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Kirby Delauter goes all #fakenews

We cannot take a half hour nap this week without some steaming dung getting caught up in an oscillating fan. Flagrant imbecile Kirby Delauter has hired Cameron Harris, noteworthy creator of fake news, as his spokesperson. Harris used this side gig while he was working for Del. Vogt to bring in, at one point, $1,000 an hour in ad revenue (NYT). Vogt fired him. No word on whether or not he is still living in Vogt’s basement (awkwarrrrrd). Obviously a person of such upstanding moral character was determined to be a perfect fit for the Delauter campaign!

Cameron Harris, professional derp purveyor, sucks. #KirbyDelauter sucks. Kathy Afzali also sucks. What a time to be alive.

But, wait. There’s more. The Frederick News Post has published the push poll Kirby was running to try and suggest in the “just asking questions here” way that Afzali was a liberal supporter of terrorists. Fake News Harris seems pretty proud of the manipulation. True colors and all. Afzali’s annoying as heck (remember when she anonymously texted Sheriff Jenkins to be all Mean Girls?) and has done plenty of  ridiculous stuff, but this is not a contest of the absurd. Or, wait, is it?

 

How can Kirby Delauter profit from the government like a businessman today?

Inside the dome.
Inside the dome.

Seriously questionable timing. An ethics task force appointed by Jan Gardner has not yet completed its findings on how to strengthen the county’s ethical guidelines, and preemptively we have been tossed a bombshell with the findings of the “ethics commission“. Things that make you go hmmm.

The justification for allowing Councilman Kirby to bid on storm water management projects [which haha, duh, is so not a problem, woohooo the Rain Tax was repealed; pssst that is a huge lie so that everyone gets to smell like roses], plus also the county must let Delauter bid on doing all the other stuff Frederick digs up, relies on the fact that the county executive has a great deal of power in determining what happens with the bidding process and contracts. This is all well and good if you trust County Executive Gardner to make objective decisions.  For some odd reason here at the Yokel we have an entirely different vision of the likely outcomes with a different person up in the executive saddle.

Delauter estimates his company could have received $4 million to $5 million in projects during his time as a commissioner if he had been able to submit bids.

“To give up that kind of work just to be a county commissioner, it is giving up a lot to serve your community,” he said.

Ummmm yeah how ’bout no. Kirby should give up serving profiting from Frederick County and go run his business milk it for all it’s worth in a way that doesn’t have anyone questioning whose hand is feeding whom? Plus, we will have to constantly bring up that time a guy working for the county thought his department should get to replace a 17 year old truck, and he was a punk. Teachers who may vote to increase the BOE budget and down the road the BOE may vote to give teachers a little raise so that they can afford to keep buying school supplies for their classrooms, and maybe get a smidge of realistic compensation for working nights, weekends, and summers (who knew!) planning and grading and documenting and doing professional development–those people are sure to be accused of padding their pockets. When a part-time county employee’s family digging business wants to get $5 million-ish from taxpayers, that is to be regarded as ethically sound and fiscally prudent use of public funds. Hoss, we’re hoping to buck you from this part-time gig, eventually, and then you won’t have so much stuff to try and keep consistent up in your dome.

Kirby Delauter Biography

Paparazzi darling Kirby Delauter is the District 5 representative to the Frederick County Council. A small-town boy in every sense of the word, he must have scarcely been able to imagine his recent bottle-rocket ride to fame.

Kirby was raised in the sleepy hamlet of Thurmont in the northern part of Frederick County, where he graduated from Catoctin High School, later joining the U.S. Army. He resides there today as owner and operator of the excavation company, W.F. Delauter & Son, founded by his grandfather. His business is instrumental in fueling the ire of cynical Frednecks over possible conflicts of interest between his role in county decision-making and his involvement in the local construction trade. According to the Frederick County Government website, Delauter was elected County Commissioner in 2006—but election returns that year do not include him as a candidate. He was elected in 2010.

Local lore paints Delauter as the sidekick of self-described Good Ol Boy/Poster Child for Narcissistic Personality Disorder Blaine Young, along with a person often thought of as his BFF: Billy Shreve (pronounced Billah Shreeeeeeve). These characters are holdovers from their reign of disaster on the Board of County Commissioners from 2010 to 2014, where they generally voted as a triumvirate considered the dream team of developers, and against any and all spending. If they were to vote to drown the government in a lily pond, we suspect W.F. Delauter & Son would be immediately hired to dig the hole.

In 2014 the county was divided into constituencies in accordance with the recent formation of a charter style government, and Delauter was elected to represent District 5 on the self-evidently short-sighted slogan: Govern like a Taxpayer TODAY. This proved to be a winning strategy. Not many people in District 5 were concerned with the needs of tomorrow. Some noteworthy individuals crossed party lines before the last election to endorse Delauter’s opponent Mark Long, especially the mayors of both Myersville and Thurmont. Both gentlemen cited disagreements tied to their towns’ business interactions with Delauter’s excavation company.

Shortly after his election to represent the rural northern territory, Kirby must have surprised even himself when he fired off the tired, old, “I’m going to sue you,” threat. He took aim at a reporter for using his name in the paper without his permission. This stunt, while hardly atypical of a man who has a YouTube Channel devoted to the asinine things he says in fits of temper, achieved a certain level of notoriety. Social media fired back. With all the attention, even the national media pointed their lenses in defense of a reporter’s First Amendment freedoms.

A news story by Bethany Rodgers just prior to the election, which Delauter refers to as a “hit piece” instigated the incident. Ironically, one of the main reasons cited by local officials for choosing not to endorse Delauter was his short fuse.

A kinder, gentler #kirbydelauter? Naw, the world hasn’t gone quite that crazy.

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Has # abandoned Trump for a new hero?

We are sure you’ve heard that Kirby wants Jan’s job. He’s oh so sure he could do better than she. However, considering the fact that he’s never submitted legislation during his time on the council, that he was Blaine’s lap dog during his tenure on the BOCC, and that he constructed the most indecipherable flowchart in the history of forever, we are just a tad bit skeptical. It appears that many others are as well. Check out the comment section on the FNP article about his announcement. Where’s the love folks?!

Kirby released this statement to both the paper and the Facebook world:

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We’ve been following our dear friend Kirby for a number of years now, and we can tell you with 100% certainty this ain’t his style! Especially the last paragraph in which he sings the praises  of the talented and educated people of Frederick County!!  And let’s not jump ahead of ourselves with that future County Executive nonsense!  There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Need some proof that Kirby, in an attempt to turn a kinder, gentler leaf, now has a ghost writer? Scroll away!

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Oh you complete bumbling fool. This was not your shining moment, just like your idiot president.

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Who is acting like the Pharaoh of Frederick County now?

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BFFs raring to go for the Trump rally! Ain’t they cute?

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Now that is the # we all know and…well…tolerate!!! Please, don’t try and repackage yourself Kirby, we all have your number already!

It’s crystal ball time! Let’s imagine a Frederick County with #kirbydelauter at the helm!

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Things will be bad, very bad indeed!

You’ve probably heard the rumors of Kirby’s intention to run for County Executive in 2018.  Yesterday, The Frederick Extra ran a piece in which our old pal Billy had this to say about Kirby:

“Should Trump supporters stay true, he predicts a similar outcome for his buddy, Council Member Kirby Delauter (R) in his quest to become county executive in 2018. “He’s just like Trump,” Shreve said of Delauter.”

Wow! What an endorsement! Let’s pause for a minute and envision what our fair county would look like if our new County Executive was “just like Trump.”

After a contentious campaign season, in which Mr. Delauter referred to county council members having their heads up Mrs. Gardner’s skirt, (you know, “locker room talk”), he manages to squeak a win with the support of the most Northern and Southern parts of the county. A win that horrifies the most populous areas of the county who didn’t think it was important to vote in a local election. His swearing in ceremony is #YUGE! He claims that large screens had to be set up at Baker Park for the crowd that was spilling out of the Weinberg. A claim that is refuted by the Frederick City Parks Department when they release pictures of a couple of people walking their dogs. Kirby’s team claims that the parks department is super biased, and how can you trust a bunch of government bloodsuckers anyway?

His first day is spent signing a flurry of Executive Orders. Orders that were previously so very evil and over-stepping, but are now a completely reasonable way of governing. His son will resume operations of his business, but no fear, family members can now do business with the county. ‘Tis the free market, people!  Fifty people are sent to the hospital due to the food poisoning contracted at Kirby’s celebration party. All those “out of control” health inspectors were the first to go!

Speaking of  the county health department, it will  be headed by a former snakes oil salesman.  There will be no more programs to promote healthy behaviors in this county! People need the freedom to eat their BBQ, drink their Fireballs, and vape without the government telling them they are going to drop dead!

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County parks will  be sold to the highest bidder and you will be charged admission to enter. Swings will now be equipped with coin machines, 50 cents for every 10 minutes, and  you better keep an eye on that timer, because when your time is up the swing freezes. If junior happens to be stuck in mid-air, well, don’t you take any personal responsibility for your kid’s life?

All county government correspondence must be in the shape of a teardrop:

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Yes folks, this is real!

FCPS’s budget will be stripped to the bare minimum. High schools will be closed and teenagers will be forced to buy access to their own online programs in order to achieve their dreams. No more frills either! Kids can eat in the hallway and the history curriculum will now be provided by the Heritage Foundation. All school staff will now be outsourced with part time workers making minimum wage.

All business and zoning regulations will be stripped. Frederick will look something like this:

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Libraries will be shuttered because we have a Barnes and Noble and reading is for wussies anyway. CE Delauter will spit on any and all environmental regulations. Mysteriously, we’ll be in severe debt at the end of #’s realm. All those tax cuts really made a mark. Our graduation rate has also plummeted,  crime is up, thousands are dead due to water borne illnesses, and there is a general feeling of malaise throughout the land. Who could have foreseen it? More importantly, who could have prevented it?

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That’s right! YOU can prevent this!

Call to Action: respond to First Amendment nemesis #KirbyDelauter

Hey, so we already had words for y’all about local press and freedom of press and what Kirby thinks and how he and his pal Trumpet can stick their Twitter fetish where the sun don’t shine. Please indulge any liberties with the paraphrase. We grow monumentally impatient with these super special teaflakes.

If you didn’t catch it, Sam Bee’s latest Full Frontal (the one with Glenn Beck!!!!) has some harsh to dish out on people who can’t be bothered to notice a local issue because it doesn’t scroll under their nose with their social media headlines (a mission we’ve been endeavoring to remedy). And truly we do recommend that you check out Kirby’s social media. What on Uhhhhrth would we do without that?

And we have called upon you to pay attention to the legitimate media. We believe in being localvores–especially with regard to media consumption. They can’t be the best they can be if you expect them to do their jobs for free. This is our hobby, yo. And as such, we don’t have to do it if we don’t wanna, and we are certainly prepared to say we are not sitting around dreaming up ways to view Shrelauter’s behavior in a kinder light. They are idiotic, petulant children. That’s our story. We’re sticking to it. (Although that does sound like a fascinating mental exercise, trying to put a human [legislative] speed bump up on a pedestal.)

Yummy! Lemonade!
Yummy! Lemonade!

We have a fun suggestion we hope you will like: please make a donation to Katherine Heerbrandt’s web based media outlet, The Frederick Extra. She has years of experience as a journalist, and a great reputation as a fair and competent reporter. Of news. Locally. And we all know through the forces of market competition, the more people out their competing, the better the services should be (to view a contrasting example, note that Comcast has the same user interface it did in 1997). To make it the best possible treat, you could even make that donation in the name of one “esteemed” #kirbydelauter. He’s a national treasure, after all!

That last one’s a link sure worth revisiting, given today’s circumstances…

Way to go, Kirb-o. Never start learnin’.

#kirbydelauter will kill your signs!!!

Sorry Creampuff. We know it's something new everyday.
Sorry Creampuff. We know it’s something new everyday.

In his grand tradition of posting his trangressions on social media, Kirby shared this today:

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One shot one kill? What is that supposed to mean?  Oh, Kirby you really should close your account. Have you learned nothing from the whole hashtag incident? Or from your friend Blaine?  For your own good, shut your account down!

Is there a Yokel legal expert in the house who can explain the penalty if a current office holder were to be found stealing or destroying campaign signs?

Why didn’t the charter amendments on the ballot include one for recalls?

#KirbyDelauter has ideas. Trigger warning: language & sexual assault

In his grand personal tradition of social media indiscretion Kirby shall forge ahead. He has what he thinks is a clever funny thing to say about Our Next President Clinton, but in case folks were too dumb to catch his meaning, someone went ahead and spelled it out with Kirby’s blessing and encouragement. And his friend thinks Trump should assault her, like Trump likes to do. Hey, every guy’s got his own traditions, right?

If the basket fits.
If the basket fits.

Good job trying to take the heat off of Billy Shreve. You’re a real peach, champ.

 

Hey #kirbydelauter, can we have your number?

Little Lucy has some things to say...
Little Lucy has some things to say…

The Ole Yokel inbox was afire over a certain council member’s outrage over being asked to hand over his cell phone at meetings. It started off like this:

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And continued along these lines:

 

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Has our elite education failed us?  All of us here at the Yokel took political science and not one of us remembers being asked to keep your face out of your cell phone during a meeting a tenet of socialism. And if he likes to hear from the public, then what about us? If Bob Miller gets your number #, what about your Lady Yokels? We want to text you during meetings as well! What say you #kirbydelauter? Email us at fclocalyokel@gmail.com. We promise to keep it to ourselves.

We can be helpful!
We can be helpful!

Governing in contradictions: Councilman #kirbydelauter edition….

Back in 2014 we saw a lot of these signs floating around:

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We giggled because, well, it’s a pretty dumb slogan. However, we did think it probably had something to do with #kirbydelauter’s low cost bargain government philosophy. So we were a tad confused upon reading this section of the Political Notes in the FNP:

Frederick County Councilman Kirby Delauter encouraged a local business to file a lawsuit against the county — and he volunteered to testify against the county if a case is filed.

Delauter (R) sent an email Thursday morning to other council members, the media and J&J Trash Service.

The message was addressed to a J&J staff member.

The trash company, you’ll remember, is at the center of a debate over the county officials’ interpretation of “out-of-county” trash. The company has been told that certain truckloads it wishes to dump through the county’s landfill and transfer center are prohibited.

The council discussed the issue at a meeting last month, but didn’t resolve anything.

The county interprets the loads — surplus government furniture or parts of surplus government furniture processed by a second company — as out-of-county waste, believing it is originally brought in as potential refuse.

Delauter said he agrees with the businesses that the furniture is brought into the county under the premise that it is a purchased product and not waste.

On Thursday, Delauter said any effort at changing the county’s position through legislation may be futile since it is an issue of interpretation.

“I would say your only recourse is to sue for damages. … Good luck, I hope you win a big payday from the taxpayers since they elected people who can’t stand up for what is right and just. Let me know if you need me to testify on your behalf,” Delauter wrote to J&J.

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So instead of writing the necessary legislation to correct this problem (if there is a problem), Kirby instead encourages this business to sue the county. Not only sue, but sends out good wishes for a huge payout!? Where is our steward of our precious tax dollars today?!  It must be dependent on who he’s mad at that day. Not sure how this all fits in for him running for County Executive in a few years. It’s an interesting strategy, that much is for sure!

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