Happy New Year fans of the Yokel!!! We sincerely hope that you had a wonderful holiday season! This afternoon, we will see the first council meeting of 2017. Will Shrelauter turn over a new leaf? Unlikely things will go well since we ended 2016 with Kirby Facebooking some pretty cray cray allegations concerning M.C. There’s also been some disturbances in the force whispering to us that Kirby may actually write some legislation this year. We suppose that anything is possible! Grab your agenda, warm up that feed to FCGTV and watch your local government in action!! Do remember, these games are only for fun, we need all our Yokels alive and well to vote in the 2018 council election!
Not holding our breath though!
We start out with public comment. Predicting that no one will show at this first meeting of the new year, but you never know!!! Then we are out of the usual order of things with a public hearing concerning some amendments to the Spring water and sewage plan. If Kirby takes this time to grandstand about returning people’s money who were forced to purchase environmentally sound septic systems slam back a Creamsicle Fizz , allowing the bubbles to transport you to a land far, far away.
Quite a few budget transfers on the agenda. If these go smoothly, hooray! If not, mix up some Angry by the Fire. Can we take this for another two years?
Second reading of the bill to establish a small business real property tax credit. We’ve spoken before how this should be something right down Shrelauter’s alley. But, oh contrarian gods of yore! Those pesky Democrats and minions of the County Executive are behind this! How will this play out? If with predictable mantantrums, have yourself a Pint of Mad Out of It!
One more shot of public comments until we reach the point where what could go wrong will go wrong: council member comments.
Don’t test us first thing in the new year!
There’s little chance, with such a long break, that there won’t be things to SAY. This is probably a good time to calm down and take a few deep breaths. Maybe grab a nice fruit smoothie, or some calming Ginger Ale or take some Tums or Rolaids. Anything to protect your stomach from what is sure to be some aggravating nonsense.
We here at the Yokel are avid readers of the Frederick News Post. We especially look forward to Danielle Gaines’ Political Notes column, since she follows many of the same stories that we do. Today we were treated to some really astonishing things that Delegate Barrie Ciliberti actually said out loud…in front of actual human beings. Basically,he’s upset because all that “politically incorrect” talk was all fine and dandy in the mid to late 90’s. However, times have really changed and his inability to now tell his large repertoire of jokes that allegedly cross the entire ethnic spectrum have really stultified him. We really should pay more attention to the sacrifices our delegates make for us when they enter our state capitol and have to pretend they aren’t as terrible as they really are. Here’s a news flash for you Delegate Ciliberti, you probably made a whole lot of people really uncomfortable 20 years ago. Now that they don’t have to stand for it anymore, that sir, is called progress. Be sure to also read his thoughts on lobbyists, because whoa nelly now we have to pay attention to this guy as well!
Also, included in today’s column is a story your faithful Yokel Ladies first brought to you about Kirby’s Facebook claims over meetings with M.C. Keegan-Ayre. Her response in today’s column:
“That is not what happened.”
This should make for a fun county council meeting when everyone returns in 2017!
We apologize for the lateness. The feed on the night of the meeting was just awful and it took your busy Yokel ladies a day to watch and digest the latest edition of our local government in action.
Right out of the gate, Kirby wants to pull one of the budget transfers. He wants a list of all (except Sheriff vehicles because he knows that everything is on the up and up there) county vehicles that need to be replaced. He was given a list of 58 vehicles but apparently that’s not sufficient. Local budget hero Rick Harcum, explains to the council that he is asking for this transfer because his department accidentally put the money in the wrong column. It really doesn’t have to do with the purchase of any vehicles. There is some discussion as to whether or not this transfer can wait two weeks, to which the county employees say no it would really back them up. Kirby still will not relent on pulling the amendment. M.C. points out that these vehicles were already approved when they passed the budget in May so exactly what’s the point here? It’s only a transfer that was inadvertently put in the wrong column to buy vehicles that were already approved to be bought! So Kirby:
Do us all a favor please!
All transfers pass 4-3. All vote to approve minutes, except for the Lone Idiot. New Parks Director approved 7-0. And then the League of Women Voters is in the house y’all! The league representative makes a very nice presentation about the process of selecting people to sit on the Ethics Commission. Surprisingly Kirby sits quietly and they are all approved!
Clean Energy Program for Commercial Properties is approved 7-0. Now the upside of waiting a few days to report on the meeting is we get to bring you things like this:
Look at the list of people he tagged! Now no where in this article is Jan taking credit for this bill. Since her name was mentioned it gives Billy license to carry on in the fashion he is accustomed to. He does know that private citizens cannot introduce legislation, right?
Public hearing on two changes to sewer lines. Passed.
The one public commenter, who spoke at the beginning and end of the meeting, is concerned about curbs and sidewalks in Urbana.
Council Member comments. Kirby stays quiet. Jerry asks citizens to become members of county commissions. It’s a great way to affect public policy. Like we always say here at the Yokel, local government is very responsive to the public and is a great place to make a difference.
Silence from Tony and then it’s time for Billy to get some of the attention back on himself. Still believes it would be a great idea to get a People’s Court up and running here in Frederick County. So apparently someone else up there also does not understand the function of his job. If you have not seen the movie Idiocracy, you really need to take a look because we are more than certain that his People’s Court would look just like this scene from the movie:
Watch it this weekend if you haven’t seen it yet!
He then decides to list all of the offices that we voted on in the election last week. Doesn’t congratulate the winners of any of the other offices he mentions (That’s right because those offices will all be occupied by Democrats!) but takes the time to congratulate Trump. Ends his inane statements with: “Looking forward to draining the swamp.”
Looking right at ya Billy!
Jessica, M.C. and Bud all end their comments with a positive note.There’s talk of SOAR (Supporting Older Adults through Resources), donating to the food bank, the homeless problem in Frederick and the Frederick County Veteran’s treatment court. Next meeting will take place on December 6.
We know that many of you are desperate for a break from politics, and more sympathetic we could not be. But remember, in two short years there will be another county council election. We need to keep paying attention and recording the actions of those who shall not lead ever again! So, as always, we will try to make watching a little more fun for you! Ready up your handy agenda, tune into Frederick’s very own reality station and watch away!
If anyone chooses to take advantage of the pre-meeting public comment, have yourself a Tequila Mockingbird.
All sorts of budget transfers coming down the line. We usually hear some grumbling when the library is on the agenda. If this should occur, mix up a strong Mark Twain, and be thankful the old man did not live to see this.
Oh dear Helena on the mountain, there’s an item to confirm members to the Ethics Commission!
Kind old monkey is much more optimistic than we are!
As we’ve written once or twice before, Kirby has a problem with the word ethics. It elicits in him an angry Pavlovian response that once released, is impossible to reign in. You many want to put yourself into a coma for this section of the evening. Having a nice Blackout or two may do the trick!
Next up is the First Reading on a Small Business Property Tax Credit. Sounds like something all should be in favor of. But whoopsie daisy, one of those pesky Democrats is the sponsor. So even though it’s something Shrelauter would, in all other universes, be in favor of we have a feeling there’s going to be some “problems”. If any are expressed slam back an Upside Down Martini.
Time to decide on the Clean Energy Program for Commerical Properties. But wait! Isn’t global warming just a huge scam? Isn’t this all liberal propaganda? If you hear any of that nonsense, mix up a gallon and a half of Hell on Earth.
Public hearing time on Water and Sewage Amendments. Any bellyaching will lead you to slamming back a Raw Sewage or two.
All that remains are public and council member comments and we have a BADDD feeling about his week. So grab a cup of your favorite herbal tea and try to stay calm!
In order to get to the reason as to why our gaskets have been blown to high heaven and beyond, we’ll quickly breeze through the beginning of the meeting.
Agenda-passed except for Deplorable Billy.
Public comment centered on anti-fracking in Frederick and Maryland and one gentleman who is upset about ADA violations with curbs in Urbana.
Budget adjustment- 1 abstainer. Minutes are approved unanimously as is the County Executive appointment to the Fire and Rescue Board.
Roger Wilson comes to present the legislative bills and position statements. Tony doesn’t like the part about fracking because he doesn’t know how Garrett, Alleghany and Washington counties feel about it. And Good Zeus on Mt. Olympus who cares? It is an undeniably destructive practice that has no business in our State. We really don’t give a good two cents what their elected boards think about it. His motion is not seconded. So the vote to send the priorities to our State legislators is passed 4-3.
The new Nuisance Ordinance is up for a final vote. High Sheriff is in the house again. Billy doesn’t want to vote until the Sheriff’s office rewrites their procedures for using the noise meters. Jenkins says they are in the process of doing so, which is good enough for everyone else. Passes 6-1. So it appears that Billy and the Sheriff have broken up!
So very terrible indeed.
Now this is the part of the evening we knew was going to go badly. However, predicting that things will go south and then actually watching them go south are two very different things indeed. The proposed task force on human trafficking will study how we can coordinate agencies so we, as a county, can better help vulnerable populations and prosecute traffickers. It will study how law enforcement, FMH, FCPS and other agencies can come together to to eradicate this problem within our borders. We saw some very brave women share their very personal and heartbreaking stories. We heard from people who run committees and agencies who gave examples of human trafficking in our county. We heard from the Frederick Chief of Police and his chief criminal investigator. Both of whom are in very much in favor of this task force. It’s looking as though everyone sees the value of studying this problem and then getting a plan in place so maybe we can eradicate it from our borders and maybe as an added bonus other local jurisdictions can see what we have done and apply it within their area. Then the Sheriff comes to the podium. He begins by saying that we will want to stone him for saying this but he is oh so skeptical of this task force. Homeland Security is taking care of the problem when necessary and there’s no need for y’all locals to get involved. While he thinks it’s a “great idea” he doesn’t know what the end result will be. So let’s not do anything people!!!! Kirby and Billy then chime in that they don’t know what the goal is (even though it is specifically laid out right here) and yeah what the Sheriff said! Billy goes on to say why can’t we have a representative from the State Human Trafficking commission come to talk to us first. And Jessica very patiently informs him that the representative talked right to his very face during the workshop they had on this issue!
Sorry Mr. Puffs, we are embarrassed by them as well.
So Tweedledeplorable and Tweedlemoredeplorable follow Tweedlemostdeplorable’s lead and they decide not to support the formation of this task force. So they basically stuck their middle fingers up at all the women who shared their stories about being trafficked. And you know why we study these issues you most deplorable of the deplorables? So we can make things better! If Homeland Security had such a handle on things and if the Sheriff’s office knew all they needed to know then why is this still happening? STOP BEING SO AWFUL ALL THE TIME!!!!
Passes 5-2 with Tony saying he has no problem with agencies figuring out a way to coordinate with one another. Yeah, tell that to the bookends up there with ya!
Phew! Break until 7:00.
Billy comes back complaining about the break being too long. And blah, blah, boooorrring!
Second hearing on establishing a program for Clean Energy for Commercial Properties. No speakers.
Our one public commenter leads to our council member comments. There is a gentleman who has been dealing with a neighbor for a number of years. This neighbor is allegedly not keeping up with his property and therefore his neighbors are frustrated. So, he has decided to come to the council to get some relief. You would think this would be a simple case of referring him to the appropriate department or directing him to some steps he needs to take, but oh rational human being you would be so very wrong indeed!
Kirby wants details about this homeowner’s issues. Most specifcally he wants details as to how the County Executive has failed this man so he can grandstand about it. And this poor man did not know what he was walking into. Bud tries to shut it down, because first of all it isn’t a council issue and second of all it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that this is a witch hunt! So Kirby continues along this way for a little while until the gentleman is kindly directed to the oh so calm Chief of Staff whom we are sure will lead him down the correct path.
But old # isn’t done. He is going to drone on about some numbers he’s found in the Citizens and Montevue packet. He’s cherry picking like crazy and boring the hell out of everyone and their mother. When he’s finally done, Jerry steps up and makes us feel all warm and fuzzy.
After addressing the same gentleman about dilapidated properties and how he is trying to pass a bill to deal with them, he speaks of a certain council member and his Tentacle article. Kirby quickly pipes up, “That was me!” Jerry informs us all that said article had the numbers concerning the hotel TIF off by 44%. So Jerry asks why should we believe any numbers that come out of Councilman Delauter’s mouth. Why indeed?
The worst of the worst is up next. He’s complaining about his uncle’s property. And get this people, he thinks it’s a fine idea to establish a People’s Court before the council. He thinks it’s an appropriate venue for neighbors to be able to air their grievances. Shocking that Billy never learned the difference between Executive, Legislative and Judicial powers. Didn’t he ever catch an episode of Schoolhouse Rock?
Jessica thanks those who supported the human trafficking commission. She also tells Kirby that she agrees that he is not an accountant when it comes to his recitation of the nursing home numbers. And guess what, she and some other members of the council are going to the nursing homes tomorrow to talk with Aurora and see how things are going. Imagine that. She also wants to know why the outrage over the public commenter’s petition with 39 neighbor signatures but no similar reaction when the public came to them with a petition against fracking with over 1,000? Well, durh, how could they embarrass Jan with that? And get this, that petition with the 39 signatures was submitted in the summer of 2014. You know before the creation of the county council when both Billy and Kirby were on the BOCC. Where was the outrage then?
M.C. says she is going to keep her comments brief and we swear we heard Billy utter good. She laments the fact that some members of the council don’t know the function of a legislative body and really how dumb the People’s Court suggestion is. Twice during her comments Billy interupts and twice she needs to shut him down.
Really, it seems as though Jerry, Jessica, M.C. and Bud have it with with them. We suspect Tony is pulling back as well. Maybe we should ask for a bill for the five of them to get some extra hazard pay for having to deal with these two. Tis a dangerous job indeed.
Hopefully you are all recovered from your Halloween celebrations and ready to tune into your favorite reality show. There’s a goodly amount on the agenda and we are oh so sure that Billy is going to find himself on the wrong side of some issues ce soir. It’s only one week until the General Election and the closer we get the more unhinged Shrelauter becomes. So do try to remember this game isn’t meant to be taken for reals. Even though we understand the urge to drink away the idiocracy.
As always the night begins with public comment and budget adjustments. We are too bored by Billy’s ever changing nays and abstains to even a look up a drink for this portion.
Next we have a County Executive appointment, if Kirby accuses Jan of having a private chauffeur (something he did on Facebook this week ) slam back a Ms. Daisy, since that’s who she was accused of behaving like. (And of course, it isn’t true. She just happened to be in a car as a passenger. The horror!)
Roger Wilson is in the house to present the final legislative package for the 2017 session. Flipping through the pages, we don’t see too many Shrelauter suggestions. Wonder why that is? Nevertheless, there’s lots of good stuff so take a look! When Kirby objects to something have a Mad Russian, since we hear Kirby’s a great admirer of Putin.
It’s time to vote on the Noise Ordinance. Billy wanted some “unreasonable amendments” according to the High Sheriff, so we may hear some grumblings from that corner. When he cries over not be allowing to shriek loudly through the streets sip on your Screaming Banana Banshee.
We’ve written here and there about human trafficking. Billy was against having a work shop on this issue because there are groups for human trafficking.
Not ever again Billy!!!
However, more intelligent heads prevailed, and tonight there is a public hearing on this issue. If either one of our least favorite council members say anything stupid, save up your money so you can drink some Unicorn Tears.
Council will go into closed session, to which Billy will object, and then reconvene at 7:00.
There’s a second reading on a bill to create a program for clean energy for commercial properties. If we hear any talk at all about how global warming isn’t a thing, set up some shots of Kahula Earthquakes and slam away!
We end, as always, with public and council member comments. Let’s hope for the best. Don’t forget, if you haven’t voted already, please do so on the 8th. We are sure we will be reporting on some of our elected official’s reactions on the 9th! Sure of it!
Three hours people! Three hours we suffered tonight. Your Nasty Lady Yokels were commenting to one another throughout tonight’s fracas how boooring Kirby and Billy’s antics have become. It used to be mildy amusing to watch, then infuriating, and now we are oh so melancholy about them. It’s kind of like the five stages of grief. The five stages of watching Shrelauter:
Stage One: Benign Amusement
Stage Two: Disbelief
Stage Three: Horror
Stage Four: Clinical Depression
Stage Five: A new found purpose to make sure that these two never get elected again so we can have a functional county government.
Digression over. Let’s wrap up tonight’s display.
Vote of no from you know who on the agenda. His wonder twin utters yes as though it’s some kind of brave protest against saying the proper aye. Budget amendments passed.
High Sheriff is in the house for discussion of the noise ordinance. Seems annoyed with Shreve. Doesn’t want how often noise meters need to be calibrated written into ordinance. Wonder what stage of Shrelauter the Sheriff is on? Will be voted on November 1.
Now it’s time for the long awaited presentation about Citizens and Montevue. Here’s some slides for you to peruse:
There’s more to it, so you can always watch that part of the meeting if you want to see the whole thing. And you know that two people are going to be upset about this. Kirby admits that even though he had all of the documents pertaining to this since May, he didn’t read it because it could have changed! That’s right, no reading until Kirby is sure nothing will change. Billy pipes up, “Look how much the MOU changed.” So, basically, even though these two have complained for months that they wanted the information, they’ve had it since May! But nobody told them it wasn’t going to change!! So keep your comments to yourselves! Kirby then wastes everyone’s time talking about National vs. State vs. Aurora’s averages when it comes to different measures of the nursing home. And we are glad to hear that Aurora is doing well, since they are going to continue providing care. However, at this point, he’s just wasting everyone’s time. Billy chimes in trying to land zingers which fall to the ground like burnt out fire works. He is met on every point by Doug and Lori. Later, during his council member comments, he compares the presentation to something you would watch on TV with a beer (not sure what he’s watching), but we wholly disagree. Thanks for all you do Doug and Lori!
We break before the hotel hearing for ten minutes. Doug is back and goes over some of the changes to the MOU. There are more pro speakers than con (again). Kirby decides to read a letter from Randy Cohen into the record. Jessica wants three minutes put on the clock since technically this is public comment. Kirby and Billy throw mantantrums and shut her down. Bud asks them to treat each other with respect to which Kirby screams, “That’s right we have a civility code!” Sigh. Why does one citizen get the right to read his email into the record by a council member? Kirby claims its because he has skin in this game. But we can’t help but feel how unfair this is. If it was so important to him then Mr. Cohen should have showed up to the meeting or had a representative do so. Kirby should not be reading one citizen’s letter into the record, thereby giving the appearance that his opinion is more important. M.C. tries once again to redirect the discussion back to the task at hand. Which is approving an MOU in which the county will only contribute. $2.8 million for public improvements. The county has no hand in anything else to do with this. Tony steps in with THAT tone. You know ladies, that mansplaining tone that he only seems to get with M.C. and Jessica. WE DO NOT CARE FOR IT ONE BIT. MOU is passed 4-3.
…..Council Member Comments…….
Just horrible. Kirby’s upset. Calls Main Street money the Great Bribe Back. Lets us know that Obama Care is killing everyone. That’s right everyone! Tony’s mad about a letter that he agrees with but since he thinks it’s all about electing Democrats, it’s bad. He’s got some words about Billy’s uncle and the way he was treated. And then so does Billy, claims is the third time he’s seen this situation, but of course no details. So there!
M.C. says she goes next to last because she feels like she always needs to clean up on Aisle 5. And LOL! Is there a dust pan big enough to contain Shrelauter? Says she has documents about the whole situation on Ijamsville Road which shows some fault lies upon the homeowner. We really feel for M.C. she always tries to bring the outliers back to task. It’s a hard exasperating job, and we really appreciate her for it!
So if you are like us, and we are going to assume you are since you are reading, you have been anxiously awaiting the results from our last poll in which you picked out ringtones for the members of the council. We are going to have to apologize in advance to anyone who happens to be nearby when the phones ring. It could get embarrassing.
Ermahgerd, can you believe who is calling us???
And finally our infotainment selection:
It’s pretty hard to follow up those polls. So much serious stuff is going on at the national level. Is it election day yet?
So to try to keep things light(ish), we have this week’s poll. Have you been keeping up with the proposed downtown hotel? What is your verdict?
Among charges of sexual harassment and the County Executive targeting Billy’s relatives we have another county council meeting. The closer to the election we get, the more out of control Shrelauter becomes. So brace yourselves dear readers, for we fear the worst is yet to come. As always, remember this game is for entertainment purposes only. We don’t want anyone ending up in the detox tank!
Poor little bunny just couldn’t take it anymore.
We start off with Public Comment and a new disclaimer about budget adjustments:
The Council will not discuss individual Budget Adjustment items and will vote on all the Budget Adjustments in the form of one motion. Council Members wishing to discuss one or more of the Budget Adjustments shall make a request to the President at least 24 hours in advance of the meeting, stating the issue(s) to be addressed and requesting administration staff be present for discussion of that budget adjustment. Provided a majority of the Council support the request, the item will be subject to discussion by the Council.
Well what about those council members who don’t bother to read anything until they sit down for the meeting? Jeeze, isn’t this discriminatory against those who, in the spirit of Donald Trump, do not believe preparation is necessary? When you hear something along those lines have yourself a nice cool Something in the Whey.
Next up is the 2nd reading on changes to the noise ordinance. The High Sheriff is very much in favor of this. Billy is the only one adding “unreasonable amendments” at this point. We’ll most likely hear some stories from the public regarding issues they’ve had with their neighbors. So sit back and sip on your Monkey Gland, and we’ll see how this all goes down during the 3rd reading.
Now we are all going to have to brace ourselves for this part of the evening. Lori Depies and Doug Browning are going to give a presentation about Citizens and Montevue. Shrelauter has been going off at the mouth about this for months and months. We hope that Ms. Depies and Mr. Browning are prepared for the certain onslaught they are going to recieve from our two favorite nincompoops. We are glad this is settled, so in Ms. Depies and Mr. Brownings honor, mix up a batch of About Thyme.
Everyone reconvenes at 6:00. (Guess Billy won the war on the time.) From what we’ve seen in the paper and Facebook pages about the Downtown Hotel project, we are probably in store for a long hearing about the MOU tonight. Settle in and make a large bowl of Ambassador’s Punch. Since it’s probably going to take an Ambassador’s touch to get the pro and con people to come together.
There’s no doubt that Council Member comments will be something to behold this evening. To avoid any permanent liver damage, grab yourself a can of your favorite fruit flavored sparkling water and re-hydrate!
This week’s meeting looks a little, how shall we say it? Boring as all get out. So let’s stray away from the agenda this week and envision some possible scenarios we may see at tonight’s meeting.
When Billy talks about his PTSD from the sexual harassment he suffered, mix yourself up a tall Pink Faced Liar. For someone who is the co-chair of the local Trump campaign cannot feel this way.
Kirby’s upset about someone “misconstruing” a piece of legislation that was passed during his BOCC days. Wants to make it “known” that whatever new legislation that is before them, even if it contains all the same words, is certainly NOT the same thing. Make sure you have a Goodbye Sigh to get your through this tirade.
Any mention of someone being a moron before gathering all the facts deserves an Idiot Box.
Tony is going to vote for something, but not before he lets us all know why he really shouldn’t be. Have some Why Not on hand for this one.
Jerry has to fact check ole # for the eleventybillion time. It is futile. Sip an good old Oxymoron in honor of Jerry’s efforts.
M.C. projects the patience of a Saint when presented with the most illogical, grandstanding council members this side of the Mississippi. When she once again tries to bring everyone back to the task at hand, have yourself a Saint Lawrence cocktail.
Jessica has to clear something erroneous that Kirby said about the teacher’s union, or TIF’s, or human trafficking or anything really. Go ahead and have a Painkiller in her honor.
Bud has to demean himself by addressing Billy’s most ludicrous suggestion that he sexually harassed him. Mix up a whole pitcher of Crazy Monkey, for we feel like one right now.
frederick local yokel 