Did y’all hear the news?!?! Kirby is now FOR sanctuary counties!

As you may have noticed, we here at Yokel headquarters have been enthralled by Kirby’s 2017-2018 fashion line. However, NOTHING could have prepared us for his latest release:

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Nice try, Mr. Simon! Man, oh man, we were on the floor with tears streaming down our cheeks with this one! Is there no one proof-reading these things for him?  Keep on being you Kirby! Truth is always stranger than fiction.


Rain Tax: the properties of matter

Your Local Yokels are staring in disbelief at our televisions again this morning, for what seems like infinite mornings at this point. Every once in awhile some dolt’s irresponsible shrieking about “Rain Tax” worms it’s way into our consciousness and turns into a rage supernova. Just as it did a moment ago, when CNN showed an arial view from the 1950’s of the Addicks Reservoir west of Houston. This is a picture of the dry reservoir that normally serves as a park, with vast farmland property to the northwest of that. Then they showed a photo of today, where hundereds of thousands of closely packed homes and the network of roads and driveways and patios create an impermeable surface nightmare that overwhelms the flood control system. This is clearly a catastrophe of historic proportions, but the situation is not helped by the lack of policy and regulation, and conditions that coddle developers over residents. Things that Houston and Texas both are famous for. This is what happens when you have irresponsible, unchecked development and ignorance of the mitigating solutions. For now, the solution is to produce controlled flooding of properties downstream (including the downtown area) in the hopes that the levees there and at a second reservoir under similar strain do not catastrophically fail all at once, and create a much more destructive and dangerous condition.

This situation is not nearly over. In our region we typically deal with inconvenient storms that you can plow and shovel and move and sometimes relocate and dump and melt. Here we see a virtually flat city inundated, and people have been lost to both rising and rushing waters that are far more difficult to control. Due to our landscape, flood waters can also come at us rushing downhill. The fact that anyone around here ever behaved as though this is a strain on developers ignores the strain on life and property for potential victims. Let this be an ongoing lesson to those who may want to turn on the television and reexamine their priorities. The average annual rainfall in most of Maryland is only a few inches different from the norm for the Texas Gulf Coast.

In the meantime, do what you can to help Texas and now Louisiana, as Harvey continues to hammer them.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLL look what we found before we published! You fool. It’s used to justify it because the facts check out. Your pal Fred Propheter is correct–proper planning (including funding mitigating drainage systems to handle the water) is necessary. You have to pay for that somehow! Now we get to tag Kirby Delauter and the CE race in this. Well played, social media treasure trove! You be you!

Ain’t too proud to beg!!!


We’ve once again made the finalist list for the Frederick News Post’s Best of the Best awards. Since we don’t make any money doing what we do, we can’t afford to buy any of the fancy ads to promote ourselves. Therefore, we rely on you, our dear readers, to get the word out and vote! Go ahead and follow this link!

We are counting on you!

Mansplaining 101. An appeal of the unnecessary kind.

If you make an appeal for something that isn’t happening and will continue to not happen, does that mean you get to take credit for it not happening? What are we even talking about?

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Seriously, you don’t get to take credit for this.
In today’s FNP we find out that Tony sent a request to Jan to continue to not do something she has already said she won’t do. Tony is concerned that the Bussards will be fined while the whole zoning issue surrounding their mulching business is being sorted out.

“I have never before been asked to not do something that I am already not doing!” she wrote. “It has been very clear that the County would not assess fines as long as an effort toward compliance was in the works. The County always works with property owners and businesses to solve problems and we will continue to do so.”

For this, we are awarding Councilman Chemlik the following award.


In other news, #fakenews, we have seen an online petition circulating to save Maryland’s flag. The only problem? No one is trying to change it. Go waste your outrage on an actual real issue please.

Return of the haters: Your 8/22 meeting roundup!

Looking right at ya Billy!
If you were following our drinking game, we asked  you to be on the look out for the boosters and haters. Both Billy and Kirby fell firmly into the haters category with Billy well in the lead.

We started off very nicely. Bud recognized Catoctin High School for their character development award. He even calls Kirby down to stand with him since this high school is in his district. Mr. Paul Dial, who is retiring as the Chief Administrative Officer, was also recognized for this 20 years of service to the county!

Then things start to get a little dicey. Budget adjustments are voted on and passed 5-2. Let that sink in. Voted on and passed! After they are passed, Kirby says he has questions concerning one of the adjustments. M.C. wasn’t sure how to handle this, since Kirby should have asked to pull the item BEFORE they voted to pass it. Billy then screams out, “Let him ask his questions!” M.C. responds that it is the President’s job to determine what to do to which Billy smirks and says that everyone thought she was running the meeting anyway. Bud then smacks the gavel down and calls Billy out of order. And man, it didn’t take long to get back right where we left off did it?

Consistency is NOT always a admirable trait!
Back to the budget adjustment. Kirby is questioning the purchase of vehicles. Montevue is getting rid of two smaller wheel chair accessible vans and replacing it with one larger wheel chair accessible bus. So, Kirby uses this chance to grandstand about Montevue and how it’s going to drain every last cent out of the county’s coffers. Well, well, well, what’s that Rick Harcum? This money is coming from a self sufficient fund in which the tax payers don’t have to pay anything? Well, Kirby still wants to know what will happen WHEN that fund fails, to which Harcum replies that he doesn’t have an answer to that because he doesn’t see that happening.


Kirby then has some questions about some other vehicles, but when he finds out that they all have over 100,000 miles  he simply replies, “Okay. That’s fine.” By some further conversation on this subject we are made aware of the fact that these vehicles had already been approved in the 2017 budget. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Billy votes against approving the minutes (he did this with the agenda as well), nobody wants any new workshop items added so we are off to Billy’s one and only bill.

Bud starts off by asking Billy if he has any comments to which Billy replies, ” I moved to approve…”. Billy then asks if anyone has come up with any amendments to his bill. You see folks, Billy thinks that he has so graciously allowed his fellow council members time to modify his bill. In reality, he was trying to get them to do his work for him.  This turns out to be a giant trap, however, because since they didn’t add anything it allows Billy the opportunity to tell them all that they don’t care about businesses in Frederick County. Billy also, at least four times, informs us that since NASCAR could open up a racetrack in the General Commercial (GC) district, then this business, that clearly is not allowed to operate in the GC, should be allowed to. How does that logic suit y’all?

What’s that Tony? You have put forth your own bill that isn’t as “overreaching” as Billy’s?RUH-ROH! Well, it seems as though Tony actually researched this problem, talked to the Town of New Market and has written a bill that M.C. describes as more of ” a scalpel than a sledgehammer.” Billy is not happy about any of this. When M.C. explains to Billy that it is very irresponsible to introduce legislation that you know will have to be fixed later, and brings up the 17 month process it took to formulate a good solar bill as an example, Billy shouts out that it was ABSURD. Really absurd to take your time to make a good piece of legislation, I mean it’s ludicrous people! Remember this part, gentle readers, for at the end Billy will contradict himself. His solution to the problem of other mulch businesses setting up shop in the GC district is that the County Executive can simply issue a moratorium. No problem!

He then lays into Tony. Even though Tony very nicely compliments him, Billy tells him that he doesn’t care about a business in his own district because if he did he would vote for this bill.  The solution is right in front of you Tony! Never mind the fact that the planning commission unanimously voted against this AND it would allow any mulching business to set up shop in the GC district. But NASCAR!

The tantrum isn’t over yet, though it’s so very clear this bill is dead. Billy lets us all know that in the GC district not only could NASCAR set up a race track, but so could:

-Stone cutters

-A bus depot

-An auction to sell large animals

-A zoo

And what does any of this matter? This business was clearly operating in a zone in which it was not supposed to, on a piece of land that they don’t even own! The planning commission hates this bill, the town of New Market hates it and look what the FNP reported that the owner of this business said after this very meeting last night:

“Outside the council chambers, Rick Bussard said he’d not had any problems with the county since the issue first came to light; county planning officials told the council in July that the business had received a courtesy violation and was not accruing fines.”

So, Billy’s hysterics aside it seems as though we can all wait and see what Tony’s bill has to say before making a YUGE mistake by changing what businesses can operate in the GC district. Kirby, who tells Billy that he did a very good job on this bill, is the only one who joins him in voting for this.

We feel the need to admonish Billy here. Not only because he did a very bad job in writing this bill or getting anyone else’s input on it, but also because of his attitude. Besides Kirby, no one is going to be willing to work on anything with him because of the insulting, immature way he treats others. In case you were never taught this Billy, study the old adage that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.


There is  a vote to go into closed session to interview people and you can guess who votes no.

No public comment tonight!!

Kirby and Jerry both have nice things to say. Then it’s Billy’s turn. Remember when we told you earlier to remember that he said that the County Executive could simply issue a moratorium if too many mulching operations set up shop in the GC zone? Well, forget about it! He now wants us to remember when Jan did put a moratorium on solar panel farms and how very horrible and destructive that policy was! Billy once again informs us that the outlook for business is bleak in the county. Contrary to what is actually happening in our county mind you.

Jessica and M.C. end things nicely and we have to be back here next week.

In September, we will see if Billy can swallow his pride to support Tony’s bill. Shall we start taking bets?

Time to drink: haters and boosters meet ups to recommence in Winchester Hall Tues. 8/22 at 4:30

Same batguano time, same batguano channel, folks (that’s channel 19 if you’re new here, and if so you will be able to distinguish the local boosters from the local haters right away).

The agenda looks uneventfulish, although Billy Shreve’s mulching bill is on there, so there’s still a chance for some drama. You may remember that it was drafted to benefit a guy who appeared at best ambivalent (and at worst opposed) to what Billy has devised on his behalf. If it gets ugly, drink a Dirty Rotten out of a participation trophy.

Also, Confederate Kirby is still campaigning for County Exec, so there’s guaranteed grandstanding during council member comments. If Billy is worse drink a Dirty Carnie,  and if Kirby is worse drink a Dirty South.

And remember folks, Frederick County’s best stories are about running the Rebs out of town…seems like some of our local folk are having a hard time recalling poor Ms. Barbara Fritchie’s old gray head.

We cannot believe you are making us interrupt her resting in peace again.

Project Runway: Fredneck Edition

There’s one and only one contestant on this edition of Project Runway! SPOILER ALERT: we have already voted him off! Instead of engaging in any kind of constructive debate or offering any realistic solutions to the challenges we face, Kirby instead seems hellbent on decorating the county with his poorly designed campaign shirts.

We have already discussed his line of clothing for the mythical Lego Friends among us, but hey look again:

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Lame! Sad!

Kirby did not want the menfolk to be left out, so in the spirit of Minecraft and G.I. Joe, voila:

Not sure what constitutes a real man. Probably includes only those that support Trump and Confederate statues.

If those two options don’t toot your whistle, never fear!! Kirby has a whole line of “specialty” shirts created just for you:

Better snatch this one up quickly! Only one Grandma is allowed to vote for Kirby!
No law enforcement experience required!
No comment!

If none of these options should accurately describe you, go ahead and put in a special request to the Delauter campaign. We would sure like to see Kirby waste spend some more of his hard earned campaign money on these things!