Howdy Yokels! Some good news! We have just discovered that we have our very own version of the satire newspaper, The Onion, right here in Frederick County. It’s operating under the name of the Emmittsburg News Journal. What’s that, you say? That’s a real newspaper? Well how can that be, after they printed this nonsense from Mr. Shreve?
I tell everyone who wants to run for office the same thing….pay your $25 and sign. Any idiot can get elected. It never ceases to amaze me how many smart people have lost elections and how many others have won.
Wait a minute….we actually agree with this statement. We are amazed that he recognizes the fact that he’s an idiot. Maybe he’s more introspective than we have given him credit for. To illustrate the fact that he is indeed an idiot, he continues with this description of the first year of the County Council:
Year 1-My take…We have accomplished nothing zero- Goose egg-Nada-Nothing.
Goose egg? And Billy better watch the use of the word nada, people may get the wrong idea concerning his stance on the English Language Ordinance. He also, very maturely, refers to Bud as “DUD.” In fact, he goes on a long rant about Bud and what a horrible, terrible, incompetent fool he is, and how we can ask ANYONE and they will tell you how difficult Bud is to work with. Maybe we should ask Disco Doug who the most difficult person is to work with really is. If you want read the whole article here. You will have the added bonus of seeing Kirby’s letter in which he repeats his really dumb story about how NASA invented a pen to use in space and the Soviets just used a pencil. I guess he doesn’t care for progress or American ingenuity. Maybe Kirby’s a communist? What’s even funnier is the whole story is a bunch of bunk.
If you were to be a F.L.Y. on the wall at the fredericklocalyokel last eve, this is what was getting swatted around here. We know we take a little too much care with the side show at the expense of the sensible discussion, but other than the man whose legislation was being voted on, there was a whole lot of talk concentrated in that one arena.
Do consent agenda items usually take this long? No; but if someone in the construction bidness would dig it, voila! This is fascinating stuff, and suddenly government is not just a thorn in your side, but something to hold and caress with tender loving care.
Billy. Always trying to be in “Gotcha! Mode.” Also, Shreve sounds * just like GWB when he does it.
“Heh heh heh.”
How is a subdivision different than an easement? Is he for real? Oh, and he assumes King George didn’t just give us Pinecliff park. So he’s right about something! Congrats. It came about in the 70’s, apparently, and the sled run was popular back then, “When we regularly got snow in the winter.” But who cares about the environment, right?
Poor Jerry Donald. He is going to have an aneurism trying to make a grown man understand that the properties of liquid are commonly accepted. He doesn’t teach first grade science, does he?
Kirby either has no clue or is deliberately obtuse about the concept of a grandfather clause (or perhaps didn’t read this “ACA like” legislation and will find out what’s in it after it passes…spoiler alert!). LOLs for Jerry telling Kirby he has to introduce his own legislation to make it retroactive.
Kirby: I don’t want to do anything. (Nuff said.)
Why would Kirby want all the emails? He didn’t read anything before he got here (for a duration of decades, possibly). What difference could “all the emails” possibly make?
Oh, Kirby, you should have all the email. Just read them BEFORE the meeting, mkay?
Fun fact for another #kirbydelauter talking point (people at Yale want free education): Yale is the least likely place to have angst over free education, whether you are in the science department, or not. Know why? At Yale there is 100% tuition guarantee for demonstrated need.
Cheers, Councilman Donald! Everyone does want free beer!
Let’s talk about boat ramps and rafting tours? Do you need a boat ramp to put a raft in the water? We should ask those guys who went on that whitewater adventure with the cooler full of whiskey sours during Hurricane Sandy. Does anyone know…Oh man, did we accidentally elect them to our County Council?
Tony. Tony? Tony!!! He has seen environmental science first hand and just thinks the concerns, which he finds understandable, are being overstated. (That happened! Tip of the Hat for Council Member Chmelik! Tony probably did not get invited out for Fireball shots with the friends after that.)
Tip of the hat to Council Member Chmelik.
Poor Doug Browning. (Disco Doug!) Can you guys imagine if part of your job description involved showing up on a regular basis to be publicly flogged by Billy Shreve? (NO! We are so lucky! We don’t even have to talk to him, ever, if we don’t want to!)
Council comments include a smallish Delauterburst, and Billy chastising everyone for the dysfunctionality of the council after this first year, largely caused by the fact that despite being an incumbent county office holder he (and his like-minded, similarly experienced, and comparably cranky friend) seemed the freshman. Also not helping: Billy tries to impede functioning at every opportunity. Especially if you can make the meeting drag on so long that members of the public go home/tune out.
It’s the one year anniversary of the County Council!!! Has it really been a whole year already? Tonight’s anniversary meeting, friends, was….let’s say something to behold. At the very least it’s a prime example of why obtuse people who refuse to read shouldn’t have any political power. The prime offender this evening:
I’ll listen to your scientific data, as long as it’s easy and it’s not written by that socialist scum at Yale who dare to dream of free college educations.
It should come as no surprise that Kirby doesn’t want to extend the water buffer zones. If you read our drinking gamewe practically predicted it. What was surprising was how many times your faithful yokels messaged each other with this line: “OMG, is he really this dumb? ” First off, Kirby, here’s a really easy picture to help you along your journey of figuring this whole bill out:
Kirby either didn’t read the water body buffer bill or doesn’t know what is going on. The bill applies to future properties that are going to be subdivided. Get that? Future properties. Well no, no, no, Your Govern Like A Taxpayer Today Councilman is not going to let you liberal witches tell him how close to the water he’s allowed to build his outhouse. (Just kidding…Kirby is just fine with using the yard). He starts in with some strange rant about Pinecliff Park and the pavilions and how they all need to be ripped out because that’s the only way to get clean water. And, if we are going to get clean water we better do it right. In full schoolteacher mode, Jerry Donald asks Kirby if he would like to introduce a new bill to remove all existing structures that are in the 150 foot water buffer range. To which Kirby replies, ” I don’t want to do anything.” Kirby then insists on “easy to read scientific data” that proves this buffer zone will help clean the water. Well, too bad I didn’t save the water aquifer my son made in kindergarten, because I really think that will help in this case. Because Kirby is not going to listen to any stinking report from those Commie loving Yalies or the Army Corp of Engineers (those libtards). It’s more than obvious that Kirby is on some property rights mission from Donald Trump this evening. We would really like him to really consider what happens when property owners are allowed to do whatever the hell they want to.
No problems here!
Regulations exist for a reason right? If you said yes you must be one of those Democrats. And we all know what Kirby wants to do to Democrats.
I guess Billy’s canyon will be here sooner rather than later!
Happy Holiday Season yokels! We are ringing in December with a council meeting. Will it be festive and full of joy? Or will Uncle Billy throw a fit and will cousin Kirby destroy our drinking water so someone can have a gazebo? Grab your agenda here and watch it live. And remember Santa’s watching, and you will go on the naughty list if you take this seriously.
If Kirby does as we are prognosticating and votes against the enhanced protections of water body buffers, try yerself a Swamp Water.If all 3 of the dunderheads vote against it, upgrade to a Brain Fart.
Hear ye, hear ye! ICYMI Fredericktowne: Repudiation Day was on Saturday, and a good time was had by all. An excerpt from our local newspaper, not printed on paper taxed by the British (friendly reminder; buy local media–it’s important to a functioning government), and mostly read in {paid} electronic form by this local yokel.
Isabel Damazo, a student in [Gary] Brennan’s class, said they studied the primary documents and newspaper accounts of the repudiation earlier this semester.
Among other documents, the original court minutes book from 1765 was on display inside City Hall.
Frederick County Circuit Court Judge Theresa M. Adams and Circuit Court Clerk Sandra Dalton led a re-enactment of the showdown between the clerk and judges, who later became known as “the 12 immortals.”
“I continue to be amazed at the courage of these 12 justices,” Adams said at the end of the event. “This was a decision which could have cost someone his life. It was a really brave and courageous decision.”
Couple things, y’all.
A.) How privileged are we to have public school students learning from primary historical documents in our community? Woot! Woot! Kudos to FCPS quality education and to our local forefathers, who contributed to the noble history of this nation. Taxation without representation was a big stinkin’ deal (just ask The District). Some people like to omit that part about representation, just posturing in opposition to taxes. Don’t teach half of history and be through with it. Use the representation you have. Our forefathers would be embarrassed by our failure to use their gifts for our betterment.
B.) Would our heroic ancestors be standing up in public and saying, “Be afraid; be very afraid”? We must stop adopting a terrorized demeanor. Courage is the only way to begin to rise above those who wish to make us fearful and who seek to endanger our founding principles.
In repudiation of fear-mongering, enjoy the wisdom of one of the signatories of our Declaration of Independence, Samuel Adams. We will have to salute his genius in our next drinking game. Might as well stock up on the beer in advance!
Cheers! Word of advice. If you have a chance to visit the City Tavern in Philly where our forefathers informally met for drinks and debate, Jefferson‘s Tavern Ale will knock you on your badonk. And they say they had to reduce the alcohol content considerably to sell it. Was our independence won on liquid courage?
We are so proud to know that we here at the Yokel are following in the footsteps of hundreds of years of snarkiness in these here parts. From Sunday’sFrederick News Postwe learned of this little bit of awesomeness concerning the dreaded Stamp Act of 1765:
When 12 judges in Frederick County, in an act of courage and rebellion that would earn them the moniker “immortal,” denounced the British Stamp Act on Nov. 23, 1765, old Frederick Town responded with a parade, a formal burial of the act, and a celebration ball.
A coffin, with a copy of the act inside, was paraded through town, followed by an effigy of the man who was hired by the British monarchy to collect the tax, as the “sole mourner” of the court’s action.
Drum beats bounced from the facades of buildings in downtown Frederick.
The coffin and effigy were buried near the gallows on the old courthouse lawn, near the current city hall.
Okay readers, picture this. We take a copy of…let’s say the English Language Ordinance. We then place it in a coffin and walk solemnly down Church Street, and then bury it in the ground. Of course, we may have to have more than one effigy, but I am sure our Forefathers won’t mind if we modify their presentation a tad. Afterwards, we throw a party where we all drink and laugh the night away. Wouldn’t that be a fine tradition to start up again? We are absolutely giddy just thinking of the possibilities. Who is with us?!
Until we can organize this, you will have to settle for an re-enactment of the event tomorrow outside of City Hall.
Let us begin this post with a message to our French brothers and sisters (that’s right brothers and sisters, because without them we wouldn’t even have a country, folks!). Every single one of you is in your Yokels’ thoughts. We were absolutely sickened by the heinous acts that occurred in your country over the weekend. Hopefully the passage of time and prosecution of those responsible will help heal those wounds. And to those who did this: you are truly the most horrible people to inhabit this Earth. Truly.
We hope that all nations can come together against this monstrous threat. We love you, France!
Now, with that being said, there is something else that sickens us. Blaming an entire group of people for the actions of a few. And oh how nice, that almost every member of the Frederick Republican delegation showed the Frederick News Postjust how crazy they can be. First we nominate Delegate Barry Ciliberti for most misleading statement about the vetting of Syrian refugees:
“None should come until we have the credible intelligence to vet these people. We should declare an immediate moratorium.”
Hmmm, Is it true that there isn’t any credible intelligence that the government uses when deciding whether or not someone from Syria is allowed in? Well, according to TIME Magazine:
The process begins with a referral from UNHCR. The U.N.’s refugee agency is responsible for registering some 15 million asylum seekers around the world, and providing aid and assistance until they are resettled abroad or (more likely) returned home once conditions ease. The registration process includes in-depth refugee interviews, home country reference checks and biological screening such as iris scans. Military combatants are weeded out.
Among those who pass background checks, a small percentage are referred for overseas resettlement based on criteria designed to determine the most vulnerable cases. This group may include survivors of torture, victims of sexual violence, targets of political persecution, the medically needy, families with multiple children and a female head of household.
The article goes on to say that the process takes at least 18 months and that only 50% that apply are allowed in. But let’s continue with the scare tactics. Senator Michael Hough:
Hough said he worried that not enough attention would be focused on the issue because of “political correctness,” and that the country will move too quickly to accept refugees.
“We’ve been unable in the past to keep [terrorists] out, even in our legal [immigration] system,” Hough said. “What we don’t want is to have ISIS terrorists slipping in with [refugees].”
Why is political correctness always thrown out like it’s such a horrible thing? It seems that when someone rallies against political correctness it’s usually because they want to say something that is crazy, rude, racist, sexist, or–in this case–xenophobic. We are not letting Syrian refugees into this country because we are afraid of not being politically correct. Maybe, just maybe, the thinking is that we will allow these poor people (who have been through hell) into our country so that they can have a better life. You know, the same reason that drew every other immigrant to our country.
Let’s say that the United States, the supposed beacon of liberty, does reject them. Are they to permanently live in wretched refugee camps ? Or should they be forced to return to ISIS controlled areas where they will surely suffer? Why should Europe assume sole responsibility for this? Perhaps if we take these people in, we educate them and their children, then we can move one step closer to winning the war of ideas. If we reject them we will surely poison another generation against our country.
We cannot run national policy on a bunch of fear mongering “what ifs”. And we certainly cannot shut everyone out because we fear a few may slip through. We have safeguards in place. We need to be compassionate and we need to see the bigger picture. I think some out there need to be reminded of the words inscribed on the Statue of Liberty (thanks, France!):
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
Thankfully, a handful of local buffoons and fear mongering governors cannot prevent the compassion that these people so greatly need. And kudos to both Delegate and Senator Young for being the only voices of reason in the article today. Nobody wants terrorism in this country. But we must be very careful not to let our fears prevent us from doing what is right and just.
Howdy-do, faithful readers! It’s that drinking time of the month again. Not too much on this agenda but we are all too sure a few will find a way to make things interesting on a legislative day. There’s no reason this can’t be lively.
Last month it was boys in ties, this month it’s the Girl Scouts. If you see a scowl from any of the usual suspects when picture time comes, simply sip a Thin Mint Martini.
Assuming snide comments will be made by someone or other–especially in light of the fact that things have been taken off the agenda and there’s a request to go to a closed session–if a complaint is expressed in those oh-so-indignant tones brewed to perfection over time, have a swig of anything from the Whiners craft beer menu.
The High Sheriff is in the news again! What now you may ask? He really, really doesn’t want medical marijuana in Frederick. And it isn’t just because he thinks it will place an undue burden on law enforcement when it comes to protecting these facilities. It’s much, much more than that:
Jenkins dismissed arguments many proponents of medical cannabis cite on the drug’s benefits in addressing chronic pain and specific diseases and disorders including Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and PTSD. For Jenkins, the real issue boils down to a pathway to legalization.
“I’m not a doctor, and I’m sure that that information and those statistics are probably reliable. I just don’t agree with it. … I think in most cases, it’s [for the purposes of] legalization, that’s the endgame, so let’s call it what it is,” Jenkins said. “Total legalization is what these people want.”
So thereCancer patients and parents ofepileptic children the Sheriff cares not for your pain. Because all of this is medical cannabis hub a bub is just a huge manipulation to make marijuana legal for everyone*. The fact is this is happening; it’s been approved by the State and he can’t stop it. And these words will probably never be uttered on this site again so hold onto your britches:
High Sheriff, please jump on the Billy Shreve bandwagon on this issue. Figure out how to make this work and stop saying terrible things. Just stop it!
* Side note: For someone who is always talking about his lack of resources, wouldn’t it be a huge burden lifted off of his force if marijuana was legalized? Is he really Richard Nixon crazy when it comes to the danger of this drug?
We want to apologize in advance gentle readers. We looked at the Tentacle again! We know, many of you warned us not to stare directly into that website’s noodley appendage! But how could we resist a title like this: Council Briefs-October 2015? It’s like our crack cocaine.
You’ll remember a few weeks back when Kirby attempted to channel the dead ghost of Seinfeld and failed oh so miserably. Now it’s Billy’s turn to take a crack at the old creative writing wheel. And of course, without even reading a single word, you can guess how that turned out. Just horrible.
The tome features three disjointed rants. The first one is about the nursing home. But blah, blah, yawn. Get over it Billy! The only thing to note is that Billy will now refer to Mr. Doug Browning as Disco Doug (?!) and Jan needs to call 1-800-GAMBLER, because you know she’s really super addicted to spending everyone’s money. Stop laughing, this is a super serious problem people!
Now on to the pot! Billy really likes to refer to Jan and her Ivory Tower. And it’s all her fault that medical marijuana will only be grown in office parks and the State won’t tax it because it’s a medicine. And now we are super confused because does Billy want another tax? Isn’t he always rallying against taxes and how everything costs so much gosh darn money? And how are taxes not implemented by the State Jan’s fault? Silly us, we forgot everything is her fault. Leave it to Billy to fix our ignorance. Thankfully Billy also sounds the alarm that potatoes will soon be a thing of the past. Because, you know, vodka.
Lastly, more whining about the Letter to the Editor Linda Norris-Waldt wrote to the Washington Posta few weeks back. Frankly, it’s been amusing to see the outrage over this. It’s as though people didn’t even bother to read it in its entirety. It’s either that or we have a huge reading comprehension problem in our county. Frederick, while a very welcoming community, certainly has the ” we were here first and therefore our opinion is more valuable” attitude. Something we vehemently disagree with. You know when a person has a say in the community they live in? The second they move here. There is no waiting or trial period. And if you don’t like it Billy, stop building so many houses! Because we can pretty much guarantee that most of the people buying those houses aren’t from Frederick County.
frederick local yokel 