Black is white, up is down

We have a problem in this county. We have a problem in this country, but we will stick to the county. It’s marginally easier to deal with, no thanks to this madness.

A core group of people are not interested in productive discussions, compromises, or learning about anything that falls within the gray area of an issue. All sincerely held beliefs, all the time. No matter what is brought to the discussion, some people defiantly refuse to grasp what should be by now obvious. The same conversation stalls. Steve McKay’s excellent LTE takes a stab at the same old same old regarding the teachers on the council and the false equivalency to W. H. Delauter & Sons. He even has some new things to think about, if you’re the sort to think about things. And you are, aren’t you?! We love you for that!

At the Frederick County Council Watch Facebook Group you would get the impression that virtually all of the county agrees that Bud is the worst in every way, and that Kirby should get to do whatever he wants no matter how abusive or potentially corrupt. He and Blaine, who is still stoking the fire from across Church St., and Billy “don’t waste my time with emails from constituents” are our only hope and salvation, regardless of the topic at hand (the horror). This is in spite of a fairly bipartisan coalition of those who do not agree with any of this and find their shenanigans embarrassing. Remember the Republicans for Jan Gardner? They do, too, but they don’t qualify anymore. There is only one way to be a Republican, and all of those people who would try to introduce a counterpoint are to be shouted down immediately. There are many alleged “RINOs” vilified every bit as vehemently as anyone who has a D after their name. If not more so, considering the constant insults flung at Bud Otis, and to (hopefully) a lesser frequency some of the Republican members of local action groups. The concept that a Democrat is not an amoral maniac bent on destroying everything is too far in the abstract to even contemplate. This is in spite of the fact that many of us from both sides of the aisle agree on many things. This is the beauty of local politics. One that they would gladly endanger.

A few lonely commenters risk abuse by introducing points in the discussion proving not everyone agrees with all of the frothing whiz poppers. Rubberneckers can watch slack-jawed as they float ideas like, “Kirby Delauter brought the community together,” by petulantly and publicly refusing to donate to Catoctin Athletics (or anyone else in the community). Being an unrepentant jerk who strives to create a vacuum of decency needing to be filled is not an act of heroism. The community set out not just to fulfill the need for a donation, but to prove that our county is also full of nice people who don’t get hashtags and tantrums picked up and distributed by the AP.  It is astonishing that this apparently requires time and effort to clarify. Perhaps if people are packed together in a sealed box inhaling all of one another’s toxins it affects the lucidity of their thinking.

Somewhat off topic, but it seemed unfair to make Kirby look like the only unrepentant jerk. Look forward to some ranting about how awful Jen Fifield is and how justified Billy is for being rude (better that than PC, right Trump fans?).
Somewhat off topic, but it seemed unfair to make Kirby look like the only unrepentant jerk. Look forward to some ranting about Jen Fifield and how justified Billy is for being rude (at least he isn’t PC, right–because obnoxious equals heroism or something).

Furthermore, we were treated to a genuine work of art found here as an opinion column. A brief visit to the Frederick Council Watch Clusternut Festival will reveal some direct contradictions to this silliness. Connoisseurs of irony will find it delightful, if it doesn’t depress you too much. Is there a term yet for accidental satire? If not, there’s another vacuum to fill.

Action Alert: ProEnglish is on the prowl again!

Come on August 18!
Come on August 18!

Hey fellow Fredericktonians, guess who’s back for a visit? That’s right it’s our wonderfully articulate, sensible friends at ProEnglish. And they are so serious about our English Ordinance repeal vote that they’ve been forced to issue this:

Looks all grown uppy and official!
Looks all grown uppy and official!

Wow a whole Action Alert for our little county!!! Aren’t we special? But all kidding aside, we are really teed off at these people because look at what they have done to Jerry and Bud:

So funny, I hope they didn't hurt themselves coming up with this!
So funny, I hope they didn’t hurt themselves coming up with this!
Wait, do these people really take Trump seriously? Good Poseidon of the Sea people are dumb!
Wait, do these people really take Trump seriously? Good Poseidon of the Sea people are dumb!

Look you ProEnglish carpetbaggers, Blaine & Co. are no longer in charge!  We don’t want you here and we certainly do not want to see you organizing a phone campaign against two of our favorite fellas.  (But Jerry  and Bud can you tell us about some of the best ones? We can only imagine that it’s been a treasure trove of stupidity). One of the Facebook commentators on the above pic of Mr. Donald wrote:

Jerry Donald wants slaves.

Like wow! The caliber of people this group attracts is unreal! It’s really no surprise that Blaine invited them up here.  They seem like his kind of people. But now it’s time for them to go! We are all rooting for a good result on August 18th!  In fact to ensure that good result email the county council at: councilmembers@frederickcountymd.gov. Stay strong Jerry and Bud!

Follow up en retard (no that’s not an offensive term, cultural purists)

Last night’s meeting is not yet in the video archives on FCG TV, so the many of us who were unable to tolerate another moment of the nastyfest are not yet able to catch the rest of the train wreck. In the meantime, some thoughts are restlessly flipping around here.

It is obvious that almost none of the people who oppose this repeal or initially favored the language ordinance have ever learned a second language. It does not happen overnight. Many people who are relatively fluent in a second language can spend all day speaking it without needing help, even though it may not be flawless (if you’ve been paying attention to these jokers who love English above all reason, we don’t have to tell you that people who speak English as their first language don’t speak it flawlessly either). That doesn’t mean they have achieved a level of comfort allowing them to use it conducting legal affairs. Those who insist that they assimilate and become good citizens have to admit that this means giving them the tools to do so, not insulting them because they aren’t perfect.

It wouldn’t hurt to admit that this legislation was only passed in the spirit of meanness in the first place. Blaine Young did.

“I believe that it sends a message that we’re not a place that condones or embraces illegal immigration,” Young says.

Newsflash: legal immigrants also speak other languages. It’s a whole process, learning. We’ve said this before, but some don’t seem to get how learning works, so repeat ourselves we will.

Furthermore, places along the border already use dual languages, whether it’s French/English up near Quebec, or to a much greater extent, Spanish/English to our south. Those with a shred of sense will learn the other languages around them, because it is a good business opportunity. All of this talk of assimilation is a bunch of garbage in real life. We will *ALL* be assimilating–immigrants and natural born citizens alike. It’s just a matter of time. History has been through this before. It’s not even vaguely mysterious.

Happy July 4th Chez Nous: frankfurters, pizza, brie, salsa and chocolate. Which is American? Let's ask a Wampanoag...
Happy July 4th Chez Nous: frankfurters, pizza, brie, salsa and chocolate. How do you translate this into American? Let’s ask a Wampanoag descendant…

A few notes on linguistics might be illuminating. Our own Germanic language changes all the time. Not a one of us could even understand Old English without a college professor available to translate. Roughly 45% of our English vocabulary–again, a Germanic language–is of French origin. This is largely due to the Norman invasion in 1066. Exactly how far backwards is Frederick County hoping to go? We also have many words in our vocabulary that are taken from Spanish. Lots of them are used all the time, especially for the weather and in ranching. Unlike the French, we don’t have a language academy attempting to replace words like tornado and derecho and rodeo and buckaroo (our Anglo screw up of vaquero). If we’re going to stamp out all of these outside influences and make them conform to us, we’re going to have a lot of studying to do.

Don’t believe us. You try reading Beowulf on your own then (or give a listen).

First 11 lines of Beowulf. Greek to us.
First 11 lines of Beowulf. Greek to us.

Randomly Occurring Caption Contest

Yeah, we let our caption contest spiral out of control a bit. Excuse our tardiness in announcing a winner. Uh, drumroll please…

Anonuser takes the prize, uncontested, for the previous contest with “Ne ne na na nu.” We raise our Red Solo Cup to you, Anonymous commenter.

We feel sure you will all enjoy this next contest. Not one of us can look at it without dissolving into fits of giggles. Please revel in captioning this photographic festival of crazy. The more you look at it, the more you see. Like a Where’s Waldo of weird stuff. Enter as many times as you like. Eventually someone will be declared a winner.

Please caption this hot mess! We know you can knock this one out of the park.
Please caption this hot mess! We know you can knock this one out of the park. Photo taken from our dearly departed Gazette: support your local media, peeps!

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

I know our readers are going to be shocked by this news. In this morning’s Frederick News Post, we are made aware of the fact that some of Blaine & Co.’s policies were fiscally irresponsible. “How can this be?”, you may be asking yourself. Oh, it be. In addition to extending the life of county vehicles, which seems to have been a huge mistake, the cost of contracting out these repairs has been “twice as expensive as previously expected.” We found this handy article about how mechanics not only charge for their labor, but they also mark up the parts. Therefore it’s super curious as to how it was ever conceived that outsourcing these repairs would ever be cheaper than having a mechanic on staff. Will this guy please explain all this to us?

Well, ummm. Government is bad? Is that the correct answer?
Well, ummm. Government is bad? Is that the correct answer?

Poor Blaine. “Oops. I did it again.”

Our poor ousted former County Commissioner has changed his mind about what a great and high and mighty exalted thing this whole County Council government is. Wonder what’s caused his change of heart? We’ve compliled a story in pictures to illustrate his changing stance on the County Charter.

It doesn't get any less subtle than this.
It doesn’t get any less subtle than this.

According to Blaine Young, BOCC president, Frederick County is at a crossroads, and the road Young thinks it should take is in the direction of a strong county executive, like that of the 10 Maryland counties—including Baltimore City, which has county-like standing— that currently have charter governments. Four- teen others have either commissioner or code home rule systems. Frederick Gorilla February 1, 2012

But, as you can see, the winds of change are blowing wild and free.

Screen Shot 2015-06-17 at 11.05.33 AM
Look at me! I’m still relevant!

 

Call the waaaaambulance.
Call the waaaaambulance.

 

Sour grapes...a drink best served cold.
Sour grapes…a drink best served cold.

We’re inclined to think he’ s busy making himself useful with stupid distractions. Focus on doing something productive. Stop breaking everything all the time.

The water vapors are weighing the council down

mzv3a

I do declare the humidity must be affecting some members of our esteemed county council. Tis the time of year when it is common to fall out from the stickiness that surrounds us like mud on a hog. Mr. Shreve in particular was a tad testier than usual. Makes us want to pull him under the shade of an old Magnolia that our great grand pappy planted back in 1907 and give him a good talking to. Alas, what difference would it really make?

Our first point of bewilderment with Mr. Shreve is this:

Billy

Why every week, before the pledge, does he do this? And notice he’s the only one. Does he not want to face the public? Does he worship at the altar of the American flag? What in a donkey’s backside is the meaning of this?

Now particular to this week, Billy goes right in for the no when voting on whether or not to approve the consent agenda. On the consent agenda this week were various budget transfers for departments such as: The Child Advocacy Center, Agricultural Preservation, Housing and Community Services, Planning and Development, Fire and Rescue and Community Development. His particular beef, from what we could tell since we cannot fathom getting in that head of his, was he was really bitter about the council not approving Trout Run and still not getting his budget liaison. Logic of course dictates that he then mess with everyone else’s budget. Thankfully, Billy has no one else on board with his interesting style of governance and all budget transfers were passed 6-1.

Moving on to the approval of minutes for the last three meetings. A unanimous vote! Still Billy cannot bring himself to say Aye. Must be that oppositional disorder rearing its ugly head again. A note to be made about Kirby. He did not seem to want to turn on his microphone this evening. We later discover it’s working just fine. But through all the votes we can barely hear his little “aye”. What’s up with that?

On to everyone’s favorite commission: Ethics. A motion is put forth to appoint four new members. Of course Billy isn’t going to let this go without making some kind of declaration. “It’s sad that 3 of the 5 members of the ethics commission resigned and we are in this position.” Really, really sad.

mzv1n

6-1 approved! Even Kirby. Billy seems to be losing all his playmates. On to Jessica and M.C.’s bill to repeal the English only ordinance. We heard some nonsense earlier in the week about Billy going on WFMD and saying this:

“You either have to stay all English or not all English. And as soon as you open up yourself, you have to provide absolutely everything.  If you have someone from the jungle of Brazil from some tribe of 20 people, and they come in and want a document translated, you have to be able to translate it for them.”

With great poise Councilwoman Fitzwater introduced the bill and we know, just know he’s going to say something and of course he does! He insisted that we don’t have to throw out old Blainey boy’s ordinance, we can just modify it. Jessica then snaps at him (Oh the humidity, but how can we blame her? I mean really.). If you have something in writing, she quipped, you can share it with me. Right now all we are doing is reading the bill. Properly chastised he shuts the microphone down.

The next order of business is something we have wanted to see happen for quite sometime. We here at the Local Yokel love our festivals. The 4th of July, In the Streets, special events at Rose Hill Manor count us in! What we do not love is seeing the mountains of trash that are full of recyclables. Our fair State passed a law requiring that all counties pass ordinances that require event organizers, within certain parameters, to provide recycling. Yay!!! Now keep in mind THIS HAS TO HAPPEN! It is a State law and Frederick County must comply. The Department of Solid Waste Management presented a lot of information to the council. And they underlined the fact that THIS HAS TO HAPPEN. Well, looky over to the left, who is going to make this difficult? That’s right Billy. He tries to make the poor solid waste people give him an estimate as to how much recyclables would be generated at a picnic or a soccer tournament. And these poor souls. Silence falls and then a response of, “There is really no way we can estimate that.” He then wants to know what private companies charge to haul this stuff away. They don’t know. His point, I suppose, is that he thinks this will put an unfair burden on people. But hey, this isn’t for little outings. It’s for events that are expecting over 200 people and take place on public property. Why can’t this man see the big picture on this or anything else for that matter? Thankfully passed 6-1.

Next oddity on the agenda. Kirby wants a lobbyist. What for? To send to Annapolis, because according to him we are missing out on millions of dollars that are either sitting in some secret bunker or being distributed to other counties. Bud rightfully asks if this is not the job of our elected delegates and state senators. Aren’t they not the ones elected to bring back money to the county? And if Kirby’s contention, for which he has no proof, is correct, then we have a problem. It was agreed that they would meet with the delegation to see if they were in fact missing out on this secret stash of cash.

It was within this conversation that our good buddy Bud almost gave us a fainting spell. He called Kirby Congressman Delauter! And oh my stars do not even joke about such a thing Bud! He quickly and quite loudly added: “Sorry about that”! Wouldn’t we all be sorry indeed?

Mad Props to David Gray

Last night’s county council meeting considered the influence of the infamous FACT Letter on the Monrovia Town Center development and zoning. A lot of people came to speak. Almost all of the speakers who do not stand to profit from the development are varying degrees of furious. The council will set a course of action on next Tuesday, June 16th at 4:30.

During public comments David Gray stood up and explained what we have all long suspected. He observed as a member of the previous (and final) Board of County Commissioners that they just did whatever Blaine Young wanted, with no consideration given to anything. It’s pretty easy to see the evidence supporting that. We’ve said before that it is awwwwwfully curious, what with all the newcomers to the county government, somehow the veterans of the previous board seem so often to be the ones lost by things like how a budget works. Thank you, David Gray, man of integrity.

We will now steel ourselves for nastiness toward what some call Turncoat Republicans. We call them independent thinkers, and we adore them. Hopefully Bud Otis will work diligently to return to the top slot in our listicle of beloved turncoats, but today our hearts sing for David Gray.

Especially fine work emphasizing the council's role as a contemplative body. Way to put a fine point on it! Sad that it is such a novel concept that it requires highlighting.
Especially fine work emphasizing the council’s role as a contemplative body. Way to put a fine point on it! Sad that it is such a novel concept that it requires highlighting.

Some speakers, including former Commissioner Gray, said the letter was a political move to justify the board’s approval of the development.

“It seemed very obvious to me, to tell you the truth, that this was to pad the record,” Gray said.

Frederick News Post, Tuesday, June 9, 2015.

Last week’s poll results and this week’s happy fun time!

Wow! Thank you very much looking forward to seeing y'all out in the field.
Wow! Thank you very much looking forward to seeing y’all out in the field.
Ha ha!  But seriously, who voted for Blaine?!
Ha ha! But seriously, who voted for Blaine?!

So for this week we want to imagine that you are going to attend a lecture series. Which one of the following would you like to attend for the purpose of heckling?

Good Queen Jan, Her Royal Highness, Our Lady of Immense Patience

The story in which Billy calls Jan a queen because of ethics. Which sounds kinda familiar, but much more fun and fanciful than that earlier ugliness about tyrants and dictators. They’re just not so sparkly and glamorous, and imagining a Good and Lovely Queen makes us think of Glinda the Good Witch, and gives us warm feelings about her kind and wise guidance. Amidst personal attacks, she stands by and keeps her comments to the situation at hand, which makes it that much more a pleasure to sing her praises.

You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!
You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!

Kirby D had this to say:

Delauter said Gardner’s decision to issue the order is “par for the course.” With the decisions she is making, he said, the county will go back into the same hole that it was in when the last board of commissioners last took office, which was after Gardner’s last term as commissioners president.

Yes indeed. We all remember the utopian vision of the BOCC under Blaine Young, with Billy and Kirby to boot. We could go out to eat with the hundred bucks, and they got to “trim the fat.” You know, county workers who do all the things to make our county the place we call home. County employees who might have liked to afford to go out to eat themselves, we have to suppose.

This all makes us think of con-men, tricksters and cheats in so much detail. In the end they are supposed to turn out to be good. Is that only in old movies? Not to draw out this conceit and suggest Bud Otis has ever been such a bad seed, but at least in him we see that our first impressions were wrong. It’s sad to feel so hopeless in regards to some.

And another word about tricksters. Does it seem a mite strange that if you are on an ethics panel that believes politicization has run amok that the decision would be to resign? That sure strikes us as an odd way to ensure ethics are maintained. It almost sounds like b.s.