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Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition

Grandstanding points removed! Whatever will Shrelauter do?

In this morning’s Political Notes report, Danielle Gaines informs of of what our local characters are up to. The first part of her column tells us Jan Gardner and Michael Hough have come together to merge their ethics bills into one piece of legislation. Now, we appreciate when our politicians on both sides of the aisle come together, since that is a rarity in these here times. However, we cannot help but think that Hough may be doing this to take away one of #kirbydelauter’s favorite talking points! For whenever Jan’s ethics bill enters the conversation Kirby immediately responds by pointing out that Hough’s bill was so much better and comprehensive. And, we all know that Hough would prefer Afzali in the County Executive seat.

20bag6
Don’t ask questions you may not want the answer to Mr. Patches!

 

It also appears that Billy’s suggestion that motor homes be taxed as real estate property instead of as a motor vehicle didn’t gain any supporters as the final agenda, as reported by Ms. Gaines,  for the county delegation looks like this:

A final agenda was set this week and includes six main items:

  • A legislative priorities presentation from the Frederick County Liquor Board;
  • a discussion of ethics legislation from Hough;
  • potential requests for state bond funding;
  • discussion of the opioid epidemic;
  • potential legislation from the delegation; and
  • public comment.

 

And speaking of Billy. Remember his fit about how he didn’t get all the information he needed (like he ever reads!) and how he was forced to PIA the county government to get what he needed?

In November, I wrote that discussions among County Executive Jan Gardner (D) and the county’s legal team resulted in a decision to revisit the request Shreve said was not completed.

County spokeswoman Vivian Laxton said on Thursday that an expanded packet of information was delivered to Shreve’s office this Tuesday.

Oh dear, with all their talking points slowly disappearing with the wind, what will they barrage us with now?

if-you-truly-want-honesty-dont-ask-questions-you-dont-really-want-the-answer-to

Remedial workshop

We’ve been slowly digesting the post-Thanksgiving workshop from Tuesday like leftover turkey and dressing, but a lot less tasty. The overarching theme this week is: if you build houses, you will also need roads for the drivers and schools for the kids living in them. This fact is so glaringly obvious that it is difficult to understand why you would need a very, very long workshop for it, but how else will Billy Shreve attempt to set up a gotcha trap while actually possessing nothing?

Some of our observations include, in no particular order:

Janice Spiegel is exactly as awesome as everyone says she is. She presents an interesting tool for anticipating growth from the known approved housing in the pipeline. In spite of all the hypotheticals, she must reiterate continuously that she has not prepared a budget document, and does not predict a timeline for this. Simply the issue is if you build all those houses, people will live in them, so heads up. It’s a completely new concept for the two critters who helped approve those developments, Aside: when other people see Blaine stuck in all the traffic, are you as tempted as we are to roll down the window and scream at him, “This is your fault, you ridiculous fool! And also, Dog the Bounty Hunter called and he wants his outfit back!”

Billy and Kirby and Tony are dumbasses
There was a more polite meme that just said idiot, but we are not in the more polite mood today.

Tony Chmelik’s questions seem to imply that it is silly to focus on geographic regions. Would he recommend redistricting your kids like Newton’s Cradle every year, any time they could hunt down an empty seat to stick them in, just, “tok-tok-tok, all fixed; we’ll move you back next year when there’s an empty seat here, probably?” Would he send kids from his neighborhood to Libertytown, even knowing they will be stuck on the other side of a truck wedged under the CSX bridge 3 out of every 5 weekdays?

Billy and Tony and Kirby are dumb

Kirby Delauter can manage to behave himself. It was so weird. Kampaigning Kirby disagrees quite respectfully (until he gets all worked up about Jan Gardner, and then he returns to his ranty man thing). Kirby “The Sky is Falling” Delauter worked really hard to minimize the impact of the development pipeline and acted like everyone else (Jan) is the problem. The actual problem is that 800 more kids showed up for school this year than had been predicted, so perhaps it is not over-erestimating that is the real danger here. The actual problem is that this pyramid scheme where development theoretically increases the tax base so that you can build roads and schools by starting construction of those some number of years after you build houses that people move into is a patently ridiculous idea that will make everyone miserable, and also make the property values not very attractive.

Billy Shreve wants to reinvent the wheel. Billy wants to know how they predict the number of kids, and birthrate patterns, and Millenials and elders don’t seem to have babies. It wasn’t presented at all with the degree of snark we think it merits, but it sure sounds like the state is actually able to inform about the number of babies that are born in a given year, and then add 5 years to extrapolate for kindergarteners.

We are tired. We are sorry for not saying anything nice about the nice people who did nice things and tried to promote the less academically able up the levels of Bloom’s Taxonomy. It has been too dramatic a week for your average news junkie, so. G’night.

It’s meeting time! This one is going to hurt big time!

We’re skipping the drinking game this week. Why? Well, it’s for your own good. There are some issues to be discussed this evening that are just so aggravating that we fear that the temptation to over imbibe may be  too strong. Like alcohol poisoning strong.  So, grab your agenda, tune into the highly rated FCGTV channel, and try not to break everything in your house.

First, on the agenda, is a road needs study for the New Market/Monrovia area. Read through this study and you’ll see why it is needed. Just try not to choke over the final price tag. Hopefully Steve Horn can make it out without Billy flinging an insult at him.

Now comes the part that may make you want to pack it in and move on. Janice Speigel will be in attendance to go over the School Capacity Needs Analysis report. Folks, it’s bad…real, real bad. With over 21,000 residential units in the pipeline we are in real trouble when it comes to our schools and overcrowding. It’s going to be really expensive, especially since the last BOCC allowed these developers to sign DRRA’s that made it so they didn’t have to pay up. Of course we expect Kirby to pipe up with his super discounted many-times-over-debunked leaseback idea, which would only spell more disaster for our fine county. Here’s a taste of what you can expect to hear about this evening:

And don’t forget that two people responsible for this mess want to run for County Executive and Maryland State Senate. Can you imagine?!

Lastly, we have dueling Senior Tax Credit bills from Jerry and Kirby. Quick poll! Before you even look at them, predict whose bill is more complete and helpful to our struggling seniors!

Remember that some people are for it and some are against it

And no, we are not talking about the downtown hotel. Notice that we never talk about that? It’s because y’all are nuts. You decide which of y’all we mean. We’ll pop the popcorn. We are talking about something much more disturbing than that, and that is: human trafficking.

Does anybody remember the name of that guy who was in charge of the Trump campaign in Frederick County? He is currently on our County Council, but since he never does anything worth talking about, we’ve practically forgotten he exists. Apparently someone said that that guy is not going to run for reelection, and instead intends to do battle with Ron Young for his seat in the State Senate? Worst Wii game ever. This guy (a.k.a. King of the Deplorables) once argued against the need for a task force on human trafficking, because some people are in favor of it. Who was that? It’s something like Timmy Reeve or Bobby Sleeve or something.

King of the Deplorables

We were just thinking about that guy and his “ideas,” because of this one weird trick connection the Trump campaign has to child sex trafficking. In an epic “doth protest too much” maneuver, the same team that set out to do violence in defense of Hillary’s imaginary basement pizza parlor child sex slaves is really apparently sometimes in favor of child sex trafficking, if the Trump campaign chair in Oklahoma is any indication…Be warned, the story is really quite upsetting. Yeah, we do actually know that our local chucklehead has virtually nothing to do with this, but we will simply never get over his glib statement acknowledging unremorsefully that some people are fine with this. Who does that? Oh, yeah. We remember now: Billy Shreve.

Billy is an idiot.
The Frederick County Republican Party must be so proud of this darling wing nut.

#neverforget

Let’s protect the Monocacy River AKA Jan’s grabbing all the land!

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This afternoon, the council is having a workshop on the Monocacy Scenic River Management Plan.  It’s going to be painful as Billy and Kirby have been complaining that it’s all just a sinister plan for Jan to grab all the land up to use for ???? We still haven’t figured that out yet. So, brace yourselves and we will let you know how it all turns out.

Well, bestill our Yokel hearts! We are actually enjoying the Tentacle this week!

Pick yourself up from the ground and let us explain! There’s a new writer over at the noodly appendage by the name of Brooke Winn. Appointed to the Frederick County Republican Central Committee just two short years ago, Ms. Winn has some insights into the local party that we very much appreciate!

First of all, in her November 6th piece, we are treated to this:

I quickly learned to automatically assume politicians are a bunch of self-serving, narcissistic monsters who are completely willing to sell their “principled” soul for an extra $500 in their campaign bank account, Republicans included

My faith in the Republican Party has decreased in the past two years. Trust me, I don’t like to be a “Debbie downer,” seeking to find the best in every situation, but our party functions in ways that seemingly go against everything it claims to be.

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Followed by:

The most disturbing element within the local party is the in-fighting and heated battles of a contested primary election. As much as Republican voters think their votes elect a particular candidate of their choosing, it does not. In fact, party politics dictates who the “chosen” Republican nominee will be, with the party throwing money at their ‘Chosen One’ faster than Democrats spending money on entitlement programs. So, your choice doesn’t matter as much as you think when you are standing in the voting booth on primary election day – the powers that be in Republican Party have already spoken for you.

If that wasn’t enough, today she penned another criticism of the local political machine. This time she publicized phone messages that Delegate Barrie Ciliberti left her. Here’s a taste:

December 3, 2015 at 5:28PM: (https://youtu.be/RkGGKU-81nc):

 

Delegate CilibertiYeah, hi, Brooke, uh, Barrie Ciliberti here. Uh again, you’re a busy woman, ha. I’m on my way to Winchester Hall, but I understand there’s a meeting tonight with the Central Committee. And, uh, you don’t know me. Uh, but I’d enjoy meeting you personally and, over coffee, or whatever. Glass of wine. Get to know each other.

 

My thoughts: Again, yeah, I don’t know you. And wine? Sounds a bit inappropriate to be asking a young woman out for adult beverages who doesn’t know you.

Very inappropriate!! Did he think he was going charm her into silence? Wow, just wow!

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We are sure this is the opinion of the Hough arm of the Republican party at this time!

We are anxiously waiting to read next week’s installment!!

Too busy to attend Billy’s senate kickoff? WATCH THIS!

Are you super bummed that you weren’t able to attend Billy’s senate kick-off? Perhaps you needed to clean those dust bunnies from under your bed? Or perhaps you just wanted to do literally anything else rather than watch someone who can’t handle the responsibilities of being a county councilman try to convince us that he’ll make a super state senator? Whatever the reason, never fear! There’s a video of the night’s festivities! And it is awesome. But, not in the way Billy wants it to be!

 

Click the video to watch! And why does Bongino keep coming back here? Hasn’t he gotten the hint yet?

The best parts are Billy trying to explain why he’s qualified, Billy thanking the NRA representative for “doing a great job”, and Blaine channeling his inner David Hasselhoff to tell us all why Billy is such a great fella. There’s also some Washington County candidates and Frederick County Council candidate Dylan Diggs asking for support. Not sure why these fellas think it’s wise to hitch their wagon to Billy’s fading career.  Y’all may want to create some distance soon!

Also, what we noticed is who wasn’t there. Not one fellow council member, not even Kirby! Could it be that #kirbydelauter doesn’t want his campaign for CE tainted by Billy’s nonsense? Just asking questions!

Billy Shreve has biglig aspirations in Annapolis, is mostly full of B.S.

Locals, you are in for a real treat. In order to give Trump a voice in Annapolis, Shreve tells this audience that he’s leaving the Council (yay!) and running for State Senate (boooooooooo). His campaign slogan is “Trump Annapolis,” which kind of makes it sound like Trump is running for governor in Maryland. The actual governor of Maryland, Larry Hogan, was at least perceptive enough to distance himself from L. Don Trumpard by telling everyone he did not support him, and judging by this past Tuesday that is probably going to continue to be a wise choice. That stank don’t wash off easy. Wisdom is not Billy’s strong suit, though. Just you wait…

This all went down at this campaign fundraiser that sounds like hell on Earth, headlined by the illustrious loser of the previous 6th District Congressional race and loser of a Republican party Congressional primary in Florida and loser of the Senate race for the seat that Ben Cardin holds: Dan Bongino. This event was benefitting Shreve, County Council District 1 candidate Dylan Diggs and Delegate Mike McKay. According to the Frederick News Post, Shreve has not actually filed yet, but still…and this is where it gets good.

He thinks he and his compadres (the one who cannot math or flow chart, and the hooker aficionado) are more distinguished and accomplished than the Founding Fathers. We are not making this up.

“There’s no one else besides the guys that served with me that can ever say they did anything that monumental. Even the Founding Fathers, they just started a new government, they didn’t change an old one,” Shreve said.

“Now here’s a little story I’ve got to tell
About three bad brothers you know so well. It started way back in history with Blaine Young, K.D., and me (Billy Shreve).”

Can you even imagine if they were dropped into the Constitutional Convention, or even the after parties at the City Tavern–a la Bill & Ted, what the general opinion would have been of these tools?

There’s more, but after that covfefe, does any of the rest of it even matter?

Billy is totally full of covfefe
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

Warning: Kirby’s fiscal side has made an appearance

Thank goodness that was quick. We want to focus on election returns. Kirby mucked around in the budget adjustments because the numbers for a foot bridge in Point of Rocks didn’t feel right to him, since it is a pre fab bridge that will cost $40,000 to design. The answer to the mystery is that erosion (which is science) means they need expensive concrete footers and stream management matters upstream to protect private property and also this footbridge. It must have been a mighty battle up in Kirby’s cavernous noggin–private property needs to be protected by public expenditures. In the end he feels better, math and research having taken absolutely no part in the grandstanding process.

Tony’s taking back his homeschool team sports bill for further tinkering to make sure it is done right.

Bud Otis did a last minute introduction of a bill for a Veterans Advisory Council addition as a First Reading Calendar. It sounds good because it would help the 17,000 veterans living in our community find the resources that they need. It caused a little strife between him and M.C. Keegan-Ayer because it wasn’t added to the agenda before yesterday and that’s not really fair to us the public, even though he obviously wanted to do this before Veterans’ Day. Bud asserts that the rules let him, because he is the President. Rules are different for presidents, as we all now well know (he isn’t making that up like that other guy would–the rule actually is different). During Council Member comments, Jessica Fitzwater points out that she likes to share the agenda via social media the weekend before the meeting, and if it’s not in there it’s not in there, whether it is allowed or not. We concur. How can you take a drink for a bill if there’s no bill? We have all been deprived.

M.C. Keegan Ayer moved to table indefinitely the thingamabobber about recreational facilities in PUD/MDX–which would have been decided upon today–after having discussed the plan with our esteemed County Executive.

Meaning that with this meeting was mostly quick, although it did require you to have some of those Holiday Mules per our drinking game for multiple questions that are more of a comment. Again with the Bridge to Terabithia Jefferson Tech Park, Kirby expresses suspicions about numbers being inaccurate, but he’s exploring a lot of feelings. If you say numbers you sound smart. In reality there is not enough information in his speech to do this word problem he is rambling about, so perhaps the Waffle House Press Secretary will discuss this in a briefing.

Kirby's Plan
If your goal as a fiscal conservative is to figure out if x is less than y, it is generally helpful to know the value of both x and y.

We wonder if there’s any way to find out any of these figures Kirby has feelings about. Maybe we should take it out of Billy’s playbook and send it as a legislative priority for the delegation in Annapolis to focus on next year, like it’s a hot dog stand with unknown challenges to opening. If you’re new here, that’s an inside joke. And a thing that Billy wanted to have happen, IRL. Probably they have no other choices, since they don’t have a staff (a note Bud Otis hits on during Council Member comments, and it stings just a little to hear Bud echo Billy, y’all).

The rest of the Council comments pretty normally about community minded things. Tony Chmelik offered a Happy Birthday for November 10th to the U.S. Marine Corps, and M.C. Keegan-Ayer acknowledged and commended our veterans. Jessica Fitzwater talked about the Veterans’ Day event. Bud Otis waxed patriotic and also distanced himself a bit from the County Executive and we think we see where this is all going in advance of 2018. And then Billy chucked up all of his PIA related complaints and assorted ailments. It’s really hard to take him seriously after all we have endured with him thus far, so we cannot even begin to fathom that he could have any valid points.

Class dismissed.

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