Local Yokel Legislating Time! Time to Fight Back Against the Pearl Clutchers!

And it can hurt everyone else around them.

There’s a whole potpourri of dumb shittery going on in this country. Most of it in Florida, because durh. If you haven’t heard about the firing of a principal because some ignoramus didn’t want their child to look at art, take a look here.


Besides the appalling amount of time someone must have on their hands to complain about a naked statue from the Renaissance, it’s embarrassing to the rest of us. According the above referenced article the statue is getting a lot of visitors lately. And we don’t have to stretch our imaginations too far to imagine many of those visitors are snickering at us prudish Americans. Even though, in reality, a vast majority of us are not bothered by stone figures of men. This Lady Yokel remembers taking my children to the Walters Art gallery to look at art. There were many naked statues and my then preschool-aged daughter asked why one of the boy statues had a tail. Not only did she get a lesson in anatomy, we have a fun family memory that we will never forget! No way I was pulling a John Ashcroft and asking the museum to cover up the stone genitalia.

Florida once again came into the news this week when one parent’s complaint caused a documentary about Ruby Bridges to be removed from a school district while the district reviewed the film. To spread the love around it’s not just Florida, though they do seem to be very special down there. We also have one person (cough, cough Cindy Rose), who has complained about some books we know she hasn’t read. As a result of her complaint a whole bunch of people are on a committee, and do you know what they have to do that Cindy didn’t? READ THE BOOKS!

Reading isn’t boring, people who don’t read are boring.

Dr. Jason Johnson and Randi Weingarten spoke on MSNBC’s Deadline White House yesterday about this very issue. Dr. Johnson made the point that local districts need to pass laws that prevent one person, who may not even live in the district where they are making the complaint, from removing books, movies, or art from schools and libraries. That statement got the old Yokel noggin thinking!

It’s time for some new legislation!

We propose that Frederick County Public Schools and Frederick County Public Libraries adopt the following policies:

  1. In order for a book, film, lesson, or art to come under review 10 community members need to make a complaint.
  2. That complaint should include the following:
  • A written synopsis of the media or lesson to prove the complainant is familiar with what they are complaining about.
  • A thorough analysis of the harm found in said media.
  • Peer reviewed research that backs up the harm claim.
  • Proof that the person making a complaint is from the local community AND is personally affected (parent, guardian, staff member, student, etc.) by the so called harmful media.

3. If you can’t do what is listed under #2, rethink your life choices. Because maybe you are the fucking problem.

We admit that the local authorities may have to clean the language a bit, but hey it’s a start! We need to fight back against the nutbaggery, because we don’t know about you, but we are tired of their shit.

Don’t let this be our future.