Did you know you can buy stills on the interweb? We found this one at moonshinestills.net
This continues our ongoing series to share some of our own Yokel family traditions to help you get in the holiday spirit.
If you have see an episode of Moonshiners, you may recognize the purpose of the still we included am image of above. This edition of Yokel Holiday Inspirations is inspired by Aunt Mildred’s moonshine.
Aunt Mildred is a distant Yokel with a not so legal habit of distilling her own shine to share at the holidays. We can’t share her recipe here, she keeps that in her head, plus moonshining is not exactly a legal backyard gathering that we can endorse.
We are thankful that over the years. Aunt Mildred has hauled her moonshine across several state lines at great person risk, just to spread with your local Yokels.
If you want to start your own holiday moonshine tradition, head to your local liquor store to buy yourself a legal version.
No, no, no, Professor Whiskers! Did you even read this post?
Just like Aunt Gloria, you can pretend you are French when you bake with this.
This continues our ongoing series to share some of our own Yokel family traditions to help you get in the holiday spirit.
Today’s feature is from Aunt Gloria. She loves to bring dessert to our holiday gatherings. Aunt Gloria has a fondness for all things orange. Her holiday treat features Grand Marnier. It is safe to say she samples a lot while making this yummy version of pound cake. Measure the flour, take a sip. Measure the sugar, take a sip. You get the idea. Please make sure you save some for the cake!
You’ll find Aunt Gloria’s recipe here. She may be a good baker, but she is not original. You can recognize Aunt Gloria by her orange blossom perfume and by the hiccups she gets when she bakes this cake.
This holiday season we are going to share some of our own Yokel family traditions to help you get in the holiday spirit. This will be an ongoing series of one special daily recipe. You may even want to pull some of these items out to help you get through a council meeting.
Our first tasty item is from the kitchen of Uncle Fred. Good ole Fred would make huge batches of this to send home with everyone every Christmas. He told us it was beef, but I’m not sure if that is what he used every year. We learned not to ask as Uncle Fred had a fondness for anything he could hunt for himself. One year, I accidently found out he used groundhog after being hired by several neighbors to help them with a groundhog infestation. Anyway, you can recognize Uncle Fred if you see him around town by his groundhog teeth necklace.
Here is the recipe. I had to promise to let Uncle Fred hunt squirrel on my property to get this from him. I later found out he got this off Pinterest so jokes on me.
You better Jenkins, or you may end up in the hospital!
Lots of items on the agenda for tonight’s meeting so please make sure you are properly prepared with a comfy seat. As always, take care not to overindulge. The Yokels are not responsible for any damage you may do to your livers and we really do need you to be back again for the next meeting.
First up public comments. If no one shows up, drink some ginger ale. You are going to want to coat your stomach with a preventative liner.
Next are a bunch of budget amendments. When Billy complains that he still doesn’t have a budget analyst to help him read, throw back a flaming asshole. You know why.
Business items are up next. Three meetings worth of minutes need to be approved plus confirmations, bond authorizations and new workshop items. Someone is going to abstain so get ready to drink a mojito mocktail.
Next up are first readings of four different items. Forest resources, DRRA, APF for school construction are going to be discussed. We predict tempers will flair (the 3 usual suspects). This could go long, so pick your own personal favorite beverage to slowly sip during this portion of the meeting. We still have more to get through and you will want your wits about you.
A public hearing on bonds for Mount St. Mary’s University is up next. Mix up an Irish Catholic to set the mood.
Next a third reading on the Wood Waste Recycling bill. Are you still upright??? Time for a boozy affagato. You’ll need that espresso to help you stay awake for the rest of the meeting.
Take a break until 7. If the meeting ran until 7, and you don’t get a break, grab a glass of good old fashioned water. Your liver needs a break.
Next up a second reading on the Veteran’s Advisory Council. You’ll want to mix up an American Spirit for this one. Just drink it because we all support veterans.
I can’t believe there is still more, but next comes a public hearing on rezoning the Ballenger PUD. Throw back a I’m Ya Huckleberry when Billy asks a question someone has already answered.
We are almost done. We just have to get through public and council member comments. Time to throw back a shot of C. This one is for your health. Right????
We know you were waiting on the edge of your seat for Delegate Kathy Afzali’s not-so-mystery announcement! Now that her county executive run is official, we had to take a little looksie at her website. Look what we found:
Final Site?
What’s even more intriguing is this statement emphasized at the very top:
Someone needs a proof reader!
We can’t let the fertile comment go either!!! LOL!!! What are these fertile conditions?!! Please, please tell us Kathy!
We clicked on another page and got all teacher-like:
Then we got bored and couldn’t continue because this was literally going to take ALL DAY!! She’s got A LOT of work to do before we can even begin to take her campaign seriously!
If you make an appeal for something that isn’t happening and will continue to not happen, does that mean you get to take credit for it not happening? What are we even talking about?
Seriously, you don’t get to take credit for this.In today’s FNP we find out that Tony sent a request to Jan to continue to not do something she has already said she won’t do. Tony is concerned that the Bussards will be fined while the whole zoning issue surrounding their mulching business is being sorted out.
“I have never before been asked to not do something that I am already not doing!” she wrote. “It has been very clear that the County would not assess fines as long as an effort toward compliance was in the works. The County always works with property owners and businesses to solve problems and we will continue to do so.”
For this, we are awarding Councilman Chemlik the following award.
In other news, #fakenews, we have seen an online petition circulating to save Maryland’s flag. The only problem? No one is trying to change it. Go waste your outrage on an actual real issue please.
There’s one and only one contestant on this edition of Project Runway! SPOILER ALERT: we have already voted him off! Instead of engaging in any kind of constructive debate or offering any realistic solutions to the challenges we face, Kirby instead seems hellbent on decorating the county with his poorly designed campaign shirts.
We have already discussed his line of clothing for the mythical Lego Friends among us, but hey look again:
Lame! Sad!
Kirby did not want the menfolk to be left out, so in the spirit of Minecraft and G.I. Joe, voila:
Not sure what constitutes a real man. Probably includes only those that support Trump and Confederate statues.
If those two options don’t toot your whistle, never fear!! Kirby has a whole line of “specialty” shirts created just for you:
Better snatch this one up quickly! Only one Grandma is allowed to vote for Kirby!No law enforcement experience required!No comment!
If none of these options should accurately describe you, go ahead and put in a special request to the Delauter campaign. We would sure like to see Kirby waste spend some more of his hard earned campaign money on these things!
Here are two dueling local radio hosts: Dave Schmidt being 100% accurate, and Bob Miller with #teamdelauter not catching on that the Nazis are still the bad guys. They are debating over a characteristically ridiculous statement Kirby made to Danielle Gaines of the Frederick News Post.
Here’s the money quote. “I don’t condone any of it. One side’s as bad as the other. We should all get together with the one common goal to make this country great,” he said.
The alt-right is not a thing. It is a rebranding, because supposedly we all know that. If you look at the Totally Nazi Invitation for “Unite the Right” there are Third Reich eagles all over it along with the “Heritage Not Hate LOL WTF” flag. It’s weird how those things are always hanging out together. Birds of a feather, etc. If there were no Nazi rally, with their Nazi graphic design, there would not have been a thing. The Nazi side actually killed someone. Get a flipping clue here, people.
This was the poster inviting Trump’s “very good people” to the Unite the Right rally. Note the Nazi imagery and the speakers: pic.twitter.com/3MOVdyKD3T
One side is out at night carrying torches and making Klan salutes, but in 2017 they are brazen enough to have their Klanfest without even having the decency to cover their pasty faces. Look how samesies the other side is, out at night having a candlelight vigil for a young lady killed by a Nazi. “Both sides!!!!!”
Spectacular photo of our side in Charlottesville, the only side for love and equality for all. pic.twitter.com/RvTVLYKB1y
We had a lot of company this week in calling out Kirby Delauter for his assertion that the U.S. Civil War was fought over “total freedom.” Both Seventh State and Red Maryland took Kirby to task for the completely inaccurate assessment that this war had nothing to do with race.
Yesterday we shared a screen shot of Kirby’s response to the writer of the Seventh State piece on our Facebook page. Here’s part of the conversation in case you missed it:
Sorry, Shadow! There’s no way for us to clear all that up for you!
Besides coming across as a bully, does he understand the concept of on and off the record? We think not. And how is taking what he said and writing about it a hit piece? A hit piece is presenting false or biased information. Just because he didn’t want everyone to see his stream of consciousness, doesn’t mean any of it isn’t true! If anything, the citizens of this county have the right to know how the person who wants to lead our fine county feels about these types of issues!
So, why all the outrage? We figured it out last night when we saw the Frederick News Post piece entitled:
“Political Notes: Delauter says Facebook post not intended to stoke Civil War threats”
You see, Kirby no likey when he has to talk to the FNP reporters. So, instead of taking any responsibility for his posts, (or learning any lessons from his endless social media gaffes) he goes after one of the bloggers who dared to point out his own words to everyone else. And, he didn’t do himself any favors in this “on the record” interview with Danielle Gaines either. Just check this quote out:
“I don’t condone any of it. One side’s as bad as the other. We should all get together with the one common goal to make this country great,” he said.
Isn’t that so very Trumpy of Kirby!? There is NO moral equivalence between the two sides in Charlottesville. Nazis are always the bad guys, Kirby!! White Supremacists are always on the wrong side! We will not for one second tolerate this moral equivalency!
He also doubles down on his reasons for why the war was fought and why he thinks we have problems today (Spolier alert: It’s all the leftists fault!):
Delauter said he does believe that the primary issue driving the Civil War was states’ rights.
“The slavery was obviously part of that, but I think the crux of it was states’ rights, the South wanting to secede,” he said.
He said he thinks the primary issues of today are not based in race, but in politics.
“I don’t think the crux of our problem of what is going on is race. I think it’s a deeper problem of division from the right and the left,” Delauter said. “… The left is trying to shove everything down everyone’s throat, removing statues. Everything they want, they gotta get or they riot, they burn things down, they destroy property.”
Kirby, read the Secession documents! Anyone who thinks that the Nazi side wasn’t the bad guys, watch this:
You may have naively thought that Kirby would step away from the computer for a few days. But, you would be very wrong indeed:
Mike Signer is the mayor of Charlottesville in case you didn’t know.
Is this the kind of “straight shooter” we want running our county?
Ever since an angry white supremacist murdered nine innocent people five years ago, we have been re-examining our national reverence of Confederate symbols and statues. Many city and state governments, including jurisdictions in Maryland, have come to the conclusion that yeah it’s pretty messed up that we allow traitors and people who fought to keep slavery on pedestals!
Well, County Executive candidate #kirbydelauter has some thoughts on this issue:
What kind of history instruction did Kirby receive that he wasn’t able to understand the causes of the Civil War? Obviously not an adequate one:
TRUE FREEDOM?? Man, that has to be the single most ironic assessment of the Civil War that these Yokel eyes have ever had the displeasure of seeing! And we can only imagine the intellectual depths of this conversation that took place at Thurmont’s very own country club!
Whether Kirby knows it or not, he and others like him, are victims of ” The Lost Cause” movement which sought through books, movies and STATUES to propagate a false history about the war. It sought to glorify and misconstrue ( think State’s Rights) the cause and deify those in charge, especially Robert E. Lee. Many, if not most, of these statues were erected in the 20th century during the time of Jim Crow. If that message is lost on you, then read this explanation that hangs in the Atlanta History Center:
These statues are symbols of division and hate. Removing them from public places does not mean that we will forget what happened. What it does mean is that we don’t consider their contributions to society worthy of a place of adornment in our public squares and parks. When New Orleans made the decision to remove their Confederate monuments, their mayor made a very eloquent speech in which he said,
“The historic record is clear: the Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and P.G.T. Beauregard statues were not erected just to honor these men, but as part of the movement which became known as The Cult of the Lost Cause. This ‘cult’ had one goal — through monuments and through other means — to rewrite history to hide the truth, which is that the Confederacy was on the wrong side of humanity.”
He continued with:
“Another friend asked me to consider these four monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it?
Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too?”
If you need any further evidence, why not do a Google search on those who show up to protest the removal of these monuments? Concerning the State’s Rights fantasy, go ahead and read through the secession documents of the Southern States. We think you’ll very easily identify the common theme!
We are not sure if Kirby is really ignorant or just willfully ignorant when it comes to the Civil War and what is happening today. What we do know is that we can’t afford to have someone like this in charge of our county government.
Now, just for laughs, Stephen Colbert has some good suggestions as to what we can do with all these Confederate statues:
frederick local yokel 