Hopefully Tuesday night wasn’t too painful, because Wednesday’s Board of Education/Council meeting looks, uh…promising. From a drinking standpoint, anyway.

Glance at the agenda and you’ll see what we mean. There’s a history of bad behavior with some of these characters. And for those who didn’t click through, Billy Shreve wants to add 5th grade to middle school and/or get a bulk purchase discount on construction of two elementary schools. But do they honor triple coupons if you sign the contract on Sunday?

So the rules are simple. Just follow ’em. (Responsibly, young man or lady. We’ve got our eyes on you.)

Whenever someone tells Tony Chmelik he needs to stop talking drink 2x.

Billy again cites an inability to do those pesky word problems that “nobody likes,” raise your glass and shout, “Life is a word problem!” Finish your drink.

When Tony questions arithmetic computations of the Board of Education that he finds inconvenient to his wishes, drink 1x.

The canyon-like gulf in development between a 10 year old and a 14 year old is mentioned and/or a sentient adult reminds us: middle school SUX, drink 2x.

When Billy presents a half-baked idea with no evidence of prior history of future likelihood of occurring, whisper “hot dog stand” into your glass and take as many sips as you need.

When Kirby mentions the ideas he wrote about in the Tentacle,  pour yourself a double. Of anything.  And then have another double. Because,  seriously,  how can anyone take that as a serious solution?