Howdy Yokels! The council has taken a month off from legislatin’ and tonight they are coming back with a vengence! Billy should be all nice and relaxed from his bro vacay with Blaine to Costa Rica. And Kirby should be in high spirits since he’s been planning a weapons give-a-away at his place of business. Will this be enough to put them in a jovial mood? Only time will tell! Grab a hold of your agenda and pace yourself for we are in for a looooong night (please click on that–there’s really no way we can do it all justice here).

We’ll skip over the first Public Comments, because usually everyone else does, too. Also we’ll skip the Consent Agenda. If Billy doesn’t have to participate in this part, we don’t either, right? There are plenty of Business Items to keep us really busy.

Two items on the first reading calendar. A bill regarding Fire and Rescue Services and changes to the noise ordinance. If anyone should throw a fit during this part of the process, throw back an Anti-Freeze #2. 

Two items on the Third Reading Calendar, and a few Public Hearings. This is why we ask you to click, since today’s abridged version of the Agenda Drinking Game is in the interest of our sanity and your safety so that we can segue into the part of the meeting where there may well be lots of public comments. Wheeeee.

The APFO (Adequate Public Facilities Ordinance) presented on behalf of the County Executive by Bud Otis will absolutely require the consumption of a Drama Queen (or two…or three) while we see which of our CouncilTrumpets makes the most noise.

The Zoning Bill: usually a zoning discussion is the point during which yer Yokel ladies stop laughing and our text exchange looks more like “zzzzzzzzoning this is so boring.” Maybe just take a rest yourselves. This agenda is a lot to process.

A Pilot program to allow Medical Cannabis Growers in the Agricultural Zoning District will require a Back Stage Pass to get you past Sheriff Jenkins’ objections (presumed, y’all know we don’t call him up and ask, we just stereotype the High Sheriff because it’s easy and predictable and we aren’t getting paid for this job).

A Bill concerning Frederick County’s Hotel Rental Tax Rate. Whilst this discussion carries forth, sip your Hotel California, if you have entered into one of the internet chat rooms (that link is good for a chuckle) for or against the construction of this hotel:

“You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave!”

Council Member comments are often the most melodramatic of the evening. If you can still see at this point, mix up a Curtain Call.