You may have heard there is a head-scratching controversy over the Native American war bonnet the Linganore Lancers are using for sportsballing events. And shockingly that controversy isn’t WTF does a feather headdress even have to do with “The Lancers” in the first place? Because the answer to that is absolutely nothing, so…weird.
Lucky for us, look who has chimed in on this matter!
Imagine our surprise upon noticing that Billy knows how to correctly spell both ridiculous and embarrassment. Is it because those terms are so often used in conjunction with him, or because autocorrect is a thing his phone can do? We will never know!
We have complicated feelings about Shreve, which we are pleased to freely express. He is so terribly ill mannered during council meetings, but he does give us so very many things to laugh at. We bet you did not know that just last Friday on mid Maryland live he gave us another. Billy Shreve claimed that most people probably don’t know that Gettysburg was a battlefield and just think of it as a nice drive through a park! He needs to hang out with different “most people,” if that’s a personal observation. And so many cannons and obelisks and statues and multi story observation towers and people in your way stopping all over the place to get out and look at them to set that apart from your ordinary Sunday drive, if you just stumbled across the place, never having heard the Gettysburg Address. Which most middle schoolers we know are familiar with:
We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live.
We would be remiss if we did not slide in the observation that only one side’s soldiers died so that this nation might live. The other side died trying to kill it. So, there’s that. #FreedomofExpression
But, back to The Oracle of Fredneck. In case you are new around here, or just need a refresher as to why Shreve is both so funny and so infuriating, he has also previously claimed that it would be wasteful to enact programs to prevent erosion from the Monocacy Watershed–which creates deposition into the Chesapeake Bay–because the Grand Canyon was formed by erosion. This armchair geology nerd will spare you the stone cold details, but there is a lot going on here, and none of it supports Billy’s understanding of science.
He once tried to argue for the obsolescence of libraries (in spite of his obvious need to reap the benefits of a library) in favor of shopping at Borders. This was some time back, but not so far back that Borders hadn’t gone out of business a couple of years before that came to his attention, so he must not have been a very devoted customer. Frederick is simply not large enough that this fact should have gone unnoticed.
And less humorous a proclamation of his not so distant past: there are people both for and against human trafficking. You would think all of these teachable moments would have him thinking before spouting off, but then he wouldn’t be our Billy Shreve, At-Large County Councilmember. Spread the word, Frederick. We must be willing to sacrifice of our pointing and laughing opportunities for the greater good of competent public policy.
So last week, we ever so nicely asked our friendly readers to vote for us in the FNP’s Best of the Best blog contest. Just a little friendly competition among local blogs, right? Well, we thought so until yesterday when we noticed that we were getting quite a few referrals from some blog called Russian Machine Never Breaks. At first we thought, ” Oh no, Kirby and Billy finally got the Russians after us.” But no, it’s just some blog devoted entirely to the Washington Capitals hockey team. What did this blog dare say about your favorite Lady Yokels you ask?
Yeah, why don’t you puck off?!?!
Not sure how this qualifies as a local blog since, besides this post, we don’t see anything on their site that has to do with Frederick. To point out the obvious, these hockey jocks know nothing about how your coterie of ladies works tirelessly to keep y’all up to date on our local political scene. If they would pull themselves away from ESPN for half a millisecond, maybe just maybe, they would be a little angry as well. For how else is one to react after being exposed to the antics of Shrelauter?
Our other friendly competition, Housewives of Frederick County, was also heavily condescended to in this post, because they have what these fellows identify as lady capri pants interests!!! Hockey #1!!! GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
So dear readers, we are sending out another call for you to vote for a TRUE local Frederick blog. One that makes it so you don’t have to destroy your TV when you throw a glass at it during council meetings. A blog that cares about what happens up here in our fine county, and not on a fake ice rink far, far away.
Yesterday, County Executive Jan Gardner held a press conference on residential growth. Though this is probably no surprise to our readers, the last BOCC really screwed us! Here’s some highlights from the power point presentation that accompanied the briefing:
Holy Crap People! How did we let this happen?
If all that doesn’t show the importance of paying attention to local issues, we don’t know what will! What is almost incomprehensible about all this is that one of the people on that 2010-2014 board thinks that he should run the whole county! Here’s his “Issues” page from his County Executive webpage:
Well, we know from the whole Citizens’/Montevue sell off that seniors are not his priority. He also has not numerically been able to defend his school lease idea, though he has been given opportunities to do so. Isn’t it in question whether he is for or against sanctuary counties? And proven track record?! BAAHAA, just scroll up!!! It’s one thing that we let the Young BOCC get away with what they did. However, if we choose to elect a person to our highest county office who literally sold us away to developers, and put us on the hook for hundreds of millions of dollars, then we really don’t care about this place that we call home.
As you may have noticed, we here at Yokel headquarters have been enthralled by Kirby’s 2017-2018 fashion line. However, NOTHING could have prepared us for his latest release:
Nice try, Mr. Simon! Man, oh man, we were on the floor with tears streaming down our cheeks with this one! Is there no one proof-reading these things for him? Keep on being you Kirby! Truth is always stranger than fiction.
Your Local Yokels are staring in disbelief at our televisions again this morning, for what seems like infinite mornings at this point. Every once in awhile some dolt’s irresponsible shrieking about “Rain Tax” worms it’s way into our consciousness and turns into a rage supernova. Just as it did a moment ago, when CNN showed an arial view from the 1950’s of the Addicks Reservoir west of Houston. This is a picture of the dry reservoir that normally serves as a park, with vast farmland property to the northwest of that. Then they showed a photo of today, where hundereds of thousands of closely packed homes and the network of roads and driveways and patios create an impermeable surface nightmare that overwhelms the flood control system. This is clearly a catastrophe of historic proportions, but the situation is not helped by the lack of policy and regulation, and conditions that coddle developers over residents. Things that Houston and Texas both are famous for. This is what happens when you have irresponsible, unchecked development and ignorance of the mitigating solutions. For now, the solution is to produce controlled flooding of properties downstream (including the downtown area) in the hopes that the levees there and at a second reservoir under similar strain do not catastrophically fail all at once, and create a much more destructive and dangerous condition.
This situation is not nearly over. In our region we typically deal with inconvenient storms that you can plow and shovel and move and sometimes relocate and dump and melt. Here we see a virtually flat city inundated, and people have been lost to both rising and rushing waters that are far more difficult to control. Due to our landscape, flood waters can also come at us rushing downhill. The fact that anyone around here ever behaved as though this is a strain on developers ignores the strain on life and property for potential victims. Let this be an ongoing lesson to those who may want to turn on the television and reexamine their priorities. The average annual rainfall in most of Maryland is only a few inches different from the norm for the Texas Gulf Coast.
In the meantime, do what you can to help Texas and now Louisiana, as Harvey continues to hammer them.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLL look what we found before we published! You fool. It’s used to justify it because the facts check out. Your pal Fred Propheter is correct–proper planning (including funding mitigating drainage systems to handle the water) is necessary. You have to pay for that somehow! Now we get to tag Kirby Delauter and the CE race in this. Well played, social media treasure trove! You be you!
We’ve once again made the finalist list for the Frederick News Post’s Best of the Best awards. Since we don’t make any money doing what we do, we can’t afford to buy any of the fancy ads to promote ourselves. Therefore, we rely on you, our dear readers, to get the word out and vote! Go ahead and follow this link!
If you make an appeal for something that isn’t happening and will continue to not happen, does that mean you get to take credit for it not happening? What are we even talking about?
Seriously, you don’t get to take credit for this.In today’s FNP we find out that Tony sent a request to Jan to continue to not do something she has already said she won’t do. Tony is concerned that the Bussards will be fined while the whole zoning issue surrounding their mulching business is being sorted out.
“I have never before been asked to not do something that I am already not doing!” she wrote. “It has been very clear that the County would not assess fines as long as an effort toward compliance was in the works. The County always works with property owners and businesses to solve problems and we will continue to do so.”
For this, we are awarding Councilman Chemlik the following award.
In other news, #fakenews, we have seen an online petition circulating to save Maryland’s flag. The only problem? No one is trying to change it. Go waste your outrage on an actual real issue please.
Looking right at ya Billy!If you were following our drinking game, we asked you to be on the look out for the boosters and haters. Both Billy and Kirby fell firmly into the haters category with Billy well in the lead.
We started off very nicely. Bud recognized Catoctin High School for their character development award. He even calls Kirby down to stand with him since this high school is in his district. Mr. Paul Dial, who is retiring as the Chief Administrative Officer, was also recognized for this 20 years of service to the county!
Then things start to get a little dicey. Budget adjustments are voted on and passed 5-2. Let that sink in. Voted on and passed! After they are passed, Kirby says he has questions concerning one of the adjustments. M.C. wasn’t sure how to handle this, since Kirby should have asked to pull the item BEFORE they voted to pass it. Billy then screams out, “Let him ask his questions!” M.C. responds that it is the President’s job to determine what to do to which Billy smirks and says that everyone thought she was running the meeting anyway. Bud then smacks the gavel down and calls Billy out of order. And man, it didn’t take long to get back right where we left off did it?
Consistency is NOT always a admirable trait!Back to the budget adjustment. Kirby is questioning the purchase of vehicles. Montevue is getting rid of two smaller wheel chair accessible vans and replacing it with one larger wheel chair accessible bus. So, Kirby uses this chance to grandstand about Montevue and how it’s going to drain every last cent out of the county’s coffers. Well, well, well, what’s that Rick Harcum? This money is coming from a self sufficient fund in which the tax payers don’t have to pay anything? Well, Kirby still wants to know what will happen WHEN that fund fails, to which Harcum replies that he doesn’t have an answer to that because he doesn’t see that happening.
Kirby then has some questions about some other vehicles, but when he finds out that they all have over 100,000 miles he simply replies, “Okay. That’s fine.” By some further conversation on this subject we are made aware of the fact that these vehicles had already been approved in the 2017 budget. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?
Billy votes against approving the minutes (he did this with the agenda as well), nobody wants any new workshop items added so we are off to Billy’s one and only bill.
Bud starts off by asking Billy if he has any comments to which Billy replies, ” I moved to approve…”. Billy then asks if anyone has come up with any amendments to his bill. You see folks, Billy thinks that he has so graciously allowed his fellow council members time to modify his bill. In reality, he was trying to get them to do his work for him. This turns out to be a giant trap, however, because since they didn’t add anything it allows Billy the opportunity to tell them all that they don’t care about businesses in Frederick County. Billy also, at least four times, informs us that since NASCAR could open up a racetrack in the General Commercial (GC) district, then this business, that clearly is not allowed to operate in the GC, should be allowed to. How does that logic suit y’all?
What’s that Tony? You have put forth your own bill that isn’t as “overreaching” as Billy’s?RUH-ROH! Well, it seems as though Tony actually researched this problem, talked to the Town of New Market and has written a bill that M.C. describes as more of ” a scalpel than a sledgehammer.” Billy is not happy about any of this. When M.C. explains to Billy that it is very irresponsible to introduce legislation that you know will have to be fixed later, and brings up the 17 month process it took to formulate a good solar bill as an example, Billy shouts out that it was ABSURD. Really absurd to take your time to make a good piece of legislation, I mean it’s ludicrous people! Remember this part, gentle readers, for at the end Billy will contradict himself. His solution to the problem of other mulch businesses setting up shop in the GC district is that the County Executive can simply issue a moratorium. No problem!
He then lays into Tony. Even though Tony very nicely compliments him, Billy tells him that he doesn’t care about a business in his own district because if he did he would vote for this bill. The solution is right in front of you Tony! Never mind the fact that the planning commission unanimously voted against this AND it would allow any mulching business to set up shop in the GC district. But NASCAR!
The tantrum isn’t over yet, though it’s so very clear this bill is dead. Billy lets us all know that in the GC district not only could NASCAR set up a race track, but so could:
-Stone cutters
-A bus depot
-An auction to sell large animals
-A zoo
And what does any of this matter? This business was clearly operating in a zone in which it was not supposed to, on a piece of land that they don’t even own! The planning commission hates this bill, the town of New Market hates it and look what the FNP reported that the owner of this business said after this very meeting last night:
“Outside the council chambers, Rick Bussard said he’d not had any problems with the county since the issue first came to light; county planning officials told the council in July that the business had received a courtesy violation and was not accruing fines.”
So, Billy’s hysterics aside it seems as though we can all wait and see what Tony’s bill has to say before making a YUGE mistake by changing what businesses can operate in the GC district. Kirby, who tells Billy that he did a very good job on this bill, is the only one who joins him in voting for this.
We feel the need to admonish Billy here. Not only because he did a very bad job in writing this bill or getting anyone else’s input on it, but also because of his attitude. Besides Kirby, no one is going to be willing to work on anything with him because of the insulting, immature way he treats others. In case you were never taught this Billy, study the old adage that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.
There is a vote to go into closed session to interview people and you can guess who votes no.
No public comment tonight!!
Kirby and Jerry both have nice things to say. Then it’s Billy’s turn. Remember when we told you earlier to remember that he said that the County Executive could simply issue a moratorium if too many mulching operations set up shop in the GC zone? Well, forget about it! He now wants us to remember when Jan did put a moratorium on solar panel farms and how very horrible and destructive that policy was! Billy once again informs us that the outlook for business is bleak in the county. Contrary to what is actually happening in our county mind you.
Jessica and M.C. end things nicely and we have to be back here next week.
In September, we will see if Billy can swallow his pride to support Tony’s bill. Shall we start taking bets?
Same batguano time, same batguano channel, folks (that’s channel 19 if you’re new here, and if so you will be able to distinguish the local boosters from the local haters right away).
Also, Confederate Kirby is still campaigning for County Exec, so there’s guaranteed grandstanding during council member comments. If Billy is worse drink a Dirty Carnie, and if Kirby is worse drink a Dirty South.
And remember folks, Frederick County’s best stories are about running the Rebs out of town…seems like some of our local folk are having a hard time recalling poor Ms. Barbara Fritchie’s old gray head.
We cannot believe you are making us interrupt her resting in peace again.
There’s one and only one contestant on this edition of Project Runway! SPOILER ALERT: we have already voted him off! Instead of engaging in any kind of constructive debate or offering any realistic solutions to the challenges we face, Kirby instead seems hellbent on decorating the county with his poorly designed campaign shirts.
We have already discussed his line of clothing for the mythical Lego Friends among us, but hey look again:
Lame! Sad!
Kirby did not want the menfolk to be left out, so in the spirit of Minecraft and G.I. Joe, voila:
Not sure what constitutes a real man. Probably includes only those that support Trump and Confederate statues.
If those two options don’t toot your whistle, never fear!! Kirby has a whole line of “specialty” shirts created just for you:
Better snatch this one up quickly! Only one Grandma is allowed to vote for Kirby!No law enforcement experience required!No comment!
If none of these options should accurately describe you, go ahead and put in a special request to the Delauter campaign. We would sure like to see Kirby waste spend some more of his hard earned campaign money on these things!
frederick local yokel 