Tag: Blaine Young

With friends like Blaine, who needs a enemy? #Kirbycampaign deluxe edition

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We were first reluctant to advertise the Second Amendment Bait and Tackle Raffle Kirby cooked up to fish for funds, but things got Good Ol Entertaining. Follow along to see what happened next.

PEW PEW PEW Reminder: Delauter was cutting Meals on Wheels before cutting Meals on Wheels was en vogue; if conservatives believe we should handle our problems at the local level, but we handle them at no levels, is that effective government? Calling b.s. on that.

Since our copy is blurry, here is a bulleted list of content:

  • Thanks n stuff. Hugs to my homies.
  • Straight talk, straight answers. Ex: “I won’t sit here and be talked to like some punk.”
  • Family guy, business guy, veteran is worried about what we leave the next generation. (Historically with #: guns and $$ woohoo! Drinking water and blue crabs, meh.)
  • Gun Raffle!!!! That got Hough barrels o’ attention, amirite?
  • BBQ
  • Give him a holler at email or phone or money at website
  • Property rights (Presume he will be looking to donate to provide legal aid to ranchers on the U.S.- Mexico border. Yeehaw!)

This became irresistible, even though free publicity for Kirby’s Bake Sale makes us feel all icky inside, because two “all ickies inside” make a positive. It’s just how integers work. And our favorite skeevy former politician decided to endorse Kirby on Facebook in the Klassiest of ways. I can’t even. You can’t even. We can’t even.

Can y’all believe he didn’t add anything about his various prostitution scandals to this endorsement? Why not trot out all your greatest hits? Sincere question, Blaine: Have you ever been trending higher than Kanye? Maybe you don’t even have the je ne sais quoi to shine Kirb-o’s shoes. It is really strange how these people confuse total bonehead behavior with accomplishments! It’s almost charmingly idiotic!

Unsure about changed behavior. That post gives every impression that it was written by a drunk person, but maybe he is just incredibly stupid? Since the ladies are supposedly the reason Blaine lost, please be sure to grab these Good for Nothin’ Good Ol Boyz by the ballot. Local elections matter, yo.

Please don’t…on second thought this could be so fun for us!!!

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What indeed!!!

Yesterday, we brought you news of the Facebook family drama that was going on between the different factions of the Young family. The Frederick News Post also wrote a little about it. Most families, after they were made aware that lots of people were looking, would perhaps take pause, maybe even delete the post or at the very least STOP ADDING TO THE DRAMA!  Well, none of those things happened! Before we show you a little snippet of what surely belongs in a family therapist’s folder, let’s take a short trip down memory lane.

You may remember a few months back when the rumor mill was buzzing that Blaine was going to run for mayor of Frederick. We did a post enlightening him to the fact that we do not have the Electoral College here and the Democrat vs. Republican ratio, plus his sordid past would not equal a victory in a city election. And he was all like: “I’m not running for anything, how does this stuff get started”? Well, this is how this stuff gets started:

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We hear ya Susan!

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Really, Blaine. Did you even see the movie?

WOW! This is August:Osage County level family dysfunction.  First of all, Blaine your past will be brought up in any election you run in. We here at the Yokel will not let anyone forget about all the terrible things you did while on the BOCC. No one up here has a sudden case of amnesia concerning your prostitution arrest nor do we believe your excuse that you were just looking for a quick massage. Like the judge said, any 12 year-old boy could have discerned what the ad you answered was selling. Also, how about learning the names of the districts  BEFORE announcing your intention to run for one of them? We took the liberty of doing a quick check in with the governor to see whether or not he wants  your help:

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He looks scared!

Frederick County Government *reality* TV has a missing episode

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What has happened? We looked into our crystal ball and told you that Council Member Comments is where it hits the fan. And so it seems. If you know more, do tell!

Who do you think could be the antagonist in this episode? Is it Puck? Why do we have to live with Puck. Puck sucks.
Who do you think could be the antagonist in this episode? Is it Puck? Why do we have to live with Puck. Puck sucks.

In other must-see TV news, the Young family (who, if you’re new here, straddles both sides of the political aisle–can you imagine Thanksgiving?) is having a nuclear Family Feud on Facebook. These people are awesome. Our own version of The Young and the Restless. The drama is Aaron Spelling worthy, and you will never in a million years guess why this mushroom cloud has been cast over the community…

It seems that State Senator Michael Hough is in a huff because Delegate Karen Young introduced some legislation without his blessing. Allowing the student representative on the BOE to occasionally (seemingly almost never meet all the conditions required for it to actually occur) vote on BOE decisions. Oh la la. You’d think she tried to read a letter from Coretta Scott King on the Senate floor. Nevertheless, she persisted.

Right about now, being the analogue to Mitch McConnell in a story is just about the worst conceivable place to find yourself. These control freaks who insist on shutting out whatever they find disagreeable must be very fearful that their points of view can’t stand up on their own merits. Who’s the snowflake here? Such projection.

If you aren’t following this on Facebook, there is absolutely no way the Frederick News Post is doing the Hatfields versus the Hatfields scene adequate justice. We’re here to tell you, local politics is where it’s at.

What did y’all think of the Super Bowl commercials?

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Your Lady Yokels are not so much into the whole football thing. We do, however, enjoy the commercials and half time show. Lady Gaga brought down the house with her choice of songs. And she seems to have tricked a whole bunch of people into thinking she did not make a statement. Well, let’s get those of y’all who think she didn’t get political a clue. Whenever anyone chooses to sing This Land is My Land, they are making a statement. Here’s a list of our most favorite commercials:

 

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Your Lady Yokels know what website we’ll be heading to come vacation time!

Airbnb’s co-founder’s personally edited this commercial. Take a look if you missed it.

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Coca-Cola is in the house baby!!

For at least 40 years now, Coca-Cola has been at the forefront of inclusive advertising. So it should come as no surprise that they would step up their game this year. Here’s a link in case you had to make a beer run.

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Never in a million trillion years would we have expected such a thing from 84 Lumber. Of course, we had to wait awhile since their server crashed with everyone scrambling to see the end. All because FOX, who thinks it’s all fine and dandy to broadcast the Orange Menace morally equating The United States with Russia, thought it “too controversial.”

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BUDWEISER FOR THE WIN!

Guess what peeps?! Unless you are 100%  Native American your ancestors came from somewhere else! It’s true, look it up! This commercial nicely illustrates the journey of one such young immigrant looking to make a name for himself in the New World.

Now who do you think it going to ruin all these nice commercials for us? Who possesses that uncanny ability to mess up the good vibes?

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We are NOT in Kansas anymore!

Jeeze O’ Flip Kirby why do have to be so terrible all the freaking time? Can’t you just give it a rest for one damn day? Oh, this really burns us up…we need some comic relief….STAT!

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You’re welcome!

Local Yokels examine qualifications for YUGER and #MAGA things

fclocalyokel3 Comments

After we’ve been honing our skills covering the nutty as fruitcake shenanigans of our local dingdongs, most particularly Shrelauter and their cuckoo cruise director (that would be former Commissioner and one time pseudogubernatorial candidate Blaine Young, in case you’re new around here), your locals are beginning to wonder if we could not be of better service to our fellow citizens by getting ourselves into the White House Press Corps.

We started to hear noise about tossing out the traditional media and adding a bunch of yahoos who don’t even bother to retract falsifications. This job sounds easy-peasy (not that that’s really our style–if we screw up, we’ll be the first to admit it). But, doesn’t that take the pressure off? Now that the executive branch of the United States seems local level loony, there are really no longer standards of decorum to adhere to at all. We’ve already been primed for this, so we should really have a chance to give it a go.

Of course, we would need to go incognito, because we mostly hate people. We don’t really want to walk among the teeming masses a lot of the time, so we try to stay in the shadows. That Guy Fawkes mask is already taken. How would we dress? Scream mask seems appropriate. We know we’re adversarial, but being freakishly conspicuous, plus adopting ridiculous and campy schtick really could be an asset to the presidential ratings gameshow. Hello Kellyanne playbook, we saw your goofy but oxymoronic Georgian England American inaugural outfit!

 

We are seriously full of wicked awesome ideas.
We are seriously full of wicked awesome ideas.

And now we’re getting all “intersectional” with Cam Harris tying our area to the national but artificial news (or alternative facts or whatever the crock we’re calling doublespeak now). The icing on the cake was learning that Trumpkin’s propaganda minister has had a five year long spat with Dippin’ Dots for no discernible reason, and this nugget alone is reason to suspect that our talents could definitely be put to use on a larger platform. Probably we’ve said too many critical things already and therefore we are bad fake news and not good alternative facts. Sad!

The Fake News Scribe- Part Deux

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We previously reported on the connection between Fake News Creator Cameron Harris and our State Delegate Vogt and favorite good ol’ son Blaine Young. After looking around on Twitter we found a crap load of Tweets this guy wrote. And Great Sappho, is he just a giant a hole or really, really stupid? You be the judge:

What does the fake news scandal have to do with Frederick County? Let’s put our boots on the ground and find out!

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jpyngop

This morning The New York Times ran a story about a deplorable young man by the name of Cameron Harris. Why is he deplorable asks thee? Well, short on cash, morals, and human conscience he bought a Christian web domain and made up a bunch of stories. Most popularly he concocted a tale about some poor sap who just happened upon a bunch of ballots in some out of the way warehouse. And lo and behold these ballots were already filled out with Hillary Clinton’s name! It’s amazing to us that anyone believed this crap, but hey the guy knew his audience. According to the NYT piece, Mr. Harris would have smeared Trump if he had the chance, but of course it wasn’t as lucrative. He knew Trump supporters would just eat this up! When all was said and done the young whippersnapper made over $20,000 spreading his lies and nonsense. But hey! What’s the prob peeps? Why so uptight? According to old Cam-cam:

“Hardly anything a campaign or candidate says is completely true.”

He’s just doing as they do! So how does this story connect to  Frederick County? The path is two fold. First of all, according to the FNP, this gentleman was in the employ of our very own Delagate David “Boots on the Ground” Vogt. Who, when learned of his dishonestly, shred his badge into a million little pieces. No, no, no, Delegate Vogt will not tolerate the dishonesty!

Secondly, is this awesome connection that our great friend at Frederick County Fact Check stumbled upon:

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We couldn’t think of a more appropriate employer for this young man!
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Look away!

Can’t wait to find out who else he has connections to in these here parts! Stay tuned!

Define improves.

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Why? Who cares what improves means? FCPS does! Your yokels received in their hot inboxes today an email to let us know the joyous news that the out of district application process has been improved!! Woohoo! Sounds fantastic.

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Whom is this easier for?

Current process: submit application for out of district transfer. Once approved, you are done until your child finishes his/her stay at said institution. So if you get an out of district approval for your kindergartner, you are good until your child is ready to go to middle school. If you need to go out of district for middle school, you will have to submit a new application. Pretty simple.

New process: submit an application every year that your child will be out of district. Whoa, as a parent your work just increased! FCPS your workload just increased! By a whole lot. Per the FAQ published by FCPS, there are about 3000 out of district transfers in the system.

The same FAQ says:

FCPS found that the old procedures lacked a way for parents and administrators to regularly track and review how well out-of-district transfers were working for students. This meant that once a student received an out-of-district transfer, they often moved through their school years without a review by parents, teachers, and administrators of how well their transfer was serving them and meeting their changing needs. Accordingly, FCPS is clarifying, modernizing, and streamlining its procedures on out-of-district transfers.

Here’s an idea. How about instead of penalizing the families that were previously told they only had to apply once, making a policy for school administrators to be able to review the children enrolled via exception and make a decision at the school level as to whether their exception will continue to be improved. And how about publishing those criteria? Perhaps include grade requirements or behavior standards that students must meet or jeopardize their exception status? Putting the decision for the annual approval back to the main office seems inefficient and impersonal.

We yokels feel like we know what is really going on here. FCPS is trying to avoid redistricting. So many of our schools across the county have exploding enrollment. Remember whom to thank for that exploding enrollment when you see them around town. Your former BOCC president Blaine “$60” Young, and former commissioners and current council members Billy Shreve and Kirby Delauter. Why is this their fault?  They are the ones that lifted the building moratorium previously put in place by Jan Gardener. Thanks to them we have more, more, more houses going up regardless of inadequate roads and schools to support the increase. Go ahead and thank Tony, too. He doesn’t think there are any traffic issues in Urbana.

On the one hand, we are thankful that FCPS is trying to help ease overcrowding without putting everyone through a painful redistricting process. On the other hand, we think this new “improvement” is not ideal.

Please FCPS consider instituting rules for keeping your out of district status.  Allow the administration at your out of district school to make the decision about your continued approval. Or make a grandfather clause. FCPS also needs to provide clarification regarding the magnet program. Do families in magnet need to reapply every year as well? What about high school kids in academies? What about IB? Do those 3000 out of district students include elementary magnet, and high school academy attendees including IB?Don’t penalize those who are following the previously established rules.

Let’s teach Blaine about the Scientific Method!

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Yesterday the Frederick Extra brought you a rumor that Frederick County’s very own failed candidate for County Executive believes it’s a fine and dandy idea to seek the office of Frederick City mayor.  We jumped on the baa haa haa bandwagon with our post pointing out that Blaine will not have the crutch of the Electoral College to sail him into office. With more collaboration of this ridiculous rumor making its way into our inbox this morning, we want to do an analysis of this whole situation. Because really…WTF?

Two thirds of your Lady Yokels live within the great City of Frederick’s borders. So we are very much invested and interested in next year’s race. Republican or Democrat we want an intelligent, thoughtful, well qualified person who would steer our city in the right direction. We don’t want a law breaking, kid-cussing, First Lady ogling, person in that office! I mean really people, what else does he have to do?! 

Also, why the city? It’s so perplexing to us why he thinks that’s going to work out for him. District 5? Maybe. But the City of  Frederick? This is where we think Blaine could benefit from learning and applying the Scientific Method.

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Wash, rinse, repeat!

In case you are thinking: Hey politics doesn’t have anything to do with science. Take a moment and read this article and this one. We Lady Yokels have, in our elitist coffee chats, discussed the many benefits of applying the Scientific Method when making life decisions. Now let us break down the process that Blaine should use before deciding to run for mayor:(Pretend this is Blaine talking to himself.)

Identify the Problem: I really want to get back into politics. Is the City of Frederick a race I can win?

Hypothesis: I think I should run for the office of Mayor of Frederick.

Test the hypothesis: Well, since I cannot force the Board of Elections to make the election today, what other information can I use? I can analyze the political demographics of the city, look at this year’s Presidential election results and my performance in the 2014 election.

Analyze the data: Well let’s see here. In the City of Frederick, as of 2013, there are 10,352 Republicans Vs. 16,884 Democrats . There’s little chance of many of those Democrats crossing the line to vote for me and a HUGE chance, given my past behavior, that many of those Republicans will vote for someone else. In the last Presidential Election, Donald Trump lost the city by almost 4, 000 votes (He only won the county by 3,000). And the last time I ran, in a county wide election with more Republicans than Democrats, I lost by a whooping 6, 313 votes!

Conclusion: Well, crap.

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Durh!

Spare us all please!! We don’t want to have to pull these out of our garage, but we will:

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There’s no electoral college for the mayoral race, Sherlock.

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We had a scare earlier today when Katherine Heerbrandt’s report in the Frederick Extra seemed to allude to Frederick County’s worst sex exercise addicted buffoon. Running. For. Mayor.

And then we died. Laughing.

If he was emboldened by Trump, we have a newsflash for him. Trump did not win the cities. Have you seen that Swiss cheese looking map of what it would look like if we divided into two nations, and all the holes are the urban areas? Have you seen the shaded map of how people voted in Frederick County?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You know, come to think of it, Trump didn’t even win the nation by like 2 and a half million votes or some such. If it weren’t for being given a couple of laps head start via the electoral college, it wouldn’t have happened for him either. The mayor of Frederick is not elected according to weird customs puzzling the rest of the world, which result from banging out a compromise in the 18th century between plantation states and the Northeast.

Get one!
Get one!

Look, Trump Lite with Highlights, it ain’t happening. But thanks for all the chuckles. Now go away!