Can some of y’all give it a rest already? Jenkins/Holtzinger edition.

Hopefully this year!

First of all we are very sorry to inform you that Chuck Jenkins is attempting to seek a 6th term as our High Sheriff. In the linked article you will see, and excuse us if our extreme laughter causes our typing to look a little shaky, that he decided to land on running for Sheriff again after considering runs for both Congress and County Executive.

In what world does he think that a Federally indicted, Trumpian-ICE loving sheriff would win either one of those offices?

After filing for re-election on Wednesday, The Baltimore Banner reported that Jenkins had the following to say about his realtionship with ICE:

“They have a job to do,” Jenkins said during a news conference after filing for reelection Wednesday morning.

“They’re good men and women that, again, have a job to do to protect this country, and I, as a sheriff, I believe I have an obligation to support them to the extent I can.”

We know that at least two people have filed to run for High Sheriff, and we really need to make sure this is the end of the reign of Jenkins. If you want to read more about him over the years, click here to visit our archived stories all about him.

Before we move on to our next subject, we’ll leave ya’ll with this:

Partying at Mar-A-Lago

Today we were made aware that former Frederick Mayor, William “Jeff” Holtzinger, was throwing his hat in the ring to be our next County Executive. We are a little long in the tooth around here, so when we heard this news our collective Yokel memory was reactivated about his tenure in office. We jumped in the FNP archives to see if our memory was accurate and boy was it ever. First, let’s begin with his most recent LTE, written in 2024, in which he wrote in to defend his old buddy, Neil Parrott (and yes that guy is also running again!) You’ll see why we chose to emphasize this part of his letter in a moment:

His opponent, April McClain Delaney, may be a fine person, but her experience is as a federal bureaucrat.

She lives in Potomac, outside the 6th District, and claims she is a common sense candidate.

One question for her is: Wouldn’t common sense dictate that she run for Congress in District 8, where she resides?

What’s wrong with this line of questioning you may be asking? Well, here’s what we remembered about Mr. Holtzinger’s tenure as mayor. He was constantly avoiding the subject of where he lived. Because, even though he may have secured himself a residence in the City of Frederick, per the rules of the city charter, he probably was not residing in that residence with his family full time. We found a few archived articles that you can peruse to read all about that drama.

https://www.fredericknewspost.com/archive/where-does-jeff-live/article_d6278b7c-e59d-5e35-841f-7d54bc50c899.html

https://www.fredericknewspost.com/archives/house-not-a-home/article_26c6a23f-ab8c-5839-9e89-403044f83632.html

https://www.fredericknewspost.com/archives/wanted-mayors-missing-address/article_b81d8a81-2260-5375-a436-bbf7c9929436.html

But that wasn’t the only scandal that existed during his short tenure. He was also found in violation of the ethics law:

FREDERICK — Frederick Mayor Jeff Holtzinger’s hiring of his sister-in-law violated the ethics law prohibiting city officials from employing family members.

The city’s ethics commission met Monday to deliberate an advisory opinion on the employment of Donna Folden as City Hall’s project manager and released its statement Wednesday.

“The Ethics Commission recommends that the subject employment relationship between (Mr. Holtzinger) and (Ms. Folden) be severed and the resulting position be advertised and the hiring process be conducted by (Human Resources) in full compliance with all City of Frederick rules and regulations,” states the opinion, written by Ethics Chairman Richard Stup.

Mr. Holtzinger said the opinion does not cite himself or his sister-in-law of any wrongdoing but states the hiring process was not adequate.

“It’s a disappointment. I certainly didn’t go into this to cause any controversy,” he said. “The person has worked hard and done a good job.”

Ms. Folden, who did not wish to comment, was hired in February and will be forced to resign and leave her position by April 19, Mr. Holtzinger said.

However, this wasn’t the only questionable hire he had a hand in, according to another FNP article:

Starting with his defense a few weeks ago of hiring an unqualified relative of a city employee as a full-time horticulturist this summer (at $38,000 a year with benefits), who also happens to be a full-time college student, and ending with an offer of resignation from planning director Chuck Boyd who believes the administration is trying to drive him out.

The 19-year-old horticulturist’s hours have since been cut to accommodate her college schedule, including her participation on the FCC basketball team. The job requires an associate’s degree and three years experience, or six years experience. She has neither.

We should all believe a person the first time they show us how they handle themselves in political office. Too bad our fellow Americans couldn’t internalize that lesson with Trump.

Cindy demands hundreds of books be removed from FCPS libraries! By December!

You know we are in trouble when there are handouts!

Chicken Little, AKA Cindy Rose, showed up at Wednesday night’s BOE meeting–with handouts! “What’s on those papers,” you may ask. A list of over 300 books she wants removed. She tells the board that it’s bad enough you’ve taught our kids that gender is a social construct and all the horrible “CRT,” (more commonly recognized by rational people as non ethnocentric history), but now she says the board is sexualizing our children.

Go to this link, navigate to the October 12th Board Meeting, click the Skagit video icon, and skip ahead to 2:30:19 to see this horror show for yourself.

She warns the parents in the room to get their kids out because she’s going to make the most uncomfortable public comment she’s ever made…and she’s made a lot!

Buckle up!

She reads two very sexually graphic passages from two books (she previously mentions that some of the books on her list are unacceptable because they contain vulgar language), one that she claims is in middle school and another that she doesn’t identify the grade level, but it’s high school.(It’s from the book PUSH which is a true story that was made into a major blockbuster.) It’s kind of funny to hear her read this stuff because it is making her squirm.

LOL!

She’s also upset that kids(high schoolers) can read about Jeffrey Dahmer and other things that have happened in real life. She demands that the board remove all 360 books on her list by December. And she will be at the Curriculum and Instruction meeting over library books and they better damn well have an explanation on how each and every book got on that list and what they are going to do make sure that anything that violates Cindy’s sense of morality never makes it to a bookshelf again.

And let us remind you that her sense of morality was violated by this book:

Yes folks, she complained to the school system about Click, Clack, Moo! We are asking that one of board members send us that list!!! Please, please send us that list!

Don’t be fooled by this woman, she found the most alarming passages she could, and then read them out of context just to get everyone all riled up. (I mean this woman needs a job, not on the BOE, but something to keep herself nice and busy!) Just because a book is challenging to her exclusionary white Christian heterosexual world-view does not make it bad.

And this isn’t her first time trying to ban books, read here for more.

We’d like to close with this quote from a column written by a conservative former Republican as food for thought:

“I found breaking with my party to be a painful but liberating experience, and she [Liz Cheney] might, too. Leaving the GOP made me realize how much I missed by looking at the world through a partisan lens. In particular, I was willfully blind to what the Republican Party had become long before Trump came along. The racism, the nativism, the hostility to science, the conspiracy-mongering, the cruelty, the willingness to win at all costs: None of it is new. Trump did not invent these malign trends. He merely accelerated them.”

Cindy is an example of this acceleration. And an accelerant. Don’t let her burn it all down.

When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs!

We can’t even believe we have to discuss such things…AGAIN. A few days ago we wrote a post about how thankful we are that our local government is not run by people who continue to say terrible things along the lines of: What’s a few lives as long as the economy doesn’t suffer? Or this actual quote from one of the people in the aforementioned post:

STOP with the propaganda! No one in Maryland is losing their job because of the Coronavirus.

They’re losing their job because Governor Larry Hogan bad decisions and poor leadership.

Hogan is why you lost your job NOT the virus.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe we share the same county, state, country, planet, universe with these people. We Lady Yokels have had a lot of issues with Hogan in the past, but we’ve been oh so thankful for the measures he’s put into place to help SAVE OUR LIVES. Hogan, along with this hero, Governor President Cuomo:

They are some of the only ones making any sense around here! Just look at this article about what Lt. Dan Patrick of Texas had to say! If anything, this crisis should lay to rest the “ideals” of the Libertarian Party (Rand Paul anyone?) once and for all. For those of you who want less government during a time of an unprecedented health crisis, then don’t take any relief. No stimulus checks, no public services, no nothing for ya! Go figure it out on your own, and leave the rest of us out of your experiment with social Darwinism!

It’s always amazing!

Hopefully our SANE and helpful governors will continue to see us through this crisis. The orange one, who thinks everything will be just delightful by Easter, needs to be ignored while our public health officials’ advice heeded. Some of y’all really need to stop being terrible all the time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Things that raise your eyebrows and turn your stomach: human trafficking edition

We have become accustomed to thinking of our local Trumpkinclowns as ridiculous hayseeds, but what ifnits worse’n that? Did it raise the hairs on the backs of any other Yokelnecks to hear of the arrest of a person who attempted to engage in sex trafficking of children? Honestly, we have had a hard time writing about this whole matter, because the stomach turning nature of it makes it impossible to want to sit with. Then matters felt even more alarming with the realization that this individual shares the surname of one Former (woot!) Councilmembers. This would have merely come across as an unfortunate coincidence were it not for the next stage in processing the news, when we recall that was the same member who voted against forming a human trafficking task force while stating that “not everyone is opposed to that…” It does set a mind in motion when such a series of awful coincidences occur.

It’s been awhile. We did not remember the exact wording, but we do have a blog to refresh our memory …and holy hell it is worse than we remembered! He basically had a variation on the good ol’ MAGAtheme that there are good people on both sides of this issue. Why does that keep coming up when it is patently false? In case you are in need of a logic based tutorial: Selling people is slavery. Enslaving people for sex is rape. (Doing that to children is rape of a child, but that doesn’t seem to be so often misunderstood as the former point is; only recently law enforcement has kind of started to figure out that not all people involved in prostitution are willingly participating.)

At the time all of this occurred our basic assumption was that he was talking about his friend, and our muse. His name makes us gag sometimes, so we will call him Middle Aged Sk8r Hair. We also figured we were talking about the sex trafficking of adults and he didn’t want to run afoul of Frederick’s Youngest Good ‘Ol Boy with the Black Book Scandal History, and the more recent prostitution solicitation, and that he just kind of worded it poorly. Things were often worded so poorly. Disgusting, nonetheless. But now. Now our wondering has become much darker and ickier and sadder.

Now we are asking ourselves a lot of questions (in the Glenn Beck speculative sense, perhaps, but still)! It is ODD, isn’t it? In a sour stomach kind of way.

Furthermore, the High Shire of Our Reve has been lately on Fox news with some cherry picked statisticals about y number of sex crimes committed by undocumented immigrants in some timeframe x he selected.

Here’s what we do know. “Alex Nowrasteh, a senior immigration policy analyst with the libertarian Cato Institute, points to Texas as an example, since it’s the state with the best data on crimes committed and counted by immigration status and was the subject of a recent report he wrote showing that criminal conviction and arrest rates for immigrants were “well below” those of native-born Americans.” (ABC News, Jan. 15, 2019, Cheyenne Haslett “Fact Check: Trump’s claims on undocumented immigrant crime rates. Here’s what the numbers show)

AND from the same source

“Undocumented immigrants make up just over 6 percent of the state’s population, legal immigrants made up over 10 percent, and native-born Americans make up over 80 percent…Meanwhile, undocumented immigrants were convicted of 5.9 percent of all the homicides in Texas, legal immigrants were convicted of 3.8 percent of homicides, and native-born Americans were convicted of about 90 percent of all the homicides in Texas, according an analysis of 2015 Texas state data by Nowrasteh.” (NB: When you sort the math, that’s the 80% native born citizens doing 90% of the murdering…you don’t have to be Archimedes to see where this is going, do you? OTOH, there’s the 6% undocumented residents doing just slightly less than their “fair share” of the killing by .1%, making the legal immigrants the clear winners here in the “human decency” category.)

Meanwhile INDEED! Because meanwhile we seem to have not just this character who (although we will insist as well that he deserves a fair trial) sure seems like he is allegedly both a true local and a totally disgusting monster. If you missed the details, he arranged with an undercover FBI agent to have sex with a 2 year old child. In addition to this particularly horrifying tale, there seem to have been a spate of local sex crimes, (by our count that’s 5 local sex crimes *where children are the victims* in the same time frame Jenkins gave out for all sex crimes against everyone in the state of Maryland by *just undocumented immigrant* people.

Another bee in our bonnet: none of the activities in these recent news stories seem at all connected to the Sheriff’s legitimate but unrelated concerns over MS-13. None of these people appear to be detained in the Sheriff’s prize pet program. You may have heard a lot about that program just lately, since it was suggested that it may need an audit, and he’s been so defensive about why taxpayers should know how his rounding up “the illegals” program is doing, analyzing it according to the math. Since math seems hard for him, as we have just demonstrated above, maybe a closer look would be a good idea.

Are we really addressing our largest problems here in Fredneck, Maryland? It sure does not seem like it. Just who is turning a blind eye to what around here?

It’s public hearing time, budget edition.

Grab your agenda, and hold onto your liver. Tonight both the Board of Education and the Frederick County FY 2020 budgets are the topics.

This is your chance to go and speak your piece. We can’t wait to hear all the legitimate well thought out commenters. Just pick your favorite beer and drink whenever someone says something uninformed.

8521e219af5fc03846d165c52c84ce57-obi-wan-meme-maker (1)
Don’t force us to use this in reference to you.

It’s Land Grab Day!

Land-Grab
Sigh.. How many times are we going to have to go through this?

Tonight the council is having a workshop on a variety of issues:

Screen Shot 2019-02-12 at 11.14.57 AM

We can just imagine all the folks lined up to talk about the erroneous belief that everyone’s land is getting snatched up by the River Plan. Which is a list of suggestions, not even a law, and which basically is trying to save the river which all of us have a vested interest in since, you know, we kinda need water to live. Which now gives us a Yokel flashback to when Billy said you could drink out of any waterway in Frederick and not get sick! I wonder how many of these naysayers would take the Monocacy River drinking challenge! Anyhoo, we’ll let you know how this all turns out!

Special Council Bulletin: Marathon Meeting Madness Warning

We are looking at the agenda for tonight’s meeting and thinking that there’s a lot to cover, possibly due to the cancelation last week. Budget Adjustments get the party started, as is the custom. The fact that Billy is not available to dork around in a petulant manner at this point is cause for a swig of Barefoot Bubbly. The fact that we are scared that Phil Dacey is willing and able to fill that role makes us wonder if we won’t need something harder for these things in the future.

Other matters for the meeting include appointment confirmations, Monocacy River Plan Presentation, Maryland General Assembly Legislative Items. After the break there will be some bills for public hearing. Here they are (if you use the link above for the agenda then the links to the bills there will be active).

We kind of miss the games, but this Council offers more dignity than we are accustomed to. The rules for this meeting are simple: take a gulp of that cheap bubbly every time Phil reminds you of Billy in a suit.

Don’t miss the meeting tonight!

6bdc5d8a-8565-4f2d-9e26-705d470ed745-mamma-2
If everyone plays nice this could be our resolution!

Grab your agenda and tune in tonight. Your Yokels are all kinds of holiday stressed out. No time to dream up a witty drinking game. Anyone placing bets on whether Dacey shows tonight? Just keep a bottle of your favorite winter beverage handy. We hope to see the continuance of civility tonight. Have a drink if it does, or two if it doesn’t.

 

Hydrate, people!

We hope you have a big jug of water by your side all day today. Drink often. You’ll need to be fully hydrated ahead of tonight’s meeting. Grab your agenda and get ready for what could be a long one.

First up are two budget items. If Billy continues to gripe about not having enough staff before abstaining on his vote, swig back a bitchy bellini.

Next up are approval of minutes and an appointment confirmation. This will be followed by public hearing on the proposed sale of a county owned building. Serve yourself a Harvey Wallbanger just because.

Three Third Readings are on the agenda next. They all involve human trafficking. When short timer and “both sides” council member Shreve says anything dumb mix yourself a man of war.

It’s break time! Hydrate with more water. Your liver needs it.

16252123_10209369588214219_7315849600476474463_o
NOTICE OF PUBLIC HEARING Re: Amended Bill No. 18-25 – Impartiality of Planning Commission and Board of Appeals MembersAn Amendment to: clarify the matters and proceedings to which the Bill applies. This is about as confusing as the infamous flow chart. Bob is always mired in these insane ramblings.

First up after the break are several public hearings. Things could get testy. Steel your nerves with a bourbon pumpkin smash. Tony is up first with his perhaps personal vendetta led impartiality bill. Next up are some high adjustments to the fy2019 budget. This would move up the Oakdale Middle School addition,  move up the design approval for a new east county elementary school, and move up the modernization/addition project at Brunswick High School. Drink an appletini to celebrate if all 3 are approved.

Last up for discussion is a budget item which involves lots of wins for fire/safety in Frederick County. Celebrate with a fire engine.

The meeting will end with council member comments. We are sure we won’t even care what Shrevelauter have to say. Best to return to drinking water. Don’t you have to adult tomorrow???

7f35d2999fe06275c57b1f4cd12d3fc3--drinking-memes-beer-bottles
Go to work!

 

 

Pumpkin spice everything! It’s your October 2nd drinking game!

20180926_132054
Hope you survived Oktoberfest!

 

Grab your agenda, it’s time to continue our countdown to bye bye Shrelauter time. This week’s meeting starts with an EMS budget adjustment. We expect Billy will go ahead and abstain so slam back your favorite pumpkin flavored beer as a nod to Oktoberfest time.

Next up are a few executive appointments, and discussion of new business. Hydrate with some plain ole iced tea. The next section could get bumpy, and you need your wits about you to follow along.

It’s the third reading time for Adequate Public Facilities, adjustment of school construction fees. We know that this is a very important issue.  Let’s hope common sense prevails here. Swing back a teacher’s aid. You’ll need it either way.

Break, and we resume with four public hearings. Two of these are by our short timer council members Shreve and Chmelik so we anticipate some whining and grand standing.

End with an extra stormy dark and stormy to match your mood after having to sit through council member comments.

stormy
No, no, no. Not that kind of Stormy!