We read this email at least twenty times this afternoon, not only because it is so poorly written, but also due to the fact that we just couldn’t believe our delicate eyes!
What is accurate?! What proof does he have that the old system was better for taxpayers and businesses? Where’s the data?
We’ve paid very close attention to the new county government since its inception in 2014. We know that every claim that Kirby makes here is false. The Monocacy River Plan does not take anyone’s land, and we cannot even begin to decipher what he means by population center controls when it comes to the Livable Frederick Plan. What is meant by less user friendly is up to wild speculation, as is his statement about the government being detached from the community at large. We all lived through the Blaine Young BOCC and nothing about that board was user-friendly or attached to the community-at-large. (Click herefor more on that.) Did this “fiscal conservative” even consider the cost of switching back to a system that made sense when we were a small rural county, but is no longer adequate for our current needs? Which is the very reason we decided to change the system!
Anyway, having the county divided into districts and each electing their own representation makes this, in fact, more representational –connected to the community at large, if you will–and more user-friendly. If we have a concern, we can just bring a balloon bouquet to our very own council member. Or one of the at-large members, if it suits our fancy. Only evil clowns will be bringing balloons to one of the at-large members, and we know which of the two is already receiving balloon greetings from the random public. That’s right, former Councilman Nameless is just the random public now. Clearly it really hurts!
Perhaps this is all sour grapes since he couldn’t even win the Republican primary to get the County Executive nomination! Whatever the reason, this is all a bunch of nonsense. Does he really expect that if we were go back to the old system he and his buddies would win? Has he not been paying attention to the new voter registration numbersaround these here parts? What a colossal waste of everyone’s time, money, and energy!
Creating a movement entitled Frexit isn’t surprising from someone who posts and does things like this:
Some days we consider writing a screenplay about all our characters around Frederick. Maybe we’ll even call it Frexit! You seriously cannot make this stuff up!
You only have to search our archives to see how ecstatic everyone was when both Billy and Kirby were knocked out in the last primary. It was a relief to us all at Yokel Headquarters to be able to take a break. Because, as those of you who have been with us since the beginning know, it was a bit much to keep up with these two. Unfortunately, these nutters have come back onto our radar lately. And of course it isn’t for anything good.
Let’s start with Kirby. Sometimes we don’t know if we should be angry with him or just feel sorry for him. Whichever it is, he’s stepped out from just being an online troll and posting ignorant tripe such as
To becoming a real life troll who creepily leaves balloons on Kai Hagen’s office door:
Picture this whole scene for a moment. Kirby goes to the trouble of going to a store and purchasing said balloons. Then he drives to Downtown Frederick, walks into Winchester Hall (who is letting him wander around unsupervised?), and leaves the balloons on Kai Hagen’s door. What a weirdo, and we mean this seriously, “Does Kirby need help?”
But in all seriousness, banning balloon releases are a good thing. Many jurisdictions all over the country have banned them. Here’s a good infographic for those that can’t be bothered to read:
Or if you need something a bit more graphic:
Grow up Kirby. This is low even for you.
And then there is this amazing doofus:
First of all, does that youngster in the middle look like he really likes Trump, or does he look like he is about to bust a gut messing with these fools? Because we thought they looked like they were having a grand old time yanking the self-avowed deplorables’ chain. Who can say for sure…
And then there’s this issue. Apparently it troubles him not a whit that his #FakeNews site is *obviously* full of covfefe if they are publishing a photo taken by some unfortunate soul–who knows Billy socially–in Frederick and pretending it is people in Iowa. They must have a rigorous fact checking system! Heavens to Betsy! A brighter person would note that enormous red flag that their news source is entirely unreliable. “How unreliable?” might you ask the handy dandy Media Bias Fact Check? And we solemnly swear that they will also say Daily Kos and HuffPo need some independent verification as well (and Jimminy Christmas, stop sharing Natural Newson the internet already, people!)
In short, these two characters are dumb. Very, very dumb.
Joy to the World, they’re not in office! Let us rejoice each day!
We are very sorry to inform you that Blaine wrote another LTEthat sullied the good pages of the FNP. In a very pathetic attempt to be clever, he pretended to write a letter to Santa listing his gripes against the current City of Frederick administration! Glad to see he’s in the holiday spirit!
Here’s a few of our favorite exerts:
4. Please add blue safety light phones in some of those areas as the community college has done.
5. Please get smokers to not throw their cigarette butts on the ground. It is out of control.
6. Please sprinkle some economic magic dust on the Golden Mile and the old Frederick Towne Mall property.
8. Please make us a pet-friendly city with responsible pet owners like other cities. Pet owners spend huge amounts of money.
We can’t believe we have to talk about the blue safety lights again. Yes, they were really useful in 1992 when cell phones didn’t exist, but not so much today. Are we to believe that “Mr. Let’s Sell the Government Off” to private vendors is going to go all Big Brother and follow smokers around to see where they put their butts? What is his proposal to stop this? Perhaps he missed the news about the Old Frederick Towne Mall property being turned into a huge entertainment center, which isn’t surprising at all. It’s so much easier to complain than to actually pay attention or do any research. Finally, we Lady Yokels love our pets, but we don’t even want to know what he wants to do with our tax money so he can traipse all over town with these guys:
We keep trying to move on. Kirby is irrelevant right now, but an alert reader tipped us off to this gem idiocy.
Me thinks this is foresight of Kirby’s own epitaph.
As Elijah Cummings lies in State today we can only imagine that he wouldn’t even give two hoots about some two-bit has been’s lame tweet. What a bold statement from someone who made national news for not understanding the first amendment.
Cummings was a religious man who spoke with eloquence. We are not religious over here at the Yokel, but have a hard time understanding how anyone could think God would place Elijah Cummings in the category of a swamp member who needs to be drained. What’s that saying about God calling people home for a higher purpose? We’ll just leave you with the congressman’s own words. “You must have confidence in your competence,”… “Most people who are hating on you, they are not worried about where you are. They’re worried about where you’re going.”
We’ve written a few posts lately about Blaine’s very sad attempt to try and weasel his way back into our political sphere. (Click here,here, and here if you need to catch up!) A friend of the Yokel recently sent us what he’s been posting on Facebook, and folks, you are not going to like it! BEHOLD:
Yeah, every problem we have here in Ole Fredericktowne would be solved by Blaine and his merry band of minions! How else are you going to try to gaslight us? We don’t know anyone he listed under “Team Frederick”, but if they are hitching their wagon to Blaine’s star they are, at the very least, engaging in some super bad judgement. A disgraced former County Executive candidate with a horrible governing record need not be in control of our fine city government. But let’s talk a little more about this graphic:
Diversified? Does he think the City of Frederick is a stock portfolio? Even worse, what the hell is going on with those fonts and spacing? His graphic arts department must look a bit like this:
That same friend of the Yokel also sent us this:
Stay vigilant folks! None of us need any more political scandals in our lifetime. We’re all filled up!
Sorry Folks, but he did it again. No, he wasn’t arrested again, he just wrote his third, that’s right, his third “Concerned Citizen” LTE.
We go back and forth at the Yokel headquarters about how much attention we should pay to him. We really don’t want to give him any more attention than he deserves (which is zero by the way), however we realize that there are a lot of newbies up here that may not be aware of his history, So, go forth me must!
To catch up go ahead and click hereto see all we’ve written about him over the past 4 years! In this particular LTE he is making the false equivalency of retail stores leaving Downtown Frederick to the new police headquarters possibly being located slightly out of the realm of the hustle and bustle of the downtown restaurant scene. It’s pretty dumb considering that most officers are out on patrol and not just sitting around the headquarters waiting for a call. What we really like is how every time he writes one of these thinly veiled campaign messages, the FNP commenters tell him exactly what they think!
Looks like our work will be cut out for us. Get the word out to your new neighbors fellow Yokels! We must stay vigilant.
Earlier in the week Blaine Young penned an LTE that was published by the Effin P. It’s his second recently. The first was July 18th with him tooting his horn about picking up trash when he walks to work. He has made it clear that he intends to run for mayor on the innovative theme “Let’s clean up this town.” Improving things is never bad, and with the recent drunks with guns incidents that have occurred during bar fight hours downtown it’s a timely moment to call for better. Then you look at what he selling, judging by the comments on the article, no one is buying. This man is not your run-of-the-mill very stable genius.
First of all he suggests putting in the blue phones like they have on college campuses. Anyone else here “been on multiple campus tours recently” years old? These are regularly pointed at mockingly and referred to as “the old technology.” In order to install the old technology it would cost us boatloads of money. Everyone has a phone with them at all times! They have apps on it to allow someone to monitor your whereabouts, apps to call for help, apps to get a ride. Probably apps to get an…escort…but we digress…Also, with your cell phone you don’t have to stand there in a dangerous situation while making a phone call–oh that’s right you can even make a phone call to 911–which is a point that is made in this article from a higher education publication about how those phones are a waste of good money. One great quote from that piece: …campus police at Ohio University do not remember the last time the phones were used in emergency situations, the campus newspaper, The Post, reported last year.
The other “look at the big brain on Blaine” thing is his call for more police presence. Many people on the social media have observed that there don’t seem to be a lack of police around. You see them pretty much constantly monitoring what one has the impression is a group of people badly in need of mental healthcare and some sort of social safety net. That’s the thing about mental illness. You have the right to destroy your life even if you don’t have the competency to save yourself. It’s a tough issue to figure out (and a good reason that the mental health redirect is kind of a red herring when we stop talking about gun rights, because people have other rights, too). That there is no better way of supervising these individuals and keeping them and everyone safe and healthy than law enforcement attention is indeed problematic, but lack of presence is hardly the issue.
If we are looking for police presence to discourage the late night shooting, the problem is that if you are the kind of person who illegally carries a gun/are out drinking and have a gun/irrationally shooting at people on the street, you are already not making the best informed decisions. How much is it really going to influence the behavior of these people if the police are around? Not to argue that the police are not needed. They are needed to enforce the “you can’t carry that/you can’t shoot that” kinds of laws we have and arrest people who violate those laws. If the presence of police kept people from firing weapons, then the police would never be shot at. And as we are all aware, that happens from time to time. It’s almost like that’s the reason the criminals carry the guns around…because someone (whether police or other criminal) might shoot them if they don’t shoot first.
So, that’s all for this edition of Let Us Count the Ways in Which Blaine Young is an Idiot. But…we also want to point out that we read someone else’s intriguing theory. We hate that we are kind of helping him out by giving him attention, if this theory has any basis in reality. Remember when he ran for governor so that he could run for county executive? Maybe he’s just doing that again. Obviously the city is different from the county, and he couldn’t get elected in the county. But maybe he is running for mayor to run for CE. Maybe he has a pathological need for attention. There’s also the fundraising.
We have become accustomed to thinking of our local Trumpkinclowns as ridiculous hayseeds, but what ifnits worse’n that? Did it raise the hairs on the backs of any other Yokelnecks to hear of the arrest of a person who attempted to engage in sex trafficking of children? Honestly, we have had a hard time writing about this whole matter, because the stomach turning nature of it makes it impossible to want to sit with. Then matters felt even more alarming with the realization that this individual shares the surname of one Former (woot!) Councilmembers. This would have merely come across as an unfortunate coincidence were it not for the next stage in processing the news, when we recall that was the same member who voted against forming a human trafficking task force while stating that “not everyone is opposed to that…” It does set a mind in motion when such a series of awful coincidences occur.
It’s been awhile. We did not remember the exact wording, but we do have a blog to refresh our memory …and holy hell it is worse than we remembered! He basically had a variation on the good ol’ MAGAtheme that there are good people on both sides of this issue. Why does that keep coming up when it is patently false? In case you are in need of a logic based tutorial: Selling people is slavery. Enslaving people for sex is rape. (Doing that to children is rape of a child, but that doesn’t seem to be so often misunderstood as the former point is; only recently law enforcement has kind of started to figure out that not all people involved in prostitution are willingly participating.)
At the time all of this occurred our basic assumption was that he was talking about his friend, and our muse. His name makes us gag sometimes, so we will call him Middle Aged Sk8r Hair. We also figured we were talking about the sex trafficking of adults and he didn’t want to run afoul of Frederick’s Youngest Good ‘Ol Boy with the Black Book Scandal History, and the more recent prostitution solicitation, and that he just kind of worded it poorly. Things were often worded so poorly. Disgusting, nonetheless. But now. Now our wondering has become much darker and ickier and sadder.
Now we are asking ourselves a lot of questions (in the Glenn Beck speculative sense, perhaps, but still)! It is ODD, isn’t it? In a sour stomach kind of way.
Furthermore, the High Shire of Our Reve has been lately on Fox news with some cherry picked statisticals about y number of sex crimes committed by undocumented immigrants in some timeframe x he selected.
Here’s what we do know. “Alex Nowrasteh, a senior immigration policy analyst with the libertarian Cato Institute, points to Texas as an example, since it’s the state with the best data on crimes committed and counted by immigration status and was the subject of a recent report he wrote showing that criminal conviction and arrest rates for immigrants were “well below” those of native-born Americans.” (ABC News, Jan. 15, 2019, Cheyenne Haslett “Fact Check: Trump’s claims on undocumented immigrant crime rates. Here’s what the numbers show)
“Undocumented immigrants make up just over 6 percent of the state’s population, legal immigrants made up over 10 percent, and native-born Americans make up over 80 percent…Meanwhile, undocumented immigrants were convicted of 5.9 percent of all the homicides in Texas, legal immigrants were convicted of 3.8 percent of homicides, and native-born Americans were convicted of about 90 percent of all the homicides in Texas, according an analysis of 2015 Texas state data by Nowrasteh.” (NB: When you sort the math, that’s the 80% native born citizens doing 90% of the murdering…you don’t have to be Archimedes to see where this is going, do you? OTOH, there’s the 6% undocumented residents doing just slightly less than their “fair share” of the killing by .1%, making the legal immigrants the clear winners here in the “human decency” category.)
Meanwhile INDEED! Because meanwhile we seem to have not just this character who (although we will insist as well that he deserves a fair trial) sure seems like he is allegedly both a true local and a totally disgusting monster. If you missed the details, he arranged with an undercover FBI agent to have sex with a 2 year old child. In addition to this particularly horrifying tale, there seem to have been a spate of localsexcrimes, (by our count that’s 5 local sex crimes *where children are the victims* in the same time frame Jenkins gave out for all sex crimes against everyone in the state of Maryland by *just undocumented immigrant* people.
Another bee in our bonnet: none of the activities in these recent news stories seem at all connected to the Sheriff’s legitimate but unrelated concerns over MS-13. None of these people appear to be detained in the Sheriff’s prize pet program. You may have heard a lot about that program just lately, since it was suggested that it may need an audit, and he’s been so defensive about why taxpayers should know how his rounding up “the illegals” program is doing, analyzing it according to the math. Since math seems hard for him, as we have just demonstrated above, maybe a closer look would be a good idea.
Are we really addressing our largest problems here in Fredneck, Maryland? It sure does not seem like it. Just who is turning a blind eye to what around here?
Guess who’s back? Yokel’s back. Back again. Yokel’s back. Tell your friends…
And none too soon. Here’s your agenda, but the game rules are different because apparently a bunch of dodo heads thought we were becoming a sanctuary county tonight and they’ve had to inform everyone that Nuh-Uh. It isn’t even on the agenda. How do computers work anyway?
So two rules to this easy re-entry to the game:
drink if you were duped
drink a fifth of Jim Beam through a beer bong if it was by the Conservative Club (or any of their friends)
It’s time to take a break from our summer hibernation! We try to stay away from thenoodlely appendage as much as we can. Most of it is indecipherable trash, and frankly we’d rather scrape cat throw up off the floor than waste our time there. However, this month has been way too much. These “authors” feel free (especially since The Tentacle does not allow for comments) to spew their awful opinions all over the internet without any push back. So push back we must give.
For a site whose writers purport to put freedom above all else, there seems to be a lot of calls to suspend just that for those that don’t agree with them. Let’s look at this passage from a recent postfrom Harry Covert concerning those that don’t agree with the Sheriff’s participation in the 287g program:
Sheriff Jenkins will soon be conducting meetings to discuss the effectiveness of working with ICE and 287(g). Previous meetings were held but invaded by disrupting outsiders. These protestors should be prevented from another show. Maybe a few days in the Adult Detention Center is in order, maybe isolation. Now, that’s a funny.
Here’s what really gets us about this guy. According to his official Tentacle biography:
Harry M. Covert is a writer-editor and syndicated columnist. His comments on local, state and international matters appear in numerous print and online publications. A veteran Virginia journalist, he enjoys life in Frederick.
He’s a veteran newspaper man who advocates locking people up for exercising their 1st amendment rights?!
Our next writer, Ken Kellar, is the owner and editor of the Woodsboro-Walkersville Times. So, it’s super curious as to why he feels the need to spout off on the noodlely appendage. But spout off he did. He’s also super outraged over the 287g audit (we thought conservatives loved fiscal accountability!), and wants us all to know what a value we are getting from the 287g program! Bet ya didn’t think of all these benefits:
I don’t see our elected officials seeking the other side of the ledger, the cost of illegal immigrants in our county, especially the cost of criminal illegal immigrants in our county.
The new Butterfly Ridge elementary school cost well over $20 million. How much of that cost was due to the presence of illegal immigrants in our county? Our officials aren’t asking the question.
How many millions are spent each year on special teaching services for illegal immigrant children or the children of illegal immigrants? Our County officials aren’t asking that question.
How much of our welfare dollars are spent on illegal immigrants and their children?
How much money is our law enforcement expending due to the crimes of illegal immigrants?
What is the financial value of one of our children not being raped; one of our sons or daughters not being murdered by a Latino gang; one of our loved ones not being killed by an illegal immigrant drunk driver? We have enough home-grown drunks, thank you very much.
Oh, he aint done:
In 1992, my Woodsboro home was built by English-speaking Americans. Today I can’t get a new refrigerator delivered without meeting someone born outside the USA.
Just all kinds of WOW! We are so sorry that you are afraid of meeting someone other than what you consider a native born American Mr. Kellar, perhaps you should seek some help…… or a time machine.
Former county council candidate, and now President of the Frederick County Conservative Club (Splinter group formed when Afzali won the nomination and all went to hell) Jason Miller loves to call people socialists. What we are really intrigued with is his solution to all the mass shootings we’ve had lately. You’ll find in his post a jumbled up list of who and what isn’t to blame, followed by his simpleton simple prescription for fixing it all:
The one solution to our ever more violent society stems from wisdom shared long ago. It’s looking upon each other with dignity and respect.
It is doing unto others as you would have done upon yourself. There… problem solved.
“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.” – The Rev. Billy Graham
And how’s this for dignity and respect?:
Perhaps the most amusing post of all is from Thrice-BOE candidate loser, Cindy Rose! Folks, she just can’t take it anymore. It’s so hard for us not to chuckle our way through this one:
I don’t like saying it, but Frederick County seems to lack Republican leadership. By that I mean the political party, not the ideology of conservatism that seems to have found a home in the Frederick County Conservative Club.
Who is leading the Republican “Party” here in Frederick? Why isn’t someone in political power rallying the Republican troops to push back against the Frederick County Democrats, Frederick County Socialists and RISE, all of which seem to be calling for Sheriff Chuck Jenkin’s head on a pike?
Uh, who was calling for his head on a pike?
She wants us all to know that she STILL hates Kathy Afzali:
Former Delegate Kathy Afzali proved how much she was interested in “serving” the citizens and “Party” of Frederick. She may have lost the county executive election, but she did win a spot on the party’s central committee. That’s an all work and no glory position. Who’s shocked she quickly resigned, tucked her tail and ran fast and far away?
The absolute best part of this is her attempt to shame her fellow Republicans:
Right now it’s Frederick Democrats and Socialists 1 – Republicans 0.
Seriously though, we don’t know which is worse, Donald Trump for spewing all his hateful rhetoric about immigrants, or those who try to normalize it all.This isn’t normal folks.