Are there any Kirby-friendly newspapers left in the world?

Why is the whole print world against Kirby?
Our friend over at Frederick County Fact Check alerted us to our local 1st amendment champion’s latest brush with the evil print media:

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Why is everyone in the media against #kirbydelauter?
We must admit that we were on the floor LOL as we read this. If you aren’t familiar with the Woodsboro Times or the Emmitsburg News-Journal, we can tell you they are ANYTHING but left leaning. Everyone in the country knows that Kirby had a run-in with the Frederick News Post a few years back, but we could not have anticipated this break!! Seems as though the only “news” organization willing to print Kirby’s tomes is the noodlely appendage.  What a distinction it must be to be the only place willing to post Kirby’s “false claims”!

Speaking of the Frederick News Post, if you haven’t read this outgoing editorial by Patrick Pexton it is a must see.  We can’t help but wonder if Shrelauter has already contacted the new owners of the paper asking for that “fair treatment” that seems so elusive to them.




Hyperbolic happy fun time…Billy vaporizes the English language.

Not sure Sweetums. Sorry you had to be exposed to this!
Not sure Sweetums. Sorry you had to be exposed to this!

So Billy’s wordsmithing again. We know, we know, you don’t want to look. We’ll try to sum it up as nicely as we can. But it is always helpful to see the words first hand. A friend of the Yokel recently told us that the best strategy is to hand the idiot the microphone and let them do their thing.

Before we get into the breakdown, besides Kirby, does any other elected official go around writing terrible things about their co-workers? Seriously folks, is this a thing anywhere else? Or are we just special here in Frederick County? We sure as hell know that in any other workplace situation this type of behavior would be grounds for dismissal. He doesn’t just argue points of disagreement he says things like this:

Frederick County is being ruled, not governed. Is this what you wanted when you voted for Charter Government? One person rules the County? Bud Otis has allowed the County Council to be diminished to vapor. Bud is being lead around like a trained monkey by the Democrats.


You know, we here at the Yokel are feeling generous today so we are going to try and help Billy out. Instead of of saying the county council has been vaporized and Bud is being led around like a trained monkey, perhaps something like this:

“I have some real concerns that the county council has not had enough input on the budget process. I also feel as though President Otis is not listening to my concerns. Perhaps we can set up a time and talk about this like grown men? How about next Tuesday at 1:00?” And then Billy, you listen and communicate like the grown up you are suppose to be!

Isn’t that so much nicer? And maybe, just maybe your fellow council members would be more willing to listen to what you have to say. We can imagine that your co-workers and the County Executive may not want to deal with someone who refers to them as tyrants, monarchs, incompetents and primates. But maybe that’s just us.

Let’s continue with the diatribe. Even though Billy has done this budget thingy for 5 years he still can’t get it. Despite the others talking with the head of every department and the budget director (who seems like a very knowledgeable and friendly fellow who has yet to be jaded by Billy’s antics) offering his help and advice at every step of the way, it’s not enough. So Billy tries to disparage his fellow council members (sans two of course):

Your tax dollars, $550 million of them controlled and approved by a history teacher, music teacher, PTA activist, and former Washington bureaucrat. None of them are qualified to review a $550 million budget, none of them CPA’s, none of them with any previous budget experience.

What do you do exactly Billy? How many people in our U.S. Congress are CPAs? Or what about in the State House? Good Lord, grasping at straws. If he feels, after 5 years of doing this, that he still can’t get it, then maybe, just maybe it’s time to admit this isn’t the job for him.

The end goes like this:

Bud Otis did make one budget request this year…. He wants a security detail for himself. He calls it executive protection. The comments on his Facebook page, your calls and emails.… He wants protection.

We looked through the budget and could find no such request. And if Bud does feel like he needs protection, we bet it’s for good reason. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Bud has been receiving threats and at times may feel unsafe. And IF that is the case, Council Member Shreve, perhaps you share some responsibility in that.

Billy explains his abstentions-still makes no sense.

Come on Cricket give the liar a break!
Come on Cricket give the liar a break!

What must be going through Councilman Shreve’s brain when he sits at his computer to pen his excuses for the Woodsboro times? Does he really expect anyone to relate to this stream of consciousness b.s. ? I mean really folks, does he really think we are this dumb?  Let us start with excuso numero uno:

December, 12 months in office. #1 duty of the County Council is to provide budget oversight. So far, after 12 months, we still have not hired a Budget Director. I have protested this repeatedly by abstaining on all budget related votes, over 60 times this year. (I refuse to do hunger strikes : )

Ha ha! As if Billy’s not going to eat for you jerks!!! So, why did he vote “yes” for Trout Run? And why vote against the minutes? Because it’s all a very convenient bunch of crap. Billy must have been hungry when he wrote this because there’s this:

I’m not a big government guy and don’t propose hiring employees just to have them, but if you are running a restaurant, you need a cook, dishwasher, and server. The Council inherited a $550 million dollar budget and a population of 240,000. An entity this size requires staff to handle the day to day operations on day one! We aren’t running a coffee shop; we need employees.

But you just said a coffee house/restaurants need employees. Wouldn’t the better analogy be: like a coffee shop, we need an adequate number of employees to make sure things run smoothly. OHH OHH! 25 word job-posting digression time:

Billy’s Speech Writer

Must be able to take endless non sequiturs and unrelated analogies and translate them into standard English. Overtime a must!

Any hoo! Back to the article. There’s lots and lots of complaining about Mike Gastley, and how they had to put all the numbers into Kirby’s work budget software (what the what). And they still, even though they were on the BOCC for four years, weren’t able to make heads of tails of it all. What we find most interesting about this whole written catastrophe is what Billy leaves out. He omits the name of the very person that Billy and Kirby put forth. A person who not only vacations with one Councilmember, and tailgates with another, but one who is living with the very person who lost to Jan! Look at his complaint about Mr. Gastley:

How can we believe he will support the Council and not the County Executive? Is this the right person to provide checks and balances to the County Executive? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Now, can we believe that this person that Billy and Kirby put forth will provide the the appropriate support to ALL of the members of the county council? That this person would also, without bias, take information from the County Executive’s office and relay that to the council?  I think we can be safe to say: NOOOOOOOOO! Maybe–just maybe–Billy would have just a shred of credibility if he had not put this name forward. But hey, since when has Billy ever worried about that?