Your mid November drinking extravaganza!

We know that many of you are desperate for a break from politics, and more sympathetic we could not be. But remember, in two short years there will be another county council election. We need to keep paying attention and recording the actions of those who shall not lead ever again! So, as always, we will try to make watching a little more fun for you! Ready up your handy agenda, tune into Frederick’s very own reality station and watch away!

If anyone chooses to take advantage of the pre-meeting public comment, have yourself a Tequila Mockingbird.

All sorts of budget transfers coming down the line. We usually hear some grumbling when the library is on the agenda. If this should occur, mix up a strong Mark Twain, and be thankful the old man did not live to see this.

Oh dear Helena on the mountain, there’s an item to confirm members to the Ethics Commission!

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Kind old monkey is much more optimistic than we are!

As we’ve written once or twice before, Kirby has a problem with the word ethics. It elicits in him an angry Pavlovian response that once released, is impossible to reign in. You many want to put yourself into a coma for this section of the evening. Having a nice Blackout or two may do the trick!

Next up is the First Reading on a Small Business Property Tax Credit. Sounds like something all should be in favor of. But whoopsie daisy, one of those pesky Democrats is the sponsor. So even though it’s something Shrelauter would, in all other universes,  be in favor of we have a feeling there’s going to be some “problems”. If any are expressed slam back an Upside Down Martini. 

Time to decide on the Clean Energy Program for Commerical Properties. But wait! Isn’t global warming just a huge scam? Isn’t this all liberal propaganda? If you hear any of that nonsense, mix up a gallon and a half of Hell on Earth.

Public hearing time on Water and Sewage Amendments. Any bellyaching will lead you to slamming back a Raw Sewage or two.

All that remains are public and council member comments and we have a BADDD feeling about his week. So grab a cup of your favorite herbal tea and try to stay calm!

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The case of the secret meeting

Ni hao! So a clue appeared in our inbox aujourd’hui. Let’s take a look. Vamanos. (We’re trying out all of the languages, in case we have to move after the election…j/k…ish). What were we saying, oh yes. Tomorrow, Thursday the Third of Noviembre Tony Chmelik is hosting a private meeting in Winchester Hall (no, it is not a campaign event for Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Comacho! Who do you think he is, Billy Shreve?).

It’s a roundtable to  discuss concerns raised by the winery/brewery/distillery industry about overregulation. Now far be it from your Local Yokels to begrudge these savvy business people the production of intoxicants, especially at this point in 2016, but this does sound a bit goofy. Why is this just for Tony and the brewers and vintners and distillers, but the county agencies who might be able to help out are seemingly not included or invited…

These meddlesome kids are just asking questions. Anyone (else) care to speculate wildly?

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Achtung, bad hombres!

 

On this All Hallow’s Day will our council members behave like Saints? LMAO!!! No Way!

Hopefully you are all recovered from your Halloween celebrations and ready to tune into your favorite reality show. There’s a goodly amount on the agenda  and we are oh so sure that Billy is going to find himself on the wrong side of some issues ce soir. It’s only one week until the General Election and the closer we get the more unhinged Shrelauter becomes. So do try to remember this game isn’t meant to be taken for reals. Even though we understand the urge to drink away the idiocracy.

As always the night begins with public comment and budget adjustments. We are too bored by Billy’s ever changing nays and abstains to even a look up a drink for this portion.

Next we have a County Executive appointment, if Kirby accuses Jan of having a private chauffeur (something he did on Facebook this week ) slam back a Ms. Daisy, since that’s who she was accused of behaving like. (And of course, it isn’t true. She just happened to be in a car as a passenger. The horror!)

Roger Wilson is in the house to present the final legislative package for the 2017 session. Flipping through the pages, we don’t see too many Shrelauter suggestions. Wonder why that is?  Nevertheless, there’s lots of good stuff so take a look! When Kirby objects to something have a Mad Russian, since we hear Kirby’s a great admirer of Putin.

It’s time to vote on the Noise Ordinance. Billy wanted some “unreasonable amendments” according to the High Sheriff, so we may hear some grumblings from that corner. When he cries over not be allowing to shriek loudly through the streets sip on your Screaming Banana Banshee. 

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We’ve written here and there about human trafficking. Billy was against having a work shop on this issue because there are groups for human trafficking.

Not ever again Billy!!!
Not ever again Billy!!!

However, more intelligent heads prevailed, and tonight there is a public hearing on this issue. If either one of our least favorite council members say anything stupid, save up your money so you can drink some Unicorn Tears.

Council will go into closed session, to which Billy will object, and then reconvene at 7:00.

There’s a second reading on a bill to create a program for clean energy for commercial properties.  If we hear any talk at all about how global warming isn’t a thing, set up some shots of Kahula Earthquakes and slam away!

We end, as always, with public and council member comments. Let’s hope for the best. Don’t forget, if you haven’t voted already, please do so on the 8th. We are sure we will be reporting on some of our elected official’s reactions on the 9th! Sure of it!

Clean up on Aisle 5!

Three hours people! Three hours we suffered tonight. Your Nasty Lady Yokels were commenting to one another throughout tonight’s fracas how boooring Kirby and Billy’s antics have become. It used to be mildy amusing to watch, then infuriating, and now we are oh so melancholy about them. It’s kind of like the five stages of grief. The five stages of watching Shrelauter:

Stage One: Benign Amusement

Stage Two: Disbelief

Stage Three: Horror

Stage Four: Clinical Depression

Stage Five: A new found purpose to make sure that these two never get elected again so we can have a functional county government.

Digression over. Let’s wrap up tonight’s display.

Vote of no from you know who on the agenda. His wonder twin utters yes as though it’s some kind of brave protest against saying the proper aye. Budget amendments passed.

High Sheriff is in the house for discussion of the noise ordinance. Seems annoyed with Shreve. Doesn’t want how often noise meters need to be calibrated written into ordinance. Wonder what stage of Shrelauter the Sheriff is on? Will be voted on November 1.

Now it’s time for the long awaited presentation about Citizens and Montevue. Here’s some slides for you to peruse:2016-10-25-1

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There’s more to it, so you can always watch that part of the meeting if you want to see the whole thing. And you know that two people are going to be upset about this. Kirby admits that even though he had all of the documents pertaining to this since May, he didn’t read it because it could have changed! That’s right, no reading until Kirby is sure nothing will change. Billy pipes up, “Look how much the MOU changed.” So, basically, even though these two have complained for months that they wanted the information, they’ve had it since May! But nobody told them it wasn’t going to change!! So keep your comments to yourselves! Kirby then wastes everyone’s time talking about National vs. State vs. Aurora’s averages when it comes to different measures of the nursing home. And we are glad to hear that Aurora is doing well, since they are going to continue providing care. However, at this point, he’s just wasting everyone’s time.  Billy chimes in trying to land zingers which fall to the ground like burnt out fire works. He is met on every point by Doug and Lori. Later, during his council member comments, he compares the presentation to something you would watch on TV with a beer (not sure what he’s watching), but we wholly disagree. Thanks for all you do Doug and Lori!

We break before the hotel hearing for ten minutes. Doug is back and goes over some of the changes to the MOU. There are more pro speakers than con (again). Kirby decides to read a letter from Randy Cohen into the record. Jessica wants three minutes put on the clock since technically this is public comment. Kirby and Billy throw mantantrums and shut her down. Bud asks them to treat each other with respect to which Kirby screams, “That’s right we have a civility code!” Sigh. Why does one citizen get the right to read his email into the record by a council member? Kirby claims its because he has skin in this game. But we can’t help but feel how unfair this is. If it was so important to him then Mr. Cohen should have showed up to the meeting or had a representative do so. Kirby should not be reading one citizen’s letter into the record, thereby giving the appearance that his opinion is more important.  M.C. tries once again to redirect the discussion back to the task at hand. Which is approving an MOU in which the county will only contribute. $2.8 million for public improvements. The county has no hand in anything else to do with this. Tony steps in with THAT tone. You know ladies, that mansplaining tone that he only seems to get with M.C. and Jessica. WE DO NOT CARE FOR IT ONE BIT.  MOU is passed 4-3.

…..Council Member Comments…….

Just horrible. Kirby’s upset. Calls Main Street money the Great Bribe Back. Lets us know that Obama Care is killing everyone. That’s right everyone! Tony’s mad about a letter that he agrees with but since he thinks it’s all about electing Democrats, it’s bad. He’s got some words about Billy’s uncle and the way he was treated. And then so does Billy, claims is the third time he’s seen this situation, but of course no details. So there!

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M.C. says she goes next to last because she feels like she always needs to clean up on Aisle 5. And LOL! Is there a dust pan big enough to contain Shrelauter? Says she has documents about the whole situation on Ijamsville Road which shows some fault lies upon the homeowner. We really feel for M.C. she always tries to bring the outliers back to task. It’s a hard exasperating job, and we really appreciate her for it!

 

 

 

It’s poll time again!

So if you are like us, and we are going to assume you are since you are reading, you have been anxiously awaiting the results from our last poll in which you picked out ringtones for the members of the council. We are going to have to apologize in advance to anyone who happens to be nearby when the phones ring. It could get embarrassing.

 

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Ermahgerd, can you believe who is calling us???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally our infotainment selection:

 

It’s pretty hard to follow up those polls. So much serious stuff is going on at the national level. Is it election day yet?

So to try to keep things light(ish), we have this week’s poll. Have you been keeping up with the proposed downtown hotel? What is your verdict?

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Ok, so maybe it won’t look exactly like this…

 

 

 

What does this week have in store for us? Your October 25th drinking game.

Among charges of sexual harassment and the County Executive targeting Billy’s relatives we have another county council meeting. The closer to the election we get, the more out of control Shrelauter becomes. So brace yourselves dear readers, for we fear the worst is yet to come. As always, remember this game is for entertainment purposes only. We don’t want anyone ending up in the detox tank!

 

Poor little bunny just couldn't take it anymore.
Poor little bunny just couldn’t take it anymore.

We start off with Public Comment and a new disclaimer about budget adjustments:

The Council will not discuss individual Budget Adjustment items and will vote on all the Budget Adjustments in the form of one motion. Council Members wishing to discuss one or more of the Budget Adjustments shall make a request to the President at least 24 hours in advance of the meeting, stating the issue(s) to be addressed and requesting administration staff be present for discussion of that budget adjustment. Provided a majority of the Council support the request, the item will be subject to discussion by the Council.

Well what about those council members who don’t bother to read anything until they sit down for the meeting? Jeeze, isn’t this discriminatory against those who, in the spirit of Donald Trump, do not believe preparation is necessary? When you hear something along those lines have yourself a nice cool Something in the Whey.

Next up is the 2nd reading on changes to the noise ordinance. The High Sheriff is very much in favor of this. Billy is the only one adding “unreasonable amendments” at this point. We’ll most likely hear some stories from the public regarding issues they’ve had with their neighbors. So sit back and sip on your Monkey Gland, and we’ll see how this all goes down during the 3rd reading.

Now we are all going to have to brace ourselves for this part of the evening. Lori Depies and Doug Browning are going to give a presentation about Citizens and Montevue. Shrelauter has been going off at the mouth about this for months and months. We hope that Ms. Depies and Mr. Browning are prepared for the certain onslaught they are going to recieve from our two favorite nincompoops. We are glad this is settled, so in Ms. Depies and Mr. Brownings honor, mix up a batch of About Thyme.

Everyone reconvenes at 6:00. (Guess Billy won the war on the time.) From what we’ve seen in the paper and Facebook pages about the Downtown Hotel project, we are probably in store for a long hearing about the MOU tonight. Settle in and make a large bowl of Ambassador’s Punch. Since it’s probably going to take an Ambassador’s touch to get the pro and con people to come together.

There’s no doubt that Council Member comments will be something to behold this evening. To avoid any permanent liver damage, grab yourself a can of your favorite fruit flavored sparkling water and re-hydrate!

Let’s spice this meeting up! Your October 18th drinking game!

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This week’s meeting looks a little, how shall we say it? Boring as all get out. So let’s stray away from the agenda this week and envision some possible scenarios we may see at tonight’s meeting.

When Billy talks about his PTSD from the sexual harassment he suffered, mix yourself up a tall Pink Faced Liar.  For someone who is the co-chair of the local Trump campaign cannot feel this way.

Kirby’s upset about someone “misconstruing” a piece of legislation that was passed during his BOCC days. Wants to make it “known” that whatever new legislation that is before them, even if it contains all the same words, is certainly NOT the same thing. Make sure you have a Goodbye Sigh to get your through this tirade.

Any mention of someone being a moron before gathering all the facts deserves an Idiot Box.

Tony is going to vote for something, but not before he lets us all know why he really shouldn’t be. Have some Why Not on hand for this one.

Jerry has to fact check ole # for the eleventybillion time. It is futile. Sip an good old Oxymoron in honor of Jerry’s efforts.

M.C. projects the patience of a Saint when presented with the most illogical, grandstanding council members this side of the Mississippi. When she once again tries to bring everyone back to the task at hand, have yourself a Saint Lawrence cocktail.

Jessica has to clear something erroneous that Kirby said about the teacher’s union, or TIF’s, or human trafficking or anything really.  Go ahead and have a Painkiller in her honor.

Bud has to demean himself by addressing Billy’s most ludicrous suggestion that he sexually harassed him.  Mix up a whole pitcher of Crazy Monkey, for we feel like one right now.

Can we have one meeting where someone doesn’t complain about the nursing home? The answer, of course, is no.

The discussion of whether or not to approve the non binding Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU)  began and ended with exactly the same point. This meeting was to discuss the county’s TIF (Tax Incremental Funding) bond of $2.8 million. That’s it. Doug Browning (nice to see you back Doug!) and Council Member Keegan-Ayer made that clear at the beginning and end of the discussion. That’s all the county has to consider at this point. Sounds easy, right? WRONG.

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Kirby wants it KNOWN that the agreement signed in 2014 with the city is not the same one they are speaking of now. Actually, as Council Member Donald points out, it is! Jerry tells Kirby that he can read it to him and Kirby says: You can read what is says but I am going to tell you what it means!!! That’s right folks, forget about all that vocabulary you learned during your fancy elite schooling because it doesn’t matter! Kirby will now tell you what all the words mean!! Isn’t that a relief?  He wants to make sure that all you jerks are not going to “pin this” on the last BOCC! Kirby rambles on about how everyone is being disingenuous dangling the carrot of Main Street money in front of municipalities. Because of course they will say yes to money! Durh! And finally, he would have never voted for this if he had known we were picking the winners and losers in the hotel business. Hmm, winners and losers… that sounds familiar. Where have we heard that line before?

True conservative Republicans would say that being open for business means no government restrictions, other than protecting the public, allowing the free market to dictate winners and losers.

That’s right, those exact words were in Blaine’s last column that he wrote for the Frederick News Post before that honor was taken away from him because of that unfortunate hotel thing.

Jerry makes some more points about the increase in tax revenue the county will receive and Kirby uses that opportunity to bemoan the nursing homes….again.

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Now Billy is waiting in the corner to pounce. He’s got a bunch of  nonsensical questions that all have a very reasonable answer. He tries with a mortgage analogy and fails miserably. Then he tries a car. Tells Doug and Richard it’s as though you are giving them a brand new car and saying here just change the oil and take care of the tires. But bless Richard’s heart, he turns the car analogy around and says: No, it’s as though they built almost the entire car, including the engine, and now they have to take care of it. Thank you for playing along with our village idiot sir.

We haven’t heard much from Tony lately, but he’s using tonight as his chance to step back into the spotlight. He’s doing his thing where he tells us he’s going to vote for whatever is on the table, however, you people are still going to listen to all of his objections to it first. The most curious was that he was lamenting the fact that Fort Detrick would be using a 4 star hotel to hold their meetings. He’s insinuating that those kinds of accommodations are way too nice for government employees. Jeeze, you greedy tax suckers, can’t you just be happy with the old waffle house down by the highway?

M.C. is exasperated by all this talk and tries to redirect the fellas back to the task at hand.  You are only voting on the TIF of $2.8 million (which is lower than what was agreed to in 2014) that will only be used for public improvements, STOP GRANDSTANDING!

No new business items to consider and they vote to go into closed session. Well, all except Billy, because he’s trying to get attention again. Meeting on whether or not they will vote on this MOU will take place on October 25.

Can y’all keep it down? We are trying to listen to the public hearings!

At the 7:00 hour we embarked upon our scheduled public hearings. First up on the list was the proposed pilot program for medical marijuana. This is the third incarnation of this bill as there have been lots of concern. And honestly, while some valid questions have been asked, it seems a lot of the outrage is due to misinformation and fear of marijuana. We heard quite a few speakers refer to barbed wire and armed security guards. Something that is not required by the State bill or this proposal. There also seems to be some fear that all agricultural land is going to be turned into pot farms with hippies running wild and drug dealers shooting up the county. Former Sheriff Hagy, who happens to live next to the proposed site, spoke most rationally about the situation. He stated that this particular piece of property had greenhouses on it with a previous owner and it did not change the land from being a farm. Also, from a security standpoint he stated he did not see any substantial problems. Another speaker, who has actually grown medical marijuana, stated that the only security problems he has had is with law enforcement.  There was a lot of talk of the evils of marijuana, devaluation of properties and crime. We hope that the Federal Government will sooner rather than later take marijuana off their Schedule I list.  For it is a concern for all involved that the Feds could decide to step in. A final decision will be made on October 4th.

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Next up on the docket is changes to the noise ordinance. County Attorney Kearney and Sheriff Jenkins gave a presentation to the council about how this needs to be changed. Jenkins argued that his office needs a real tool that they can use. Sheriff Jenkins even went as far to say: “Listen, this is harder to solve than a murder.” Currently, the noise ordinance is unenforceable because of the criminal standard that must apply. The proposed changes will make the 1st offence a civil citation and will expand the list of people who could issue citations. Kirby’s concerned about the hours(7am-10pm) and claims that most people have their kids on the bus by 6:30-7 so who cares if construction starts early? Tony would start at 4:30 a.m. if ya let him! Must have forgotten that only highschoolers get up that early and there’s plenty of people without kids in the school system or without children at all! Then he questions how loud 90 decibels is. The sheriff says he doesn’t know, and we are thinking durh internet! Which Tony finally consults! But as the Sheriff mentioned time and time again it isn’t just about decibels, it’s also about distance of your property from said noise and the length of time the noise is present. There appears to be a problem with people being inconsiderate with their music down county because there were an quite a few people from that area. Another issue is ATV’s and dirt bikes. Not the occasional driver, but those neighbors who decide to set up a track on their property and annoy everyone around them every single weekend. We wish that people would be more considerate of one another for noise pollution is truly unnerving. Remember way back when the American Army got Manuel Noriega to surrender by blasting loud rock music. It can cause anyone to lose their marbles.  And since there’s always going to be that jerk we need the Sheriff’s office to have a tool to enforce this ordinance. An interesting fact we learned is that you can actually check out a noise meter from the Sheriff’s office and take your own readings. So, if you are having a problem with an unruly neighbor keep that in mind.

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Public comments were limited to the very important problem of fracking. We are fully on these people’s side when we say we would like to see a ban to any and all fracking in our State and County!

After such a long meeting you might expect that it ended with many lengthy tirades from several of our council members. Nope not this night. They were all tuckered out after this marathon meeting. Kirby actual had no comments to contribute. Can you believe it?

Tony managed a short little tirade that even though he is not an accountant and not a lawyer, he is still required to pass budgets and make legislative decisions. Did he not read the job description before running for office? At any rate, even though he is not one of these so called experts, he thinks his opinion is still right and they are wrong. He thinks the charter needs to be rewritten to close the loophole that almost prevented the council from being aware that we sent Charm City’s money back. We’ll see if he works to make that happen.

Billy gave a shout out to MC for keeping the meeting running smoothly and he is looking forward to the noise ordinance workshop.

Jerry really wants all his constituents to contact him if they have positions they want him to be aware of on the issues that were discussed tonight.

Jessica is going to propose that there be a workshop on fracking. Thanks again to all who came out to speak.

MC thanks  all that hung in for the whole meeting. She thanked the Independent Hose for their banquet. Thanked Fire and Rescue  and Emergency personnel for all they do. Please attend the fair to support our local agriculture. Saturday October 15 at the Public Safety Training Center there will be a household hazardous waste drop off day from 8am – noon. also Frederick Community Health Fair on October 22 at the Frederick Fair Grounds from 9am -3pm. So take your hazardous waste and then get yourself checked out.

Bud expressed his appreciation at being able to attend the 9/11 ceremony that took place. The Seton center open house took place last week. The Sisters there take donations and have a sales center for the purpose of helping the less fortunate in our community. Bud attended the Brunswick Business Breakfast where it was announced that Weis is coming to Brunswick and the town is excited about that. Fix I 270 coalition is coming  back and hopefully Montgomery County and Frederick County can work on solving some of our traffic issues. On October 25th there will be a workshop on the Citizens/Montevue report that Shreve has been asking for.

Both Bud and MC scooped Farm Bureau ice cream for FCPS students on field trips to the fair. They both enjoyed it and MC is sorry that she won’t be back another day so that you too can see her fall in the freezer while she tries to scoop.

And that’s a wrap. Phew.

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It’s ok Tiger. You can stop hiding your eyes. It’s all done!

 

 

It’s about that time again! Your faithful September 20 drinking game!

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It’s time for your favorite Frederick Politics game! There’s a lot on the agenda this evening. We are sure that there will be some grumbling from Shreve’s end about the start time, but we’ll try and block that out. Your Lady Yokel’s are going to leave you with a bingo game this evening. You can decide when to take a drink. With every checked box or when you get an actual Bingo! It’s totally up to you. Also, feel free to interpret the choices very liberally, the exact wording need not apply! Do remember this game is only for entertainment purposes. Billy wants NOTHING to do with our readers.

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