frederick local yokel

It’s that time of the year when everything gets all cray cray! For it is time to discuss the budget!! Last week, Kirby did a repetitive dead horse beating tome on The Tentacle (and only the Tentacle since he’s apparently been banned from everywhere else!). We are naively holding out hope that he will heed  M.C.’s pleas and won’t come up with an alternative budget this year. However, disturbances in the force tell us some non-sensical amendments are sure to be proposed. Hold on to your hats, grab your agendas, and remember that this game is just for fun. If you follow it verbatim, you will die.

An ordinance will be proposed soon that will cut down the number of budget adjustments that come before the council. Oh, how we hope that comes to pass. For we are sick and tired of Shrelauter (and on occasion Tony), arguing over already approved funds being moved to a different category.  Should this occur this time around, throw back a nice tall Captain Hurricane. 

It’s a toss up on whether or not Billy will approve the past minutes. Then we are on to some post-decision wrap up on the Urbana rezone decision. If “anyone” tries to re-argue this application slam back a Hell Freezes Over. Since that’s apparently when all this nonsense will finally end.

Three council decisions on the docket tonight. Farm distilleries and tasting rooms, ethics (uh-oh that’s a Kirby trigger word!), and solar panels. We know folks, Billy told us that solar panels were dead in Frederick County. He also claimed that billboards in Central Pennsylvania were thanking us for murdering them. Alas, he was wrong. If any cross words are exchanged during these votes, make a whole thermos of Jamaica Me Crazy!

These are the times that try men’s souls AKA budget amendment time!

Now this could go one of two ways; 1. Amendments are proposed that are based on good research with the goal of making Frederick County a safe and vibrant community OR 2. Outlandish amendments are proposed that reflect a misunderstanding of the county charter and the function of county government in general. We predict more of number 2 will be in store for us. If we are some kind of soothsayers, have yourself a pitcher of Angry Possum. If an alternative budget is proposed, mix up a barrel of it!

There is to be a break until 7:00, but somehow we don’t think there will be one.  When (if) the council reconvenes, there is a 2nd reading on a bill to discuss zoning map amendments during an election year. Then there’s a hearing on the constant yield. When the dead horses are flogged on this being a tax hike, sip upon thy Horse Feathers to get yourself through it.

Hopefully the council members have said all they need to and we won’t have dramatic council member comments like we commonly do. Take this time to get yourself a big pail of ice water to stick your head in. Hopefully our new budget will be passed on May 16th.