Someone needs to get in the penalty box! Oh, and please vote for us!

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Oh yes he did!

So last week, we ever so nicely asked our friendly readers to vote for us in the FNP’s Best of the Best blog contest. Just a little friendly competition among local blogs, right? Well, we thought so until yesterday when we noticed that we were getting quite a few referrals from some blog called Russian Machine Never Breaks. At first we thought, ” Oh no, Kirby and Billy finally got the Russians after us.” But no, it’s just some blog devoted entirely to the Washington Capitals hockey team. What did this blog dare say about your favorite Lady Yokels you ask?

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Yeah, why don’t you puck off?!?!

Not sure how this qualifies as a local blog since, besides this post, we don’t see anything on their site that has to do with Frederick.  To point out the obvious, these hockey jocks know nothing about how your coterie of ladies works tirelessly to keep y’all up to date on our local political scene. If they would pull themselves away from ESPN for half a millisecond, maybe just maybe, they would be a little angry as well. For how else is one to react after being exposed to the antics of Shrelauter?

Our other friendly competition, Housewives of Frederick County, was also heavily condescended to in this post, because they have what these fellows identify as lady capri pants interests!!! Hockey #1!!! GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!

So dear readers, we are sending out another call for you to vote for a TRUE local Frederick blog. One that makes it so you don’t have to destroy your TV when you throw a glass at it during council meetings. A blog that cares about what happens up here in our fine county, and not on a fake ice rink far, far away.

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Or your Lady Yokels!

Ain’t too proud to beg!!!

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We’ve once again made the finalist list for the Frederick News Post’s Best of the Best awards. Since we don’t make any money doing what we do, we can’t afford to buy any of the fancy ads to promote ourselves. Therefore, we rely on you, our dear readers, to get the word out and vote! Go ahead and follow this link!

We are counting on you!

TBT: Remember local third grade spat expert, Billy Shreve?

Who wouldn’t have wanted to be a fly on the wall in the office of the opinion editor at the Frederick News Post when this gem of an LTE dropped into his mailbox. Billy Shreve was criticized for missing school board meetings, and penned a lengthy screed detailing the ways in which he is actually dumb as a stump. A man who engaged in a weeks long drama about a lost key also accused the editorial board of engaging in a third grade spat. The miracle of the internet visited this memory upon us, and as we were not publishing in 2014, we thought it only fair that we douse it liberally with our attentions.

It’s hard to pick a favorite part, but here’s a highlight.

The editors of The Frederick News-Post have surprised me. They have spent so much time confusing attendance with action and results. Generally, that type of evaluation is considered in leadership circles to be a “rookie mistake.”

For a person making such a bold statement about action and results it does seem like most of what he does is moan and groan and little else–then, now and forevermore! (One does wonder what will be inscribed on his tombstone, since he admits it isn’t going to be, “Never missed a meeting.” May we offer “King of the Deplorables” as a suggestion?) It’s in his bones to make a lot of noise and do a lot of nothing, and you can tell by the “leadership circles” he admires.

Can you imagine if students were allowed to just decide that attending some parts of the school day were beneath them the way Shreve approached his responsibility to the BOE? What an example, speaking of leadership.

And then there is also this part:

One might ask, “What constitutes a meeting?”

One might also ask, “Did this really happen?” Ladies and gentlemen of Frederick County, lets not reelect the Bart Homer Simpson of local politics to any other offices. His track record is abysmal, and he does not need to fail up the ladder.

 

 

What can we say, y’all. We must be running low on our stupid quotient, since it’s been awhile between council meetings, so we dug into the archives. Frederick County is back in business next week. Brace yourselves.

Vote for your favorite Yokels!

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It’s that time of year again folks!

The Frederick News Post is once again taking nominations for their annual Best of the Best contest! Up until July 9th you can vote for your favorite Frederick restaurant, camping site, school, and of course your favorite local blog…US! So, if you would be so kind click on over to their contest page, scroll down to the entertainment section, and then under Local Blog enter: Frederick Local Yokel!!! Show us some love!

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All the WTF that’s fit to laugh at

The Frederick News Post’s opinion page has really jumped the shark lately. There are some unbelievable thought dumplings in both op-ed pieces and letters to the editor so far this week.

Today we have Rick Blatchford doing his own think piece on humorless comedy with a Bye-Bye Birdie parody about The Libs, who allegedly have no funny bones. It’s a variation not unlike that stupid meme that goes around with all the straw man positions that liberals hold, and then says at the end that if you don’t find yourself wetting your pants laughing that you must be a liberal with no sense of humor. It fails at being even remotely clever or inventive. The similarities continue in that if it were intended to be so benignly amusing to all, it would probably not be so one-sided in its mark. Sure, we find mockery of stuff we disagree with hilarious and if we ever get to meet Frederick Douglass IRL we know he agrees with us about the power of mockery, but we aren’t so dumb that we think people who disagree with it would laugh at it, too. We sure aren’t so inexperienced with what constitutes a sense of humor that we think that’s the litmus test.

A highlight from yesterday though: the LTE about Starbucks, which is incomprehensibly linked to hipsters. Starbucks is for people who love the bland uniformity of franchises and coffee roasted so dark burned so badly that it still tastes like coffee if you melt a Snickers bar into it. It is not a coffee shop. It is a Baskin Robbins with coffee as a condiment. If you ever see a hipster drinking a Unicorn frap, we want to be the first to hear about it. You get the feeling this thing about Starbucks was written by someone who has only purchased coffee from two places: Starbucks and Denny’s. Spoiler alert: He prefers Denny’s because they have free refills. By this standard The Golden Corral is the best restaurant in Frederick. Might we suggest doing some exploration in the hipsters’ natural habitat–it should probably be a local business–and making some comparisons. NOLA or Gravel & Grind spring to mind. Possibly Dublin Roasters (although they do offer free refills on coffee if you’re hanging out, so maybe they are too much like the exalted Denny’s to get hipster bona fides derision). It’s hard not to feel ridiculous saying this, but the artisanal toast at Gravel & Grind is actually delicious. And yes, THAT is hilarious.

True story. Also, if you go to NOLA and order this yummy burnt tomato salad that they have, you can add medium rare steak to it for only $3, and then you have a reasonably priced, reasonably healthy meal–and didn’t have to set foot in Denny’s. You’ll have to call the restaurant to find out if they have refills on coffee, but odds are very good that they do if you’re eating!

And because Denny’s has come up, everyone should direct their attention to this classic from The Onion for a taste of the Starbucks/Denny’s dichotomy: Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals for America After Visiting Denny’s 

Oh and ICYMI: That family famous for hilariously abusing their kids on YouTube is local in Ijamsville. You can see the Fredneck population vigorously defending a sense of humor in the Frederick News Posts’ comments section/marketplace of free speech ideas on that article. Holy. Hell.