Is Cindy now on Jessica’s side? EnQuiring minds want to know!

Holy Mother of fonts!

This came upon your Lady Yokel’s inbox this evening, and while we are very much on board with this message (just type human trafficking into our search engine) we also have very long memories.

Once upon a time…let’s say about 4 years ago…Councilwoman Jessica Fitzwater put forth a bill to form a committee to study and address human trafficking in Frederick County. The usual characters were against this, and Billy went so far as to say there were people for and against human trafficking! Well, we also remember the new owner of the Tentacle, one Cindy Rose, was not on board with all of this human trafficking hullabaloo. In fact she said that it wasn’t even a local issue. Behold exhibit one:

Oh the conspiracies!

So back in the day (4 short years ago) any effort to combat human trafficking was part of some nefarious teacher union ploy. What has changed Cindy’s tune?! Could it be?…..

Just asking questions!

It is nice to see Cindy coming around to Jessica’s POV, especially after some of the nasty things she’s written about her on the noodlely appendage lately. (We are not going to link to that garbage.) We also do not want to disparage anyone for coming to the right side of an issue. However, given her past reluctance to treat this as a serious issue AND the recent Qanon conspiracies we can only assume that this rally has more to do with baseless conspiracies than it does with actual human trafficking victims. Stay vigilant folks, and don’t forget to vote!

Delegate Dan says war pensions make vets lazy, wants to spare the rest of the population from the same fate!

We’ve had to do a lot of writing both here and on our social media about those amongst us who think they know better than epidemiologists and virologists because of the very serious Dunning-Kruger effect that too many people in this country seem to suffer from.

And it’s actually dangerous to the rest of us!

The biggest D-K sufferer in our fine county is one Delegate Dan who decided to file a copy and pasted lawsuit in federal court against the State of Maryland for the very high crime of attempting to protect public health in the face of a poorly understood and dangerous novel Coronavirus. You can search on back through our last couple of posts to read more on all he’s done around here lately. This post will focus more on his fitness to lead any kind of movement at all.


You may need to read through that a few times, it’s a lot to take in!

Comparing Covid-19 and the American Civil War is really something to behold isn’t it? It would make more sense to compare what we are going through to the Flu of 1918, but then he would have to acknowledge social distancing and the closure of schools and businesses saved lives and that wouldn’t fit his narrative. Instead he chooses to link to a singular research paper in order to present a very poor argument that tries to equate the Civil War soldier pensions with the Coronavirus stimulus checks. Here he’s following some Senate Republicans in thinking that all this government money is going to make y’all no good freeloaders . Just like the war pensions made the Union soldiers lazy good for nothings! Too bad the paper he refers to doesn’t even come to the conclusion that he says it does in his great example of false equivalency.

Lots and lots of other factors at work during the post-Civil War Industrialization period in American History! The paper also concludes that war pensions allowed Civil War veterans the time to find higher paying work. Guess Dan would rather the men who served their country toil away in low paying jobs for all eternity.

Let’s move onto his irony statement since 1. He has 0.0 evidence that the Southern and Western states are leading any kind of economic recovery 2. That’s not what irony means. His pandering to politics comment is super rich considering that is exactly what he is doing! Now that’s some irony for ya! We aren’t even going to discuss the conspiracy theories he espouces regarding Trump’s re-election prospects because there’s only so much we Yokel gals can take on in a day.

Couple the Dunning Kruger effect with John Oliver’s assessment that America is the most defiant nation on the planet and we are left with a lot of questions as to how we will survive this pandemic. There’s a lot being written about how our culture makes it really hard to institute these necessary restrictions, and that really is sad. Look, none of us like being out of work, away from our friends and family, the economic uncertainty, or the fear of getting sick or actually dying from Covid-19. Despite Dan’s, previous assertion that this virus only affects a certain portion of the population (which is turning out to change daily) no one really knows how this disease will affect them, and that’s what makes it so dangerous. So instead of advocating for the arrest of Bill Gates:

Perhaps we should should start a new hashtag: #ArrestDanCox. For his actions are far more dangerous than anything Bill Gates has done.

Hogan procures 500,000 tests from South Korea; Dan Cox pens useless letters

Hey, what’s a good way to get back to normal? Is it…fondling Alex Jones in public? No, it is not! Although that sad but true event didn’t happen in Maryland, you may have learned that these people who think the rest of us are blind followers of public health measures are themselves having their strings pulled by the alt-right and their big business financiers. Not a lot of critical thinking going on there, yahoos!

A better way to help ensure we can get back to normal life is to understand who is infected with this disease so they can be strictly quarantined, and the rest of us can be more safely distanced from them while being more actively engaged in society. It would also be helpful to know who has been infected, but hey, baby steps. We are only a few months into this, and we had…just…some months of time to observe that bad stuff was happening in a westward moving wave from Asia to Europe to “it’s all under control/the heat kills it/you just go to work and get well.”

It’s hard not to notice the glaring difference between The Helpers and The Utterly Useless, or the Actively Destructive. In fact, lets downgrade people who encourage public protests that block up traffic and prevent people from taking care of essential business such as saving lives, selling food, and delivering necessities from the “useless” to the “destructive” column.

Today’s award-winning helper, who also deserves an Emmy for his press conference production style today: GOVERNOR LARRY HOGAN. Credit should be shared with his wife, the First Lady of Maryland, Yumi Hogan. She helped to negotiate the purchase and delivery of 500,000 tests from South Korea. They intend to keep the details of this delivery on the down low because President-Bigly-Dealmaker-who-couldn’t-be-bothered’s administration has been causing problems for the states, while using taxpayer dollars to offset businesses’ shipping charges while encouraging bidding wars among the states so that the businesses increase their profit margins even more. Just look at what happened in Illinois, racing to a McDonald’s parking lot to hand off a check to make the purchase of personal protective equipment. All of which is dangerous to our front line healthcare workers. Like Cox spending his time writing petulant letters, Orange hAirhorn spends all of his time having petulant press briefings.

Here is an image of Gov. Hogan giving a press conference about “Operation Enduring Friendship” in front of the South Korean flag today. We know the miscreant faction will have a big problem with this, and maybe it’s a little weird…BUT SO IS THE FACT THAT OUR STATE HAS TO HIDE NECESSITIES SO THAT TRUMP’S PEOPLE DON’T STEAL THEM. They refuse to help, but they are happy to be hurtful! This country, man.

We couldn’t help but interpret the appearance of this flag as not just a gracious thank you to South Korea, but a slight to our useless government. How sad is it that we have to do rely on our state building its own alliance with a foreign power (the president of which referred to Hogan as a “son-in-law”).

And while we are on the subject of South Korea, the United States of America identified their first cases of COVID-19 infection on the same day as South Korea. The results of having a competent and prepared government versus what we have, which is a raging dumpster fire–how stark and appalling. And it appears to be much better for both human health and the economy. So maybe Hogan is right and Cox should put down his pen and take up a hobby. Maybe learn a second language. May we suggest that fluency in Korean would be an asset?

Look at this headline: South Korea has brought its reported spread of coronavirus infections to single digits per day. And we have let our country turn into this hot mess.


We have a blockhead in Cox!

Don’t say literally everyone didn’t try to warn ya!

Scroll back through our last few posts and you will see that we’ve had a lot to say about our local characters and their reaction to the pandemic crisis. Over these past few days we’ve had the severe displeasure of seeing an elected official, whose supporters repeatedly have to remind everyone that he’s “an attorney,” risk his constituents’ health in order to toe the Trump line. Take a gander at this letter he penned to Governor Hogan.

You would think “an attorney” would have better grammar skills. Recreate on a golf course? Fresh air fun? He has the same weird difficulties with using our language as Donald J. Trump. It’s like they all have the syphilis brain. And please tell us specifically which one of your amendments have been violated. Have you even read them? So help him God, Governor! We are sure this 5:00 deadline was rightfully ignored.


Why doesn’t Mr. Attorney know about

2016 Maryland Code
Public Safety
Title 14 – Emergency Management
Subtitle 3A – Governor’s Health Emergency Powers
§ 14-3A-03. Governor’s orders?

Click through the link to become more educated!

It gets worse, because of course it does. He’s also advocating that everyone go on down to Annapolis today and clog the hell out of traffic. Because that’s not dangerous at all in a health crisis…He also makes some claims that make it seem as though he’s the one inflating the numbers around here!

Is it too much to wish that they all have to hold their bladders for hours?


A little discrepancy in the numbers!

Then this morning, well it just got weird:

You can remove #WEAREMARYLAND. You are not our Maryland, fella!

This is going to take awhile to mire through, but hell we are  good, compassionate citizens who are keeping our asses at home, so we’ve got time!

We KNOW that those of us who are compassionate, caring citizens are wearing our face coverings. We don’t look upon our fellow citizens as carjackers or robbers because we are smart enough to discern the difference.

We KNOW all the hard work our teachers put into continuing our children’s education and how much talent and skill it takes to do so. We will not fall for false equivalencies.

We KNOW (because two of us have children who are seniors this year) that it is indeed disappointing to miss out on certain celebrations. But it is necessary, and our children realize it is necessary, and they do not feel sorry for themselves.

We KNOW how poorly the national Republicans handled are handling this crisis, and how they have blood on their hands from their inaction.

We KNOW that it is an act of charity to stay home. While we are all missing out on things we like to do, we know it isn’t going to be forever. Nobody is preventing anybody from worshipping the deity of their choice. Leave the religious persecution complex at the door, please!

We KNOW how caring citizens do everything they can to support the local businesses in their area and how our local government is doing everything in its power to offer those businesses a helping hand.

We KNOW that the state government is doing the best they can in a completely novel situation and has a bunch of naysayers questioning them though they know no better. (Less better, in fact.)

We KNOW that because necessary orders were put into place, we do not fare as badly as other less cautious states. And for that, we will be eternally grateful.

We CAN NOT tolerate the woefully ignorant and uncompassionate around us, even if they somehow slithered into elected office. ESPECIALLY if they slithered their way into elected office.

Our muse, the Wonkette, has an excellent post about a Trump advisor likening these reopen people to Rosa Parks. We’ll drop it here because we couldn’t have said it any better:


If you are curious about what our fellow Marylanders were up to in Annapolis today, take a look here:

Freedumb from awareness. Freedumb from responsibility.

There is a growing movement amongst the “F All Y’all and Yer Feelings You Rode In On” crowd to reject the wearing of masks in public because it is “the mark of compliance.” As free and sovereign citizens they are now deciding in lieu of taking into account the health and wellbeing of others through required mask etiquette in essential businesses that they shall take their potentially infectious droplets and breathe them into the retail outlets of neighboring counties. Until they make their own rules when all the vitriolic fools of Appalachia turn up to exhale virus on them…

Folks, a person with this level of attention to detail and awareness of the world around is the editor of her very own website! Doesn’t that just boggle the mind? Also, it’s a stigma, but wear one if you want. So probably just wear an American flag themed one so that other people will know how to judge whether the government made you do it or it was your free will to choose to wear the mask if you want to…or…what? even? WTF. Insert giant facepalm here. There are numerous public posts on this same individual’s page that will elicit the same reaction.

You can see this effect taking hold if you read the comments on the FNP’s story about the mask requirements. We highly recommend taking the time to laugh out loud at how thieves are going to steal them right off your faces in the store! We probably need another poll. Something like “Is there too much lead in the water?” or “Just the right amount of lead in the water?” or “Would we all be better off with lithium in the water?” Now we can sit back and imagine the mind control histrionics of the people who have never given a rat’s tail about clean water in their lives! The things we have to do to keep from getting bored now…

You can track it amongst the crazies who cite number of current infections as though this isn’t a contagion. Psssst, you with the breath droplets you want to breathe into the air freely, the number literally changes moment to moment and asymptomatic carriers are infecting people all the time!

The Constitution of the United States, according to the smallest minds we could find…

It is also the mark of human decency, and the mark of the intellectual capacity to comprehend vectors of infection. We propose a poll. What should we call the people who want to breathe disease into the air whenever and wherever they want, public safety be damned!


“Why do you wear a mask and hood?”
I think everybody will in the near future,” was the man in black’s reply. “They’re terribly comfortable.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Stay tuned for the next installment in our series: “What is wrong with you people?”

See also “When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs.

UPDATE: She’s found someone to help her sue the government over having to wear masks. What a great use of everyone’s time and resources. Feel free to use the email she gave:


When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs!

We can’t even believe we have to discuss such things…AGAIN. A few days ago we wrote a post about how thankful we are that our local government is not run by people who continue to say terrible things along the lines of: What’s a few lives as long as the economy doesn’t suffer? Or this actual quote from one of the people in the aforementioned post:

STOP with the propaganda! No one in Maryland is losing their job because of the Coronavirus.

They’re losing their job because Governor Larry Hogan bad decisions and poor leadership.

Hogan is why you lost your job NOT the virus.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe we share the same county, state, country, planet, universe with these people. We Lady Yokels have had a lot of issues with Hogan in the past, but we’ve been oh so thankful for the measures he’s put into place to help SAVE OUR LIVES. Hogan, along with this hero, Governor President Cuomo:

They are some of the only ones making any sense around here! Just look at this article about what Lt. Dan Patrick of Texas had to say! If anything, this crisis should lay to rest the “ideals” of the Libertarian Party (Rand Paul anyone?) once and for all. For those of you who want less government during a time of an unprecedented health crisis, then don’t take any relief. No stimulus checks, no public services, no nothing for ya! Go figure it out on your own, and leave the rest of us out of your experiment with social Darwinism!

It’s always amazing!

Hopefully our SANE and helpful governors will continue to see us through this crisis. The orange one, who thinks everything will be just delightful by Easter, needs to be ignored while our public health officials’ advice heeded. Some of y’all really need to stop being terrible all the time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Let us take a moment to be thankful for who is NOT in charge.


We  lament daily about the Les Incompetents in charge of our federal government. Let us take a moment here to be thankful that this set of nincompoops are NOT in charge during these challenging times.

Imagine for a moment, that Kirby won the CE seat. We Frederick Countians would all be so screwed if our county was headed by someone spewing this kind of nonsense:


We all knew that Kirby wasn’t batting on a full wicket, but blatant disregard for public health isn’t something we fully expected. If there was ever proof that elections matter, THERE IT IS!

Tony also has thoughts:

Praise cupcakes! This idiot.

Let’s all be thankful that we don’t have to be mansplained on the dias as to why we are all overreacting!

Billy hasn’t been as bad, believe it or not, but there are still some issues:


Uh, last time we went skiing people had to congregate in the rental area, in the bathrooms, and in the lodge. This is not good advice Billy.

Lastly, we’ve had a lot of reasons to be thankful that Cindy was not elected to the BOE over the last few years, but perhaps no comment of hers makes that more crystal clear than this one:



On a side note we all had a little snicker here postulating that Billy would be the one giving the hair dryer advice, while Jessica would be the voice of reason. Thankfully this scenario does not exist in real life for us.


This was going to be a simple Facebook post, but it’s too terrible: Chmelik edition

Hey, last night Tony Chmelik decided that Kai Hagen is full of propaganda and that CNN is the reason everyone is scared of the coronavirus and we have bigly questions.

In no particular order:

  • Did CNN entice Ted Cruz to self-quarantine? (If so, we have definitely not been giving CNN enough credit for their fine, albeit obnoxious, services.)
  • Did Italy decide to quarantine 16 million people because CNN thinks the coronavirus is dangerous?
  • Have you seen your “I love Trump; he’s good for my 401K” today? (psssst. Trading halted this morning right out of the gate. Gasp! Is CNBC powerless to stop the evil that CNN has wrought upon us? )
  • Does anyone think there could be a correlation between public confidence in the administration and 700 vacancies at the CDC and/or the fact that T-Rump fired the pandemic response team? (spoiler alert: HELL YES.)
  • Is everyone thrilled Tony Chmelik does not make policy decisions for this fine county this morning? (again: HELL YES.)
Fahrvergnügen! What a maroon.

Also. Wuhan looks like a place with practically no modern amenities? Uhhhhh. No.


Yes, we are experiencing big moods this morning. We must extend our most courteous thanks to Tony Chmelik for volunteering as tribute so that we may handle these “Everything is terrible all the time” feelings. It is partially his fault, after all. 

Silver linings available here:



Vote for smart people. The end.



Some worse things happened today! WARNING: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT PART DEUX!

Zeus does it ever!

ICYMI, yesterday we wrote a post about Cindy Rose’s post about the anal sex being taught in FCPS! As promised, she wrote a Part 2 after going down to the central office to “inspect” the materials. Brace yourself for some interesting takes on how FCPS is disrespecting ALL the girls:

This lesson seems to say through its silence, our daughters are objects for the enjoyment of others. More times than not, it’s our daughters feeling pressured to consenting to sex. Where are they taught they can say “no”?

Yes, #1 of the lesson says “Make sure you both consent to whatever you plan to do sexually.” Get that? “…whatever you plan to do….” The stage is set. It doesn’t say “You do not have to have sex.” It actually says “you shouldn’t”. I know the 21st Century education system likes to play fast and loose with words, this is why. “Don’t” is a command; “shouldn’t” is a suggestion. Each has a different impact on the psyche.

This is AMAZING on a number of levels. First off, for years Cindy rallied against the school system teaching any kind of opinion or feeling. There are numerous Facebook posts in which she made known that a teacher’s role was to solely impart information and then allow the students (and their parents) to come to their own conclusion. If not, the teacher was a liberal brainwasher. So how does this all fit in to that worldview? Secondly, abstinence-only education DOES NOT WORK. And, FYI Mrs. Rose, consent means that both parties have the right to say YES or NO!

Does she really think that the school system should instruct students in a philosophy that time and time again has shown to have negative outcomes?How in the world is that a responsible thing to do?

Another concern was the Curriculum Specialist “knew”, “lots” of the students used birth control implants. How does he know? Are the classes so casual that girls are just blurting out they are not only on birth control but what kind? Is there a survey? Did parents’ consent?

Guess what? Students talk to teachers about their personal lives. Today’s young people are not shy when it comes to talking about birth control. How is having a discussion about birth control in a sex ed classroom casual talk? Guess she would rather these girls feel some shame about preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Which brings us to this:

Fathers of daughters who attend Frederick County Public Schools, where are you? Are you paying attention to what is happening in your little girl’s classroom? An FCPS teacher is talking to your 13 year old daughter about how to put a condom on a penis and how to use a “dental dam”. You don’t find this disrespectful? Do you know what’s in FCPS policies and lessons that diminish a girl’s self-respect and doesn’t support personal boundaries?

Do you know FCPS is teaching young boys to make sure they put on a condom before they violate your little girl anally? Not to worry, they make sure to teach them to put on a clean condom after anal sex, before he puts his penis in her vagina. These are 13 and 14 year olds. Is this reassuring or comforting?

Thank goodness they are there to teach our little girls it’s normal and OK to be violated in all sorts of ways. There appears to be little instruction or encouragement on why a student should wait to have sex or even say “no”.

This took a long time to process. A long time.

Sooooooo boys are the monsters looking out to violate all the little girl’s anuses because they were taught the correct way to put a condom on? What century is this again? Is that the conclusion she believes we should all come to?! Proper use of contraception is disrespectful to girls?! This is truly an argument we have never seen before. So kudos to you Cindy for coming up with the most astonishing argument against sex ed that we have ever had the displeasure to set our eyes upon!

And in case you haven’t noticed, girls these days can speak for themselves. They not only know how to say no because of the recent cultural changes, but also because they’ve been taught about consent! They don’t need Daddy standing at the door with his shotgun! Need we point out how disrespectful to boys all this nonsense is?!

Lastly, she goes back to her irresponsible claim that a long term sub at TJ High School was teaching the middle school sex ed curriculum:

In light of recent events we also need to know “who” teaches these lessons? Did the long term substitute at Thomas Johnson High get to walk around the classroom with a wooden penis, demonstrating how to use a condom talking about anal sex?

No, he did not.

Grow up lady!

So, some things happened….. (WARNING: Sexually Explicit Material!)

Since the expulsion of Shreve, Chmelik, and Delauter from our fine county government, we’ve been taking it a bit easy.  We’ve also been able to relax during this year’s BOE election, because guess what? Cindy isn’t running! (Side note: We have a pretty great slate of people running this year!) Instead she’s decided to buy (how much could we get for the Yokel?) and run The Tentacle. Mostly it’s been the same tripe we’ve been used to seeing in the Noodlely Appendage….until today. BEHOLD:

Get ready for a rough ride here folks!

She’s still harassing FCPS with her multiple PIA requests, so much so that we’ve speculated they had to hire the new ombuds just to deal with her!  You can read the original post here, but we are going to break it down for ya!

She begins by telling us that an 8th grade parent contacted her regarding the FCPS sex education curriculum. We couldn’t help but wonder why the parent wouldn’t address these concerns with the teacher or administration, but alas Cindy it is. Apparently, the story goes that Cindy went to inspect the props used in the curriculum and had some concerns about their appearance:

I was bothered that the penis prop is more toy like, while the vagina prop is very clinical.  Is the “toy” design to make the student feel comfortable handling it?  Is that comfort supposed to transfer over into real life?

Not sure why this guy comes to mind.

Now we are really all left to grapple with some terrible musings, such as: what kind of phallus is she asking for? She has more issues:

There are vaginal condoms and dental dams in the “kit”.  Based on that I assume there are demonstrations on their use as well?  If not, why not?  Not that I believe any of it should be taught by a school teacher, but it’s a legitimate question.  Is FCPS demonstrating how to use vaginal condoms and dental dams?  Isn’t that teaching “how” to have sex?

The use of quotes is puzzling here. Is the kit not real? What is the alternative meaning of how? Anyhoo, we did everyone’s homework for them and found the essential curriculum for 8th grade health class (which, by the way requires a permission slip and allows for parents to preview the material):

Who is even against young people having all the information they need to make informed decisions about their health? Many parents won’t talk to their kids about these issues, and if you believe abstinence programs work, there’s a ton of research that you are on the wrong side of that coin. 

Let’s all live in the real world here folks!

If her article ended there we wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But we haven’t gotten to the anal connection in the title yet!

While we wait, more children are being presented information on casual acceptance of sexual practices taught by who?  Was the substitute teacher in the Thomas Johnson pornography allegation incident ever in a classroom with a wooden penis in his hand demonstrating and describing how to put on a condom?  Talking about anal sex?

Why aren’t you people seeing the connection!


HOLY CRACKER ON A MACARONI! She goes from not liking the toy like appearance of a fake penis in an 8th grade classroom to postulating that a long term substitute (who is under investigation for showing a sexually explicit video to students) in a high school classroom is fondling a wooden penis while describing anal sex. She made all of that up! When are you people going to give her lies the outrage they deserve?

Let’s burn everything down because of Cindy’s wild speculation and falsehoods!

Part II is apparently on the docket for tomorrow. You are in our thoughts FCPS.

She will never end her vendetta against FCPS, or us, the voters, for not allowing her a seat on the BOE.