It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had a council meeting, but now we are back and raring to go! Hopefully Kirby will bring his tear-shaped flow chart for us to behold. This week we are doing a drinking game bingo. We noticed that our favorite FNP poet, Armillary, requested that we do so. So in honor of all his clever limericks, grab your agenda, pick your poison and be responsible!
Our own local social media crackerjack is re-hashing some old business:
First of all, since when is he all for paying teachers more?!?! Does he think we all have amnesia or something? BECAUSE OH NO KIRBY WE DO NOT! We all remember your years on the BOCC when you refused to fund FCPS above MOE. And we know that when you don’t fund above MOE then there are no raises to be had! He also bragged about how he, if elected to the council and appointed liaison to FCPS, would point out how the school system could do more with less every step of the way! So please, spare us the b.s. that you are all for raising teacher’s pay.
Most of us know not to engage Kirby on his false equivalency concerning his not getting county contracts and Jessica and Jerry voting on a budget that includes money that will go to the school system. He appears to have some newbies and fellow dead horse beaters egging him on his comment section. But first, ICYMI, here’s one of the first graphics your Lady Yokels ever used that succinctly displays the difference between Kirby getting county contracts and Jerry and Jessica voting on the county budget:
Well, as is often the case, Kirby makes it all so much worse in the comments. First let’s go ahead and bash the guy we sit right next to during council meetings:
Hear that Jerry? Kirby plays the tiniest violin in the world whenever you try to explain to him….well probably anything. Save your breath from now on Council Member Donald, tis not worth it! Now he has some thoughts on the corruption of the County Attorney……
His next comment is in response to another person saying they would DEMAND answers as to why teachers can vote on the budget:
Oh the unholy corruption!!!! Come on Kirby take some pictures of these pick up paper basketball games! We would ALL love to see that! And finally….
That’s right folks, the most dishonest people inhabit the walls of Winchester Hall. The MOST. We think someone doth protest too much! Perhaps this is some kind of projection he’s using. For don’t we often find those traits most abhorrent in others that we hate within ourselves? Kirby, you may not realize that you need to do this, but you really need to apologize to pretty much everyone you work with on the council. This kind of talk is not only rude, immature, vengeful and well just plain stupid. But, it isn’t very conducive to having any kind of functional government.
This is just the sort of plan you would idealize if you were a Frederick County resident who would pack up a cooler with whiskey sours in the middle of a Nor’Easter/Hurricane Sandy climate change cocktail event, make a raft like Huckleberry Finn, and set sail to the Walmart 5 miles downstream. We have the best people in Frederick County. Amazing people.
These are the stories we need to reflect on, because we would otherwise lose our minds. It takes all kinds, after all. Someone has to keep us entertained, come hell or high water (or both, as the likely case may be).
The resource protection area was eliminated from the plan, because of property rights. This will help ensure that Frederick County folks can pretend we have a Willy Wonka style chocolate river whenever it rains. This is a great plan. The best plan. If not for this version of the plan, we would start having clear water run in the river when it rains, and these people’s private property wouldn’t wash away in the water, and deposit sediment that can disrupt the flow of the public’s waterway. Boring. Sad.
We will have a river for people who are in for a world of pure imagination–you know, like the gentlemen mentioned above.
Sigh.
We haven’t heard from Xenu’s enemies lately, however, the No Narconon at Trout Run page showed us they aren’t done with us yet:
Three more lawyers are added to the fold! That means the fight ain’t over yet folks! They are gearing up to try and make their little brainwashing facility a reality.
In other lawyering news, we would like to congratulate our friends over at RALE who were dropped from the latest developer lawsuit! We know it’s not over for them yet, but small victories!
If you are in tuned to local issues, it’s very likely you’ve heard about the recommendations of the Monocacy Scenic River Advisory Citizen’s Board. If you are interested (and who isn’t interested in clean water am I right?) please peruse the report available on the Frederick County website.
Since the river does not belong to any one person, and there is lots of science on the effects of riparian buffers on waterways, it is in our collective interest to protect this valuable resource. Clean water is a RIGHT. That’s right a RIGHT. For without it we cannot live. Perhaps you know that the human body is around 65% full of it! Wait..what’s that Council member #?”
Kirby would you read the damn report!!!! The whole thing! Not just that report but also the Lake Linganore Source Water Protection Plan! The river belongs to all of us and we need to discuss how to protect it! Farmers, citizens, government officials, and scientists (yes scientists!) need to come together and rationally discuss how to best do that. And guess what? Not everyone is going to get their way! Some sacrifices, in the way of planting trees around the river, are going to have to be made.
According to numerous reports, we are in danger of having either a scarcity of clean water OR water that is too expensive for many to afford. IN THIS COUNTRY. Read about the scarcity report here and the report about how 1/3 of Americans will not be able to afford clean water soon here. Due to global climate change, hydraulic fracking, and lack of investment in water infrastructure we are on the cusp of having a major problem in this country. We need to protect our waterways. You don’t have the RIGHT to pollute a communal water way because you own the property next to it.
If property rights are so important,even more than the right to that life sustaining combonation of hydrogen and oxygen, then can Kirby please explain his support for a wall along the border? You know the one that Texans aren’t so keen on because of all the land that will have to be grabbed up ? Oh, wait, that’s different right? #alternative facts
In yesterday’s Frederick News Post there was a story about the Monocacy River management plan. Now, without any evidence mind you, we are SURE that Kirby did not read this plan. He’s been lashing out at it from the start, and it’s only in the recommendation stage. You would think from his reaction the County Executive is “land grabbing” in order to build some waterfront mansions for herself and her cronies. But, nah it’s an effort to save the Monocacy from becoming a polluted mess. From what we’ve seen, it’s mostly an effort to plant more trees.
Well, Kirby, who was once an avid opponent of Executive Orders especially when they came from Obama or had anything to do with with ethics, is all of the sudden in favor of them. Check out this quote from yesterday’s story:
“Issue the Executive Order on Monday. I’ll be waiting for the announcement. If you choose not to issue it, it tells everyone you are behind this bogus plan to strip property rights, just as you have done for over 20 years,” Delauter wrote in an email to the county executive on Saturday.
Nice guy, isn’t he? There seems to be a pattern emerging among these folks. For the better part of four years Kirby and his ilk have been bemoaning the tyranny of the E.O. Now, that their guy is in, or when it suits their purposes, well you know it’s all different now.
As you can imagine Jan had a reply to Kirby barking orders at her. And man was it awesome:
“Kirby, Please stop misinforming people and do your homework,” Gardner wrote. “As I advised you previously, I do not have the authority to issue an executive order to stop the work of the River Board. The Monocacy River Scenic Advisory Board is created under state law. The Secretary of Natural Resources administers the program. Because this is a State program, I do not have any authority to stop or end the work of the River Board.”
This afternoon the council is meeting behind closed doors:
Are the Scientologists back in town? Or is something new afoot? If you know, email your Lady Yokels at: fclocalyokel@gmail.com
For the last couple of weeks, we’ve been wondering where our old pal #KirbyDelauter’s been hiding out. Thankfully (?), he’s emerged! Last night he attended a meeting concerning the Monocacy River, and he is not going to be a grown up about it:
Ain’t he cute folks? Instead of doing what an elected official is supposed to do, you know come into a situation with an open mind ready to listen to other opinions, etc. et al., we get that. Guess it’s all a part of that Brave New World we are living in. Wished that’s where it ended but naw…
Matt Suebert: BAD! Suzan Thompson: GOOD! Don’t you just love this running commentary? Here is the piece de resistance:
Anonymous Lady stop sciencing all over Kirby!!! You’re making him feel like a crackhead! Kirby was super, super busy today:
If your head hurts after reading all that you are NOT alone. Well this little post was the lead in to what has got to be the most GOD AWFUL flowchart in the history of humanity:
Is that a teardrop? Because it is #SAD! Why does Jessica end up with all the money? Poor Jerry gets screwed, but he still has to donate to Jessica. M.C. and Jan are exchanging money so we guess it evens out. Jan is giving Carole’s money to Jessica. Bob and Jan are exchanging money and you guessed it…giving it to Jessica. And Jessica just takes, takes, takes! We here at the Yokel had the tears of laughter flowing trying to discern this. Maybe this is the best way to express it:
Welcome back #! You’ve certainly made up for time lost!
After we’ve been honing our skills covering the nutty as fruitcake shenanigans of our local dingdongs, most particularly Shrelauter and their cuckoo cruise director (that would be former Commissioner and one time pseudogubernatorial candidate Blaine Young, in case you’re new around here), your locals are beginning to wonder if we could not be of better service to our fellow citizens by getting ourselves into the White House Press Corps.
We started to hear noise about tossing out the traditional media and adding a bunch of yahoos who don’t even bother to retract falsifications. This job sounds easy-peasy (not that that’s really our style–if we screw up, we’ll be the first to admit it). But, doesn’t that take the pressure off? Now that the executive branch of the United States seems local level loony, there are really no longer standards of decorum to adhere to at all. We’ve already been primed for this, so we should really have a chance to give it a go.
Of course, we would need to go incognito, because we mostly hate people. We don’t really want to walk among the teeming masses a lot of the time, so we try to stay in the shadows. That Guy Fawkes mask is already taken. How would we dress? Scream mask seems appropriate. We know we’re adversarial, but being freakishly conspicuous, plus adopting ridiculous and campy schtick really could be an asset to the presidential ratings gameshow. Hello Kellyanne playbook, we saw your goofy but oxymoronic Georgian England American inaugural outfit!
And now we’re getting all “intersectional” with Cam Harris tying our area to the national but artificial news (or alternative facts or whatever the crock we’re calling doublespeak now). The icing on the cake was learning that Trumpkin’s propaganda minister has had a five year long spat with Dippin’ Dots for no discernible reason, and this nugget alone is reason to suspect that our talents could definitely be put to use on a larger platform. Probably we’ve said too many critical things already and therefore we are bad fake news and not good alternative facts. Sad!
Your friendly Lady Yokels were discussing how our own Frederick Republican party is a harbinger of the national party. If we are right, then there is hope to be had. We already elected and disposed of our own Donald Trump. We may have to wait four years for the real one to go, but surely this will occur! If this trend of the national reflecting the local continues, then the national GOP party is about to eat one another alive.
Do you remember a few weeks back when our nice local senator wanted to raise some money by raffling off an AR 15 rifle? You know the same kind of rifle used by that monster in Sandy Hook to end a bunch of little kid’s lives. You may ask why would an elected representative do such a thing? Well, because he’s a great defender of the 2nd Amendment that was bestowed upon us straight from the creator above! It’s true, according to Sen. Michael Hough, God himself is responsible for the 2nd amendment.
You may expect that his fellow Republicans would be all hunky dory with this. Especially since many of them are also great defenders of the Lord’s amendment. However, you would be very wrong indeed! In today’s Frederick Extra report we learn that Sheriff Jenkins believes that the good senator did not obtain the proper permits. And oh traitorous gods of yore, what did Hough do to piss Jenkins off ?! Unfortunately, Jenkins hands are tied until someone actually files a complaint. Wink, wink..any takers?
In the Extra Buzzz, we also learn that someone else is “concerned” about this raffle. “Someone” who has previously been very close to the senator, but now has some concerns! Where is the loyalty with these people?
Thank you local Republicans, for giving us a chuckle on this day that we thought we couldn’t crack a smile.
frederick local yokel 