Someone needs to get in the penalty box! Oh, and please vote for us!

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Oh yes he did!

So last week, we ever so nicely asked our friendly readers to vote for us in the FNP’s Best of the Best blog contest. Just a little friendly competition among local blogs, right? Well, we thought so until yesterday when we noticed that we were getting quite a few referrals from some blog called Russian Machine Never Breaks. At first we thought, ” Oh no, Kirby and Billy finally got the Russians after us.” But no, it’s just some blog devoted entirely to the Washington Capitals hockey team. What did this blog dare say about your favorite Lady Yokels you ask?

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Yeah, why don’t you puck off?!?!

Not sure how this qualifies as a local blog since, besides this post, we don’t see anything on their site that has to do with Frederick.  To point out the obvious, these hockey jocks know nothing about how your coterie of ladies works tirelessly to keep y’all up to date on our local political scene. If they would pull themselves away from ESPN for half a millisecond, maybe just maybe, they would be a little angry as well. For how else is one to react after being exposed to the antics of Shrelauter?

Our other friendly competition, Housewives of Frederick County, was also heavily condescended to in this post, because they have what these fellows identify as lady capri pants interests!!! Hockey #1!!! GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!

So dear readers, we are sending out another call for you to vote for a TRUE local Frederick blog. One that makes it so you don’t have to destroy your TV when you throw a glass at it during council meetings. A blog that cares about what happens up here in our fine county, and not on a fake ice rink far, far away.

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Or your Lady Yokels!

Ain’t too proud to beg!!!

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We’ve once again made the finalist list for the Frederick News Post’s Best of the Best awards. Since we don’t make any money doing what we do, we can’t afford to buy any of the fancy ads to promote ourselves. Therefore, we rely on you, our dear readers, to get the word out and vote! Go ahead and follow this link!

We are counting on you!

TBT: Remember local third grade spat expert, Billy Shreve?

Who wouldn’t have wanted to be a fly on the wall in the office of the opinion editor at the Frederick News Post when this gem of an LTE dropped into his mailbox. Billy Shreve was criticized for missing school board meetings, and penned a lengthy screed detailing the ways in which he is actually dumb as a stump. A man who engaged in a weeks long drama about a lost key also accused the editorial board of engaging in a third grade spat. The miracle of the internet visited this memory upon us, and as we were not publishing in 2014, we thought it only fair that we douse it liberally with our attentions.

It’s hard to pick a favorite part, but here’s a highlight.

The editors of The Frederick News-Post have surprised me. They have spent so much time confusing attendance with action and results. Generally, that type of evaluation is considered in leadership circles to be a “rookie mistake.”

For a person making such a bold statement about action and results it does seem like most of what he does is moan and groan and little else–then, now and forevermore! (One does wonder what will be inscribed on his tombstone, since he admits it isn’t going to be, “Never missed a meeting.” May we offer “King of the Deplorables” as a suggestion?) It’s in his bones to make a lot of noise and do a lot of nothing, and you can tell by the “leadership circles” he admires.

Can you imagine if students were allowed to just decide that attending some parts of the school day were beneath them the way Shreve approached his responsibility to the BOE? What an example, speaking of leadership.

And then there is also this part:

One might ask, “What constitutes a meeting?”

One might also ask, “Did this really happen?” Ladies and gentlemen of Frederick County, lets not reelect the Bart Homer Simpson of local politics to any other offices. His track record is abysmal, and he does not need to fail up the ladder.

 

 

What can we say, y’all. We must be running low on our stupid quotient, since it’s been awhile between council meetings, so we dug into the archives. Frederick County is back in business next week. Brace yourselves.

Vote for your favorite Yokels!

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It’s that time of year again folks!

The Frederick News Post is once again taking nominations for their annual Best of the Best contest! Up until July 9th you can vote for your favorite Frederick restaurant, camping site, school, and of course your favorite local blog…US! So, if you would be so kind click on over to their contest page, scroll down to the entertainment section, and then under Local Blog enter: Frederick Local Yokel!!! Show us some love!

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All the WTF that’s fit to laugh at

The Frederick News Post’s opinion page has really jumped the shark lately. There are some unbelievable thought dumplings in both op-ed pieces and letters to the editor so far this week.

Today we have Rick Blatchford doing his own think piece on humorless comedy with a Bye-Bye Birdie parody about The Libs, who allegedly have no funny bones. It’s a variation not unlike that stupid meme that goes around with all the straw man positions that liberals hold, and then says at the end that if you don’t find yourself wetting your pants laughing that you must be a liberal with no sense of humor. It fails at being even remotely clever or inventive. The similarities continue in that if it were intended to be so benignly amusing to all, it would probably not be so one-sided in its mark. Sure, we find mockery of stuff we disagree with hilarious and if we ever get to meet Frederick Douglass IRL we know he agrees with us about the power of mockery, but we aren’t so dumb that we think people who disagree with it would laugh at it, too. We sure aren’t so inexperienced with what constitutes a sense of humor that we think that’s the litmus test.

A highlight from yesterday though: the LTE about Starbucks, which is incomprehensibly linked to hipsters. Starbucks is for people who love the bland uniformity of franchises and coffee roasted so dark burned so badly that it still tastes like coffee if you melt a Snickers bar into it. It is not a coffee shop. It is a Baskin Robbins with coffee as a condiment. If you ever see a hipster drinking a Unicorn frap, we want to be the first to hear about it. You get the feeling this thing about Starbucks was written by someone who has only purchased coffee from two places: Starbucks and Denny’s. Spoiler alert: He prefers Denny’s because they have free refills. By this standard The Golden Corral is the best restaurant in Frederick. Might we suggest doing some exploration in the hipsters’ natural habitat–it should probably be a local business–and making some comparisons. NOLA or Gravel & Grind spring to mind. Possibly Dublin Roasters (although they do offer free refills on coffee if you’re hanging out, so maybe they are too much like the exalted Denny’s to get hipster bona fides derision). It’s hard not to feel ridiculous saying this, but the artisanal toast at Gravel & Grind is actually delicious. And yes, THAT is hilarious.

True story. Also, if you go to NOLA and order this yummy burnt tomato salad that they have, you can add medium rare steak to it for only $3, and then you have a reasonably priced, reasonably healthy meal–and didn’t have to set foot in Denny’s. You’ll have to call the restaurant to find out if they have refills on coffee, but odds are very good that they do if you’re eating!

And because Denny’s has come up, everyone should direct their attention to this classic from The Onion for a taste of the Starbucks/Denny’s dichotomy: Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals for America After Visiting Denny’s 

Oh and ICYMI: That family famous for hilariously abusing their kids on YouTube is local in Ijamsville. You can see the Fredneck population vigorously defending a sense of humor in the Frederick News Posts’ comments section/marketplace of free speech ideas on that article. Holy. Hell.

The local grapevine

The dreary weather yesterday got us hunkered down and brooding, especially after reading a couple of things about media bubbles having been created out of the decline of the local papers. There’s a problem with how people find out about what’s important if they don’t live in a big city. This all seemed poignant, living in a small city where the hometown, local-family-owned paper just got swallowed up by a company nobody seems to think much of (oh great gravy, they published a headline last week with the word “tree” misspelled)! THESE are the times that try mens’ souls.

Revolting! On the hunt for this link that was published this morning, you can see how the bias machine has Breitbarted and Hot Aired something that was quite thoughtful and useful to read in its original form. FFS. The poutrage tastes rotten.

After we pointed and laughed about Delegate Afzali going all Girls Gone Wild (via email) on her NyQuil, this leapt out from the AV Club. The piece focuses on the lasting effects of the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which brought us Clear Channel hell on the radio, offensively mindless crap on the television news, and is (party bonus!) also the reason that either Comcast or Verizon is taking actual years from people’s lives as hostages of their monopolistic services. All the good news that’s fit to print, eh?

…once corporations realized they could make money off the news—rather than just viewing it as a public service—they started “making that a joke, too.” As he notes, the move made it so “they could still put on what’s called a news show, but it’s mostly just fluff and trivia and 23-year-olds spewing out talking points that they read on a teleprompter, having no idea what the [redacted!] they’re talking about, fortunately for them.”

-Communications scholar Robert McChesney (AV Club, August 11, 2016)

Furthermore…AV Club goes on to provide this explanation:

 

That kind of mindless newsreading has real consequences, too. As Common Cause notes in its position paper, “In 2002, more than half of TV stations in the nation’s top 50 markets completely ignored state and congressional elections in their highest rated local news programs in the weeks leading up to those elections, with large station owners offering the least election coverage of all.” McChesney takes it further, saying, “What little coverage there is, is mostly gossip, spin, and speculation, or basically what’s spoon-fed to them by party elites and insiders and big shots accepting all their biases as the appropriate way to view the world. It’s impossible to exaggerate just how nutritionless this so-called journalism is.” In other words, viewers of most stations get lots of Donald Trump news, but almost nothing about city council elections or even state representatives.

For information on local races, you can always turn to the nonpartisan League of Women Voters at vote411.org. They produce voting guides by asking candidates a series of questions and printing their responses in the candidates’ own words. Fill out their online form with your residential data and the race you want to learn about. This service is immensely useful. Consider making a donation to them if you have the means to do so.

 

The mention of gossip and spoon feeding from party elites seemed so stinkin’ much like what we were just roasting Afzali for in her silly email. Y’all know we are the first to acknowledge that we are A.) not journalists and B.) not unbiased. We have concerns about where the flow information is coming from. We did before the troll news revolution, but looking at all this we hope people will expand their number of reasons to be skeptical about the quality of their information.

As for Local Yokel’s role in the scene, we were delighted by a fantastic discussion on 1A yesterday about censorship and speech on college campuses. The 1A topic also has local pertinence just at the moment since the Hood College Republicans made a story board of the least sophisticated conservative talking points they could brainstorm, allegedly as some sort of PR misfire. Fly your freak flags, we always say! Better the devil you know… However, the highlight from 1A that made our little Local Yokel hearts swell was when Frederick Douglass’s thinking was cited on how to best attack terrible ideas:

At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. O! had I the ability, and could reach the nation’s ear, I would, to-day, pour out a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.

Well, we’re on board with that. And we are grateful that The Frederick Extra is up and running to keep us informed.