Billy Shreve is a tried and true local yokel, a self described “product” of local schools, phrasing that appears to be an effort to obscure the culminating pomp and circumstance (oh, what is the word for that? I forget). A fluffy fun bio approximately as near to the length of The Epic of Gilgamesh is presented for your reading pleasure on the Frederick County Government website.

To his immense credit, Shreve impresses with a clear desire to succeed. This is manifest in an apparent willingness to try just about anything once. A cool, throw it against the wall and see what sticks kinda guy. His job experience ranges from 7-11 clerk, manufacturing, real estate, snowboard instructor, all the way to the vaguest of the vague: consultant. One might call him a jackass of all trades. Master of what? Definitely not reading. Going on vacation (note to self: if travel goes on resume, 1.) update resume and 2.) start booking trips) ? He sure has gone a lot of places. Like the Grand Canyon, where he learned that erosion is pretty.

Billy tows the line “spending is always terrible, unless it is spending I want.” Like assistants or reserved parking spots. And then there was the time he started cracking down on the libraries in 2012, but we could still go to Borders (Borders closed in 2009). …Billy doesn’t read? Billy can’t read?? One thing we know. Billy. Won’t. Read. It’s worrisome. Not only does Billy eschew reading, but to go along with it he eschews voting. ♪♫♪Don’t read, don’t vote, what do you do Billy????? ♫♪♫ That is some At Large County Council Member we’ve elected, Frederick County. And of course this extensive record of idiot behavior did not come overnight, we had ample time to learn the error of our ways. he was elected County Commissioner in 2010. Seriously The Tentacle even ran a column back in 2012, regarding the same library nonsense, and titled it Billy Shreve, Shut Up!

As of 2016, Shreve has proven himself a very ineffectual leader. He abstains in some weird protest. We suspect it’s more about him not knowing what’s going on then some real political philosophy. There are rumblings about him having his eye on State office. Oh please, please Billy allow us to show the entire State exactly what kind of buffoon you are.