#kirbydelauter takes a stab at creative writing. Spoiler alert: He fails.

It would appear that over the summer Mr.Delauter tried his hand at a creative writing class. Either that, or he’s been reading our posts and wanted to see if he could pull it off. Usually imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Usually…


If you would trouble yourself, dear readers, to once again drag yourself over to THAT website and read his attempt at humor we would be in your debt. If you can’t stomach it, we more than understand, and will do what we can to sum it up. We would quote, but The Tentacle has some verbiage indicating that it does not allow that nowadays. Can it actually be verboten to quote an elected official who is carrying on at length about his elected role? Seems like probably no.

Apparently Kirby is a Seinfeld fan! Who knew? So are we! Apparently he never watched a single episode because his imagined dialogue between Jerry and George is way off the mark. He opens his piece with a discussion of the episode where Jerry and George pitch the idea to NBC that their show will be about nothing. He then equates himself to the NBC executives as to how it feels to be him up on that dais. Clueless. The only one that knows the council is all about nothing. How lonely it must be for him. Such an existential crisis.

Now, let’s move on to the imagined dialogue between George and Jerry. The first gripe is about having to be civil. Because we all know how hard that it is for him to be civil. Then there’s some really neat discussion about how George lied about being an architect and it’s the same thing that’s going on in Frederick County politics. He being the exception of course.

Then there’s talk of the ethics commission. And Karl Bickel is equated to a criminal and it’s all very nasty really. But what choice does Kirby have with all the lies?  He’s not able to be our Vandelay salesman any more. (He knows that was a made up company, right?) The last part is particularly amusing. Kirby is upset that there is a Democratic majority on the council.  (There isn’t!) This is so very sad for him, but I don’t remember any sympathy coming David Gray’s way a few years back. He then ends with: Bad FNP! Lies, lies, lies! Or something along those lines. (Please read this for yourself, pretty please!)

You know what? Let Kirby equate the current county council to Seinfeld. It was one of the most successful TV shows in broadcasting history. And here we are, 20 years later, still watching and talking about it. If Kirby is equating himself to the clueless executives, he’s admitting that he doesn’t get it. And speaking of nothing, what has Kirby done? Has he accomplished anything other than becoming Twitter famous? If you want to be part of the solution Kirby, then stop being part of the problem.

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