What dead horse is getting throttled this week?

Nobody told your Lady Yokels that dead horse hunting season was now open in Frederick!  Surprisingly, this week’s dead horse doesn’t symbolize Jerry and Jessica lining their pockets with all those gold doubloons. What horse’s bones are Billy and Kirby beating this time? Take a gander:

 

If being on the hook for millions, that's right millions, of more dollars is solving the problem, then I guess for once he's right!
If being on the hook for millions, that’s right millions, of more dollars is solving the problem, then I guess for once he’s right!

What does Kirby have to say? Let’s summon him and find out:

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If he put this much time and energy into his council man job we would all be better off.

Now we are forced to summon the ghost of Mark Twain:

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We covered Kirby’s school construction workshop and Jan’s presentation concerning the acquisition of the nursing homes from Aurora. Why weren’t Kirby and Billy concerned about building schools when it was a developer free for all during the last BOCC? For, in a logical world, that would have been the perfect time to make sure our infrastructure and schools were up to snuff.  Why, also, did they vote against funding schools above MOE? It clearly could not have been a secret that the people who were going to occupy these adobes would have offspring that they would like to be properly educated. Or was it? But of course this is all Jan’s fault! Every last bit of it!

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Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.

Continue reading “Bruce Lee once said showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. Your September 6 county council run down.”

Your Yokel Ladies are famous y’all!

We’ll try not to put on airs! No promises though!

If you haven’t seen it yet, go out and pick yourself up a copy of September’s Frederick Magazine. Inside you will find an article entitled “Politics in the Blogosphere” by the very talented Katherine Heerbrandt. Upon those glossy pages you’ll get a good scoop on your favorite blog, Frederick County Fact Check (http://www.frederickcountyfactcheck.org), and some other guys. It’s only $3.95, and you’ll be supporting your local print media. (While you are at it pick up the Washingtonian as well. There’s a very good article about Frederick politics. Your Lady Yokels were also contacted, however, due to busy summer schedules we were not able to make time to talk with the reporter).

While we are sure many of our readers will thoroughly enjoy the Frederick Magazine article, we were contacted via email with some unsolicited advice from one of the other bloggers who was mentioned very briefly in the story. He feels that  we are never going to be taken seriously as journalists if we don’t reveal our identities. Curious that it is impossible to debate ideas without the opportunity to engage in ad hominem attacks, isn’t it? And now, we must reiterate that anyone mistaking us for journalists absolutely must read a real newspaper, whether you like it or not. We are not attempting to provide journalism. This is infotainment, people. As to why we choose to feature Blaine, again…infotainment. He is bursting with infotainment potential. For example, he appears to think Kirby Delauter will be our next County Executive (which just is not nice to Kirby, being honest). He also seems to be looking at a run in D5, so brace yourself for the infinite infotainment. SorryNotSorry.

I didn't want to be a part of that article anyway!
I didn’t want to be a part of that article anyway!

By: Woebegone Putupon of the Shantytown

Fun with the FNP comment section!

If you had a chance ,on this beautiful late summer day, to take a peek-a-boo at the FNP you would have seen that Shade Trees and Evergreens is filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Which essentially means that all their bridal customers will never see their money again. What’s really weird is that the bride interviewed in the story isn’t blaming Jan:

Boyenton’s complaint alleges that Shade Trees & Evergreens deposited a $2,250 payment from her, and it was not returned after the wedding was canceled.

She found out six days before her May 13 wedding that the venue could not host it, she said.

“I’m honestly still baffled that the owners have so little consideration for the hundred brides they took money from,” she said. “Shade Trees knew this was coming one day.”

With the help of her caterer, Boyenton found another venue that was available to host her wedding at the same time and day. It matched Shade Tree & Evergreens’ price, but because she has not received any money back from the original venue, she said it was like she paid twice.

“Honesty, I really just want my money back. Or at least an apology from them,” she said.

Huh, so not everyone believes that when a business ignores all zoning and permitting ordinances it’s all Jan’s fault. Really strange.

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What is most informative about today’s story does not lie within the article but within the comment section. Let’s take a tour and see if we can help our neighbors out with some of their questions.

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Well FrederickFan we can answer your question:

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Shocking isn’t it? And ding ding ding public-redux you are correct! Instead of stepping back and looking at all of the facts, he’s just going to double down! Now, we have a mystery on our hands:

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LOL! Does Kirby use the moniker thevoiceoffrederick? Quick poll time:

We are very sorry that these wedding customers will never see their money. But thankful that most thinking people see who is at fault. Something that Kirby has a very hard time doing.

What are words? Your handy Yokel back to school primer!

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This post is a long time coming. We’ve noticed that some people in our community have a lot of trouble with these things called words. We’ve done posts explaining the definitions of words such as dictator and traitor, but apparently our work is NOT done. Therefore, this post will serve as a dictionary of sorts.  We will add to it as necessary and are open to any suggestions our dear readers may have.

Let’s start with the word INTEGRITY. We saw a post recently in which Blaine was congratulated for having integrity because he spilled his guts on the Frederick Forum program on WFMD. That is certainly an interesting take on the word. For we have been taught that having integrity means that you are honest and exhibit strong moral principals. And none of that happened on that show.

More like Gallant, Blaine. Less like Goofus.
More like Gallant, Blaine. Less like Goofus.

ELITIST is another word we see misused by the one called Shreve. Somehow it has been misconstrued to mean following proper procedure to get a law passed. The word actually means believing you are superior to others. It seems that Billy wants special treatment for himself and his buddies. Is he perchance the elitist?

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ETHICS is another dicey word that gets some people into trouble. When it comes to our county government it simply means the rules of conduct recognized to keep everything on the up and up. We are not sure what Kirby thinks it means, but we imagine it’s somewhere along the lines of:

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We’ll only do one more today, even though this list could potentially go on forever. PROCEDURE. Following rules, be it Robert’s or  the Council’s, is a BIG problem. It simply means to follow a particular course of action. If they would take the time to read, it really shouldn’t be a problem. But alas….

We are going to miss you Gene!
We are going to miss you Gene!

What do hotels, marijuana, solar panels and zoning have in common? Welcome to your August 30th drinking game!

Happy now Shrelauter?!
Happy now Shrelauter?!

Since the council returned from their break, we’ve heard some pretty dumb things. We are still trying to recover from Billy telling us that we can safely drink from any stream in the county, when we clearly CANNOT. What misinformation is in store for our tender little ears this week? Grab a copy of your trusty agenda, pull up next to your favorite reality channel and batten down the hatches! And as always, this game is just for fun! No passing out in the alleys!

The very beginning of our evening begins behind closed doors. The council will interview a County Executive appointee. In honor of the torture this poor soul is about to embark on, who will have to endure some “interesting” questions from the entity we call Shrelauter, warm yourself up with a Secret Garden Cocktail. 

Not sure why they bother calling the meeting to order since a few will never abide. We begin with public comment, some idiot either abstaining or refusing to vote on the consent agenda and then the approval of three budget transfers. No school transfers this week so  Kirby won’t have the opportunity to throw out his dead horse speech about the teachers on the council lining their pockets. Oh what a shame!

Dr. Monica Grant is up for approval for the Director of the Citizens Service Director. Read more about her here.  

We have one first reading on a program Regarding Establishment of a Clean Energy Loan Program for Commercial Properties. Then the council has to make some decisions.

First up is the Adequate Facilities Code. When Kirby laments the fact that his super expensive plan to fund four schools was killed, shoot back some Tough to Hear shots. It’s really becoming tiresome isn’t it?

Next up, Jerry has a plan to make zoning changes more public, so people have a chance to actually know what’s going on in their neighborhoods. “Shouldn’t” be any problems with this, but if there is, mix yourself up a B-52.

Time to decide on the marijuana pilot program. We heard some rumor that the High Sheriff was on the radio saying that prostitution should be legal, however, pot is a danger this county should never know. When we get confirmation on whether or not our top law enforcement officer really thinks a plant is more dangerous than the abuse and degradation of poor, disadvantaged people we’ll certainly let you know. For now just have your self a Elixir Bloody Mary, because we all need our vitamins.

If you have seen any of these Facebook hotel accounts, you know that the proposed downtown hotel is a touchy subject for some. However, many people came out in support of raising this tax, so we are fairly certain it’s a done deal. If the talk gets a little dicey, slam back a Stinger.

If this doesn’t get us to 7:00, Billy will complain and moan about how Bud can’t foresee the exact time a meeting will take and we’ll want to slam every clock over that head of his! Yes, Billy we all know how busy you are, and none of us gives a rat’s ass.

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Billy, ranting about nothing just makes you look stoooopid.

Two public hearings on the agenda. Zoning, Adequate Facilities and Developer Rights are wrapped up all in one. The second deals with Solar Panel Installation. We’ll let your livers rest during this section of the evening. We do predict, however, that the second hearing will go smoother than the first.

Public comment and then what seems to do us in, Council Member comment. Before the C.M comment section of the evening commences fortify yourself with a Snickertini. For the only way to get through this mess anymore is to laugh.

 

Just one sip Kirby and Billy?

Looks like it won't kill ya!
We promise it won’t kill ya! You’ll just need a full course of antibiotics.

At our last meeting Shrelauter questioned the importance of cleaning up our local waterways. Both of our anti-science darlings assured us that nobody has died. Billy even went so far as to proclaim that we could drink out of any stream in Frederick County! Any! But Oopsy Daisy, Billy may have spoke out of turn! That’s so out of character!:

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You can read both of these articles here and here.

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Well how in Hades’ underworld could this be right?! Billy assured us that we were fine. He’s even gone on about how we should wait until year 19 of the 20 year deadline to clean things up because…REASONS.

What does this mean specifically for Frederick? Take a gander:

Red is bad, very bad.
Red is bad, very bad.
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You can read more about Enterococci here.

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Look at that explanation above! Anything over 151 cfu’s is not suitable for any bathing or “full body contact”!  We aren’t mathematicians but all of those numbers are greater than that! Perhaps we need to get a nice set of shot glasses and fill them up with a sample from each of the above waterways! Let’s see if Kirby and Billy will put their money where their mouth is!

The slacks of one Blaine Young are charred and ashy! Yokel Fact Check Edition.

By now, we all know that Blaine Young was convicted on three out of the four counts of prostitution that he was charged with. Subsequently, he was given the equivalent of a slap on the pinky. We need to explore what happened in the courtroom a little more today as the details of his Ryan Lochtiesque story have come to light. You can read the whole description here…let’s begin with our analysis.

Blaine claims that on that cold February night, he was driving part time for the Yellow Cab company. While waiting for a fare at a local Shell station, this convo took place:

He was waiting for the client at a Shell station near the airport and he mentioned to other drivers waiting there that he was having foot and neck pain, he said.

Another cab driver said that he knew an attractive blonde in the area who gave good massages. Young said he entered the terms “BWI,” “massage” and “blonde” into a search engine on his cellphone and found the ad that led him to the undercover officer, according to his testimony.

Are we to believe that this mystery cab driver happened to know that an undercover police officer gave good massages in the area? And then, in an attempt to alleviate his foot and neck pain, Blaine decides it would be a fine idea to put the words “massage”, “BWI”, and “blonde” into his search engine?  We are also middle aged people who have also suffered from neck pain. When this pain became  unbearable we went to our doctor and got a referral to go to a physical therapist. Like normal  people do. Another alternative would have been to contact any one of the legitimate massage therapists that we have here in Frederick. So not only is he weaving a web of lies, but he is attempting to implicate this other poor cab driver, of whom he is accusing of leading him down this path. This part of his story gets one of these:

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Next up we have this little nugget:

Young said he called to see if he would have enough time for a massage and when he learned that the person he believed to be a masseuse was nearby, he went to meet her. He paid her the $60 she requested, thinking it was for a massage, and he was arrested.

According to the police report he went to a website called backpage.com and answered an ad where the following was stated: “Smoking Hot Blonde, Fun Freaky and Fetish Friendly.” Not only that, there was a pic of a woman in a thong that accompanied said ad. Therefore, he not only lied about the purpose of the call, well, we’ll let the judge take it from here:

“A 12-year-old boy can look at that ad and know what it’s about,” the judge said.

Duden said he did not believe Young’s version of events. Young should have reasonably concluded, he said, that the ad — which referenced fetishes and contained an image of a woman in a thong — was an ad for prostitution, not massages.

In addition, here’s what the undercover officer had to say:

The undercover detective testified at trial that Young entered and quickly began to undress. He told her that he didn’t have much time. She asked him what he wanted and Young inquired what she did. The undercover officer said she responded everything. She then asked if he wanted sex and he said yes, according to the officer.

For this part of the story  lie he gets:

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If you click back to our original post on this story back in March, you would see that Blaine apologized on Facebook for this arrest. The prosecutor brought up the post and Blaine also had an explanation for that!:

When prosecutor Natalie D’Antonio asked him about a Facebook post in which he apologized for his actions and referenced “demons to deal with and conquer,” Young said that was not an admission of guilt, but expression of remorse for what he had put his then-fiancee, children and family through.

We will just answer that with this:

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Maybe, just maybe we would believe that he’s trying to change if he got before that judge and took responsibility for what he had done. Instead, he weaves a fantasy that not even the most dense among us could possibly believe. This just shows that he’s just as he always was and  probably always will be. WTOP ended their coverage of his trial with this:

“I’m just sorry and want to be a good citizen and get back to my community,” a sobbing Young told the judge.

You know what Blaine? Your community has had just about enough of you. Enough is enough. Your chances are all used up!

 

We’ve reached the end of our rope with the one named Shreve!

Well we have a whole lot of letters we can use to describe it.
Don’t worry we have a whole lot of letters we can use to describe it.

At the end of our very informative workshop on human trafficking, Billy lit everything on fire and we mean everything. We first have to commend County Attorney Kearney and Council Member Keegan-Ayres for not flying across the dais and taking a hold of that man’s neck. Seriously, we could not deal with his nonsense, which only seems to get worse as the weeks go by.

After sitting quietly through the presentation, our most useless council member decides he has some items that must be addressed. First off, he wants a formal investigation into why the County Executive returned the money to the City of Baltimore for expenses incurred during the Baltimore riot. Billy wants to know why his question has not been addressed! Well hold on there fella! Did you not receive the email that Ms. Kearney sent you detailing why this in fact was legal? Come on guys…you don’t expect Billy to read do you? So it is the opinion of the attorney that since they have a mutual aid agreement with Baltimore AND this money was not a budgeted item and therefore did not fall under the purview of the council, the Executive (like many across the State) was completely within her rights to return the money. Like because, uh, maybe we all want to help each other out around these here parts. I would imagine that if we were ever so unfortunate to have a disaster in Frederick we would be very appreciative if our neighbors lent a helping hand. Without expecting cash money in return.

You would think this is over, but my poor naive friends, you would be very wrong indeed. Because Billy wants a FORMAL INVESTIGATION into why this money was returned. You can’t believe a word out of Ms. Kearney’s mouth because she was hired by that “fox in the hen house” (Kirby’s words) Jan Gardner. So there’s some argument over this that goes along the usual lines. Billy ends up yelling at Bud, “You’re out of order, just ask anyone who voted for you!” Jessica and MC try to push the point that we can just ask people about this instead of having a FORMAL INVESTIGATION. And that’s what is going to end up happening because only Billy and Kirby voted for this nonsense.

We were all so hopeful that this would conclude our evening, but we were all so very wrong. Because: Nursing Home!! Billy wants all the details of the deal. He is informed that County Attorney Mathias does not want the details released to the public yet because it is still in litigation. Everyone seems to be fine with this except our two revenge seekers. Billy yells at Bud again about how he’s showing no leadership and how can he expect anything less and OMG Bud’s phone goes off and his ringtone is Bad to the Bone!!! We swear on Helena’s throne that is true! How in love with that are you? We’ll leave you with this last little pic that so exemplifies what Billy is doing to our county government:

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You broke our poll record!! Now it’s time for a new one!

Well, well, well…it seems that our last poll about Blaine got a lot of people’s attention. For we had never had so many people participate before. Here’s your results:

Continue reading “You broke our poll record!! Now it’s time for a new one!”