Who needs some voting information?

Yeah, no one wants to hear your excuses!!


At this point we hope that you have sorted out for whom you will vote for this year. If you are still sitting there undecided, well, we’ll let Ms. Midler handle that one for us.

Tis a mystery how anyone could not know who to vote for at this point.

If you still need help just look at this folks:

Really folks? Haven’t we had enough of all this f@#$^ing nonsense already?!

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of this post, which is to give y’all some nice voting information so we can rid our land of the orange plague.

Your best resource for all your local voting information (because all elections are local!) is the Frederick County Board of Elections site.

Your first option is to vote by mail. Click here to request your ballot. You must do it by October 15th. Make sure you use black or another dark ink to fill in your oval completely for each one of your choices. Secondly, sign the back! If you don’t sign the back your ballot will not be counted and you’ve gone and disenfranchised yourself! Once that ballot is good and ready you have two more options. Either drop it in the mail OR

Cats really can be smarter than people!

You can drop your ballot in one of the many Drop Box locations that are set up around the county:

Frederick County Board of Elections
(Located @ front of building.)
340A Montevue Lane, Frederick, Maryland 21702

Brunswick Middle School
(Located @ front entrance.)
301 Cummings Drive, Brunswick, Maryland 21716

Catoctin High School
(Located @ front entrance.)
14745 Sabillasville Road, Thurmont, Maryland 21788

Governor Thomas Johnson High School
(Located near entrance to the main gym.)
1501 North Market Street, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Middletown VFD Activities Building
(Located @ rear entrance.)
1 Fireman’s Lane, Middletown, Maryland 21769

Oakdale High School — ARRIVING Mid-October
5850 Eaglehead Drive, Ijamsville, Maryland 21754

William R. Talley Recreation Center — ARRIVING Mid-October
121 North Bentz St, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Urbana Regional Library
(Located near rear entrance.)
9020 Amelung Street, Frederick, Maryland 21704

Here’s a handy dandy link to track the status of your ballot to give you that extra piece of mind. Hell, they will even send you an email when they’ve collected your ballot out of the drop box!

If you requested a mail in ballot and then decide to vote in person, be aware that you will have to fill out a provisional ballot at the polling center.

If you want to vote in person, that is still happening as well. Early voting begins on October 26th this year. You can visit any of these locations which are open from 7:00am-8:00pm through November 3rd:

Catoctin High School 
14745 Sabillasville Road, Thurmont, Maryland 21788

Governor Thomas Johnson High School
1501 North Market Street, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Middletown VFD Activities Building
1 Fireman’s Lane, Middletown, Maryland 21769

Urbana Regional Library
9020 Amelung Street, Frederick, Maryland 21704

If you are a traditionalist and prefer to vote on the actual Election Day, these sites will be open to you from 7am-8pm on Tuesday, November 3rd:

Brunswick Middle School 
301 Cummings Drive, Brunswick, Maryland 21716

Catoctin High School 
14745 Sabillasville Road, Thurmont, Maryland 21788

Cornerstone Fellowship Church
66 Waverley Drive, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Governor Thomas Johnson High School
1501 North Market Street, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Frederick High School
650 Carroll Parkway, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Linganore High School
12013 Old Annapolis Road, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Middletown High School
200 Schoolhouse Drive, Middletown, Maryland 21769

Middletown VFD Activities Building
1 Fireman’s Lane, Middletown, Maryland 21769

Oakdale High School
5850 Eaglehead Drive, Ijamsville, Maryland 21754

William R. Talley Recreation Center
121 North Bentz St, Frederick, Maryland 21701

Tuscarora High School5312 Ballenger Creek Pike, Frederick, Maryland 21703
Urbana High School
3471 Campus Drive, Ijamsville, Maryland 21754

Urbana Regional Library
9020 Amelung Street, Frederick, Maryland 21704

Walkersville High School
81 West Frederick Street, Walkersville, Maryland 21793


Please remember not to be a jerk at the election centers. Wear your damn mask and mind your distance.

Don’t think it won’t happen!


If you still need to be convinced that voting is important, we really don’t know what to do with you. Let’s see if the cast of Hamilton can knock some sense into ya!

Your “All Politics Is Local” drinking game!

Time to be fierce!

It’s been a good long while since we’ve done a drinking game. This evening’s debate seemed like a good time to get back into the game! You may be asking why a local political blog is creating a game based on a national debate, and that answer to that, in the words of Speaker Tip O’Neill, is all politics is local. This couldn’t be more evident than it is today. You can use suggestions from this page to concoct your poison, or just get your favorite beer or wine. Remember this is for entertainment purposes only! If you play this game to the conclusion of the debate you will die!

Everytime you hear a word listed below or see an event described take place take a sip. And we mean a sip! This debate is going to be a doozy!

Take it easy Midge, we need you alive for November!

Pandemic day what?

I don’t know about you, but we Yokels are exhausted. Daily we are bombarded with news that just keeps getting worse. Unwanted hysterectomies , meltdown by a top official, the west coast is on fire, it’s hurricane season and oh, don’t forget the pandemic is still very real. Sadly we just learned of the passing of the notorious RBG. Icon. 2020 just keeps on sucking.

The latest Maryland statistics show our numbers are increasing. Nevertheless, folks are clamoring for FCPS to start fall sports and send kids back to school. What data are the masses using to justify this change? Has anyone seen any data about Covid-19 in areas where sports are being played or where schools are open? How many deaths are ok? Are student or teacher illnesses more acceptable?Can we get transparency from our local health department about how many cases of Covid-19 have occurred  since preseason training commenced?

Have you heard about Archbishop Spaulding? What is the logic of moving to virtual for 2 days? It will be interesting to see how that plays out. What about this poor coach, who was 29 years old?

I know we all want our kids to be able to get back to normal. But in case you haven’t noticed, nothing is fucking normal around here anymore, and there is no end in sight. Let’s try and learn something from the countries that had this under control and opened back up and are surging again.

Don’t just say, “All the states around us are doing it, we should too!” Let’s hope that the BOE and Superintendent Alban are using data and not feelings, not the other counties/states/countries are in school/playing sports are so we should too bandwagon. Otherwise, they are saying that teachers and students lives aren’t valuable and some of you guys are expendable. Mmmkay?

And let your voice of reason be heard, cause we’ve been hearing the BOE has been getting bombarded by the voices of the Covid deniers.

Current Board Members

Brad Young

Brad W. Young, President, Board of Education
Current elected term: December 2018-December 2022

photo of Jay Mason Jay Mason, Vice President, Board of Education
Current elected term: December 2018-December 2022
Liz Barrett portrait

Liz Barrett, Board Member
Current elected term: December 2018-December 2022

Michael Bunitsky portrait

Michael Bunitsky, Board Member
Current elected term: December 2016-December 2020

photo of Lois Jarman Lois Jarman, Board Member
Current appointed term: January 2019-December 2020

photo of Rae Gallagher

Rae Gallagher, Board Member
Current appointed term: January 2020-December 2020


photo of Karen Yoho Karen A. Yoho, Board Member
Current elected term: December 2018-December 2022
photo of student member of the board Mia Martinez

Mia Martinez, Student Board Member
Current elected term: July 2020-June 2021





Is Cindy now on Jessica’s side? EnQuiring minds want to know!

Holy Mother of fonts!

This came upon your Lady Yokel’s inbox this evening, and while we are very much on board with this message (just type human trafficking into our search engine) we also have very long memories.

Once upon a time…let’s say about 4 years ago…Councilwoman Jessica Fitzwater put forth a bill to form a committee to study and address human trafficking in Frederick County. The usual characters were against this, and Billy went so far as to say there were people for and against human trafficking! Well, we also remember the new owner of the Tentacle, one Cindy Rose, was not on board with all of this human trafficking hullabaloo. In fact she said that it wasn’t even a local issue. Behold exhibit one:

Oh the conspiracies!

So back in the day (4 short years ago) any effort to combat human trafficking was part of some nefarious teacher union ploy. What has changed Cindy’s tune?! Could it be?…..

Just asking questions!

It is nice to see Cindy coming around to Jessica’s POV, especially after some of the nasty things she’s written about her on the noodlely appendage lately. (We are not going to link to that garbage.) We also do not want to disparage anyone for coming to the right side of an issue. However, given her past reluctance to treat this as a serious issue AND the recent Qanon conspiracies we can only assume that this rally has more to do with baseless conspiracies than it does with actual human trafficking victims. Stay vigilant folks, and don’t forget to vote!

Delegate Dan says war pensions make vets lazy, wants to spare the rest of the population from the same fate!

We’ve had to do a lot of writing both here and on our social media about those amongst us who think they know better than epidemiologists and virologists because of the very serious Dunning-Kruger effect that too many people in this country seem to suffer from.

And it’s actually dangerous to the rest of us!

The biggest D-K sufferer in our fine county is one Delegate Dan who decided to file a copy and pasted lawsuit in federal court against the State of Maryland for the very high crime of attempting to protect public health in the face of a poorly understood and dangerous novel Coronavirus. You can search on back through our last couple of posts to read more on all he’s done around here lately. This post will focus more on his fitness to lead any kind of movement at all.


You may need to read through that a few times, it’s a lot to take in!

Comparing Covid-19 and the American Civil War is really something to behold isn’t it? It would make more sense to compare what we are going through to the Flu of 1918, but then he would have to acknowledge social distancing and the closure of schools and businesses saved lives and that wouldn’t fit his narrative. Instead he chooses to link to a singular research paper in order to present a very poor argument that tries to equate the Civil War soldier pensions with the Coronavirus stimulus checks. Here he’s following some Senate Republicans in thinking that all this government money is going to make y’all no good freeloaders . Just like the war pensions made the Union soldiers lazy good for nothings! Too bad the paper he refers to doesn’t even come to the conclusion that he says it does in his great example of false equivalency.

Lots and lots of other factors at work during the post-Civil War Industrialization period in American History! The paper also concludes that war pensions allowed Civil War veterans the time to find higher paying work. Guess Dan would rather the men who served their country toil away in low paying jobs for all eternity.

Let’s move onto his irony statement since 1. He has 0.0 evidence that the Southern and Western states are leading any kind of economic recovery 2. That’s not what irony means. His pandering to politics comment is super rich considering that is exactly what he is doing! Now that’s some irony for ya! We aren’t even going to discuss the conspiracy theories he espouces regarding Trump’s re-election prospects because there’s only so much we Yokel gals can take on in a day.

Couple the Dunning Kruger effect with John Oliver’s assessment that America is the most defiant nation on the planet and we are left with a lot of questions as to how we will survive this pandemic. There’s a lot being written about how our culture makes it really hard to institute these necessary restrictions, and that really is sad. Look, none of us like being out of work, away from our friends and family, the economic uncertainty, or the fear of getting sick or actually dying from Covid-19. Despite Dan’s, previous assertion that this virus only affects a certain portion of the population (which is turning out to change daily) no one really knows how this disease will affect them, and that’s what makes it so dangerous. So instead of advocating for the arrest of Bill Gates:

Perhaps we should should start a new hashtag: #ArrestDanCox. For his actions are far more dangerous than anything Bill Gates has done.

Hogan procures 500,000 tests from South Korea; Dan Cox pens useless letters

Hey, what’s a good way to get back to normal? Is it…fondling Alex Jones in public? No, it is not! Although that sad but true event didn’t happen in Maryland, you may have learned that these people who think the rest of us are blind followers of public health measures are themselves having their strings pulled by the alt-right and their big business financiers. Not a lot of critical thinking going on there, yahoos!

A better way to help ensure we can get back to normal life is to understand who is infected with this disease so they can be strictly quarantined, and the rest of us can be more safely distanced from them while being more actively engaged in society. It would also be helpful to know who has been infected, but hey, baby steps. We are only a few months into this, and we had…just…some months of time to observe that bad stuff was happening in a westward moving wave from Asia to Europe to “it’s all under control/the heat kills it/you just go to work and get well.”

It’s hard not to notice the glaring difference between The Helpers and The Utterly Useless, or the Actively Destructive. In fact, lets downgrade people who encourage public protests that block up traffic and prevent people from taking care of essential business such as saving lives, selling food, and delivering necessities from the “useless” to the “destructive” column.

Today’s award-winning helper, who also deserves an Emmy for his press conference production style today: GOVERNOR LARRY HOGAN. Credit should be shared with his wife, the First Lady of Maryland, Yumi Hogan. She helped to negotiate the purchase and delivery of 500,000 tests from South Korea. They intend to keep the details of this delivery on the down low because President-Bigly-Dealmaker-who-couldn’t-be-bothered’s administration has been causing problems for the states, while using taxpayer dollars to offset businesses’ shipping charges while encouraging bidding wars among the states so that the businesses increase their profit margins even more. Just look at what happened in Illinois, racing to a McDonald’s parking lot to hand off a check to make the purchase of personal protective equipment. All of which is dangerous to our front line healthcare workers. Like Cox spending his time writing petulant letters, Orange hAirhorn spends all of his time having petulant press briefings.

Here is an image of Gov. Hogan giving a press conference about “Operation Enduring Friendship” in front of the South Korean flag today. We know the miscreant faction will have a big problem with this, and maybe it’s a little weird…BUT SO IS THE FACT THAT OUR STATE HAS TO HIDE NECESSITIES SO THAT TRUMP’S PEOPLE DON’T STEAL THEM. They refuse to help, but they are happy to be hurtful! This country, man.

We couldn’t help but interpret the appearance of this flag as not just a gracious thank you to South Korea, but a slight to our useless government. How sad is it that we have to do rely on our state building its own alliance with a foreign power (the president of which referred to Hogan as a “son-in-law”).

And while we are on the subject of South Korea, the United States of America identified their first cases of COVID-19 infection on the same day as South Korea. The results of having a competent and prepared government versus what we have, which is a raging dumpster fire–how stark and appalling. And it appears to be much better for both human health and the economy. So maybe Hogan is right and Cox should put down his pen and take up a hobby. Maybe learn a second language. May we suggest that fluency in Korean would be an asset?

Look at this headline: South Korea has brought its reported spread of coronavirus infections to single digits per day. And we have let our country turn into this hot mess.


We have a blockhead in Cox!

Don’t say literally everyone didn’t try to warn ya!

Scroll back through our last few posts and you will see that we’ve had a lot to say about our local characters and their reaction to the pandemic crisis. Over these past few days we’ve had the severe displeasure of seeing an elected official, whose supporters repeatedly have to remind everyone that he’s “an attorney,” risk his constituents’ health in order to toe the Trump line. Take a gander at this letter he penned to Governor Hogan.

You would think “an attorney” would have better grammar skills. Recreate on a golf course? Fresh air fun? He has the same weird difficulties with using our language as Donald J. Trump. It’s like they all have the syphilis brain. And please tell us specifically which one of your amendments have been violated. Have you even read them? So help him God, Governor! We are sure this 5:00 deadline was rightfully ignored.


Why doesn’t Mr. Attorney know about

2016 Maryland Code
Public Safety
Title 14 – Emergency Management
Subtitle 3A – Governor’s Health Emergency Powers
§ 14-3A-03. Governor’s orders?

Click through the link to become more educated!

It gets worse, because of course it does. He’s also advocating that everyone go on down to Annapolis today and clog the hell out of traffic. Because that’s not dangerous at all in a health crisis…He also makes some claims that make it seem as though he’s the one inflating the numbers around here!

Is it too much to wish that they all have to hold their bladders for hours?


A little discrepancy in the numbers!

Then this morning, well it just got weird:

You can remove #WEAREMARYLAND. You are not our Maryland, fella!

This is going to take awhile to mire through, but hell we are  good, compassionate citizens who are keeping our asses at home, so we’ve got time!

We KNOW that those of us who are compassionate, caring citizens are wearing our face coverings. We don’t look upon our fellow citizens as carjackers or robbers because we are smart enough to discern the difference.

We KNOW all the hard work our teachers put into continuing our children’s education and how much talent and skill it takes to do so. We will not fall for false equivalencies.

We KNOW (because two of us have children who are seniors this year) that it is indeed disappointing to miss out on certain celebrations. But it is necessary, and our children realize it is necessary, and they do not feel sorry for themselves.

We KNOW how poorly the national Republicans handled are handling this crisis, and how they have blood on their hands from their inaction.

We KNOW that it is an act of charity to stay home. While we are all missing out on things we like to do, we know it isn’t going to be forever. Nobody is preventing anybody from worshipping the deity of their choice. Leave the religious persecution complex at the door, please!

We KNOW how caring citizens do everything they can to support the local businesses in their area and how our local government is doing everything in its power to offer those businesses a helping hand.

We KNOW that the state government is doing the best they can in a completely novel situation and has a bunch of naysayers questioning them though they know no better. (Less better, in fact.)

We KNOW that because necessary orders were put into place, we do not fare as badly as other less cautious states. And for that, we will be eternally grateful.

We CAN NOT tolerate the woefully ignorant and uncompassionate around us, even if they somehow slithered into elected office. ESPECIALLY if they slithered their way into elected office.

Our muse, the Wonkette, has an excellent post about a Trump advisor likening these reopen people to Rosa Parks. We’ll drop it here because we couldn’t have said it any better:


If you are curious about what our fellow Marylanders were up to in Annapolis today, take a look here:

Freedumb from awareness. Freedumb from responsibility.

There is a growing movement amongst the “F All Y’all and Yer Feelings You Rode In On” crowd to reject the wearing of masks in public because it is “the mark of compliance.” As free and sovereign citizens they are now deciding in lieu of taking into account the health and wellbeing of others through required mask etiquette in essential businesses that they shall take their potentially infectious droplets and breathe them into the retail outlets of neighboring counties. Until they make their own rules when all the vitriolic fools of Appalachia turn up to exhale virus on them…

Folks, a person with this level of attention to detail and awareness of the world around is the editor of her very own website! Doesn’t that just boggle the mind? Also, it’s a stigma, but wear one if you want. So probably just wear an American flag themed one so that other people will know how to judge whether the government made you do it or it was your free will to choose to wear the mask if you want to…or…what? even? WTF. Insert giant facepalm here. There are numerous public posts on this same individual’s page that will elicit the same reaction.

You can see this effect taking hold if you read the comments on the FNP’s story about the mask requirements. We highly recommend taking the time to laugh out loud at how thieves are going to steal them right off your faces in the store! We probably need another poll. Something like “Is there too much lead in the water?” or “Just the right amount of lead in the water?” or “Would we all be better off with lithium in the water?” Now we can sit back and imagine the mind control histrionics of the people who have never given a rat’s tail about clean water in their lives! The things we have to do to keep from getting bored now…

You can track it amongst the crazies who cite number of current infections as though this isn’t a contagion. Psssst, you with the breath droplets you want to breathe into the air freely, the number literally changes moment to moment and asymptomatic carriers are infecting people all the time!

The Constitution of the United States, according to the smallest minds we could find…

It is also the mark of human decency, and the mark of the intellectual capacity to comprehend vectors of infection. We propose a poll. What should we call the people who want to breathe disease into the air whenever and wherever they want, public safety be damned!


“Why do you wear a mask and hood?”
I think everybody will in the near future,” was the man in black’s reply. “They’re terribly comfortable.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Stay tuned for the next installment in our series: “What is wrong with you people?”

See also “When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs.

UPDATE: She’s found someone to help her sue the government over having to wear masks. What a great use of everyone’s time and resources. Feel free to use the email she gave:


When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs!

We can’t even believe we have to discuss such things…AGAIN. A few days ago we wrote a post about how thankful we are that our local government is not run by people who continue to say terrible things along the lines of: What’s a few lives as long as the economy doesn’t suffer? Or this actual quote from one of the people in the aforementioned post:

STOP with the propaganda! No one in Maryland is losing their job because of the Coronavirus.

They’re losing their job because Governor Larry Hogan bad decisions and poor leadership.

Hogan is why you lost your job NOT the virus.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe we share the same county, state, country, planet, universe with these people. We Lady Yokels have had a lot of issues with Hogan in the past, but we’ve been oh so thankful for the measures he’s put into place to help SAVE OUR LIVES. Hogan, along with this hero, Governor President Cuomo:

They are some of the only ones making any sense around here! Just look at this article about what Lt. Dan Patrick of Texas had to say! If anything, this crisis should lay to rest the “ideals” of the Libertarian Party (Rand Paul anyone?) once and for all. For those of you who want less government during a time of an unprecedented health crisis, then don’t take any relief. No stimulus checks, no public services, no nothing for ya! Go figure it out on your own, and leave the rest of us out of your experiment with social Darwinism!

It’s always amazing!

Hopefully our SANE and helpful governors will continue to see us through this crisis. The orange one, who thinks everything will be just delightful by Easter, needs to be ignored while our public health officials’ advice heeded. Some of y’all really need to stop being terrible all the time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Let us take a moment to be thankful for who is NOT in charge.


We  lament daily about the Les Incompetents in charge of our federal government. Let us take a moment here to be thankful that this set of nincompoops are NOT in charge during these challenging times.

Imagine for a moment, that Kirby won the CE seat. We Frederick Countians would all be so screwed if our county was headed by someone spewing this kind of nonsense:


We all knew that Kirby wasn’t batting on a full wicket, but blatant disregard for public health isn’t something we fully expected. If there was ever proof that elections matter, THERE IT IS!

Tony also has thoughts:

Praise cupcakes! This idiot.

Let’s all be thankful that we don’t have to be mansplained on the dias as to why we are all overreacting!

Billy hasn’t been as bad, believe it or not, but there are still some issues:


Uh, last time we went skiing people had to congregate in the rental area, in the bathrooms, and in the lodge. This is not good advice Billy.

Lastly, we’ve had a lot of reasons to be thankful that Cindy was not elected to the BOE over the last few years, but perhaps no comment of hers makes that more crystal clear than this one:



On a side note we all had a little snicker here postulating that Billy would be the one giving the hair dryer advice, while Jessica would be the voice of reason. Thankfully this scenario does not exist in real life for us.