What the hell happened? Your April 5th council meeting roundup!

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Life is all about change. Humans, in order to survive and thrive, must be adaptable to change.  If not, you end up denying indisputable climate data and supporting a candidate that promises to make everything great again. So we here at the Yokel want to be adaptable. We don’t want to end up stockpiling canned goods and squatting on National Wildlife preserves. We really don’t! That’s why we want to accept all of the changes we saw at the meeting last night no matter how hard that may be.

First we’ll start with someone who could use a bit of change.

AYE Billy AYE!
AYE Billy AYE!

We’ve done a few posts about Billy’s oppositional defiance disorder.When he can bring himself to vote he never, ever says Aye. Everyone else can do it,  but Billy likes to be a trailblazer. Nobody is going to tell him how to talk,  no sirree Bob. Until Billy sends us a message explaining why he does this we’re going to refer to him as a:

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Next on the agenda is some sewer talk. The two amendments to the code and one out of sequence item concerning sewer hookup to Lewistown were passed with little to no fanfare. Then came the third reading section of the evening.

First off, Jessica tables the bill concerning the changes that can be made to historical designations. Of course Xenu is playing a hand in this. And the FNP article on it acknowledges as much. We here at the Yokel agree with Mark Long’s public comments concerning the Scientologists turning the land over to the park service. Enough is enough. We don’t want a bizarre cult recruitment center thinly disguised as a very ineffective drug treatment center in our neck of the woods.

The next bill was also tabled. This time it was medical cannabis that landed on the cutting room floor. In a separate FNP article we learn:

Keegan-Ayer said after Tuesday’s County Council meeting she didn’t have four votes among the seven council members to approve the bill. In early March, she told The Frederick News-Post she believed a majority of the council supported the legislation.

She said Tuesday that she was aware of concerns among some council members, but declined to elaborate what they were.

“In my opinion, they were not based on fact,” Keegan-Ayer said of the concerns.

What’s that you say?! Some council members hold opinions that aren’t based on facts? When did this start? Oh that’s right December 1, 2014.  Come on people, enough craziness about marijuana. There’s even been research suggesting that we may not have the opioid/heroine addiction problems if Nixon hadn’t made everyone so cuckoo over marijuana and let it be researched as a pain management drug. Let’s all operate in the real world..please!!!

Now we come to the part of the meeting that still has us scratching our watches and winding our butts. Remember a few weeks back when Councilman Chemlik was all so against the impact fees?  We recall a long soliloquy in defense of our poor, downtrodden developers. Fast forward to last night and oh how things have changed. We like the change, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t want an explanation! Tony is now for both of these fees! He was so very excited to vote for them that he screamed Aye into his microphone before the vote had even been taken. We would like to accept his vote and move on, but we can’t.  What the hell happened?

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Did ya enjoy your week off? You’re going to pay for it! Your April 5th drinking game!

Now, now Slim, let's not assume the council meeting is going to be a wreck!
Now, now Slim, let’s not assume the council meeting is going to stink!

Hopefully y’all’s livers are nice and rested from last week’s council hiatus. Because, holy moly this week’s agenda is long and controversial. We’re fairly certain Billy will be back, probably basking in the glory of his film award. Maybe he’ll even walk in on a red carpet! Any hoo, grab your agenda, find a comfy chair and prepare to settle in for a good long while. As always, this game is just for fun! Billy and Kirby aren’t worth wrecking your health over!

8, yes 8 budget transfers are on the table! Kirby doesn’t like the Department of Aging and Billy won’t vote on principle.  So, when they cause problems on the simplest of items have a sip of your Manhattan Transfer! Perhaps we can transfer them to another jurisdiction?

Blah, blah, Billy will vote against the minutes, the dumbest thing he can do. Now its time for County Executive Appointments. 4 this week! If any controversy occurs over these fine citizens who volunteer their time to help our government just have a Celebration Cocktail in their honor. We’ll ignore the naysayers this time around.

Sewer time!!! Two public hearings on amendments to the sewer plan and a new sewer line for Lewistown. Have to say we love the Out Of Sequence moniker that refers to the Lewistown issue. If anyone is “Out of Sequence” during this discussion mix up a pitcher of Sewer Rat. 

Sorry Templeton!
Sorry Templeton!

There’s four items on the third reading agenda. Which means these issues could be settled this evening.

  1. Special Exceptions Uses in Connection with Historic Structures AKA keep Trout Run from becoming a reprogramming center. OOH! OOH! We may get to see Gumption the Dragon again! If she’s there have a Green Dragon in her honor.
  2. Medical Cannabis Growers tonight could be your night! If Billy chimes in with any last minute amendments that he didn’t bother to tell anyone about quietly sip back some Liquid Marijuana.
  3. Last chance to cause trouble on the impact fees. First off It’s Revisions to School and Library fees. If (when?) Tony decides to take up the banner of developers and drags this meeting into 2 hour territory mix up a Lonely Island Lost in the Middle of a Foggy Sea.
  4. Last, but not least, School Construction fees. When Kirby goes on about how Jan didn’t negotiate with builders, but instead blackmailed them (perhaps put a gun to their heads) and he had it all figured out but nobody wants to listen to him go ahead and pour yourself a Mad Hatter. 

Now, there’s some legal matter (hmm!) that the council needs to go behind closed doors to sort out. Last time Billy objected, if he does so again swig back Aida’s curse. 

Public comment and Council Member comment is unpredictable and we think that’s enough alcohol for one evening.

It’s our birthday!!! What would you like to see more of poll!

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We’ve been blogging for a whole year now!!!! So go ahead and wish us a Happy Birthday and if you really like us why don’t you suggest some friends go ahead and follow us? Don’t forget we recently joined Instagram and Tumblr too! Show us some birthday love and find us there!

Let’s close up our old poll first:

We agree!

 

Newsflash! Breaking news!

The Yokel has received word from a source close to the County Council that an announcement is coming later today.

What announcement?  Billy, Kirby and Tony are all expected to step down from their council member positions effective immediately.

Our source quotes the 3 members as saying they’ve had an epiphany that it is better for the county if they step down.

Wow! Never thought they had that much introspection!
Wow! Never thought they had that much introspection!

We’re about to turn 1: a tantrum worthy of a toddler is brewing!

It is unbelievable to your Yokel gals the lengths to which some of these people will go to in defending Blaine Young. A look at the paper today reveals an LTE, short and sweet. It’s so short it would have fit in one little block quote. Some lady admonishing the FNP for being mean.

Can we just ask? Why is nothing ever their fault? Kirby can make an ass of himself on a public forum, and it’s other people’s problem for noticing. Blaine allegedly can’t keep his pants zipped anywhere for any reason at a time period lasting for decades, and WE are the ones embarrassing his family (!!!!) according to the unwavering logical fallacy that is the hallmark of the County Council Watch page. Oh, and by-the-by, if you aren’t following the County Council Watch Watch, you should be! It will save you having to peek at the condition of that festering boil on the butt of the county.

And guess what, dear “Area Woman” of the Watch Watch! We don’t even have to be the voyeurs to your exhibitionist friend group. There is an entire network of concerned citizens who just occasionally lets us know when something interesting is going on. It’s just that simple. Probably they let everyone and their mother know about the same stuff, but the Baltimore Sun is staffed and paid to call everyone for comment. We’re just leading you to the same public information you could find any old time, but the internet made it faster. Like the White Pages. Remember when you had to look in a book? Well, no longer. Same with court records, Woman.

When we started this group one of our goals was to poke fun at the local mess so that maybe more people would be willing to pay attention to local politics. It’s absolutely not our fault if your weirdo sideshow makes the best scandals. Too bad that “Mexican” food for dinner is too boring to capture anyone’s imagination. Multiple sex scandals (even more than one with hookers), repeatedly doing stuff so dumb that the A.P. runs stories about how dumb you are, or the “je ne sais quoi” Billy contributes to the Honey Boo Boo vibe of Frederick county are just plain fascinating.

Get ahold of yourself, Woman!
Get ahold of yourself, Woman!

This matter of going after people’s kids. No one is going after kids, except for Area Woman trying to suggest it would be fine to persecute ours. We are absolutely in agreement with Blaine’s deleted Facebook apology (the one the Baltimore Sun screen capped and distributed like common stalkers, hahah!): his family and romantic partner(s?) need space. However, if a john’s kids feel ashamed by his gross behavior, that’s a john’s fault and he should have thought about that before breaking the law. It seems like there have been ample opportunities to learn this lesson:

Keep your crazy tucked in, people. And your other stuff, too, while you’re at it.

La la loopsy Xenu’s lawyer made an oopsie!

Loyal readers are aware that Xenu’s lawyer’s have filed a lawsuit against the entire county. That’s right folks the whole county!

Prepare to pay up!
Prepare to pay up!

Well, it appears that maybe a mistake was made because on the 25th they filed another suit and made sure that this time they spelled out The Frederick County Council.

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So who exactly is doing Xenu’s lawyering?

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Durp!

In the midst of scandal, county business marches on….minus one!

Blaine's naughty time has been taking too much of our time!
Blaine’s naughty time has been taking too much of our time!

Hey there Yokels! Blaine’s scandal has rightly taken much of our time these past few days. We did want to report on the short 26 minute meeting that took place this past Tuesday. “26 minutes,” we hear you declare! Well, there’s a reason for that. Old Billy boy was no where to be found. Maybe he was over in Anne Arundel County just begging for Blaine’s case to be dropped. Who knows?

We start off harmless enough. Kirby votes against the budget transfers because no way , no how is the Department of Aging allowed anymore money out of him! The only business of the evening is a public hearing on the impact fees. Only four speakers, so it went by quickly enough.

Without Billy, Council member comments also went off without a hitch! Kirby informs us that the Governor is on board with his idea of leased back schools. I wonder if the Governor has the same impression of that conversation. Then Jerry reminds us what happens when schools are built on the cheap. But hey, what does Kirby care about 50 years down the road? Chemlik chooses to keep his trap shut and we’re done.

I guess what we’ve learned from tonight is that if we want a short, concise meeting we need to make sure Billy is somewhere else.

Your Yokel Blaine Update!

Wowza! These past couple of days have been busy, busy, busy. We here at the Yokel keep asking one another, “Can you believe it?” To which the reply is always, “Well, yeah.” Let’s catch up.

After last night’s revelation that Blaine was charged with 4 counts of prostitution, he posts this on Facebook:

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This was quickly removed, we imagine under his lawyer’s advice.
Can't pin this one on the demons, gotta take responsibility Blaine!
Can’t pin this one on the demons, gotta take responsibility Blaine!

Later in the day the Baltimore Sun releases the charging documents. And never a more sordid tale have we read. So it appears that Blaine went on a website called back page and clicked on the naughty adult section. There he was intrigued by an ad that promised:

Guaranteed fun, freaky & fetish friendly with all services covered.

Mr. Young then drove the hour or so out to a hotel in Linthicum, paid his $60 (!) and  proceeded to undress. Then the awful, albeit obvious to just about anyone else, truth was revealed to him. He was not in a “fetish friendly’ environment. He was in the middle of a sting operation. And holy Dateline episode, of course we all saw this coming. If you want to read more choose from any of these available stories:

At least this story didn't read: "County Executive Blaine Young...."
At least this story didn’t read: “County Executive Blaine Young….”

Soon we’ll go back and see what Blaine had to say about all that Black Book hullabaloo. It doesn’t seem to be the bunch of nonsense he once claimed it to be.

 

This drinking game will have an impact!

Run Crookshanks!
Run Crookshanks!

The rapid succession of meetings and workshops are really testing our drinking game skills. Thankfully, this meeting is rather short and sweet.  But we will not be surprised if Tony pulls something like this before the night is over:

I do not like fees. No siree. I will not let this be. Don't y'all see? All the developers love me!
I do not like fees.
No siree.
I will not let this be.
Don’t y’all see?
All the developers love me!

Grab your agenda and follow along!

Budget transfers, consent agendas, only one fool disagrees. Mix yourself a pitcher of Sangria to take the edge off.

Second reading of the bill to make revisions to Public School and Library Development Impact Fees and Annual Adjustments . We’ve heard a lot of words out of Tony’s mouth over this and how it’s a very bad, evil proposition. Hell, it even started the case of the mysterious developer! If Tony’s rant lasts longer than 30 minutes slam back a Red Hot Explosion…or two!

Next up is another second reading. A related topic:  Revisions to APFO School Construction Fees and Annual Adjustments. If Kirby tells some cockamamie story about Jan putting a gun to developer’s heads to make them pay up (yes that’s a thing that happened) chug your Raspberry Bulldozer.

Now you’re off the hook until April 5th!