It’s for the children!

You may have seen multiple posts from different sources like Stand Up Frederick and Steve McKay 4 Frederick County about tomorrow night’s County Council meeting. If you haven’t check them out. We are going to share this one.

From Oakdale Tomorrow:

Please attend the TUESDAY MAY 1st hearing at 7 pm at Winchester Hall wearing your Oakdale Tomorrow shirts or any green shirt. If you plan to attend please leave a comment below so we can keep track. We need numbers.

If you cannot attend, please email comments to the County Council prior to that date at: Please also copy their Chief of Staff, Ragen Cherney, at so he can add all comments to the record and copy, CE Gardner’s Education Liaison.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? Ask the County Council members to support the Mitigation Fee bill because every kid deserves a seat in school and it’s not their job to subsidize developers but rather to make sure that residential growth takes place at the pace of schools, roads, etc. Tell them you want principled leadership that isn’t influenced by special interests. Tell them this is not a party issue but a common sense one. Tell them that for the 15 developments still affected by this fee, they need to pay what it actually costs the county to build a seat for a child, not some imaginary cost of what they or we think it should be. Tell them that despite others’ best efforts to drag this out, play games, spin this as a “job killer” issue, you’re not stupid and you REFUSE TO BE APATHETIC. That if you can manage your job, your kids, your life, they can get this ONE THING RIGHT. And don’t forget to tell them they you’ll remember how they voted when it’s your turn to vote this November.


If you can make it to Winchester Hall tomorrow night at 7, please do. If not, please send an email to let the council know your thoughts on making sure our schools don’t continue on to be overcrowded. The developer will be self advocating. Let’s make sure we do too!

Ethics Night: better late than never

It’s hard to muster any sense of urgency here, folks. Like congress, thanks to the local obstruction, we remain mired in the same ol’, same ol’.

Tony Chmelik (R-odeo Clown) showed up last evening with a series of just in under the wire amendments to put forth on behalf of his buddy #KirbyDelauter, likely meant to turn the evening’s process to quicksand and possibly drum up some loopholes for the developer class that he represents. His latest hand wringing by proxy over the ethics ordinance (which passed, by the way) on top of his constant agonizing over the alleged persecution of builders who only want to build where schools are too crowded are awfully revealing. Obviously if a mitigation fee that may add $3 a month to a mortgage of several hundred thousand is such a burden, he could not make it more obvious that he is not representing his constituents. At least, not any who have school kids or drive on roads. It seems logical that six amendments should not be randomly appearing moments before third readings instead of during legislative workshops. We’ve been (as we have bored ourselves to tears saying) beating this same dead horse for a year now. sheesh.

Where's Kirby?
Where’s Kirby?

Last minute shenanigans. We hope this is not going to be the new normal round these parts. At the last of these bake sales it was Kirby Delauter with his constitutional law farce. Kirby, as previously noted by your Local Yokel correspondents, was nowhere to be seen yestereve, in spite of us listening to him bellyache about the ethics ordinance for the past year. He’s busy vacationing in Floriduh. Let’s hope he is house hunting. Maybe they want him.

Indulge your local ladies in a moment of sheer fantasy; please let Kirby be moving to Florida to see if he can get equal protection under the law (hahaha) er, uh, county contracts.
Indulge the local ladies in a moment of sheer fantasy; please let Kirby be moving to Florida to see if he can get equal protection under the law (hahaha) er, uh, county contracts in a county far, far away from here.

Post President’s Day drinking game-Get your shot glasses ready!

Busy week here in the county!!! First off we have a regular legislative day on the 16th and then a joint BOE meeting on the 17th. The agenda looks juicy, so grab it here and play  with caution. No alcohol poisoning.  We need all the Yokels we can get in this upcoming election season!

Budget transfers have been going pretty well lately. However, the library is on the list this week! And you know how thoughts of reading and learning really get some of our councilmen in a tizzy. Slam back an Attitude Adjustment if you hear any negative thoughts about the fancy learning that the libraries afford us. We can dream that change can happen, can’t we?!

Next up are appointments. If anyone decides to take to behave like a U.S. Senator threatening to block a Supreme Court justice, shoot back two, yes two glassfuls of  Four Horsemen.

Look how happy Billy is with his prop! Photo: Bill Green, FNP.
Look how happy Billy is with his prop! Photo: Bill Green, FNP.

Time to discuss deer hunting and crop damage. Should be interesting.  Not sure where to take this one, so just sip upon your  Ratty Ol’Deer Head whenever you hear the word deer.

Great Helena, Zeus, Poseidon, and Sappho please hear all of our combined cries for mercy!!!!! It’s time for the dead horse ethics discussion. There just isn’t any way that we will get through this without any nonsense, is there? No Kirby you cannot profit off the county until 2018!!! And no more teacher/BOE conflict of interest talk!! NONE!!! Set up a row of Cement Kickers and drink as much as you need to calm your nerves!!

Maybe we will get lucky and Gumption the Dragon will make another appearance at tonight’s meeting. She’s really keen on the Narconon and really, really hates this special exception bill. If we are lucky enough to spot this local celebrity, treat yourself to some Dragon’s blood.

Let’s just lump impact fees and school construction into one category shall we?  If Kirby makes the big reveal about how he’s going to single-handily fix our education problems mix up some Too Cool for School, since we suspect his plan has something to do with dismantling public education.


Award winning council members also attended this week’s council workshop

That workshop was something to behold. As we try to figure out how to adjust our Adequate Public Facilities Ordinance so the schools aren’t so crowded, our major characters were relegated to supporting roles. Tony Chmelik took his soliloquy a bit too seriously. As we have previously noted, Chmelik could not provide us the courtesy of making any damn sense.

A couple of high points. Runner up for the “Best-Calling-Out-of-a-Smarmy-(but-Exceptionally-Loquacious) A$$ Award” goes to Councilmember Shreve for blasting into his microphone at Chmelik: NO. You cannot interject! You’ve done nothing but interject for 50 minutes!

We do love when someone up on the dais says exactly what we are thinking.

We have to promptly dissolve this alliance with Shreve, though, because he wants to shuffle the grades around. Maybe send some fifth graders to middle school, maybe some middle schoolers to high school, they aren’t crowded, etc. Whatevz. It’s hard to get good education policy enacted from experts in pedagogy and child development. Please tell us we won’t be entertaining harebrained schemes introduced by part time council act who does not have a child, but still acts like one himself.

As a warm up, Jessica Fitzwater laughingly acknowledged  that Tony is never quick, when he pleaded for a couple of quick questions.

But the true heroism comes in when Ms. Fitzwater activates her superpower (that’s teacher voice) to get errant pupil Kirby Delauter back on track. He is disrupting the group by alluding to plans to solve school overcrowding (mysteriously, he cannot reveal any plans at the present time; he didn’t do the homework). Just at the moment we are saying, “Plans? What plans? We haven’t heard any plans?” Ms. Fitzwater seizes the teachable moment. The protocol for revealing one’s plans for the county is not The Tentacle.  Much like a soliloquy–speaking to oneself without regard to the audience–it seems as though that website is not actually a recognized forum. More like a safety deposit box for nonsense (because these “ideas” Kirby has published so far are batpoo crazy). So it sounds like The Tentacle does not write legislation or even agendas for the Frederick County Council. Who? Knew?  (????) And we are all like, “Nailed it!!!!” For bonus points: #KirbyDelauter was irritated, because he knows that they can’t retroactively place impact fees on Spring Ridge (or anywhere else) because there is no legal leverage to do this thing that was an idea originating from his own dim dome, so “they are wasting time…[discussing his stupid idea].”


We simply cannot wait to hear of the plan to address this that # and Tony Chmelik are percolating this week.  It’s probably either send wishes to a fairy godmother or online schooling. Both seem about as reality based.