This was going to be a simple Facebook post, but it’s too terrible: Chmelik edition

Hey, last night Tony Chmelik decided that Kai Hagen is full of propaganda and that CNN is the reason everyone is scared of the coronavirus and we have bigly questions.

In no particular order:

  • Did CNN entice Ted Cruz to self-quarantine? (If so, we have definitely not been giving CNN enough credit for their fine, albeit obnoxious, services.)
  • Did Italy decide to quarantine 16 million people because CNN thinks the coronavirus is dangerous?
  • Have you seen your “I love Trump; he’s good for my 401K” today? (psssst. Trading halted this morning right out of the gate. Gasp! Is CNBC powerless to stop the evil that CNN has wrought upon us? )
  • Does anyone think there could be a correlation between public confidence in the administration and 700 vacancies at the CDC and/or the fact that T-Rump fired the pandemic response team? (spoiler alert: HELL YES.)
  • Is everyone thrilled Tony Chmelik does not make policy decisions for this fine county this morning? (again: HELL YES.)
Fahrvergnügen! What a maroon.

Also. Wuhan looks like a place with practically no modern amenities? Uhhhhh. No.

 

Yes, we are experiencing big moods this morning. We must extend our most courteous thanks to Tony Chmelik for volunteering as tribute so that we may handle these “Everything is terrible all the time” feelings. It is partially his fault, after all. 

Silver linings available here:

 

 

Vote for smart people. The end.

 

 

Some worse things happened today! WARNING: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT PART DEUX!

Zeus does it ever!

ICYMI, yesterday we wrote a post about Cindy Rose’s post about the anal sex being taught in FCPS! As promised, she wrote a Part 2 after going down to the central office to “inspect” the materials. Brace yourself for some interesting takes on how FCPS is disrespecting ALL the girls:

This lesson seems to say through its silence, our daughters are objects for the enjoyment of others. More times than not, it’s our daughters feeling pressured to consenting to sex. Where are they taught they can say “no”?

Yes, #1 of the lesson says “Make sure you both consent to whatever you plan to do sexually.” Get that? “…whatever you plan to do….” The stage is set. It doesn’t say “You do not have to have sex.” It actually says “you shouldn’t”. I know the 21st Century education system likes to play fast and loose with words, this is why. “Don’t” is a command; “shouldn’t” is a suggestion. Each has a different impact on the psyche.

This is AMAZING on a number of levels. First off, for years Cindy rallied against the school system teaching any kind of opinion or feeling. There are numerous Facebook posts in which she made known that a teacher’s role was to solely impart information and then allow the students (and their parents) to come to their own conclusion. If not, the teacher was a liberal brainwasher. So how does this all fit in to that worldview? Secondly, abstinence-only education DOES NOT WORK. And, FYI Mrs. Rose, consent means that both parties have the right to say YES or NO!

Does she really think that the school system should instruct students in a philosophy that time and time again has shown to have negative outcomes?How in the world is that a responsible thing to do?

Another concern was the Curriculum Specialist “knew”, “lots” of the students used birth control implants. How does he know? Are the classes so casual that girls are just blurting out they are not only on birth control but what kind? Is there a survey? Did parents’ consent?

Guess what? Students talk to teachers about their personal lives. Today’s young people are not shy when it comes to talking about birth control. How is having a discussion about birth control in a sex ed classroom casual talk? Guess she would rather these girls feel some shame about preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Which brings us to this:

Fathers of daughters who attend Frederick County Public Schools, where are you? Are you paying attention to what is happening in your little girl’s classroom? An FCPS teacher is talking to your 13 year old daughter about how to put a condom on a penis and how to use a “dental dam”. You don’t find this disrespectful? Do you know what’s in FCPS policies and lessons that diminish a girl’s self-respect and doesn’t support personal boundaries?

Do you know FCPS is teaching young boys to make sure they put on a condom before they violate your little girl anally? Not to worry, they make sure to teach them to put on a clean condom after anal sex, before he puts his penis in her vagina. These are 13 and 14 year olds. Is this reassuring or comforting?

Thank goodness they are there to teach our little girls it’s normal and OK to be violated in all sorts of ways. There appears to be little instruction or encouragement on why a student should wait to have sex or even say “no”.

This took a long time to process. A long time.

Sooooooo boys are the monsters looking out to violate all the little girl’s anuses because they were taught the correct way to put a condom on? What century is this again? Is that the conclusion she believes we should all come to?! Proper use of contraception is disrespectful to girls?! This is truly an argument we have never seen before. So kudos to you Cindy for coming up with the most astonishing argument against sex ed that we have ever had the displeasure to set our eyes upon!

And in case you haven’t noticed, girls these days can speak for themselves. They not only know how to say no because of the recent cultural changes, but also because they’ve been taught about consent! They don’t need Daddy standing at the door with his shotgun! Need we point out how disrespectful to boys all this nonsense is?!

Lastly, she goes back to her irresponsible claim that a long term sub at TJ High School was teaching the middle school sex ed curriculum:

In light of recent events we also need to know “who” teaches these lessons? Did the long term substitute at Thomas Johnson High get to walk around the classroom with a wooden penis, demonstrating how to use a condom talking about anal sex?

No, he did not.

Grow up lady!

So, some things happened….. (WARNING: Sexually Explicit Material!)

Since the expulsion of Shreve, Chmelik, and Delauter from our fine county government, we’ve been taking it a bit easy.  We’ve also been able to relax during this year’s BOE election, because guess what? Cindy isn’t running! (Side note: We have a pretty great slate of people running this year!) Instead she’s decided to buy (how much could we get for the Yokel?) and run The Tentacle. Mostly it’s been the same tripe we’ve been used to seeing in the Noodlely Appendage….until today. BEHOLD:

Get ready for a rough ride here folks!

She’s still harassing FCPS with her multiple PIA requests, so much so that we’ve speculated they had to hire the new ombuds just to deal with her!  You can read the original post here, but we are going to break it down for ya!

She begins by telling us that an 8th grade parent contacted her regarding the FCPS sex education curriculum. We couldn’t help but wonder why the parent wouldn’t address these concerns with the teacher or administration, but alas Cindy it is. Apparently, the story goes that Cindy went to inspect the props used in the curriculum and had some concerns about their appearance:

I was bothered that the penis prop is more toy like, while the vagina prop is very clinical.  Is the “toy” design to make the student feel comfortable handling it?  Is that comfort supposed to transfer over into real life?

Not sure why this guy comes to mind.

Now we are really all left to grapple with some terrible musings, such as: what kind of phallus is she asking for? She has more issues:

There are vaginal condoms and dental dams in the “kit”.  Based on that I assume there are demonstrations on their use as well?  If not, why not?  Not that I believe any of it should be taught by a school teacher, but it’s a legitimate question.  Is FCPS demonstrating how to use vaginal condoms and dental dams?  Isn’t that teaching “how” to have sex?

The use of quotes is puzzling here. Is the kit not real? What is the alternative meaning of how? Anyhoo, we did everyone’s homework for them and found the essential curriculum for 8th grade health class (which, by the way requires a permission slip and allows for parents to preview the material):

Who is even against young people having all the information they need to make informed decisions about their health? Many parents won’t talk to their kids about these issues, and if you believe abstinence programs work, there’s a ton of research that you are on the wrong side of that coin. 

Let’s all live in the real world here folks!

If her article ended there we wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But we haven’t gotten to the anal connection in the title yet!

While we wait, more children are being presented information on casual acceptance of sexual practices taught by who?  Was the substitute teacher in the Thomas Johnson pornography allegation incident ever in a classroom with a wooden penis in his hand demonstrating and describing how to put on a condom?  Talking about anal sex?

Why aren’t you people seeing the connection!

 

HOLY CRACKER ON A MACARONI! She goes from not liking the toy like appearance of a fake penis in an 8th grade classroom to postulating that a long term substitute (who is under investigation for showing a sexually explicit video to students) in a high school classroom is fondling a wooden penis while describing anal sex. She made all of that up! When are you people going to give her lies the outrage they deserve?

Let’s burn everything down because of Cindy’s wild speculation and falsehoods!

Part II is apparently on the docket for tomorrow. You are in our thoughts FCPS.

She will never end her vendetta against FCPS, or us, the voters, for not allowing her a seat on the BOE.

Look at the Brain on…oops, sorry…no brain…just look at Dan.

Dan Bongino apparently has a problem with Mediaite. Imagine being a 45 year old adult whose bio reads “He is a member of the Republican Party and ran unsuccessfully for Congress in 2012, 2014, and 2016…” and that’s pretty much it. You turn up at CPAC wearing a David Rose outfit (know your audience, man), perpetually looking like you’ve smeared your face in margarine, and calling *someone else* a douchebag. He is disgusting. His language is disgusting. His ideas are disgusting. His greasy face is disgusting. (Everyone at CPAC is disgusting, so at least he is in his element. “Boo Mitt Romney,” etc.)

It gets worse!

Imagine that this nasty, vulgar specimen had a fan club…it’s really just this one idiot. Our very own village idiot. We bet you know who it is…

Billy is lucky Mediaite hasn’t got to know him like they did BingoBongo. Frederick County really has something special in the water. Maybe it’s lead.

What is Kirby and his merry band of minions up to? Organizing Frexit 2020, that’s what!

We read this email at least twenty times this afternoon, not only because it is so poorly written, but also due to the fact that we just couldn’t believe our delicate eyes!

 

What is accurate?!  What proof does he have that the old system was better for taxpayers and businesses? Where’s the data?

No Kirby! That will not do!

We’ve paid very close attention to the new county government since its inception in 2014. We know that every claim that Kirby makes here is false. The Monocacy River Plan does not take anyone’s land, and we cannot even begin to decipher what he means by population center controls when it comes to the Livable Frederick Plan. What is meant by less user friendly is up to wild speculation, as is his statement about the government being detached from the community at large. We all lived through the Blaine Young BOCC and nothing about that board was user-friendly or attached to the community-at-large. (Click here for more on that.) Did this “fiscal conservative” even consider the cost of switching back to a system that made sense when we were a small rural county, but is no longer adequate for our current needs? Which is the very reason we decided to change the system!

Anyway, having the county divided into districts and each electing their own representation makes this, in fact, more representational –connected to the community at large, if you will–and more user-friendly. If we have a concern, we can just bring a balloon bouquet to our very own council member. Or one of the at-large members, if it suits our fancy. Only evil clowns will be bringing balloons to one of the at-large members, and we know which of the two is already receiving balloon greetings from the random public. That’s right, former Councilman Nameless is just the random public now. Clearly it really hurts!

Perhaps this is all sour grapes since he couldn’t even win the Republican primary to get the County Executive nomination! Whatever the reason, this is all a bunch of nonsense. Does he really expect that if we were go back to the old system he and his buddies would win? Has he not been paying attention to the new voter registration numbers around these here parts? What a colossal waste of everyone’s time, money, and energy!

 

Creating a movement entitled Frexit isn’t surprising from someone who posts and does things like this:

ICYMI: Kirby went through the trouble of procuring balloons and making a trip to Winchester Hall just so he could hang these on Kai Hagen’s door.

Some days we consider writing a screenplay about all our characters around Frederick.  Maybe we’ll even call it Frexit! You seriously cannot make this stuff up!

Please let these old acquaintances be forgot!

You only have to search our archives to see how ecstatic everyone was when both Billy and Kirby were knocked out in the last primary. It was a relief to us all at Yokel Headquarters to be able to take a break. Because, as those of you who have been with us since the beginning know, it was a bit much to keep up with these two. Unfortunately, these nutters have come back onto our radar lately. And of course it isn’t for anything good.

Let’s start with Kirby. Sometimes we don’t know if we should be angry with him or just feel sorry for him. Whichever it is, he’s stepped out from just being an online troll and posting ignorant tripe such as

To becoming a real life troll who creepily leaves balloons on Kai Hagen’s office door:

 

We have a lot of questions!

 

Picture this whole scene for a moment. Kirby goes to the trouble of going to a store and purchasing said balloons. Then he drives to Downtown Frederick, walks into Winchester Hall (who is letting him wander around unsupervised?), and leaves the balloons on Kai Hagen’s door. What a weirdo, and we mean this seriously, “Does Kirby need help?”

Kirby Delauter spotted coming out of the Church Street Garage.

But in all seriousness, banning balloon releases are a good thing. Many jurisdictions all over the country have banned them. Here’s a good infographic for those that can’t be bothered to read:

Or if you need something a bit more graphic:

Grow up Kirby. This is low even for you.

And then there is this amazing doofus:

First of all, does that youngster in the middle look like he really likes Trump, or does he look like he is about to bust a gut messing with these fools? Because we thought they looked like they were having a grand old time yanking the self-avowed deplorables’ chain. Who can say for sure…

And then there’s this issue. Apparently it troubles him not a whit that his #FakeNews site is *obviously* full of covfefe if they are publishing a photo taken by some unfortunate soul–who knows Billy socially–in Frederick and pretending it is people in Iowa. They must have a rigorous fact checking system! Heavens to Betsy! A brighter person would note that enormous red flag that their news source is entirely unreliable. “How unreliable?” might you ask the handy dandy Media Bias Fact Check? And we solemnly swear that they will also say Daily Kos and HuffPo need some independent verification as well (and Jimminy Christmas, stop sharing Natural News on the internet already, people!)

In short, these two characters are dumb. Very, very dumb.

Joy to the World, they’re not in office! Let us rejoice each day!

Dear Blaine Young…….

We are very sorry to inform you that Blaine wrote another LTE that sullied the good pages of the FNP. In a very pathetic attempt to be clever, he pretended to write a letter to Santa listing his gripes against the current City of Frederick administration! Glad to see he’s in the holiday spirit!

“I really don’t have time for this nonsense”!

Here’s a few of our favorite exerts:

4. Please add blue safety light phones in some of those areas as the community college has done.
5. Please get smokers to not throw their cigarette butts on the ground. It is out of control.
6. Please sprinkle some economic magic dust on the Golden Mile and the old Frederick Towne Mall property.

8. Please make us a pet-friendly city with responsible pet owners like other cities. Pet owners spend huge amounts of money.

We can’t believe we have to talk about the blue safety lights again. Yes, they were really useful in 1992 when cell phones didn’t exist, but not so much today. Are we to believe that “Mr. Let’s Sell the Government Off” to private vendors is going to go all Big Brother and follow smokers around to see where they put their butts? What is his proposal to stop this? Perhaps he missed the news about the Old Frederick Towne Mall property being turned into a huge entertainment center, which isn’t surprising at all. It’s so much easier to complain than to actually pay attention or do any research. Finally, we Lady Yokels love our pets, but we don’t even want to know what he wants to do with our tax money so he can traipse all over town with these guys:

We are sorry to have to show this to you folks, but someone sent it to us and if we have to see it, so do you.

Continue reading “Dear Blaine Young…….”

What would he say from beyond?

We keep trying to move on. Kirby is irrelevant right now, but an alert reader tipped us off to this gem idiocy.

Me thinks this is foresight of Kirby’s own epitaph.

As Elijah Cummings lies in State today we can only imagine that he wouldn’t even give two hoots about some two-bit has been’s lame tweet. What a bold statement from someone who made national news for not understanding the first amendment.

Cummings was a religious man who spoke with eloquence. We are not religious over here at the Yokel, but have a hard time understanding how anyone could think God would place Elijah Cummings in the category of a swamp member who needs to be drained. What’s that saying about God calling people home for a higher purpose? We’ll just leave you with the congressman’s own words.
You must have confidence in your competence,”… “Most people who are hating on you, they are not worried about where you are. They’re worried about where you’re going.”

To all of you who thought that Blaine was writing LTEs just because he was a concerned citizen-BLESS YOUR HEART!

Seriously though, haven’t recent events taught us we can no longer engage in the fine art of naivete?

 

We’ve written a few posts lately about Blaine’s very sad attempt to try and weasel his way back into our political sphere. (Click here, here, and here if you need to catch up!) A friend of the Yokel recently sent us what he’s been posting on Facebook, and folks, you are not going to like it! BEHOLD:

 

Uh, Police Commissioner? This isn’t Gotham City, is it? Blaine sure as hell ain’t Batman. Maybe he’s looking to play the role of the corrupt mayor!

Yeah, every problem we have here in Ole Fredericktowne would be solved by Blaine and his merry band of minions!  How else are you going to try to gaslight us? We don’t know anyone he listed under “Team Frederick”, but if they are hitching their wagon to Blaine’s star they are, at the very least, engaging in some super bad judgement. A disgraced former County Executive candidate with a horrible governing record need not be in control of our fine city government. But let’s talk a little more about this graphic:

Where to begin with this super hot mess?

 

Diversified? Does he think the City of Frederick is a stock portfolio? Even worse, what the hell is going on with those fonts and spacing? His graphic arts department must look a bit like this:

 

After all his years in politics, you’d think everything he does wouldn’t scream amatuer hour. But alas…

That same friend of the Yokel also sent us this:

Talk about putting the cart before the horse!

City of Frederick residents must spread his story far and wide, never again can he be allowed into public office!

 

Stay vigilant folks! None of us need any more political scandals in our lifetime. We’re all filled up!

 

 

 

Not again….not ever again! Your Blaine Young coverage unfortunately has to carry on.

Sorry Folks, but he did it again. No, he wasn’t arrested again, he just wrote his third, that’s right, his third “Concerned Citizen” LTE. 

Sorry Fluffers, we wish it would end as well.

We go back and forth at the Yokel headquarters about how much attention we should pay to him. We really don’t want to give him any more attention than he deserves (which is zero by the way), however we realize that there are a lot of newbies up here that may not be aware of his history, So, go forth me must!

Never again can he be in charge of ANYTHING!

To catch up go ahead and click here to see all we’ve written about him over the past 4 years! In this particular LTE he is making the false equivalency of retail stores leaving Downtown Frederick to the new police headquarters possibly being located slightly out of the realm of the hustle and bustle of the downtown restaurant scene. It’s pretty dumb considering that most officers are out on patrol and not just sitting around the headquarters waiting for a call. What we really like is how every time he writes one of these thinly veiled campaign messages, the FNP commenters tell him exactly what they think!

 

No where here in Frederick!

Looks like our work will be cut out for us. Get the word out to your new neighbors fellow Yokels! We must stay vigilant.