Hear, ye! Hear, ye! “omygosh did you hear that????”

A press release fortuitously slid its way into our inbox today, and you will never guess what that’s about! Apparently everyone in Frederick County is just worked into a lather after Cleveland FearMongerfest 2016. During the Two Eleventybazillion Minutes Hate we all learned about the scary and terrible no longer great country that we live in, where crime is up and the sky is falling and there is random violence everywhere. Facts say that crime has been on the decline over the last several years (thanks, Obama). Even though there has been terrible news just recently, the long term trend shows that police are safer at work, too. Luckily Newt Gingrich was available to assert that feelings are more important than facts in some sort of diabolical twist where willful ignorance is a.) a virtue and b.) no longer bliss, but a dystopian nightmare. Voila, local nuttery ensues?

Did we say nuts? Truck Nutz.
Truck Nutz.

Some guy–who lets face it, is probably a friend of Billy’s, because Billy has never appeared to be real motivated to bother with anything up to and including cast votes during a council meeting–out of Washington County is offering “Wear and Carry” classes. At first we thought this was about wearing and carrying Pampers, because…it’s weeeelly, weeeelly scaaaawey out thewe. The GingGrinch said so.

But NO! Billy wants to let us know he signed up for a class. Betcha never thought you’d hear about Billy taking a class, right? He’s wanting all of Frederick County (but not in Frederick County; you have to drive to Washington County) to come learn about guns pew! pew! pew! at Hinder Shot Sports. No, that’s not right…Hey, if you want to know when and where, find out somewhere else. This is so not our bag. This is even for the “never ever shooter.” That, folks, is a direct quote. As a devoted never ever shooter, one might think a benefit of said philosophy would be that you don’t have hang out with Billy Shreve at a gun range, examining autopsy reports (yup! autopsy reports!).

Also, too. What is this sudden interest in learning? Attaining knowledge in advance is not in the Shrelauter Code. Which is kept on a different shelf than Robert’s Rules, which are hidden using a suuuuuuper secret code developed by Dewey of the Order of the Decimal System, probably.

If you have any questions, you can call Councilman Shreve. (lolololololol) Also, keep that on the D.L. because we remember that Kirby said he can teach this stuff, and it seems like it might hurt his feelieweelies if he finds out this came down the pipe while he was on vacation.

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