Hey, did ya hear the news? Clean water is NOT a right!

If you are in tuned to local issues, it’s very likely you’ve heard about the recommendations of the Monocacy Scenic River Advisory Citizen’s Board. If you are interested (and who isn’t interested in clean water am I right?) please peruse the report available  on the Frederick County website.

Since the river does not belong to any one person, and there is lots of science on the effects of riparian buffers on waterways, it is in our collective interest to protect this valuable resource. Clean water is a RIGHT. That’s right a RIGHT. For without it we cannot live. Perhaps you know that the human body is around 65% full of it! Wait..what’s that Council member #?”



Kirby would you read the damn report!!!! The whole thing!  Not just that report but also the Lake Linganore Source Water Protection Plan! The river belongs to all of us and we need to discuss how to protect it! Farmers, citizens, government officials, and scientists (yes scientists!) need to come together and rationally discuss how to best do that. And guess what? Not everyone is going to get their way! Some sacrifices, in the way of planting trees around the river, are going to have to be made.

According to numerous reports, we are in danger of having either a scarcity of  clean water OR water that is too expensive for many to afford. IN THIS COUNTRY. Read about the scarcity report here and the report about how 1/3 of Americans will not be able to afford clean water soon here. Due to global climate change, hydraulic fracking, and lack of investment in water infrastructure we are on the cusp of having a major problem in this country. We need to protect our waterways. You don’t have the RIGHT to pollute a communal water way because you own the property next to it.

If property rights are so important,even more than the right to that life sustaining combonation of hydrogen and oxygen, then can Kirby please explain his support for a wall along the border? You know the one that Texans aren’t so keen on because of all the land that will have to be grabbed up ? Oh, wait, that’s different right? #alternative facts




What do hotels, marijuana, solar panels and zoning have in common? Welcome to your August 30th drinking game!

Happy now Shrelauter?!
Happy now Shrelauter?!

Since the council returned from their break, we’ve heard some pretty dumb things. We are still trying to recover from Billy telling us that we can safely drink from any stream in the county, when we clearly CANNOT. What misinformation is in store for our tender little ears this week? Grab a copy of your trusty agenda, pull up next to your favorite reality channel and batten down the hatches! And as always, this game is just for fun! No passing out in the alleys!

The very beginning of our evening begins behind closed doors. The council will interview a County Executive appointee. In honor of the torture this poor soul is about to embark on, who will have to endure some “interesting” questions from the entity we call Shrelauter, warm yourself up with a Secret Garden Cocktail. 

Not sure why they bother calling the meeting to order since a few will never abide. We begin with public comment, some idiot either abstaining or refusing to vote on the consent agenda and then the approval of three budget transfers. No school transfers this week so  Kirby won’t have the opportunity to throw out his dead horse speech about the teachers on the council lining their pockets. Oh what a shame!

Dr. Monica Grant is up for approval for the Director of the Citizens Service Director. Read more about her here.  

We have one first reading on a program Regarding Establishment of a Clean Energy Loan Program for Commercial Properties. Then the council has to make some decisions.

First up is the Adequate Facilities Code. When Kirby laments the fact that his super expensive plan to fund four schools was killed, shoot back some Tough to Hear shots. It’s really becoming tiresome isn’t it?

Next up, Jerry has a plan to make zoning changes more public, so people have a chance to actually know what’s going on in their neighborhoods. “Shouldn’t” be any problems with this, but if there is, mix yourself up a B-52.

Time to decide on the marijuana pilot program. We heard some rumor that the High Sheriff was on the radio saying that prostitution should be legal, however, pot is a danger this county should never know. When we get confirmation on whether or not our top law enforcement officer really thinks a plant is more dangerous than the abuse and degradation of poor, disadvantaged people we’ll certainly let you know. For now just have your self a Elixir Bloody Mary, because we all need our vitamins.

If you have seen any of these Facebook hotel accounts, you know that the proposed downtown hotel is a touchy subject for some. However, many people came out in support of raising this tax, so we are fairly certain it’s a done deal. If the talk gets a little dicey, slam back a Stinger.

If this doesn’t get us to 7:00, Billy will complain and moan about how Bud can’t foresee the exact time a meeting will take and we’ll want to slam every clock over that head of his! Yes, Billy we all know how busy you are, and none of us gives a rat’s ass.

Billy, ranting about nothing just makes you look stoooopid.

Two public hearings on the agenda. Zoning, Adequate Facilities and Developer Rights are wrapped up all in one. The second deals with Solar Panel Installation. We’ll let your livers rest during this section of the evening. We do predict, however, that the second hearing will go smoother than the first.

Public comment and then what seems to do us in, Council Member comment. Before the C.M comment section of the evening commences fortify yourself with a Snickertini. For the only way to get through this mess anymore is to laugh.


Just one sip Kirby and Billy?

Looks like it won't kill ya!
We promise it won’t kill ya! You’ll just need a full course of antibiotics.

At our last meeting Shrelauter questioned the importance of cleaning up our local waterways. Both of our anti-science darlings assured us that nobody has died. Billy even went so far as to proclaim that we could drink out of any stream in Frederick County! Any! But Oopsy Daisy, Billy may have spoke out of turn! That’s so out of character!:

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You can read both of these articles here and here.

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Well how in Hades’ underworld could this be right?! Billy assured us that we were fine. He’s even gone on about how we should wait until year 19 of the 20 year deadline to clean things up because…REASONS.

What does this mean specifically for Frederick? Take a gander:

Red is bad, very bad.
Red is bad, very bad.
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You can read more about Enterococci here.

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Look at that explanation above! Anything over 151 cfu’s is not suitable for any bathing or “full body contact”!  We aren’t mathematicians but all of those numbers are greater than that! Perhaps we need to get a nice set of shot glasses and fill them up with a sample from each of the above waterways! Let’s see if Kirby and Billy will put their money where their mouth is!