Freedumb from awareness. Freedumb from responsibility.

There is a growing movement amongst the “F All Y’all and Yer Feelings You Rode In On” crowd to reject the wearing of masks in public because it is “the mark of compliance.” As free and sovereign citizens they are now deciding in lieu of taking into account the health and wellbeing of others through required mask etiquette in essential businesses that they shall take their potentially infectious droplets and breathe them into the retail outlets of neighboring counties. Until they make their own rules when all the vitriolic fools of Appalachia turn up to exhale virus on them…

Folks, a person with this level of attention to detail and awareness of the world around is the editor of her very own website! Doesn’t that just boggle the mind? Also, it’s a stigma, but wear one if you want. So probably just wear an American flag themed one so that other people will know how to judge whether the government made you do it or it was your free will to choose to wear the mask if you want to…or…what? even? WTF. Insert giant facepalm here. There are numerous public posts on this same individual’s page that will elicit the same reaction.

You can see this effect taking hold if you read the comments on the FNP’s story about the mask requirements. We highly recommend taking the time to laugh out loud at how thieves are going to steal them right off your faces in the store! We probably need another poll. Something like “Is there too much lead in the water?” or “Just the right amount of lead in the water?” or “Would we all be better off with lithium in the water?” Now we can sit back and imagine the mind control histrionics of the people who have never given a rat’s tail about clean water in their lives! The things we have to do to keep from getting bored now…

You can track it amongst the crazies who cite number of current infections as though this isn’t a contagion. Psssst, you with the breath droplets you want to breathe into the air freely, the number literally changes moment to moment and asymptomatic carriers are infecting people all the time!
The Constitution of the United States, according to the smallest minds we could find…

It is also the mark of human decency, and the mark of the intellectual capacity to comprehend vectors of infection. We propose a poll. What should we call the people who want to breathe disease into the air whenever and wherever they want, public safety be damned!

 

“Why do you wear a mask and hood?”
I think everybody will in the near future,” was the man in black’s reply. “They’re terribly comfortable.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Stay tuned for the next installment in our series: “What is wrong with you people?”

See also “When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs.

UPDATE: She’s found someone to help her sue the government over having to wear masks. What a great use of everyone’s time and resources. Feel free to use the email she gave:

 

When this is all over, some of y’all gonna be social pariahs!

We can’t even believe we have to discuss such things…AGAIN. A few days ago we wrote a post about how thankful we are that our local government is not run by people who continue to say terrible things along the lines of: What’s a few lives as long as the economy doesn’t suffer? Or this actual quote from one of the people in the aforementioned post:

STOP with the propaganda! No one in Maryland is losing their job because of the Coronavirus.

They’re losing their job because Governor Larry Hogan bad decisions and poor leadership.

Hogan is why you lost your job NOT the virus.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe we share the same county, state, country, planet, universe with these people. We Lady Yokels have had a lot of issues with Hogan in the past, but we’ve been oh so thankful for the measures he’s put into place to help SAVE OUR LIVES. Hogan, along with this hero, Governor President Cuomo:

They are some of the only ones making any sense around here! Just look at this article about what Lt. Dan Patrick of Texas had to say! If anything, this crisis should lay to rest the “ideals” of the Libertarian Party (Rand Paul anyone?) once and for all. For those of you who want less government during a time of an unprecedented health crisis, then don’t take any relief. No stimulus checks, no public services, no nothing for ya! Go figure it out on your own, and leave the rest of us out of your experiment with social Darwinism!

It’s always amazing!

Hopefully our SANE and helpful governors will continue to see us through this crisis. The orange one, who thinks everything will be just delightful by Easter, needs to be ignored while our public health officials’ advice heeded. Some of y’all really need to stop being terrible all the time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Let us take a moment to be thankful for who is NOT in charge.

 

We  lament daily about the Les Incompetents in charge of our federal government. Let us take a moment here to be thankful that this set of nincompoops are NOT in charge during these challenging times.

Imagine for a moment, that Kirby won the CE seat. We Frederick Countians would all be so screwed if our county was headed by someone spewing this kind of nonsense:

 

We all knew that Kirby wasn’t batting on a full wicket, but blatant disregard for public health isn’t something we fully expected. If there was ever proof that elections matter, THERE IT IS!

Tony also has thoughts:

Praise cupcakes! This idiot.

Let’s all be thankful that we don’t have to be mansplained on the dias as to why we are all overreacting!

Billy hasn’t been as bad, believe it or not, but there are still some issues:

And….

Uh, last time we went skiing people had to congregate in the rental area, in the bathrooms, and in the lodge. This is not good advice Billy.

Lastly, we’ve had a lot of reasons to be thankful that Cindy was not elected to the BOE over the last few years, but perhaps no comment of hers makes that more crystal clear than this one:

UNBELIEVABLE!

 

On a side note we all had a little snicker here postulating that Billy would be the one giving the hair dryer advice, while Jessica would be the voice of reason. Thankfully this scenario does not exist in real life for us.

BEHOLD:

This was going to be a simple Facebook post, but it’s too terrible: Chmelik edition

Hey, last night Tony Chmelik decided that Kai Hagen is full of propaganda and that CNN is the reason everyone is scared of the coronavirus and we have bigly questions.

In no particular order:

  • Did CNN entice Ted Cruz to self-quarantine? (If so, we have definitely not been giving CNN enough credit for their fine, albeit obnoxious, services.)
  • Did Italy decide to quarantine 16 million people because CNN thinks the coronavirus is dangerous?
  • Have you seen your “I love Trump; he’s good for my 401K” today? (psssst. Trading halted this morning right out of the gate. Gasp! Is CNBC powerless to stop the evil that CNN has wrought upon us? )
  • Does anyone think there could be a correlation between public confidence in the administration and 700 vacancies at the CDC and/or the fact that T-Rump fired the pandemic response team? (spoiler alert: HELL YES.)
  • Is everyone thrilled Tony Chmelik does not make policy decisions for this fine county this morning? (again: HELL YES.)
Fahrvergnügen! What a maroon.

Also. Wuhan looks like a place with practically no modern amenities? Uhhhhh. No.

 

Yes, we are experiencing big moods this morning. We must extend our most courteous thanks to Tony Chmelik for volunteering as tribute so that we may handle these “Everything is terrible all the time” feelings. It is partially his fault, after all. 

Silver linings available here:

 

 

Vote for smart people. The end.

 

 

Some worse things happened today! WARNING: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT PART DEUX!

Zeus does it ever!

ICYMI, yesterday we wrote a post about Cindy Rose’s post about the anal sex being taught in FCPS! As promised, she wrote a Part 2 after going down to the central office to “inspect” the materials. Brace yourself for some interesting takes on how FCPS is disrespecting ALL the girls:

This lesson seems to say through its silence, our daughters are objects for the enjoyment of others. More times than not, it’s our daughters feeling pressured to consenting to sex. Where are they taught they can say “no”?

Yes, #1 of the lesson says “Make sure you both consent to whatever you plan to do sexually.” Get that? “…whatever you plan to do….” The stage is set. It doesn’t say “You do not have to have sex.” It actually says “you shouldn’t”. I know the 21st Century education system likes to play fast and loose with words, this is why. “Don’t” is a command; “shouldn’t” is a suggestion. Each has a different impact on the psyche.

This is AMAZING on a number of levels. First off, for years Cindy rallied against the school system teaching any kind of opinion or feeling. There are numerous Facebook posts in which she made known that a teacher’s role was to solely impart information and then allow the students (and their parents) to come to their own conclusion. If not, the teacher was a liberal brainwasher. So how does this all fit in to that worldview? Secondly, abstinence-only education DOES NOT WORK. And, FYI Mrs. Rose, consent means that both parties have the right to say YES or NO!

Does she really think that the school system should instruct students in a philosophy that time and time again has shown to have negative outcomes?How in the world is that a responsible thing to do?

Another concern was the Curriculum Specialist “knew”, “lots” of the students used birth control implants. How does he know? Are the classes so casual that girls are just blurting out they are not only on birth control but what kind? Is there a survey? Did parents’ consent?

Guess what? Students talk to teachers about their personal lives. Today’s young people are not shy when it comes to talking about birth control. How is having a discussion about birth control in a sex ed classroom casual talk? Guess she would rather these girls feel some shame about preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Which brings us to this:

Fathers of daughters who attend Frederick County Public Schools, where are you? Are you paying attention to what is happening in your little girl’s classroom? An FCPS teacher is talking to your 13 year old daughter about how to put a condom on a penis and how to use a “dental dam”. You don’t find this disrespectful? Do you know what’s in FCPS policies and lessons that diminish a girl’s self-respect and doesn’t support personal boundaries?

Do you know FCPS is teaching young boys to make sure they put on a condom before they violate your little girl anally? Not to worry, they make sure to teach them to put on a clean condom after anal sex, before he puts his penis in her vagina. These are 13 and 14 year olds. Is this reassuring or comforting?

Thank goodness they are there to teach our little girls it’s normal and OK to be violated in all sorts of ways. There appears to be little instruction or encouragement on why a student should wait to have sex or even say “no”.

This took a long time to process. A long time.

Sooooooo boys are the monsters looking out to violate all the little girl’s anuses because they were taught the correct way to put a condom on? What century is this again? Is that the conclusion she believes we should all come to?! Proper use of contraception is disrespectful to girls?! This is truly an argument we have never seen before. So kudos to you Cindy for coming up with the most astonishing argument against sex ed that we have ever had the displeasure to set our eyes upon!

And in case you haven’t noticed, girls these days can speak for themselves. They not only know how to say no because of the recent cultural changes, but also because they’ve been taught about consent! They don’t need Daddy standing at the door with his shotgun! Need we point out how disrespectful to boys all this nonsense is?!

Lastly, she goes back to her irresponsible claim that a long term sub at TJ High School was teaching the middle school sex ed curriculum:

In light of recent events we also need to know “who” teaches these lessons? Did the long term substitute at Thomas Johnson High get to walk around the classroom with a wooden penis, demonstrating how to use a condom talking about anal sex?

No, he did not.

Grow up lady!

So, some things happened….. (WARNING: Sexually Explicit Material!)

Since the expulsion of Shreve, Chmelik, and Delauter from our fine county government, we’ve been taking it a bit easy.  We’ve also been able to relax during this year’s BOE election, because guess what? Cindy isn’t running! (Side note: We have a pretty great slate of people running this year!) Instead she’s decided to buy (how much could we get for the Yokel?) and run The Tentacle. Mostly it’s been the same tripe we’ve been used to seeing in the Noodlely Appendage….until today. BEHOLD:

Get ready for a rough ride here folks!

She’s still harassing FCPS with her multiple PIA requests, so much so that we’ve speculated they had to hire the new ombuds just to deal with her!  You can read the original post here, but we are going to break it down for ya!

She begins by telling us that an 8th grade parent contacted her regarding the FCPS sex education curriculum. We couldn’t help but wonder why the parent wouldn’t address these concerns with the teacher or administration, but alas Cindy it is. Apparently, the story goes that Cindy went to inspect the props used in the curriculum and had some concerns about their appearance:

I was bothered that the penis prop is more toy like, while the vagina prop is very clinical.  Is the “toy” design to make the student feel comfortable handling it?  Is that comfort supposed to transfer over into real life?

Not sure why this guy comes to mind.

Now we are really all left to grapple with some terrible musings, such as: what kind of phallus is she asking for? She has more issues:

There are vaginal condoms and dental dams in the “kit”.  Based on that I assume there are demonstrations on their use as well?  If not, why not?  Not that I believe any of it should be taught by a school teacher, but it’s a legitimate question.  Is FCPS demonstrating how to use vaginal condoms and dental dams?  Isn’t that teaching “how” to have sex?

The use of quotes is puzzling here. Is the kit not real? What is the alternative meaning of how? Anyhoo, we did everyone’s homework for them and found the essential curriculum for 8th grade health class (which, by the way requires a permission slip and allows for parents to preview the material):

Who is even against young people having all the information they need to make informed decisions about their health? Many parents won’t talk to their kids about these issues, and if you believe abstinence programs work, there’s a ton of research that you are on the wrong side of that coin. 

Let’s all live in the real world here folks!

If her article ended there we wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But we haven’t gotten to the anal connection in the title yet!

While we wait, more children are being presented information on casual acceptance of sexual practices taught by who?  Was the substitute teacher in the Thomas Johnson pornography allegation incident ever in a classroom with a wooden penis in his hand demonstrating and describing how to put on a condom?  Talking about anal sex?

Why aren’t you people seeing the connection!

 

HOLY CRACKER ON A MACARONI! She goes from not liking the toy like appearance of a fake penis in an 8th grade classroom to postulating that a long term substitute (who is under investigation for showing a sexually explicit video to students) in a high school classroom is fondling a wooden penis while describing anal sex. She made all of that up! When are you people going to give her lies the outrage they deserve?

Let’s burn everything down because of Cindy’s wild speculation and falsehoods!

Part II is apparently on the docket for tomorrow. You are in our thoughts FCPS.

She will never end her vendetta against FCPS, or us, the voters, for not allowing her a seat on the BOE.

Look at the Brain on…oops, sorry…no brain…just look at Dan.

Dan Bongino apparently has a problem with Mediaite. Imagine being a 45 year old adult whose bio reads “He is a member of the Republican Party and ran unsuccessfully for Congress in 2012, 2014, and 2016…” and that’s pretty much it. You turn up at CPAC wearing a David Rose outfit (know your audience, man), perpetually looking like you’ve smeared your face in margarine, and calling *someone else* a douchebag. He is disgusting. His language is disgusting. His ideas are disgusting. His greasy face is disgusting. (Everyone at CPAC is disgusting, so at least he is in his element. “Boo Mitt Romney,” etc.)

It gets worse!

Imagine that this nasty, vulgar specimen had a fan club…it’s really just this one idiot. Our very own village idiot. We bet you know who it is…

Billy is lucky Mediaite hasn’t got to know him like they did BingoBongo. Frederick County really has something special in the water. Maybe it’s lead.

What is Kirby and his merry band of minions up to? Organizing Frexit 2020, that’s what!

We read this email at least twenty times this afternoon, not only because it is so poorly written, but also due to the fact that we just couldn’t believe our delicate eyes!

 

What is accurate?!  What proof does he have that the old system was better for taxpayers and businesses? Where’s the data?

No Kirby! That will not do!

We’ve paid very close attention to the new county government since its inception in 2014. We know that every claim that Kirby makes here is false. The Monocacy River Plan does not take anyone’s land, and we cannot even begin to decipher what he means by population center controls when it comes to the Livable Frederick Plan. What is meant by less user friendly is up to wild speculation, as is his statement about the government being detached from the community at large. We all lived through the Blaine Young BOCC and nothing about that board was user-friendly or attached to the community-at-large. (Click here for more on that.) Did this “fiscal conservative” even consider the cost of switching back to a system that made sense when we were a small rural county, but is no longer adequate for our current needs? Which is the very reason we decided to change the system!

Anyway, having the county divided into districts and each electing their own representation makes this, in fact, more representational –connected to the community at large, if you will–and more user-friendly. If we have a concern, we can just bring a balloon bouquet to our very own council member. Or one of the at-large members, if it suits our fancy. Only evil clowns will be bringing balloons to one of the at-large members, and we know which of the two is already receiving balloon greetings from the random public. That’s right, former Councilman Nameless is just the random public now. Clearly it really hurts!

Perhaps this is all sour grapes since he couldn’t even win the Republican primary to get the County Executive nomination! Whatever the reason, this is all a bunch of nonsense. Does he really expect that if we were go back to the old system he and his buddies would win? Has he not been paying attention to the new voter registration numbers around these here parts? What a colossal waste of everyone’s time, money, and energy!

 

Creating a movement entitled Frexit isn’t surprising from someone who posts and does things like this:

ICYMI: Kirby went through the trouble of procuring balloons and making a trip to Winchester Hall just so he could hang these on Kai Hagen’s door.

Some days we consider writing a screenplay about all our characters around Frederick.  Maybe we’ll even call it Frexit! You seriously cannot make this stuff up!

Please let these old acquaintances be forgot!

You only have to search our archives to see how ecstatic everyone was when both Billy and Kirby were knocked out in the last primary. It was a relief to us all at Yokel Headquarters to be able to take a break. Because, as those of you who have been with us since the beginning know, it was a bit much to keep up with these two. Unfortunately, these nutters have come back onto our radar lately. And of course it isn’t for anything good.

Let’s start with Kirby. Sometimes we don’t know if we should be angry with him or just feel sorry for him. Whichever it is, he’s stepped out from just being an online troll and posting ignorant tripe such as

To becoming a real life troll who creepily leaves balloons on Kai Hagen’s office door:

 

We have a lot of questions!

 

Picture this whole scene for a moment. Kirby goes to the trouble of going to a store and purchasing said balloons. Then he drives to Downtown Frederick, walks into Winchester Hall (who is letting him wander around unsupervised?), and leaves the balloons on Kai Hagen’s door. What a weirdo, and we mean this seriously, “Does Kirby need help?”

Kirby Delauter spotted coming out of the Church Street Garage.

But in all seriousness, banning balloon releases are a good thing. Many jurisdictions all over the country have banned them. Here’s a good infographic for those that can’t be bothered to read:

Or if you need something a bit more graphic:

Grow up Kirby. This is low even for you.

And then there is this amazing doofus:

First of all, does that youngster in the middle look like he really likes Trump, or does he look like he is about to bust a gut messing with these fools? Because we thought they looked like they were having a grand old time yanking the self-avowed deplorables’ chain. Who can say for sure…

And then there’s this issue. Apparently it troubles him not a whit that his #FakeNews site is *obviously* full of covfefe if they are publishing a photo taken by some unfortunate soul–who knows Billy socially–in Frederick and pretending it is people in Iowa. They must have a rigorous fact checking system! Heavens to Betsy! A brighter person would note that enormous red flag that their news source is entirely unreliable. “How unreliable?” might you ask the handy dandy Media Bias Fact Check? And we solemnly swear that they will also say Daily Kos and HuffPo need some independent verification as well (and Jimminy Christmas, stop sharing Natural News on the internet already, people!)

In short, these two characters are dumb. Very, very dumb.

Joy to the World, they’re not in office! Let us rejoice each day!

Dear Blaine Young…….

We are very sorry to inform you that Blaine wrote another LTE that sullied the good pages of the FNP. In a very pathetic attempt to be clever, he pretended to write a letter to Santa listing his gripes against the current City of Frederick administration! Glad to see he’s in the holiday spirit!

“I really don’t have time for this nonsense”!

Here’s a few of our favorite exerts:

4. Please add blue safety light phones in some of those areas as the community college has done.
5. Please get smokers to not throw their cigarette butts on the ground. It is out of control.
6. Please sprinkle some economic magic dust on the Golden Mile and the old Frederick Towne Mall property.

8. Please make us a pet-friendly city with responsible pet owners like other cities. Pet owners spend huge amounts of money.

We can’t believe we have to talk about the blue safety lights again. Yes, they were really useful in 1992 when cell phones didn’t exist, but not so much today. Are we to believe that “Mr. Let’s Sell the Government Off” to private vendors is going to go all Big Brother and follow smokers around to see where they put their butts? What is his proposal to stop this? Perhaps he missed the news about the Old Frederick Towne Mall property being turned into a huge entertainment center, which isn’t surprising at all. It’s so much easier to complain than to actually pay attention or do any research. Finally, we Lady Yokels love our pets, but we don’t even want to know what he wants to do with our tax money so he can traipse all over town with these guys:

We are sorry to have to show this to you folks, but someone sent it to us and if we have to see it, so do you.

Continue reading “Dear Blaine Young…….”