Special Alert: Billy wants to hand all county taxing power over to Annapolis delegation!

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Alright, we'll give you two.
Alright, we’ll give you two.

It’s very possible that we’ve broken Billy. Maybe it was those long, cold, lonely walks from the Church Street parking garage. Or perhaps, it was the endless scratching upon the windows of Winchester Hall for someone, anyone, to let him in. For we know not what to make of what happened here this evening.

Our frustration was at top peak at the start, for we know not how long this pervasive strategy to do nothing will go on:

Agenda vote-NO

Budget transfers-Abstain

Minutes-Abstain

Then old Billy boy wants to be a part of stuff and decides to vote Yes on appointments. Not the proper AYE mind you, he’s not going down without a fight. (Why does it feel as though we have written these exact words at least twenty times now?)

Now we’ve come to the part where we think all the stress may be getting to Billy. You see our legislators in Annapolis have decided to strip the county council’s ability to change the hotel tax. Some of the county council members were upset about local control being swept away, but not Billy. These words came out of his mouth:

I support the delegation taking all taxing ability away from this council.

You see Billy is a self proclaimed “big picture kind of guy” who sees the “end results”. So logically, he will vote to allow the delegation to take local taxing ability away because he doesn’t like one particular bill. That’s a mighty big picture there. There’s also some confusion about voting to vote on allowing Bud to speak on this issue, and Jessica has to tell Billy not to vote against his own motion. However, when it came time for the actual motion, Billy was left flapping out all alone.  But not before he got one more zinger in aimed at Bud:

I would not have you speak on behalf of the council or for me in general.

What a hero. Good luck in Annapolis Mr. Otis.

How our hearts soared when we thought tonight would be the night this ethics nonsense would be put to rest. But curse you mystery letter sent in to the council at 3:00 this afternoon. The ghost of Antonin Scalia must have had something to do with this because all Kirby would allude to was that it was “unconstitutional”. We get a little more information from Councilmember Donald when he says its mostly the same old stuff again with the Kirby profiting from the county until  2018 clause  still alive and well. And Sweet Sappho, Billy doesn’t even have the letter. So we must postpone!!! We disagree here, Billy should read what he’s given and Kirby doesn’t get to wait until the last hour to obstruct things. He’s had plenty of time. But alas, it is done. Another week…another dead horse.

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Post President’s Day drinking game-Get your shot glasses ready!

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Busy week here in the county!!! First off we have a regular legislative day on the 16th and then a joint BOE meeting on the 17th. The agenda looks juicy, so grab it here and play  with caution. No alcohol poisoning.  We need all the Yokels we can get in this upcoming election season!

Budget transfers have been going pretty well lately. However, the library is on the list this week! And you know how thoughts of reading and learning really get some of our councilmen in a tizzy. Slam back an Attitude Adjustment if you hear any negative thoughts about the fancy learning that the libraries afford us. We can dream that change can happen, can’t we?!

Next up are appointments. If anyone decides to take to behave like a U.S. Senator threatening to block a Supreme Court justice, shoot back two, yes two glassfuls of  Four Horsemen.

Look how happy Billy is with his prop! Photo: Bill Green, FNP.
Look how happy Billy is with his prop! Photo: Bill Green, FNP.

Time to discuss deer hunting and crop damage. Should be interesting.  Not sure where to take this one, so just sip upon your  Ratty Ol’Deer Head whenever you hear the word deer.

Great Helena, Zeus, Poseidon, and Sappho please hear all of our combined cries for mercy!!!!! It’s time for the dead horse ethics discussion. There just isn’t any way that we will get through this without any nonsense, is there? No Kirby you cannot profit off the county until 2018!!! And no more teacher/BOE conflict of interest talk!! NONE!!! Set up a row of Cement Kickers and drink as much as you need to calm your nerves!!

Maybe we will get lucky and Gumption the Dragon will make another appearance at tonight’s meeting. She’s really keen on the Narconon and really, really hates this special exception bill. If we are lucky enough to spot this local celebrity, treat yourself to some Dragon’s blood.

Let’s just lump impact fees and school construction into one category shall we?  If Kirby makes the big reveal about how he’s going to single-handily fix our education problems mix up some Too Cool for School, since we suspect his plan has something to do with dismantling public education.

 

Award winning council members also attended this week’s council workshop

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That workshop was something to behold. As we try to figure out how to adjust our Adequate Public Facilities Ordinance so the schools aren’t so crowded, our major characters were relegated to supporting roles. Tony Chmelik took his soliloquy a bit too seriously. As we have previously noted, Chmelik could not provide us the courtesy of making any damn sense.

A couple of high points. Runner up for the “Best-Calling-Out-of-a-Smarmy-(but-Exceptionally-Loquacious) A$$ Award” goes to Councilmember Shreve for blasting into his microphone at Chmelik: NO. You cannot interject! You’ve done nothing but interject for 50 minutes!

We do love when someone up on the dais says exactly what we are thinking.

We have to promptly dissolve this alliance with Shreve, though, because he wants to shuffle the grades around. Maybe send some fifth graders to middle school, maybe some middle schoolers to high school, they aren’t crowded, etc. Whatevz. It’s hard to get good education policy enacted from experts in pedagogy and child development. Please tell us we won’t be entertaining harebrained schemes introduced by part time council act who does not have a child, but still acts like one himself.

As a warm up, Jessica Fitzwater laughingly acknowledged  that Tony is never quick, when he pleaded for a couple of quick questions.

But the true heroism comes in when Ms. Fitzwater activates her superpower (that’s teacher voice) to get errant pupil Kirby Delauter back on track. He is disrupting the group by alluding to plans to solve school overcrowding (mysteriously, he cannot reveal any plans at the present time; he didn’t do the homework). Just at the moment we are saying, “Plans? What plans? We haven’t heard any plans?” Ms. Fitzwater seizes the teachable moment. The protocol for revealing one’s plans for the county is not The Tentacle.  Much like a soliloquy–speaking to oneself without regard to the audience–it seems as though that website is not actually a recognized forum. More like a safety deposit box for nonsense (because these “ideas” Kirby has published so far are batpoo crazy). So it sounds like The Tentacle does not write legislation or even agendas for the Frederick County Council. Who? Knew?  (????) And we are all like, “Nailed it!!!!” For bonus points: #KirbyDelauter was irritated, because he knows that they can’t retroactively place impact fees on Spring Ridge (or anywhere else) because there is no legal leverage to do this thing that was an idea originating from his own dim dome, so “they are wasting time…[discussing his stupid idea].”

GRRL!
RIOT GRRL!

We simply cannot wait to hear of the plan to address this that # and Tony Chmelik are percolating this week.  It’s probably either send wishes to a fairy godmother or online schooling. Both seem about as reality based.

 

February 9th workshop on mitigation fees OR Tony’s chance to shine? Take your pick.

fclocalyokel1 Comment

As we embarked upon the 2 hour and 2 minute video of this workshop, we already had some idea of what we were in for. Our good friends at Stand Up Frederick and RALE did some posts that we read with great interest. Still, we were not prepared for the  soliloquy from this guy:

Over half the meeting was just him!
Over half the meeting was just him!

 

And we know, that this is a very painful meeting to endure. But, we can not underscore the importance of suffering through it,  just to completely see just how much more Tony is worried about the building industry than he is about adequate school funding.

In a feeble attempt to show how the current formula to calculate enrollment is oh so wrong,  he pulls out birth data from 1954. The year we think he must still live in. Does he have an alternative way to calculate how many kids may need schooling from a proposed development? Of course not.  He does know that only childless Millenniums and retirees are going to rent those new apartments in Urbana. So maybe he is in possession of some kind of crystal ball magic that the rest of us can’t access.

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This is how sorry we feel. For the builders.

Tony throws out so many numbers and questions every calculation. He is so confused and wants to try to make everyone else confused too! In his own words, he is “harping” because if we don’t look out for the builder, the builder won’t build and then where will we be? Maybe, if we don’t build, we won’t have overcrowded schools? He continues to explain that is our job (the county?, the Council?) to take care of schools, roads, fire safety, but NOT at the expense of the builder!! Not one ounce of concern did we see towards the people he was elected to represent.

We get treated to the term “voo-doo” economics, something we haven’t heard since we were wee little lasses. And man, Tony does not react well to people pushing back against him.  He badgers and uses that condescending tone when, Zeus help them, the county staff cannot find a  good way to answer his inane questions or outlandish accusations that they are not being “genuine” about how much money is coming in. Even Billy had to tell him to keep his trap shut.

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What Councilman Chmelik completely ignored over and over is that the mitigation fee that builder’s have the option to pay, is only an option if the adequate public facilities ordinance is not met. If the AFPO is met, this fee won’t be charged. Even then, they can choose to finance the school for themselves or wait until the county has enough money to build another school.  But it is oh so much fun to go completely ballistic over an optional fund that only finances less than 2% of the total amount of a new facility.  That’s the Tony way.

Historian Chmelik holds lecture on George Washington and 21st century issues. Outrage follows.

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We here at the Yokel are used to council member comments relating to county council business. So it’s a refreshing change when we get to hear a councilman’s religious objections to a proposed State bill.  Change is good, right?!

Tony first treats us to a quote “that struck him”  by George Washington, which he came across:

And let us with caution indulge the supposition, that morality can be maintained without religion. (Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure,)* reason and experience both forbid us to expect, 

*quote in parenthesis left out.

What is all this about, you may ask? Well, State Senator Ron Young’s Death with Dignity Act, of course. To Tony there is nothing dignified about this. Because his family members stuck it out to the very end, none of you people should have the right to make this very personal decision for yourself. (What’s with these guys anyway? Mostly all we hear is government intrusion this, government intrusion that. That is until it comes to the most personal of decisions. Then you better make sure you follow their religious principles.)

Let’s step back to George Washington for a moment, shall we? First of all, the above quote was most likely written by Alexander Hamilton. Washington revised it and even struck out  this line:

does it [national morality] not require the aid of a generally received and divinely authoritative Religion?

Washington’s religious beliefs have been widely debated, and there is no real way to know how he would feel about a bill drafted in 2015. It does not lend your point of view any more credence because you choose a few words from our first President. But hey, if Tony can speculate about Washington’s feelings on modern political issues then we will too!

640px-Life_of_George_Washington,_Deathbed

George Washington had an excruciating last few days of life. Some of it due to his illness and  and a lot of it due to what his doctors did to him. So it leaves us to wonder, after what he went through, would George Washington deny his fellow citizens the right to end their life with dignity? One would think no. We will never know for sure, because he is dead, but it seems to be the fashion to speculate.

Senator Young’s bill is full of safeguards and double and triple checks. It’s truly about the terminally ill being spared the horror of  a painful death. No where in this text does it say that you have to participate in this. It simply gives people who may not see the world in the same way that Tony does, the option to do so.

We wonder if Tony would make one of his beloved dogs have what he calls a dignified death. Or does he listen to the veterinarian when he is told that it would be inhumane to make the poor thing suffer?   If you happen to believe, as we do, that humans should be given the same consideration as a family pet, please email Senator Young at: ronald.young@senate.state.md.us to show your support.

 

Amateur Diagnosis Day: Is there a reason Kirby can’t learn?

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Hold on to your hats, folks. If you were wondering if we would drag out the dead horse trope again, we have decided to work a new angle at the local desk. An emerging theory behind the scenes.

There are individuals who seem to have no ability to learn from their mistakes. They will continue to repeat the same behaviour over and over again and never learn from the disastrous outcome. “Do You Never Learn From Your Mistakes? – You May Have a Behavioural or Brain Disorder.” Hubpages.com April 1, 2o13

Just look at this list of symptoms!

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“I’m not gonna sit here and be talked to like some kind of punk.” (mood swings, unable to accept criticism)

Surely this would explain numerous temperamental outbursts, inability to stop repeatedly making nationally embarrassing missteps in use of social media, and the fact that we (yet again) need to publish this graphic from, oh, like the first week we started blogging.

Imagine if you had to be Farell Keough's teacher. Does that illustrate how hard this job is?
Haha, the original caption was this, in response to some LTE nonsense: Imagine if you had to be Farell Keough’s teacher. Does that illustrate how hard this job is? (And,  it is still perfectly relevant, since  guess who showed up last night to keep yapping about this himself–amateur diagnoses all around, then. Cheers!)

Now, we did enjoy Kirby’s explanation of how much it chaps his hide to endure the implications that that county employees would be willing to grant people special favors. Obviously he’s just watching out for the little guys, here, like any of us would. The same blowhard who stormed out in a huff because some county employee requested that he stop interrupting an explanation of the need for equipment for his department! Impressive that he has adopted this new chivalrous attitude! Wheeeeeee. To think only of others at a time like this, when he is being persecuted by this targeted law–Kirby’s Law, some would say. It is really curious, now isn’t it, that so many other Maryland counties have some version of Kirby’s Law already enacted. Why does all of Maryland, maybe all of America, hate Kirby so much? It’s probably Rachel Maddow’s fault…

Memories.
Memories.

Kirby admits that he has no point, defending himself against the implication that he depends upon the government for his business success, belying the the Oliver Twist posturing he likes to adopt about how this is affecting his livelihood. Which is it, dude? Pick one position, please. Don’t get greedy.

This is what happens when council member comments are done extemporaneously. You make no sense.
This is what happens when council member comments are done extemporaneously. You make no sense.

As awesome as it is that Kirby is such an upstanding citizen servant, to the point that we don’t even need to worry about any appearances of impropriety, let’s think a moment. What if the next guy elected is not as squeaky clean as Mr. Hashtag? Hmmmm. Riddle us that, oh man of many contradictions.

 

 

#kirbydelauter-“I didn’t learn nothin’ in school and either will you!”

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We  apologize, but really it isn’t our fault. #kirbydelauter has once again taken to the noodley appendage to spread his delusions. Click here to read if you dare or just read our fine synopsis.

We need a lobbyist!!! Kirby informs us that he has a gambling problem and then gives a bunch of numbers showing how economical it would be for the council to hire a lobbyist to  get Frederick County more moolah. And we are all so skeptical about this. Because you know who told Kirby that Frederick was missing out on money? That’s right, the lobbying firm.  Well that’s some fine unbiased information isn’t it? Do we not have State Delegates for this purpose? Or is it that Kirby cannot demean himself to deal with any Democrats to bring home the State dollars? Hmm.

ygrih

Now it’s going to get much, much worse. It’s impact fee time. Kirby uses a lot–and we mean a lot–of numbers to try to get his point across. He goes back to some Jan Gardner/Doug Browning conspiracy of yesteryear. # claims that since a past impact fee increase failed to work, it’s no use going down that road again. It’s at this point, dear readers, that we believe that Kirby either suffers from short term memory loss AND/OR believes that the rest of us do.  In 2012, the Board of County Commissioners voted to stop the inflationary increase that was set to kick in every July 1st:

2016-02-02 (1)

2016-02-02 (2)

In  other words, they did not allow the impact fees to  work. There was also that time they changed fees.  Surely Kirby wants y’all to forget about that as well. GRRR!!! You cannot alter the impact fees and then complain they were a failure!!! It doesn’t work that way!

So how do we fix the school construction problem?

ygr3x

 

That’s right! We Jiffy Lube the school employees! It’s a true fact that if you don’t have to pay salaries and benefits you can save lots of cash! Look people, from the looks of his article, Kirby didn’t learn anything about sentence structure or any of that other fancy learning. So do your kids really need an education? How’s about we do away with that altogether? Just imagine the savings!

giphy

Jiffy Lube never makes a misteak!

Let’s lay off the hard liquor -Your February 2nd guide to the County Council meeting

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It's Unamerican I tell ya!
It’s Unamerican I tell ya!

For this month’s meeting we are going to lay off the hard liquor and only offer wine and beer options. Make sure you grab your agenda and please remember this game  is only for entertainment purposes. We hear that  Billy isn’t taking any more calls.

Right out of the gate there is a budget transfer for the Department of Aging. And oh yawn, Billy will say something about Aurora’s hurt feelings and how Jan is going to take everyone’s land away. When he does slam back An Arrogant Bastard.

Next it’s time to sign the Ordinance allowing Ourisman Chevorlet to expand their dealership. There’s already been lots of discussion and a vote. So if any last minute shenanigans rear their ugly heads, have a little sip of some Le Vin De La Merde.  ( Billy would be happy to translate for you)

Uh-oh, Union talk. However, when the union applies to the Fire department it’s not met with the same vitriol as let’s say…the teacher’s union. All this bill wants to do is lengthen the amount of time the union has to bargain. If any, and we mean any, anti-union talk makes it in to this discussion, go ahead and have yourself a Blind Pig. Since you would have to be one to not see all the benefits of an organized work force.

What’s this? Emperor Jan wants her minion Bud to be able to approve budget transfers under these very specific conditions:

  • 1-8-31. COUNCIL PRESIDENT APPROVAL OF CERTAIN TRANSFERS OF UNENCUMBERED APPROPRIATIONS.

(A) The County Council authorizes the President of the County Council to approve, on behalf of the County Council, a transfer of an unencumbered appropriation that:

(l) The County Executive has recommended;

  • Is between departments, agencies and offices•
  • Is within the same fund in the Operating Budget: and
  • Transfers $10,000 or less.

 If the County Council President, in the President’s sole discretion, does not approve the transfer of the unencumbered appropriation, the County Council may consider and approve the transfer.

Venus have mercy on our souls!!!! We just know there is going to be quite a bit of lively discussion about how Bud is just a rubber stamp to the capricious whims of Bloody Jan. So when this all too predictable mess begins get your six pack of Red Emperor.

As if all of the above wasn’t enough, we are back to ethics. One would hope, that by now, Kirby would come to some kind of peace with this. That he will stop turning bright red and stammering on about the teacher’s conflict of interest and just generally looking like a crazy person. So WHEN this happens pass around a bottle of Pure Arrogance.

Whew! This week is rough! Now on for special exceptions for historical structures. Here comes the Trout Run talk out of Billy! Time to beer bong the Cult of the Occult!

Now it’s time for Public Comment and those troublesome (at least for some) council member comments. This has been a busy evening so save yourself the hangover and have some water while you listen to the informative ramblings.