the task force resolutions. Because, if he could have been bothered, he would have found that this falls squarely in the looking to do something category. Take a gander Mr. #:
Huh! Seems like a very reasonable and concise explanation! And let’s not forget all the speakers from various agencies and members of the community that voiced their support for this! You know the public Kirby was elected to serve. It’s all fine and good that the High Sheriff and State’s attorney have their opinion, however, they did not address any of the concerns listed above in their rebuttals! This is a worldwide, pervasive problem that needs to be brought to light! Why in the hell would one be against this?!
Next up on the above PSA: “Chuck and Charlie, step aside, 16 people with no experience coming off their living room couch are going to show you how its done.” BAM! Take that you non experienced couch potatoes. Who is on the task force anyway?
Just look at that uneducated bunch of buffoons…wait a minute.
So the Frederick Police Department knows nothing about law enforcement? Good to know! Wonder if you’ve let Chief Hargis know how you feel about him and his department, CM Delauter. Because the Chief really wants this task force, he thinks it would do a lot of good in combating this problem. And guess what else Genius # The First?! This isn’t just a law enforcement issue! And if you can’t see why that is, how bringing people from various agencies to the table might be helpful, then we truly cannot help you.
Wow Kirby, we didn’t think it was possible for you to insult so many people in one Facebook post.Well Done Sir! Well Done! Sigh.
We know that many of you are desperate for a break from politics, and more sympathetic we could not be. But remember, in two short years there will be another county council election. We need to keep paying attention and recording the actions of those who shall not lead ever again! So, as always, we will try to make watching a little more fun for you! Ready up your handy agenda, tune into Frederick’s very own reality station and watch away!
If anyone chooses to take advantage of the pre-meeting public comment, have yourself a Tequila Mockingbird.
All sorts of budget transfers coming down the line. We usually hear some grumbling when the library is on the agenda. If this should occur, mix up a strong Mark Twain, and be thankful the old man did not live to see this.
Oh dear Helena on the mountain, there’s an item to confirm members to the Ethics Commission!
Kind old monkey is much more optimistic than we are!
As we’ve written once or twice before, Kirby has a problem with the word ethics. It elicits in him an angry Pavlovian response that once released, is impossible to reign in. You many want to put yourself into a coma for this section of the evening. Having a nice Blackout or two may do the trick!
Next up is the First Reading on a Small Business Property Tax Credit. Sounds like something all should be in favor of. But whoopsie daisy, one of those pesky Democrats is the sponsor. So even though it’s something Shrelauter would, in all other universes, be in favor of we have a feeling there’s going to be some “problems”. If any are expressed slam back an Upside Down Martini.
Time to decide on the Clean Energy Program for Commerical Properties. But wait! Isn’t global warming just a huge scam? Isn’t this all liberal propaganda? If you hear any of that nonsense, mix up a gallon and a half of Hell on Earth.
Public hearing time on Water and Sewage Amendments. Any bellyaching will lead you to slamming back a Raw Sewage or two.
All that remains are public and council member comments and we have a BADDD feeling about his week. So grab a cup of your favorite herbal tea and try to stay calm!
So many people are fired up and need a way to channel their energy instead of be fearful and mournful, now that we are confronting the fact that Idiocracy was apparently a documentary predicting the future of America. Our inbox was blessed by a kind local reader who is relatively new to the area and seeking suggestions as to how to become more involved with the political community.
Truthfully, we may not be the best advisers on the subject, since our main role around here is to point and laugh. We hope to provide reader friendly content that helps people keep interested in such fascinating topical issues as zzzzzzzzzzzoning lawzzzzzzzzzzz. Fortunately for the Yokel Ladies, Shrelauter can even make this stuff dramatic and appalling sometimes. We would also like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that “we the people” run the damned circus that we have turned this republic into. Being an involved citizen–as this reader seeks to do–is the best course of action. Watching council meetings to familiarize yourself with the goings on of our community (we promise, this is the best reality TV around) writing LTEs to the real newspaper, and very most importantly interacting with your elected officials at every level are all great ways to get started. However, none of those will necessarily put you into the local community in a “boots on the ground” sense. It’s just a start that will familiarize you with what we are dealing with around here, but these boots were made for walkin’ and we are getting the distinct feeling from the women here, there, and everywhere that a lot of boots are lacing up for a march on Washington.
As moms, we also find PTA to be a great way for moms to get started. Just look at Sarah Palin, newly tapped for Department of the Interior, after her start as a PTA mama grizzly hockey mom, part term governor, matriarch of a sanctimonious barroom brawl, and reality show star (thanks be to the original maverick John McCain, who is totally not a hero, according to President Elect Middle Finger). You can go absolutely anywhere from there! Apparently.
No Brawndo necessary, thank you very much.
For other young moms looking to find a path forward right now, we would love suggestions from readers. We would really love it if Councilmember Fitzwater has the opportunity to offer an idea, but she did just return from her maternity leave and is probably very, very busy right now doing a teaching job–which is like a job and half for real–and a “part time” council member job, and being mother to an infant. Honestly, we don’t know how she does that.
First off, FCPS has put out two proposed 2017-2018 calendars for public comment. One has a before Labor Day start and one after. The calendar with the post Labor Day start has done away with Spring Break. That caused your Lady Yokels to gasp! Follow this link and then make sure you comment. This is local government y’all, your voice counts!
First off: Where’s Kirby? The school construction presentation would have presented him with the perfect chance to grandstand about his now defunct buy back lease idea. He usually doesn’t pass up a chance to beat that dead horse.( Or any dead horse for that matter.)
Secondly, will someone please, please tell Billy to dress appropriately and pay ATTENTION during these meetings?!
Just look to your left Billy if you can’t figure it out. And get your phone out of your lap!!!
Thirdly, congratulations on your retirement Mr. Ray Barnes. We will miss your presentations and your insight into school construction. Thank you for your 35 years of service!
And finally, Jessica most graciously solved one ,out of the many ,former BOE candidate’s witch hunts. She returned to work yesterday. Not that was anyone’s, including our, business! Good luck Ms. Fitzwater! As mommies we know how challenging the transition can be!
frederick local yokel 