frederick local yokel

Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition


November 2017

Let’s protect the Monocacy River AKA Jan’s grabbing all the land!


This afternoon, the council is having a workshop on the Monocacy Scenic River Management Plan.  It’s going to be painful as Billy and Kirby have been complaining that it’s all just a sinister plan for Jan to grab all the land up to use for ???? We still haven’t figured that out yet. So, brace yourselves and we will let you know how it all turns out.

Well, bestill our Yokel hearts! We are actually enjoying the Tentacle this week!

Pick yourself up from the ground and let us explain! There’s a new writer over at the noodly appendage by the name of Brooke Winn. Appointed to the Frederick County Republican Central Committee just two short years ago, Ms. Winn has some insights into the local party that we very much appreciate!

First of all, in her November 6th piece, we are treated to this:

I quickly learned to automatically assume politicians are a bunch of self-serving, narcissistic monsters who are completely willing to sell their “principled” soul for an extra $500 in their campaign bank account, Republicans included

My faith in the Republican Party has decreased in the past two years. Trust me, I don’t like to be a “Debbie downer,” seeking to find the best in every situation, but our party functions in ways that seemingly go against everything it claims to be.

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Followed by:

The most disturbing element within the local party is the in-fighting and heated battles of a contested primary election. As much as Republican voters think their votes elect a particular candidate of their choosing, it does not. In fact, party politics dictates who the “chosen” Republican nominee will be, with the party throwing money at their ‘Chosen One’ faster than Democrats spending money on entitlement programs. So, your choice doesn’t matter as much as you think when you are standing in the voting booth on primary election day – the powers that be in Republican Party have already spoken for you.

If that wasn’t enough, today she penned another criticism of the local political machine. This time she publicized phone messages that Delegate Barrie Ciliberti left her. Here’s a taste:

December 3, 2015 at 5:28PM: (


Delegate CilibertiYeah, hi, Brooke, uh, Barrie Ciliberti here. Uh again, you’re a busy woman, ha. I’m on my way to Winchester Hall, but I understand there’s a meeting tonight with the Central Committee. And, uh, you don’t know me. Uh, but I’d enjoy meeting you personally and, over coffee, or whatever. Glass of wine. Get to know each other.


My thoughts: Again, yeah, I don’t know you. And wine? Sounds a bit inappropriate to be asking a young woman out for adult beverages who doesn’t know you.

Very inappropriate!! Did he think he was going charm her into silence? Wow, just wow!

We are sure this is the opinion of the Hough arm of the Republican party at this time!

We are anxiously waiting to read next week’s installment!!

Too busy to attend Billy’s senate kickoff? WATCH THIS!

Are you super bummed that you weren’t able to attend Billy’s senate kick-off? Perhaps you needed to clean those dust bunnies from under your bed? Or perhaps you just wanted to do literally anything else rather than watch someone who can’t handle the responsibilities of being a county councilman try to convince us that he’ll make a super state senator? Whatever the reason, never fear! There’s a video of the night’s festivities! And it is awesome. But, not in the way Billy wants it to be!


Click the video to watch! And why does Bongino keep coming back here? Hasn’t he gotten the hint yet?

The best parts are Billy trying to explain why he’s qualified, Billy thanking the NRA representative for “doing a great job”, and Blaine channeling his inner David Hasselhoff to tell us all why Billy is such a great fella. There’s also some Washington County candidates and Frederick County Council candidate Dylan Diggs asking for support. Not sure why these fellas think it’s wise to hitch their wagon to Billy’s fading career.  Y’all may want to create some distance soon!

Also, what we noticed is who wasn’t there. Not one fellow council member, not even Kirby! Could it be that #kirbydelauter doesn’t want his campaign for CE tainted by Billy’s nonsense? Just asking questions!

Billy Shreve has biglig aspirations in Annapolis, is mostly full of B.S.

Locals, you are in for a real treat. In order to give Trump a voice in Annapolis, Shreve tells this audience that he’s leaving the Council (yay!) and running for State Senate (boooooooooo). His campaign slogan is “Trump Annapolis,” which kind of makes it sound like Trump is running for governor in Maryland. The actual governor of Maryland, Larry Hogan, was at least perceptive enough to distance himself from L. Don Trumpard by telling everyone he did not support him, and judging by this past Tuesday that is probably going to continue to be a wise choice. That stank don’t wash off easy. Wisdom is not Billy’s strong suit, though. Just you wait…

This all went down at this campaign fundraiser that sounds like hell on Earth, headlined by the illustrious loser of the previous 6th District Congressional race and loser of a Republican party Congressional primary in Florida and loser of the Senate race for the seat that Ben Cardin holds: Dan Bongino. This event was benefitting Shreve, County Council District 1 candidate Dylan Diggs and Delegate Mike McKay. According to the Frederick News Post, Shreve has not actually filed yet, but still…and this is where it gets good.

He thinks he and his compadres (the one who cannot math or flow chart, and the hooker aficionado) are more distinguished and accomplished than the Founding Fathers. We are not making this up.

“There’s no one else besides the guys that served with me that can ever say they did anything that monumental. Even the Founding Fathers, they just started a new government, they didn’t change an old one,” Shreve said.

“Now here’s a little story I’ve got to tell
About three bad brothers you know so well. It started way back in history with Blaine Young, K.D., and me (Billy Shreve).”

Can you even imagine if they were dropped into the Constitutional Convention, or even the after parties at the City Tavern–a la Bill & Ted, what the general opinion would have been of these tools?

There’s more, but after that covfefe, does any of the rest of it even matter?

Billy is totally full of covfefe
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

Warning: Kirby’s fiscal side has made an appearance

Thank goodness that was quick. We want to focus on election returns. Kirby mucked around in the budget adjustments because the numbers for a foot bridge in Point of Rocks didn’t feel right to him, since it is a pre fab bridge that will cost $40,000 to design. The answer to the mystery is that erosion (which is science) means they need expensive concrete footers and stream management matters upstream to protect private property and also this footbridge. It must have been a mighty battle up in Kirby’s cavernous noggin–private property needs to be protected by public expenditures. In the end he feels better, math and research having taken absolutely no part in the grandstanding process.

Tony’s taking back his homeschool team sports bill for further tinkering to make sure it is done right.

Bud Otis did a last minute introduction of a bill for a Veterans Advisory Council addition as a First Reading Calendar. It sounds good because it would help the 17,000 veterans living in our community find the resources that they need. It caused a little strife between him and M.C. Keegan-Ayer because it wasn’t added to the agenda before yesterday and that’s not really fair to us the public, even though he obviously wanted to do this before Veterans’ Day. Bud asserts that the rules let him, because he is the President. Rules are different for presidents, as we all now well know (he isn’t making that up like that other guy would–the rule actually is different). During Council Member comments, Jessica Fitzwater points out that she likes to share the agenda via social media the weekend before the meeting, and if it’s not in there it’s not in there, whether it is allowed or not. We concur. How can you take a drink for a bill if there’s no bill? We have all been deprived.

M.C. Keegan Ayer moved to table indefinitely the thingamabobber about recreational facilities in PUD/MDX–which would have been decided upon today–after having discussed the plan with our esteemed County Executive.

Meaning that with this meeting was mostly quick, although it did require you to have some of those Holiday Mules per our drinking game for multiple questions that are more of a comment. Again with the Bridge to Terabithia Jefferson Tech Park, Kirby expresses suspicions about numbers being inaccurate, but he’s exploring a lot of feelings. If you say numbers you sound smart. In reality there is not enough information in his speech to do this word problem he is rambling about, so perhaps the Waffle House Press Secretary will discuss this in a briefing.

Kirby's Plan
If your goal as a fiscal conservative is to figure out if x is less than y, it is generally helpful to know the value of both x and y.

We wonder if there’s any way to find out any of these figures Kirby has feelings about. Maybe we should take it out of Billy’s playbook and send it as a legislative priority for the delegation in Annapolis to focus on next year, like it’s a hot dog stand with unknown challenges to opening. If you’re new here, that’s an inside joke. And a thing that Billy wanted to have happen, IRL. Probably they have no other choices, since they don’t have a staff (a note Bud Otis hits on during Council Member comments, and it stings just a little to hear Bud echo Billy, y’all).

The rest of the Council comments pretty normally about community minded things. Tony Chmelik offered a Happy Birthday for November 10th to the U.S. Marine Corps, and M.C. Keegan-Ayer acknowledged and commended our veterans. Jessica Fitzwater talked about the Veterans’ Day event. Bud Otis waxed patriotic and also distanced himself a bit from the County Executive and we think we see where this is all going in advance of 2018. And then Billy chucked up all of his PIA related complaints and assorted ailments. It’s really hard to take him seriously after all we have endured with him thus far, so we cannot even begin to fathom that he could have any valid points.

Class dismissed.

Drunksgiving is here! Your November 7th drinking game!
Don’t be like Frank!


We had a few weeks off to recuperate, but now it’s time to get back into the thick of things! Not too much on the agenda, but there’s always opportunities for grandstanding and misinformation. Grab your agenda, tune into your local government reality show, and be careful! Billy is too preoccupied with false stories about Russian uranium to come pick you up!

If any “more of a comment, then a question” should be raised during the budget adjustments, mix yourself up a Holiday Mule. Because only a mule would be dumb enough to fall for that wordsmithing!

Tony was going to take his suggestion that FCPS allow homeschoolers participate in extracurricular activities to the BOE. Now, it’s back on the agenda for some more discussion amongst the council. If this discussion should devolve into how unfair it is that people who don’t’ even have kids pay taxes for schools (a thing that Billy has said!), mix up a whole pitcher of Pomegranate Moscow Mule.

The three very, very pro developer council members did not like the next item on the agenda. Not one little bit people! So, when the inevitable bloviating occurs, do some shots of Lay Down and Shut Up.

You are probably in pretty bad shape right now. Take a few deep breaths, lie down on a soft cushiony place, and drink some sparkling water. We still have council member comments to get through. And if Tony, Kirby, and Billy don’t pass, we could really be in for it!

PSA- If you live in the City of Frederick, PLEASE remember to vote today! Local elections matter y’all. Boy do they ever!

Lookey, lookey. Someone still hasn’t gotten the message.

It’s okay Snowball.  We will tell everyone all they need to know about this.


Cindy, I will PIA you to the death, Rose is preparing to throw her hat back in the Board of Education ring. Again. We are counting. She has lost twice so far. We are happy for her to go ahead and lose a third time.

Her assertion that she espouses conservative common sense values unlike those touchy feely progressives is ridiculous. Common sense is not subjective.

Your yokels are on the case and prepared to remind you of all her past and planned nonsense. First you must read this diatribe.

All the cofevee in one place!


We have our own opinions on who is irrational around here. You can make up your own mind.


Click here for a refresher on Cindy Rose.

Or here,

Or here,

Or even here.

That is enough links for today.

Support Local Yokel this holiday season!

Since the holiday shopping season is upon us, we thought we would take this opportunity to publicize our super fabulous bumper stickers!

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You know you want it! You know your friends want it!

Hop on over to our Zazzle site and grab them up! They make the most perfect stocking stuffers!

Some Friday good news! For once!


Today we learned that the “plaintiff” in the transgender bathroom policy lawsuit against FCPS requested for it to be dismissed. The reason?:

“Plaintiff minor treats all people with dignity, and has never been and is in fact not discriminatory, and has instead sought to defend and protect her own privacy and speech rights,” the request states. “However, she does not believe that she can continue to prosecute her case without an increase in anxiety and fear of loss of her privacy.”

The plaintiff’s motion states that a Frederick News-Post article — which quoted an intervening defendant — caused the student to arrive home from school in tears.

The request said the student “is exposed to tremendous stress and potential humiliation for bringing and prosecuting this case in defense of her right to privacy.”

We can surmise that the Frederick News Post article referred to was the one announcing that the ACLU and James Van Kuilenburg  wished to be added as defendants. 

We don’t wish humiliation or stress on any child. However, we have to point out that is exactly what this lawsuit was attempting to do to transgender students in our school system. One would hope that these feelings will finally give some insight into how marginalized people in our society feel every day.

While we are glad that the lawsuit is going away, we are sad we won’t be able to hear judge’s rebuke of this nonsense. The girl in question was the victim of a bully in a locker room. A wrong was no doubt committed against her. And we hope the school dealt with it in an appropriate fashion. That being said, NOWHERE does it say that it was a transgender person that recorded her in the locker room. Therefore it is a huge stretch to insinuate that incident led to this young lady being afraid of sharing a public bathroom with a transgender person. To do so is humiliating to transgender students!

Honestly, no one said it better than this first commenter on the above article:

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We agree 100%!
We hope, with the dropping of this lawsuit, the girl in question can get the peace she needs. We additionally hope that we can all learn to respect ALL of the children in our school system. Plus, stop freaking out about the public bathrooms! What are you people doing in there anyway?

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