frederick local yokel

Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition


August 2017

TBT: Remember local third grade spat expert, Billy Shreve?

Who wouldn’t have wanted to be a fly on the wall in the office of the opinion editor at the Frederick News Post when this gem of an LTE dropped into his mailbox. Billy Shreve was criticized for missing school board meetings, and penned a lengthy screed detailing the ways in which he is actually dumb as a stump. A man who engaged in a weeks long drama about a lost key also accused the editorial board of engaging in a third grade spat. The miracle of the internet visited this memory upon us, and as we were not publishing in 2014, we thought it only fair that we douse it liberally with our attentions.

It’s hard to pick a favorite part, but here’s a highlight.

The editors of The Frederick News-Post have surprised me. They have spent so much time confusing attendance with action and results. Generally, that type of evaluation is considered in leadership circles to be a “rookie mistake.”

For a person making such a bold statement about action and results it does seem like most of what he does is moan and groan and little else–then, now and forevermore! (One does wonder what will be inscribed on his tombstone, since he admits it isn’t going to be, “Never missed a meeting.” May we offer “King of the Deplorables” as a suggestion?) It’s in his bones to make a lot of noise and do a lot of nothing, and you can tell by the “leadership circles” he admires.

Can you imagine if students were allowed to just decide that attending some parts of the school day were beneath them the way Shreve approached his responsibility to the BOE? What an example, speaking of leadership.

And then there is also this part:

One might ask, “What constitutes a meeting?”

One might also ask, “Did this really happen?” Ladies and gentlemen of Frederick County, lets not reelect the Bart Homer Simpson of local politics to any other offices. His track record is abysmal, and he does not need to fail up the ladder.



What can we say, y’all. We must be running low on our stupid quotient, since it’s been awhile between council meetings, so we dug into the archives. Frederick County is back in business next week. Brace yourselves.

Hashtag and History: Never the twain shall meet!

Yes, Professor # of District 5 tell us more!

Ever since an angry white supremacist murdered nine innocent people five years ago, we have been re-examining our national reverence of Confederate symbols and statues. Many city and state governments, including jurisdictions in Maryland, have come to the conclusion that yeah it’s pretty messed up that we allow traitors and people who fought to keep slavery on pedestals!

Well, County Executive candidate #kirbydelauter has some thoughts on this issue:

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What kind of history instruction did Kirby receive that he wasn’t able to understand the causes of the Civil War? Obviously not an adequate one:


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TRUE FREEDOM?? Man, that has to be the single most ironic assessment of the Civil War that these Yokel eyes have ever had the displeasure of seeing! And we can only imagine the intellectual depths of this conversation that took place at Thurmont’s very own country club!

Whether Kirby knows it or not, he and others like him, are victims of ” The Lost Cause” movement which sought through books, movies and STATUES to propagate a false history about the war. It sought to glorify and misconstrue ( think State’s Rights) the cause and deify those in charge, especially Robert E. Lee. Many, if not most, of these statues were erected in the 20th century during the time of Jim Crow. If that message is lost on you, then read this explanation that hangs in the Atlanta History Center:


These statues are symbols of division and hate. Removing them from public places does not mean that we will forget what happened. What it does mean is that we don’t consider their contributions to society worthy of a place of adornment in our public squares and parks. When New Orleans made the decision to remove their Confederate monuments, their mayor made a very eloquent speech in which he said,

“The historic record is clear: the Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and P.G.T. Beauregard statues were not erected just to honor these men, but as part of the movement which became known as The Cult of the Lost Cause. This ‘cult’ had one goal — through monuments and through other means — to rewrite history to hide the truth, which is that the Confederacy was on the wrong side of humanity.”

He continued with:

“Another friend asked me to consider these four monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it?

Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too?”

If you need any further evidence, why not do a Google search on those who show up to protest the removal of these monuments? Concerning the State’s Rights fantasy, go ahead and read through the secession documents of the Southern States. We think you’ll very easily identify the common theme!

We are not sure if Kirby is really ignorant or just willfully ignorant when it comes to the Civil War and what is happening today. What we do know is that we can’t afford to have someone like this in charge of our county government.

Now, just for laughs, Stephen Colbert has some good suggestions as to what we can do with all these Confederate statues:

What did Kirby mean by this? Please help us figure it out!

We can all agree that yesterday was a horrible day in American History. We tend to align ourselves with the thinking of Governor Terry McAuliffe when he had this to say about the pieces of crap that grasped their dollar store tiki torches while spreading their Neanderthal ideals through the streets of Charlottesville:

“I have a message to all the white supremacists and the Nazis who came into Charlottesville today. Our message is plain and simple. Go home,” said McAuliffe at a press conference Saturday evening. “You are not wanted in this great commonwealth.”

As opposed to the inarticulate ramblings of the Orange Menance:

“We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence, on many sides. On many sides. It’s been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. This has been going on for a long, long time.”

Barack Obama?!?! And many sides?! Is that for reals?!

Well, folks, being the local blog that we are, we had to check around for our local politician’s reactions:

And in the other corner her opponent posts this:

That’s what we want to know?!?!

So this brings us to our second poll of the day folks;


Take our “Who could it be poll?!” It’s not hard we promise!

How we wish we could!

Here we are minding our own business on this nice Sunday afternoon, and this pops into our Facebook feed:

Click here to read the whole story, but here’s the gist of it:

The lawsuit argues that the policy violates the girl’s fundamental right to bodily privacy, and her mother’s fundamental parental rights regarding the care and upbringing of her child.”

The “mother” is not named, but we can pretty much guess who it is. Especially since “she” said she would do this very thing if the BOE passed this policy. Let’s see if we are all on the same page:


These types of suits have not been successful because the burden is on the plaintiff to prove they are being harmed. Too bad our school system has to not only be burdened with someone who assaults them with numerous PIA requests, but also has to waste money and resources to defend these types of lawsuits.

UPDATE: Here’s the Federal Court link:

Plaintiff’s names are “Mary Smith” and “Jane Doe”.

Kirby’s Morning Covfefe: a literary analysis

The layers of this onion are as swollen and pregnant as John Donne’s flea.

What meanest thou, dim hashtag? It could be argued that this writer believes in deriding the elites of the tech world, in spite of the irony that those individuals make so many of the dollars that help keep the economy from sucking like a flea. A descendant theory holds that it is mere ambivalence to the U.S. stock market and its investors. Whatever the intent, this collection of loaded imagery calls the reader to remember the author’s relationship to the ironic tension created through his advocacy of the tech free Jefferson Tech Park.

The prevailing scholars at present concur that Delauter is implying #fakenews, and the statement “we don’t need them any longer,” must be interpreted as an insistence that the only news others should read is the propaganda disseminated via Facebook videos Trump’s minions produce, the Increasingly Nuclear Twitter War Tweets of POTUS himself, and retweets from members of his “intellectual” coterie. One notable local member is Councilman Billy Shreve. This is a device one will see frequently employed within the wing nut genre: by employing a heavily loaded allusion, such as the one to Soros, his reader is immediately aware of the team he plays for. It is critical for the writer convey that he is not on the team of reason and science and engineering and physics, dear readers. His allegiance is to #teamcovfefe, also referred to in texts as A Basket of Gullibles.

As to which interpretation is the writer’s intended one, readers may also determine that the answer is most like Sarah Palin’s news sources: all of them, Katie!


Are Facebook posts a window into a man’s soul?

He really might benefit from taking his social media presence down a notch or two!

How much do Facebook posts reveal about a person? It’s an interesting question. Many people seem to think they reveal plenty. Just read about how Harvard rescinded admission for 10 students who shared memes. Or take a look at this list of people who lost their jobs because of what they did on the internet.

#kirbydelauter became #kirbydelauter because he so very erroneously told a reporter she couldn’t use his name on Facebook. That whole international incident would have given most people pause. Perhaps would have made one step back and re-evaluate what one posted. Not Kirby though! You can review our list of why you shouldn’t vote him into our county’s highest office, many of which are things he did online!!

Well folks, he’s not slowing down. Into the Yokel mailbox appeared some thoughts our exalted District 5 commander has had:

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Something he would do? What is this, the Old West?  Have we descended into such madness that we need to pull weapons out at political meetings? Don’t answer that.

'Ms. Stimpson... cancel my high noon appointment.'

Then there’s this:

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That simple!!! If i can’t slosh gasoline all over the place, isn’t freedom already dead?

Thomas Jefferson’s interests have really gone down hill, wouldn’t ya say? And is Kirby advocating for anarchy?

This share really takes the cake though. Behold Soothsayer #kirbydelauter’s latest prediction:

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Did you predict Blaine’s loss as well? Or did that one blow right past ya! And keep on sharing Steve Bannon posts #! It’ll be a nice collection to have when he’s taken away in the handcuffs!

As you well know, we aren’t fans of Kirby’s style of governing. We have found very little common ground with any of his positions or the way he treats his fellow government officials.  The one time we appreciated his vote (Trout Run), he quickly took it back. However, if Facebook shares aren’t enough for you please, please read this post about the Jefferson Tech Park. Most especially the part about how the last BOCC let the developer off the hook when it came to school construction. For if everything that Shrelauter has done up to this point hasn’t been enough to convince you, them putting us on the hook for millions of dollars should be enough. It’s almost as though the last BOCC had no idea what they were doing!!



Kirby’s award winning flowchart outdone in Best of LOL category

You guys. Kirby has a T-shirt ostensibly intended to allow firefighters to show support for his campaign, and we cannot wait for you see it! It says, “Extinguish bad government/Vote Kirby Delauter” and depicts a flame throwing fire extinguisher…um…torching everything in sight. Now, we are not professional fire fighters, but we are pretty sure that isn’t how you put out fires.


Doesn’t it have a blowtorch effect? My oh my, this is too much fun. It gives that flow chart a run for its money on giggle fit potential.

It is poignant, y’all. What a master of symbolism. We had no idea of the fertile artistic mind operating behind that basic dude/common clay image. Accidental brilliance. What could better represent the unintended consequences that would result from voting for this dingdong. Way to fan the flames, man!



Another fun thing we’ve noticed is that he is taking pictures of random individuals. Individuals. Then he tags them with some category. Say Kirby bumps into Joe the Plumber at the carnival, right? And Joe, who you may have heard is a plumber, is apparently feeling kindly toward Kirby, who <<waves wand, a la peanut butter and jelly sandwiches>> becomes a movement like Plumbers for Kirby. So much for his English degree. That’s not how singular and plural work, but better luck next time.

May this campaign never end. It is such a delightful diversion from our national nightmare. However, we do notice that Women for Kirby has 117 likes, and like Hair Furor’s approval rating, that is too many. Don’t get carried away here, people.

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